Pity Cookie

Yesterday and today I have been battling an attack of the swollen extremities.  My hands have swollen to freak-like proportions.  My feet and ankles look like hobbit feet.  And the swelling is continuing up my legs.  Its reeeeel perty.  To combat this cruel trick of nature, I have been trying to get out of my office and walk every hour to get the blood flowing.  Yesterday afternoon, I decided the perfect distance to walk would be to the cafe around the corner from my office where it just so happens my favorite cookies are sold.

When I hobbled up to the counter, I asked the nice woman behind the register for a chocolate chip cookie, please.  Before she processed my order, she says to me real sweet like, “When are you due, honey?”

“In June,” I said, smiling.

“JUNE?!?!” the woman screeches.  “In JUNE?  You haven’ twins?”

“Um, no,” I stammer, now blushing.  “Just one baby in there.  Can I get my cookie?”

The woman stands there for a second, staring at my belly.  And then she turns and yells into the back room, “BERTHA!  You gots to come see this!”

At this point, students are starting to stare (I work on a college campus) and I’m starting to blush even more.  And my feet are getting bigger by the second.  And I still don’t have my damn cookie.

Here comes Bertha.

“Bertha, look at this.  She’s not havin’ this baby till June and she’s not havin’ twins neither!  That’s just one baby!”

Now, Bertha seems to have something resembling a soul and so she says, “June’s not that far away.  She’s ’bout right.”

“Nuh uh,” insists the Evil Cookie Withholder.  “That’s TWO MORE MONTHS.  She’s already huge!  Two more months and she won’t be able to move!”

“Uh…can I just get my cookie?” I ask, as politely as my twin-size belly will allow me.

Both women seem to come to their senses for a minute and they give me the most sympathetic smiles they can muster.

“Here you go, Sugar,” says Bertha, handling me a cookie.  “You need this cookie.  You take it on the house.”

A pity cookie.  I was given a pity cookie because I’m so enormous that people think I’m having twins.  Under normal circumstances, I would have told those women just where to stick their pity cookie.  But the fact is, they’re right.  I’m huge and I’ve got two whole months left.  I have people calling friends over to point and discuss my size.  I’m swelling more than a fat lady at a buffet.  These are not normal circumstances.

And so, I took their pity cookie.  And I hobbled my way back to my office, thoroughly enjoying ever last crumb.

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14 Thoughts to “Pity Cookie”

  1. hey, a free cookie! awesome!

  2. Sarah

    I’m sure you’re NOT that big! But if you do feel like your swelling is a little out of the ordinary, call your Dr. and just make sure your blood pressure and everything is OK 🙂

  3. Wow that was pretty rude. Take the cookie and run (hobble)!

  4. Haha, I could just imagine something like this happening. Some people just do not have an internal filter. But hey, at least you got a free cookie out of it.

  5. You never fail to make me laugh out loud. One time, a woman at work told me I had the “waddle” down and I wanted SO BADLY to tell her that at least pregnancy was the excuse for MY waddle. But, I refrained.

    And oh girl, my feet and calves have been swelling SO much it’s not even funny. I took a picture of them last night to send to my Mom because judging from my ankles, they looked like they belonged to a 300lb. woman. And the calves HURT when they swell. I feel like they are going to explode with every step I take.

    We can do it. We’re so close!!

  6. WHAT???!!!??? Just tell me who said that and next time I’m in town I’m comin’ after that silly waitress!!! Unbelievable. I’ve just seen recent pictures of your apparent “HUGENESS” and you also look “just ’bout right” to me too! That lady needs new glasses and a zipper for her mouth. You should get a free cookie every day from here on out!

    And… if your swelling is bothering you… do pester your doctor.. he/she should give you more suggestions to handle it.

  7. Ok, I changed my website link to my pregnancy photo album. There’s pics from my twin pregnancy and single pregnancy. Your 30 week picture is smaller than my single 28 week picture and the twin 31 week belly is ridiculous to even compare. You’re right on track and you look adorable!

  8. Oh. My God. I can’t believe some people…

    And which cafe was this? I want to make sure that if I get back to New Haven I give them some crap!

  9. What if you explode before the baby is born?

    : ) I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. But I really like free cookies, and I’m really glad you got one after all those morons put you through…

  10. What an unfortunate experience, but two good things happened: 1. You got a free cookie. 2. It made great blog fodder. Next time you should go into the store wearing a t-shirt – “Warning. Your comments could be shared on my very popular blog.”

  11. Caroline

    How rude!!! You look great and I’d give you a cookie for lookin like a glowing, happy mommy… not a pity cookie. I hope it was a really good cookie at least.

  12. Don’t you worry ’bout it.
    If you think people are commenting on “how you should” look during pregnancy, wait for all the unwanted “how you should” baby advice!
    I totally relate to the hobbit feeling – I gained almost 50% of my original body weight during both my pregnancies!

  13. Heather

    How horribly RUDE…! I can so relate to this… when I was preggers with my first (nearly six years ago now… And boy, does THAT time FLY!) I got swollen much like you’re describing at 25 weeks (So bad, in fact, I had to go on part time bed rest for the FIFTEEN WEEKS!! even though my Blood Pressure never went up a toot… I’d call your Dr just to make sure you’re doing ok on that, which I am SURE you ARE but better to check) Anyway… I gained copious amounts of weight and think loads of it was ‘swelling’… I swear my EARLOBES were swollen even! My POINT in telling you this is that, it’ll go away. Nursing was the Golden Ticket for me on weight loss and I weigh less now than I have my whole adult life after having lost it too…. So, no worries. You’ll get your body back and you’ll have a lovely baby as a bonus. ;o)

    Warmest Smiles

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