The end is near €¦ Thank you god.


Well the end is near, or the beginning, or the beginning of the end.??? I don’t know. I going to go with the end is near. What’s the end you ask? The end is when this strange woman goes back to wherever she came from, and my sweet, adorable, funny, polite wife comes back to live with me.

The other night’s little emotional explosion is just one of many. See what you girls don’t understand is what your husband is going through while you are going through this hormonal imbalance. We are miserable. Life has come to a halt and this is what we have to listen to everyday we come home:

Let me tell you what hurts from head to toe. My belly hurts, my belly button hurts, my hands hurt, my hips hurt, my legs hurts, my ankles hurt, my feet hurt and I’m hungry.  And I think I broke my toe…….and I’m hungry..DIDN’ T YOU HEAR ME – I SAID I’M HUNGRY!!! 

So the good husband goes off to cook dinner because we all know what happens if you don’t keep them fed. Clean up dinner.  Make sure everyone is happy watching TV or blogging.  And then step downstairs to play a little Playstation (which you haven’t done in months). The next thing you know a snarling raging bull who used to be your wife is standing at the top of the stairs SCREAMING like the damn house is on fire or something. And why because the dog barked to be let outside.

Has anyone ever seen that Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Deborah is yelling and yelling at Ray and Ray says, What do you want from me?  And Deborah says, Do I have to ask to get a hug every once in a while!?  And then Ray screams, A HUG??? This is my life right now. Ray knows.  You can’t give a hug to a crazy woman, just like I can’t rub a crazy woman’s feet!

See in public Kate is this sweet Southern girl with red curly hair and who loves to be pregnant. People say she even glows. Well I think that glowing is the after effect of her ripping into me for no reason. I don’t get the glowing happy Kate. I get the pissed off Southern woman who’s hair is red because all of her blood is up there and she’s about to pop. She explodes at me for not caring/helping/rubbing/sitting/standing/etc., and then she goes out and has a glow about her.

I try to be nice about it. I try to stay out of her way when she is all crazy. I tried to help her out that night she was having contractions. But Kate is different (and I hope the family backs me up on this one).  When Kate is upset or isn’t happy, rubbing her feet is just asking to kicked in the face. I have been trying to figure this out for ten years. So please is you have the answer, fill me in.

Now I can’t imagine how hard it is to stay positive and happy all day when you have to carry a small human inside of you for nine months while it sucks away your energy and resources. Trust me, I would NEVER want to go through that. And I have to say Kate is doing a great job at taking care of the little guy. The problem is she is doing SO good at keeping it together while at work and out and about that I suffer when she gets home.

This is why we husbands are deemed clueless. We aren’t clueless.  We are just trying to stay out of the way. We balance on that line (and believe me, it’s a FINE line) between getting yelled at, or being called clueless. That’s why I’m glad the end is near, at least then we can be clueless together.

~ Chris

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19 Thoughts to “The end is near €¦ Thank you god.”

  1. I LOVE this post! My husband and I have not had children yet, but if for no other reason than this post, I have suggested that he start reading this blog. At least if we ever do have children, he will have an idea of what’s coming during the pregnancy! (And maybe I will have a little extra sympathy for him… maybe).

  2. Wow. Thank you, Chris, for that male dose of reality. Although I don’t know how I feel about your reference to “polite,” I do empathize with your overall plight. No wonder congratulations are given to the wife upon announcement of the pregnancy. And congratulations are given to the husband upon birth.

    Curious. If you were allowed to ask Katie for one improved behavior (say, to be implemented for the next round), what would it be?

    I’m with Mandy. I’ll save this post for a pregnant day.

  3. I’ve never imagined men go through this, when us girls are pregnant…
    I think you’re being very brave, Chris.

  4. Hilary

    Wow, Chris! You are very brave. I am impressed with your honesty and obvious lack of concern for your personal well being. We’ll be praying for you . . .

  5. Sarah Barker

    Awesome post.

    Katie… I still love you the most.

  6. The end is the hardest part… Try to be patient! I do agree that our men go through SO MUCH as well…

  7. I hate to say this, but the emotional roller coaster doesn’t stop once the baby is born! I am more of an emotional wreck now that the baby is here when I was rather emotionally even-keeled through my pregnancy, so you never know…you may find yourself longing for the days when your wife was JUST crazy and pregnant.

  8. MrsS

    I’m not sure how I came across your blog, but boy am I glad i did. This is the funniest blog ever. and everything about it is so true. I just had a baby, and I’m pretty sure I was just like Kate. And I’m still that way after the baby is here…. Wish you best of luck, and congrats on the baby!! Its the most rewarding thing that will ever happen to you.

  9. My wife and I have been told we have a better chance of winning the lottery while being struck by lightning that we do of having children. At first I thought that was a bad thing. Then I read your post.

  10. Emily C

    You guys have me rolling with laughter! I agree with Hilary – Chris, you are a very brave man. Hang in there!:)

  11. Ginny

    As Kate’s sister, I have to agree with Chris on this one. You DEFINITELY would have gotten kicked in the face if you offered a foot rub. I couldn’t be happier its you up there with her and not me.

  12. Era

    Chris, thanks for this honest and humorous perspective. This blog should be madatory reading for all newly wed parents. Actually it’s a good reminder for old married folks like me too.
    Hang in there you two… um… three.

  13. Donna

    Katie is very lucky. She has a good one.

    Just a note Chris, the reason the husband get the brunt of the upset moments is because they promised to love their wives “for better or worse” and our co-workers and random strangers didn’t. At least that is what I tell my husband. 🙂

  14. Sue V.

    Chris – what a great post – the fact that you can write so honestly speaks volumes about you marriage. As a mother of four, I need to report that the 2-4 weeks after baby comes home are just as difficult. You will both struggle with what the right decisions are. She will ask for your input, expect you to know the answer when she doesn’t, and then not trust your decision or her own. It will be rough, but if you keep the lines of communication open and honest you will get through it.

  15. Katie

    I really try to be so much nicer to my husband because of you. I’m 11 weeks pregnant and totally useless. He used to come home to dinner and a happy wife. Now I’m all my tummy hurts and I don’t care if you eat or not. Before I freak out that he told me throwing up is gross and that I really shouldn’t do that anymore (while standing i the bathroom door watching)I remember that he may be having a rough time too even though I can’t see it as much. Thanks for the daddy perspective.

  16. Deborah

    haha! So that’s what’s going through a man’s mind. I can SORT of relate. I’ve been a support person to my friends and sister a total of 3 births. Basically that meant I just sat around and talked to them during labor. And I’ve been EXHAUSTED after each birth! I don’t even know how that’s possible.

  17. That part about what happens if you don’t keep them fed?

    My husband would not only applaud that, he would probably be willing to hire an entire stadium filled with people to applaud it too.

  18. I think the husband is congratulated upon birth because he survived the pregnancy. THank you for providing an occasional look into the male brain.

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