The Sock Savior

In our house, I do the laundry.  I hate laundry.  Hate it.  I hate sorting it.  I hate loading the washing machine.  I hate emptying the lint tray.  I hate folding the clothes.  I hate putting them away.

Hate.  It.

(The full history of my relationship with laundry can be read about here, here, here, and here.)

But I’ve worked out a system and it at least makes the process streamlined and as fast as possible.  I won’t go into all the details because, well, its laundry.  But I have my methods.

One of them is that I do the socks at the very end.  I just make a pile of them as the loads finish drying and then I match them all up once all the laundry has been done.  This way, I’m not spending half an hour searching for missing socks after each individual load.  Its brilliant.

At the end of the sock matching game, I put all the unmatched socks in this lovely undergarment holder that came with a pack of Calvin Klein underwear I got years ago.

This bag hangs in my laundry room until the next time I do laundry and I can try to match up some of the lonely socks.  But, as everyone knows, socks disappear.  Washing machines eat them.  Dogs steal them.  Husbands lose them.  Show me one house in America that doesn’t have a pile of missing socks and I will give you one million dollars.

Or a hand shake.

Probably just a hand shake.  Money’s tight right now.

Lately, I have needed some help around the house because of my growing size and shrinking energy level and so I asked Chris to help me out with the laundry.  He did a great job.  Everything was clean and folded and put where it belonged.  But he freaked out at the end about the sock situation.  He came across a few single socks in the wash and I handed him my bag of lonely socks and explained that he had to go through them to match them up.

“How is it possible that YOU have so many missing socks?”  he shrieked.  “That’s just laziness!”

“How is it laziness?  They are YOUR socks that are missing!”  I replied, somewhat amused.

“You’re just being lazy and not matching up socks,” he said.

“I mean, how hard is it to match up socks?” he continued.  “I could do it right now.  It just takes time.  You’re just being lazy about it!”

So, I stand there in silence and continue to be amused as Chris sorts through all the lonely socks in the sock bag.  And after 15 minutes of sorting and huffing and puffing, how many socks has he managed to save?

One pair.

He saved one measly pair of socks.  But he was so proud.  So incredibly proud.

“See?” he said.  “It just takes a little effort.”

“You’re right, Chris,” I said.  “Clearly, I do not have the dedication to laundry that you do.  Maybe this is something you are better suited to doing than me.  I’m glad we talked about this.”

And I walked out of the laundry room.

“Wait,” he called after me.  “What just happened here?”

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21 Thoughts to “The Sock Savior”

  1. Jes

    I have truly lucked out. My husband actually enjoys doing the laundry. What a freak. But, boy I am sure lucky I married that freak. So I never notice if any socks have gone missing until I am down to like 3 or 4 pairs. Needless to say I do wear quite a few miss matched socks.

  2. I found out what was happening to our socks the hard way:
    http://truestoryofwhatwas.wordpress.com/2009/02/16/anniversary-present-from-izzie/

    I love your idea of putting them in the bag, mine just float in the drawer, never to be reunited with their mates.

  3. I have half of a whole laundry basket in my basement full of lonely socks. I have no idea what could possibly happen to them…I don’t even have a dog! Luckily, my DH doesn’t care if his socks even remotely match.

  4. hahahaha. When I was a kid and my mom had lonely socks they got turned into dust cloths. Think about it. They fit perfectly over your hand!

  5. Era

    That worked perfectly! I’m taking notes.

  6. Oh no. Chris is going to break out in hives over the socks in a few years. You think you have trouble mating them now? Kids socks are the worst. First because they are little and easily lost. Second, because kids take off their socks in the strangest places and then only one ever makes it to the laundry.

    We had major sock discussions all weekend here.

  7. Keiko

    Hahahahahaha! Awesome!

  8. Does this mean you no longer have to do the laundry?

    Cuz that would be AWESOME.

  9. Katie. Even when pregnant, you’re incredibly supportive. I know the sacrifice required seemed daunting. Relinquishing sock patrol ain’t easy.

    Nicely done.

    Chris. Sucker! (Lovingly written with wife-like empathy.)

  10. hilarious! and so true! i am anal about matching socks the minute they come out of the dryer (i also save them as the last thing to be folded for easy matching). although, a few always slip through the cracks! i end up tossing them back in the wash to find their mate the next time.

  11. Just found your blog. LOVE it. Really enjoyed reading about you and your family.

  12. Your blog is so cute! Congrats on your bean!

  13. ellen

    I just had to come here and comment….it really made me laugh….on Ree’s site where you left a comment, you said “your first time’s the best!” and under that was the link to…
    marriageconfessions.com. hmmm…. 😉

  14. I think I hate laundry as much as you do. In college, I would buy new clothes to avoid doing the laundry. That’s just sick. I also do the sock thing now. I’ve had one of my husband’s socks sitting on the dryer for 3 weeks because I cannot find its mate. Pretty sure the dog got it….

  15. HAHAHA! that was a good move! If I can’t find the sock match, they just go back in the dirty laundry…probably not the best solution. I might start using your idea!

  16. Heather

    If you think it is bad now just wait Baby socks are the worst. They are so small and get stuck inside other garments. Here is a hint, get a zippered laundry bag and put all the baby socks in there before washing and then throw it directly in the dryer.

  17. Ashley

    Bahaha! We have a sock basket at our house too!! You and Chris make me laugh!!! Thankfully, I am in college, so my Mom still handles the mis-matched sock basket!

  18. The sock savior? Maybe the sock sucker, bwa hahahaha!

    (put baby socks in a lingerie bag and you’ll NEVER LOSE THEM! I have 18 pairs of Trumpette socks and it’s been 7 1/2 months – still have them all!)

  19. Jilene aka NONA

    What a great idea you had Him eating right our of your hand.
    Good blog thanks so much for writting it. And Good luck with the C-section. Jilene

  20. Isabelle

    Ever tried out Sock Clips – Look in Uncle Google under “Sock Clip” or “Sockstar”?

    No, I am not making money with those, but just ordered them for myself ;-)))

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