18Feb
I’m warming up to thinking about the whole labor/delivery/shooting people out of my body thing.  To get used to the idea,  I’ve decided to concentrate on an area of my pregnancy that involves the hospital.
My hospital bag.
Its much easier to get my head around what my body is about to go through if I know exactly what I’m going to be wearing.  I’ve spent the past few nights looking for the perfect overnight duffle bag and pajamas to take to the hospital with me.
I think I’ll carry this duffle bag:
Who wouldn’t be okay going anywhere when they are carrying this duffle?  I mean, one look at those happy flowers and I almost forget that I’m about to drop a watermelon between my legs. ÂÂ
I said almost…
When I first started looking at pajamas, I picked out these snazzy pants:
And this cute little robe:
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Isn’t that cute and so very non-baby-shooter-outer-ish?  I really loved it.  But then I sent it to Chris and he reminded me that it may not be a good idea to wear PANTS on the day that I’m supposed to GIVE BIRTH.  Point of entry and all that jazz… So, now I am on the hunt for the perfect nightgown.  Something cute and sweet.  This will be the first time I meet the baby, and I want to make a good first impression.  Besides, when you are wearing something warm, soft, and pretty like this you can almost forget that you are about to go through the most pain you’ve ever experienced in your life. ÂÂ
I said almost…
And speaking of the baby, I have been searching for his new duds, too.  Here is what he’s going to be wearing home from the hospital:
With this little hat:
And these little socks:
Wrapped in this little blanket:
Isn’t it the cutest?  It looks so clean.  You just KNOW he’s going to smell good when he’s wrapped in sweet peas.  And when a little bitty baby looks clean and smells like a sweet peas, you can almost forget that he just ripped your body in half. ÂÂ
I said almost…
See what a big girl I’m being about this?  See how I’m facing my fears and learning about what I’m getting ready to experience?  In all honesty, it doesn’t seem so bad.  Its almost like I’m accepting what’s coming and embracing this new miracle of life that is about to torpedo out of my body.
I said almost…
19Feb
A few weeks ago, I shared about my personal financial crisis. Ever since then, I have immersed myself in financial advice – Dave Ramsey (which is the program we are actually following), Suze Orman (at the suggestion of a reader of this humble blog), my parents (who are smarter with money than anyone I know – professional or otherwise), the girl at my hair salon (whose suggestion was to spend more to revitalize the economy – somebody needs to give that girl a book deal).
I have spent more time than I care to admit with our checking and savings accounts. I know my 401k better than I know my gynocologist. I have spreadsheets and budgets and calculators and sharp pencils. I make meal plans and am averaging only about $70 at the grocery store every week, which is down from about $150. And I haven’t seen the inside of Target yet (although I do sometimes sit out in the parking lot and cry).
In short, I’ve been a pillar of strength.
But, I’m cracking. It started yesterday morning when I ordered curtains for the baby’s room from Target’s website. I figured it was safer for me to go to Target online than in person. And besides, the curtains were only $25. But as I congratulated myself on my bargain shopping, something snapped in my head and I decided to hunt around the website a little more. Just some harmless cyber window shopping. Before I knew it, my shopping cart totaled over $150. It was uncontrollable. It was a force larger than me. I couldn’t help it. My shopping cart was like a mythical force.
Finally, I snapped myself out of it and immediately emptied my cart of everything but my curtains and then I checked myself out and decided to take a walk to calm myself down. The pressure was too much. I couldn’t handle it.
How long can I last without shopping? Without so much as one purchase? Without the joy of a full shopping cart? Without the satisfaction of sliding my debt card through the card reader in checkout lines?
I’m cracking under this kind of pressure. I need a new hobby. Like knitting or quilting. Actually, I should really go for a contact sport. Something like rugby or football. This problem can’t be solved by crafting. I need to release this energy.
I need to beat someone up.
To many people, good organizational skills are an important characteristic. But in my family, its a disease. It started with my mom. She can make a travel itinerary like its nobody’s business. Family vacations were structured and scheduled – from breakfast locations all the way down to which gift shops we would visit. To some people, this sounds like a terrible way to take a vacation, but our family kind of liked it. Whenever we visited anywhere, we were guaranteed to never miss a thing. And then when I got married, my mom and I planned the wedding together. She was quite a show to watch. She had this enormous notebook that carried everything from fabric swatches to flower petal samples. I’ll never forget when she handed out schedules, itineraries, and emergency contact information to the wedding party at the rehearsal dinner. Classic Mom. But my wedding went off without a hitch and I have never been so thankful to her.
My sister is like a mutated version of my mom. She’s like a Boy Scout on speed. I can’t explain it any better than this visual representation. This is the flow chart that my sister sent me for one of my visits to see her:
See? Its a disease. And I feel bad for her. She just can’t help herself.
I like to think that I fall somewhere in the middle, and I only owe that to Chris. Chris has never worked off a schedule in his life. The man doesn’t even have a calendar. He just “remembers” his appointments. So, the few times I have tried to corner him with an itinerary, he’s just smiled and said, “That’s nice, sweetie,” and then done whatever the hell he wanted. This has forced me to find a happy medium. I like a good list, but I’m not big with schedules and itineraries and hour-by-hour planning.
Until now.
For Christmas this year, my Mom gave me something called Life.docs. Life.docs is a binder that is supposed to be one-stop-shopping for your personal affairs in the event of an emergency. There are over 150 pages of information that you have to fill in. Things like your health insurance information, your doctor’s contact numbers, your mortgage paperwork. It even has questions like what your I.D. and password is at your office. The idea is that if something were to happen to you and a complete stranger (and/or a husband who doesn’t pay attention to details…) had to step in and take care of things, everything they needed to know would be in this book.
It is now the end of February and I had not yet started filling out this book. It seemed too overwhelming to me. Too time consuming. Too detailed. Too ORGANIZED. But last night, I went into overdrive. I think I might be “nesting” (isn’t that what its called?). True, traditional nesting involves picking out bedding and hanging pictures in the baby nursery, but I think my nesting is taking the form of being uber-prepared. Suddenly it dawned on me that I’m going to be responsible for someone and if – God forbid – something were to happen to me or Chris, how would anyone be able to help the baby?
So, I started organizing our house. I started last night by cleaning out our office. This led to cleaning out our filing cabinets (including labeling files with computer-printed labels – spiffy, huh?). This finally led to me sitting down with our Life.docs binder late last night. I got through the first 3 sections, and then had to quit because Chris wouldn’t help me answer questions like who is HR contact was at work. And because it was 11:00 and I was falling asleep as I wrote.
But this morning, I feel organized and in order.
Now, by all means, bring on the baby to totally send my organized life into chaos.
Oh. My. Gosh.
My friend, Lori, is exactly one week ahead of me in her pregnancy and she is a blogger, too. (Although, I actually know her in person not just through Blog Land) So, I read her blog, I Can Grow People, daily in order to know what to expect next week in my pregnancy.
Today’s posting on Lori’s site made me cry. At my desk at work. Did you know that babies can cry in the womb?!?!? I had no idea! In this video clip, the baby gets startled and starts crying the saddest, lonelist little cry in the whole world. And no one can get to him to comfort him! Oh, it just broke my little, hormonal heart.
It also makes me cringe when I think of all the times Chris has gotten really close to my belly and then yelled out, “HEY! BEAN! How’s the weather in there?!?!” I bet that made our little Beaner cry.
Shoot. Now I’m crying again. Stupid hormones.
Watch this video. You’ll cry, too.
