Mommy Needs Some Space
This afternoon as I looked around my house after de-Christmasing, I had a mild panic attack. Not really. But I did stop for a minute and evaluate the situation. Whether it was covered in dog hair, drool, or dust, everything needed to be cleaned. There were little piles of crap everywhere. Bills stacked on top of unopened Christmas cards stacked on top of sale coupons I had clipped stacked on top of Netflicks envelopes. There were Christmas presents, unwrapped, laying around the house in no particular order and in no particular place. And the baby toys. Oh, the baby toys. It looked like Toys R Us threw up all over my house.
And while I know that its not Chris and Bean’s fault directly, I did find myself blaming them today. I found myself thinking back to when I was in college living with the Two Meatheads. True, those two boys were far dirtier and smellier than my two boys today. But at least in that small apartment in college, I had my own space. My two college roommates, Jay and Neal, were really respectful of my space. They never came into my bedroom, never asked to use my bathroom even when we had a house full of people, they never ate my food, and never used my laundry detergent.
But these two boys?
Well, these two boys are different. They’re just all up in my space. My living room is overflowing with Bean’s toys now. My desk is overflowing with Chris’ cables and cords and hard drives. My bathtub now has a giant duck living in it and squirt toys and bubble blowers hanging on the walls. My laundry room runneth over with tiny, little socks and giant, smelly socks. My fridge is full of beer and baby bottles. My garage now houses a pool table and dart boards and ping pong tables in exchange for my car. And I can’t tell you the last time I got into my bed and didn’t fish out a burp cloth or binky from between my sheets.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love these two boys. They make my life fuller and richer and all that other warm, fuzzy stuff. But, I’m feeling a bit claustrophobic lately. Take, for example, my writing. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about a book. Or started a magazine article. Hell, even a birthday card to a friend and I’ve been interrupted by something. Dinner needing to be made or a diaper needing to be changed or groceries needing to be bought or bills needing to be paid. And while I know that none of these things are anything worse than the next person deals with on a daily basis, too, I’m just feeling it all a little more intensely right now.
In 2010, I’m not going to make any resolutions. But I am setting a few goals for myself and the one at the top of my list this year is to learn how to balance these two boys with time for myself. To learn how to make myself a priority so that I’m not just running in circles all day long and then using whatever is left at the end of the day to meet my needs. I know this sounds selfish and ungrateful, but I know myself and I know that I can’t give to others if my mind is preoccupied with personal needs that aren’t being met.
The great news is that my two boys…Well, they’re pretty much two peas in a pod. I’ve got a supportive partner and that makes it possible for me to dial it back a little bit. Chris is the first to step up when I need to step back and I know that he will, once again, rise to the challenge. And Bean won’t complain because his Dad is his favorite playmate.
And because he can’t talk.
So, in 2010, my main goal is to make time to take off my Mom hat. To take off my Wife hat. To take off my Blogger hat and my Full-Time Working hat. To lower my expectations of what can be accomplished in one day and to spend some time with Katie. Doing things that rejuvenate me and excite me. Spending time writing more than just blog posts and exploring things that are important to me and for me. In the end, I think that will make me a better mother and a better spouse.
Viva la Katie!
23 Comments
Whitney
I love it. And I had the same panic attack this morning when I got out of bed and tripped over the crazy amount of BOXES from Christmas!!!! So, I enlisted Darin’s help and we cleaned the place top to bottom. I have to say, I feel much better now. 🙂
Ashley
Amen chick! I am going to try and do the same thing, but around school instead of two boys 🙂 Its hard to remember whats really important in life sometimes when you have so many demands! GOOD LUCK!
Kelly @ The Startup Wife
Good for you, Katie! I bet you’ll find yourself being even better at all those other roles as well once you’re focusing a bit more on yourself.
When one of my best friends was hospitalized for 6 weeks, I was there almost all the time, and I ran myself to the ground–wasn’t sleeping, hardly eating, etc. It made me a MUCH better support when I was able to take care of myself and get a little stronger.
P.S. Can’t wait for that book of yours! 🙂
Allison P.
I had the exact same feeling today. In fact, I could not sleep because I was feeling overwhelmed and out of touch with myself. I’m glad I checked your blog! Good luck on your Katie time and thanks for sharing!
Miss M!
That’s not selfish or ungrateful… that’s just good sense. How can you be expected to take care of others when you yourself are falling apart? Well, maybe not falling apart, but you know what I mean. It’s like that thing they’re always telling you about on airplanes and the oxygen masks – you have to be sure yours is on and you are taken care of before you attend to anyone else, including your children, even though it goes against your every instinct.
There is no shame in taking care of Katie.
Kara
That sounds like a GREAT resolution! And if you figure out the answer, you most definitely have to share because I haven’t figured it out yet. P.S. tha cables and wires on the comp desk drive me insane, too!!!
courtney
Oh my gosh, I know exactly how you feel. It’s especially hard for working moms. By the time you do everything else that needs to be done before going to work the next day you are so exhausted that you don’t have time for yourself. And this just leads to other problems. Still sometimes men are clueless (God love him my husband sees nothing wrong with clothes, socks, and mess all over the house), and you have to directly take a stand and say “enough is enough” if you don’t you will get lost in being a wife, a mom, and everything else everyone else wants you to be.
Sarah H.
This is great! I go to the salon€¦pedicures, manicures, facials–doesn’t matter, it’s the nice little break I need 🙂 I think this is an excellent “goal”! I’m also not making any resolutions because I’ve never kept one…but a goal, I can handle 🙂
Casey
Best of luck! Those pictures of your boys are precious… they must make your heart melt!
Kate
I know what you mean. My babe is 5 weeks and I’ve only left him for maybe two hours. I’m still looking for where the “me time” fits in.
EmilyC
Good for you, just don’t quit blogging altogether because your blog is so entertaining and I would miss it terribly! 🙂
Betty
Ok, what I have to say has NOTHING to do with this post (which was excellent, btw, and I love those pictures). Ok, I just found out I’m pregnant (5 1/2 weeks). And I will have to work full time as well, and while I’ve always loved your blog, my love has become more intense in the past week. So, my question is, what would you have done differently/the same? And do you have any advice for me, in the daycare looking process? Thank you again, I really do love reading your blog, and if you ever get to that book, I’ll buy a whole bunch of copies 🙂
Katie
BETTY! How exciting for you and Matt! Congratulations!! You ask two questions that I have actually been thinking about writing a post on, so I’ll definitely get to that this week. But the short answers are yes, there are some things I would have done differently had I known differently in the first place (I’ll go into those in my post) and advice on daycare? JUST DO IT! It has been a blessing in disguise for my family. Find people that you are 100% comfortable with. Its all about the caregivers. I love ours and so I listen to them and work with them instead of always questioning or doubting. I think that makes all the difference. I’ll post more on that, too, this week. But for now – BIGGEST, HUGEST, CONGRATULATIONS!!
Nate's Mom
Viva la Katie indeed! Well said. And not to mention that you work full time too! Sometimes the light found by burning the candle at both ends isn’t worth it and balance must be found. I’m seeking the balance with you, lady! Happy New Year!
Jessica
“you” time is apparently vital…I have zero
tips other than hiding in a closet with a candy bar…..
Allyson
amen!
Allison
Good for you! Do you watch basketball? Your school is playing UConn on Monday night. Maybe that could be part of your time! (if you like basketball) 🙂
Dani
On a completely unrelated note, I think I work with your husband.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
I can totally identify with so much of this. When it’s just me and the baby, this household is a work of art. I tell my husband that I run it like I’m the CEO of a company lol, everything in it’s place. But my husband’s company shuts down for a holiday week and holy goodness, the house went to Hell in a handbasket this week. I feel a little overwhelmed when my husband is around because things are different and not as tidy, even if I love him to pieces.
Amy
Just wanted to let you know I love the changes you guys did to the blog!! Very nice.
Emily
I love the new look, Katie!
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I hear you on the house being a disaster front (especially since Aaron and I are doing a minor renovation on our kitchen–everything that usually lives on our counters or in our lower cabinets is in our living room and dining room.) I, too, am trying to make taking care of myself a priority for the new year. Good luck to you!
Melinda
You are wise beyond your years. Too many young women don’t feel entitled to taking time for themselves. You go, girl. Your priorities are in the exact right order. If you go down, the whole house of cards falls with you. Don’t forget it.