This afternoon when Bean woke up from his nap, he was really fussy (read more about Bean’s reoccurring fussiness HERE) so I took him out to our back yard where Chris was playing with the dogs. Only, I couldn’t find Chris. Or the dogs.
So, Bean and I walked over to the side of the house where we found this:
A fence with two different colored stains? Yes, but that isn’t alarming.
Chris’ tiny little rear end up sticking out? Yes, but that isn’t alarming. Just kind of cute.
A snake in a bush? YES, AND IT WAS HORRIBLE!
Chris said Lucy found it in the yard and chased it into this bush on the side of our house. But clearly, Lucy has the memory of a goldfish because the minute the snake disappeared into the bush, Lucy forgot what it was she was chasing and instead began rolling around in the sunshine. Like a fool.
That’s when I started yelling, “Lucy! Run! There’s a snake! Look out!”
Sensing the panic in my voice, she went into protector mode and began helping Chris scope out the bushes for the snake.
Although, I don’t think she knew what it was she was searching for.
“Are we looking for bacon in this bush? No? Well, then I’m going to just sunbathe a little more. Come get me if you find any bacon.”
Lucy has no issues with danger. She laughs in danger’s face. She looks danger in the eye (while standing on a stool…short legs, you know…) and she says, “You don’t scare me.”
Molly on the other hand? She looks danger in the eye and then giggles and says, “Just joshin’…” and then she laughs nervously and wets her pants.
The whole time Lucy and Chris searched for that snake, Molly searched for a hole in the fence so she could run back to Connecticut.
In the meantime, Chris declared that the snake must have gotten away because he couldn’t find him anymore. And then I declared he wasn’t allowed back inside the house until he found a snake, killed said snake, and hung the skin on the flagpole as a warning to all other snakes in the animal kingdom.
BACK TO WORK, MINION HUSBAND!
AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!
After half an hour of searching for this 2-foot long garden snake, Chris once again declared it was gone and that he was going inside. And I once again declared that I saw no snake flying on a flagpole and so he wasn’t going anywhere. And then he declared I was being ridiculous. And I was about to declare war against all slithering varmits in our backyard and against Chris, but all this declaring was really starting to make Molly even more nervous and I started to worry that she would dig all the way from here to Timbuktu, so instead I took my Bean and my camera and marched back inside.
For the rest of the day, I sat in my bathroom with a bucket on my head for protection and a mop in my hand as my weapon, ready to take on the next Floridian threat that presented itself to me.
BRING IT ON, SLIMY GREEN FROGS! BRING IT ON!