Kill It Till Its Dead!

This afternoon when Bean woke up from his nap, he was really fussy (read more about Bean’s reoccurring fussiness HERE) so I took him out to our back yard where Chris was playing with the dogs.  Only, I couldn’t find Chris.  Or the dogs.

So, Bean and I walked over to the side of the house where we found this:

A fence with two different colored stains?  Yes, but that isn’t alarming.

Chris’ tiny little rear end up sticking out?  Yes, but that isn’t alarming.  Just kind of cute.

A snake in a bush?  YES, AND IT WAS HORRIBLE!

Chris said Lucy found it in the yard and chased it into this bush on the side of our house.  But clearly, Lucy has the memory of a goldfish because the minute the snake disappeared into the bush, Lucy forgot what it was she was chasing and instead began rolling around in the sunshine.  Like a fool.

That’s when I started yelling, “Lucy!  Run!  There’s a snake!  Look out!”

Sensing the panic in my voice, she went into protector mode and began helping Chris scope out the bushes for the snake.

Although, I don’t think she knew what it was she was searching for.

“Are we looking for bacon in this bush?  No?  Well, then I’m going to just sunbathe a little more.  Come get me if you find any bacon.”

Lucy has no issues with danger.  She laughs in danger’s face.  She looks danger in the eye (while standing on a stool…short legs, you know…) and she says, “You don’t scare me.”

Molly on the other hand?  She looks danger in the eye and then giggles and says, “Just joshin’…” and then she laughs nervously and wets her pants.

The whole time Lucy and Chris searched for that snake, Molly searched for a hole in the fence so she could run back to Connecticut.

In the meantime, Chris declared that the snake must have gotten away because he couldn’t find him anymore.  And then I declared he wasn’t allowed back inside the house until he found a snake, killed said snake, and hung the skin on the flagpole as a warning to all other snakes in the animal kingdom.

BACK TO WORK, MINION HUSBAND!

AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!

After half an hour of searching for this 2-foot long garden snake, Chris once again declared it was gone and that he was going inside.  And I once again declared that I saw no snake flying on a flagpole and so he wasn’t going anywhere.  And then he declared I was being ridiculous.  And I was about to declare war against all slithering varmits in our backyard and against Chris, but all this declaring was really starting to make Molly even more nervous and I started to worry that she would dig all the way from here to Timbuktu, so instead I took my Bean and my camera and marched back inside.

For the rest of the day, I sat in my bathroom with a bucket on my head for protection and a mop in my hand as my weapon, ready to take on the next Floridian threat that presented itself to me.

BRING IT ON, SLIMY GREEN FROGS!  BRING IT ON!


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37 thoughts on “Kill It Till Its Dead!

  1. No! no slimy green frogs either! snakes and frogs, hate them both sooo much! I used to cry every time I saw a snake on my front yard, I think I’m kind of getting used to it (I still have a mild heart attack though each time I see one)

  2. Oh my gosh. That would freak me out…

    We have rattlesnakes here though. They freak me out too.

    Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com

  3. Jen

    I am LOVING all these posts today!!!

    and appreciate you making me laugh of course!! 🙂

    1. Katie

      This is what you get when I’m unemployed! 🙂

  4. I think that first picture is hilarious of Chris’s butt poking out behind a bush and of course trying to poke the snake with a shovel.

  5. In “What’s Up Doc” there’s a line that snakes are deathly afraid of tile. Though I know that’s not true, I still wanted to be like, run to the bathroom, you’ll be safe there!

    And the “little dog too” line is beyond hilarious.

  6. If you want something to keep the snakes out of your yard, at Lowes, home depot, walmart, etc. they have this stuff called Snake away… pretty clever huh? 🙂 Anyway… it works.. but if it rains, you’ll need to put more out.

    2 years ago, I opened our kitchen sink to get something, and I saw something black move!! I FREAKED!!!! out!!! I started screaming, slammed the door, jumped up in a chair and again… FREAKED OUT!!!! Thank goodness my mom was here, I made her open the cabinet door again, and yep, THERE WAS A SNAKE UNDER OUR KITCHEN SINK!!!!! Thank goodness it found it’s way right back out and I’ve never seen it again!

  7. Brooke

    I totally understand!! We have a very old house and the first two years we found a total of…….wait for it……SIX count them SIX LIVE snakes in our house. Five of them where in the basement (an old basement) but the worst one was when I was walking through the kitchen in the middle of the night and almost stepped on one. Ewwwwwww I hate hate hate them, we have alot of them outside around these parts but I am glad to say we haven’t had one in the house for at least four years. (i hope I don’t jinx myself!)

    1. Ooo, that would freak me out. I like snakes, but wouldn’t want to be surprised by them in my house! I like them either outside or in a strong aquarium… or bucket with a board on it in the garage… hey, I was about 13!

    2. Beanie's Nana

      I can honestly say you have experienced my worst nightmare! Walking through your kitchen at night and encounter a SNAKE! OMG! My life…and Dave’s….would have ended that night.

  8. “like”! But if I’m not the one to ask, since if it’s a harmless little garden snake, I tend to not mind them. As a youngish person I used to catch the little suckers with my bare hands and keep them as pets and feed them frogs that I also caught with my bare hands! I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!!

  9. Carrie

    Even when I am having the absolute worst day I know that I will always smile after reading your crazy posts. Thank you for being the sunshine on my rainy, dreary,wet, nothing can go right for me kinda day!!

    And I agree with Jen!! You are spoiling us today with 5 posts!!! That must be a new record!! You keep posting them and we will keep reading them!!

  10. Courtney

    That’s one reason I like having a man around. While I’m not scared of small snakes and spiders, lizards and frogs I don’t like to touch them.

  11. Alyssa

    Brooke- you are a stronger woman than I am. I’d be at a motel until the house was exterminated or something.

  12. Ashley

    I think this is a record for blog posts in one day! I am surely glad today was my easy day…if not, I would be SOOOO behind 🙂

  13. Debbie

    I am with you sister! The only good snake is a dead snake. We lived in SC a while back and more than one snake found its way on to our porch. I nearly died each time.
    Things are not much better in KS. Last summer there was a snake between my 2 year old son and I (he had walked passed it more than once EWWWWWWWWWW). It is a good thing that it slithered away, after much hissing I might add. Not sure if I could have gone near it to get my son. I grabbed him and he had no bites on him so all was well. That is until I see another snake.

  14. I am feeling the blog LOVE today! It was awesome to see how much you posted! I’m like a junkie… MORE MORE MORE! 🙂

  15. My friend once had a bull snake in her house, in very close proximity to her very young daughter who was playing on the floor. Her neighbor had to come over and chop it up with an axe.

  16. Sandy

    the whole time i am reading this i am thinking…wait for the frogs! (too funny that you put them at the end.) they are great fun if you have a sliding glass door =-) the bestest are the florida roaches…you can throw a saddle on them and ride them in a rodeo…GROSS!!!

  17. Yikes! Other creatures in Florida that make me want to scream and run until I hit the state line are lizards and roaches, both of which you cannot keep out of your home. If you figure out how, let me know and I will give you a pretend million dollars. When we lived there lizards would get into our house and poop on my stuff in the kitchen! Blech!
    This post made me laugh…the dogs, and your commentary-hilarious. The picture of Chris looking at you from behind the bushes? Don’t even have words.

    1. Okay, here’s how smart I am…I went to make an extra comment and discovered that I hadn’t hit the submit button because my comment wasn’t there. So, I thought,”Hey! I’ll hit the back button and see if I can get to where I was typing before, because I won’t remember what brilliant thing I wrote.” It worked, and I got back to my unsubmitted comment. I quickly hit submit. Then I realized I could have finished commenting. What a dork.
      Here is the rest. I noticed your tweet that your alternative title is “I Hate Florida”. That made me laugh in light of your previous how-much-I-love-Florida post. I also have a love/hate relationship with the state.
      That’s all. Aren’t you so glad that I returned? ha.

  18. EmilyC

    I love the pictures that went so well with your story! Just wait until you reach your hand into a bag of potting soil and come out with a snake! That happened to me last year. I had left a bag open so I could finish my planting later and when I got to it the next weekend my first handful of soil I grabbed had a little garden snake in it! I was totally freaked. I haven’t gotten over it yet! When I asked my husband to kill it he refused – they take care of the rats, he says! Rats??!! What rats? I have never seen a rat here and we have a cat so I want the snake dead! Then he says the reason I don’t see rats is because the snakes are eating them! You can’t win with men!

  19. Elisabeth

    Oh, I so remember this! I was not good with any of the weird Floridian creatures. I once had one of those sticky tree frogs swim up through the TOILET!!!!! Thank god, it wasn’t the middle of the night and I looked down first. Like you, I am deathly afraid of all weird little creatures. Moving to Boston, I thought I was safe, until I found out that mice live in houses with you. And it turns out, that what’s cute from far away or behind a glass, can really freak you out when it roams free in your house.

    Needless to say, it’s a good thing that Chris and Lucy are on the case. It leave you free to be squeamish and run away when you need to!

  20. Welcome back to Florida! 🙂

    We gave up on fighting the slimy green frogs. They took over a hanging plant on our front porch and lived there for two years until we moved. About 20 of them. We ended up naming then and the hubby would feed them beetles.

    If you can’t beat ’em – join ’em!

  21. Ewwy! I don’t mind snakes too much but we also don’t get more than the Garter Snakes here in the city limits! My mother-in-law is petrified of them so whenever we see them at her house (her front yard is a steep hill with 3 flights of steps and its all overgrown) we have to chase it away and NOT tell her about it.

    Hope you get your war!

  22. Gerri

    snakes…..they are OF THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! the only good snakes are dead ones that are far far away from me (or made into snazzy shoes, purses, etc.) Hopefully they will stay out of your yard!

  23. Welcome back to Florida 😉

  24. I hate snakes. Especially Florida snakes.

    When we bought our house, the previous owners left a rather unkempt flowerbed for us to deal with near the front door. One day as we were leaving the house and before we got a chance to dig up said unkempt flower bed, a snake decided to slither out of the flower bed and across our sidewalk as we were walking to our car.

    My Fight or Flight response immediately kicked in! I shoved Aaron out of my way and ran to the car.

    Yes, I love my husband but apparently I will just save my own ass when danger approaches…

  25. I know what you mean about hating snakes– we have a lot of them in our yard since we live out by a State Park and are surrounded by forested areas. Luckily none of the snakes have “snuck” up on me. One day my husband was outside a one came slithering by my son and he was like “oh, well” like it wasn’t a big deal. And another day the exterminator was spraying outside and killed one and left it in our driveway— he came up to the door to tell me this and I was thinking “aren’t you the exterminator, isn’t it your job to get rid of the bugs and snakes, etc.– luckily my older son came home and he threw it in the woods. One other day my husband found a really big snake in our back yard and ever since I am always searching for it!!

    Our problem is brown recluse spiders which are almost impossible to get rid of!

  26. Emma

    Seriously, I was doing the laugh with your mouth open with no sound face while reading this post. I didnt want to freak my co-workers out anymore than normal!!!

  27. Dawn

    Get a mongoose. Good with kids and natural snake killers. What? Tell me you don’t remember “Rikki Tikki Tavi?”

  28. Linda

    Welcome to FL… we are in the land of creatures here- it is a wild, wild place.. ewwwww.. a few months ago I met the bug guy at my house because we were having our recurrent termite problem and when he greeted me at the door he said to me “your house is the reason why I have “snake-away in my truck!”… oh great I thought.. he proceeded to tell me that I had a snake that lives in my front bush that has chased him off of my porch more than a few times.. and he confessed- he hates snakes & each time he “screamed like a little girl”.. ewwwwww… this was not information I wanted to know… but I share this story to let you know that this product “snake away” is just crushed up moth balls.. he told me that if I crush mothballs in a sock (so they will dissolve slower) and leave them around the outside of the house in the bushes I will be rid of snakes… so there you go.. useful FL info… I wish I didn’t know that.. but I do.. and now I get to share it with you.. 🙂 Linda

  29. Oh Lawdy…I can NOT deal with snakes in the wild. Or any other Floridian creature…in the wild.

    In a nice little cage with a lid on top and a padlock keeping said lid closed…yes. In the wild…hail no!!

    Megan

    http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/

  30. Blech! I HATE snakes! In fact, I just shivered a few times thinking about them. I grew up in a rural area, and one summer day my mom opened the silverware drawer in the kitchen and a snake was curled up inside. My mom and I were both traumatized for a long, long time!

  31. I literally laughed through this entire post because I would do the same darn thing! Snakes and frogs scare the snot outta me. Yet, rather than stay in safe NC, we’re crazy and moving back to Miami.. oh yes, add scorpions to the mix too!

  32. […] But I still think I’d like to keep mine completely silver.  Makes it a little more versatile, I think.  I found this charm to remind me of the time I moved to Florida and snakes began violently attacking my house, dogs, husband, and child. […]

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