Toasting the Bride

On Saturday night after my cousin’s Eagle Scout ceremony, my aunt and uncle threw my sister and her fiance a wedding shower.  It was a lot of fun.

The happy couple: Ginny and John Michael

But throughout the whole evening, I was reminded that their wedding is in exactly one month.  And you know what that means, don’t you?

Bean Man wore his Gator shirt for his Aunt Ginny

It means that I have to get thin, tan, and taller in exactly 30 days.

My mom writing down who gave each present.

But more than those things, it means that I have to give the toast at the wedding reception in 30 days.

There are several reasons why this is the worst news in the world.

Opening the loot.

First, this is terrible news because my sister gave the best toast ever at my wedding reception.  It was funny and sweet and touching and personal.  It made everyone laugh and cry.  And, more importantly, it made me sound AWESOME, as any good maid of honor toast should.

My perty Mom and me

Secondly, everyone thinks that because I have this funny little blog, that this somehow makes me a great toast-giver.  I’m not sure how that translates, really, but people seem to expect me to be funny in real life, too.  What’s up with that?

Ginny's friend, Kelly, and her new, handsome husband who I didn't meet but did blow kisses to across the room. Wonder if he noticed?

I hate to burst everyone’s bubble here, but I’m way funnier online.

My Aunt Barbara (left) and my Grandma (right). They are just as much fun as they look like they are.

So, there’s a lot of pressure around this little bitty speech.  Truthfully, I have been thinking about the speech ever since Gin got engaged.  Everyone’s all excited and all “Ginny’s gonna be a bride!!  Yay!” and, naturally, all I can think about is, “Well this is awful for me.”

Responsible mother of two (left) and brilliant soon-to-be law student (right)

So, now that time is ticking away and I can actually see the wedding on the horizon, I’m sweating bullets here.  I’m also checking my Matron of Honor contract for any loop holes involving pinch hitters, but I’m not having any luck there.  Ginny draws up a mean bridal contract.

Another bridesmaid, Sarah, and me.

I’m thinking about sitting Bean up on the stage and having people just look at him for five minutes instead of giving a speech.  He’s been known to provide hours of entertainment simply by sucking on his own toes.  Why try to compete with that?

Ginny in her new "Domestic Diva" apron

Sadly, my sister won’t go for that.  Something about the speech needing to involve her and John Michael…??

She’s so selfish.

Playing shower games

So, that leaves me with no other option.  I’m leaving the country until the wedding is over.  See you guys in May.

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21 Thoughts to “Toasting the Bride”

  1. You will get the speech down pat before the big day! 🙂

  2. I love the juxtaposition between the writing of the post and the labels under the photos!

    And I bet you’re funnier in real life than you think you are.

    If not, do what I do – be painfully awkward. Trust me, it’ll be funny. Maybe not the way you want it to be, but people will definitely laugh.

  3. Amanda

    reminds me of the brad paisley song – so much cooler online 😉 There is only one solution – type your toast as a blog post and then instead of publishing it online – at the last minute hit print instead.

    I was the MOH form BFF and I didn’t type anything because normally speeches are a piece of cake and divine intervention saves my butt everytime putting funny articulate words in my mouth. Not so on her wedding day – I got one sentence in and my voice cracked with emotion and I was THAT person that gets so overcome with emotion that I can’t actually talk and without printed material to read from I had nothing. I still HATE myself for flubbing that up.

  4. I’m the more quiet, shy one of the sisters. When my sister got married I was all excited to give a speech. I wrote it months before and memorized it.

    My sister, she loves talking and attention. She was super nervous to give a speech at my wedding. She wrote hers down and read it.

    In the end, I don’t think anybody remembers what we said. So, no worries!

  5. So, this is not on topic at all – but do you know where your sister got her lovely dress that is featured in all the photos?

    I am also a bride-to-be… and i’m not stressing over the big stuff, i’m stressing over the LITTLE stuff! Like, what do I wear to all of these showers/parties/etc that are being thrown in my honor?!

    Thanks for the help!

    P.S. love the blog. am a recent follower and am in pretty similar shoes – just minus the baby.

    1. Katie

      She says it is Calvin Klein from TJ Maxx. 🙂

  6. Just wait until the end when everyone is good and drunk. The next day you can tell them about the great toast you gave and they will have no choice but to believe you.

    But make sure YOU are not good and drunk when you get up to give it. THAT is something everyone would remember in not such a good way.

    1. Tressa

      I was thinking the same thing! A glass of wine will help, just not to much wine 😉

  7. Don’t worry. Truly funny people don’t seem to think they are all that funny. You’ll be great! (And hopefully, there will be alcohol.)

  8. okay. since you claim you are funnier in blog land than earth land, just go back through old posts and pull paragraphs and one liners about Ginny from here…then build the rest of your speech around that! since you have a few posts under your belt including Ginny, surely you have written all sorts of good, sweet and silly stuff here that you could have a few things to say!

  9. I like the idea of typing it as a post and then reading it before publishing. Notice I said BEFORE publishing because, uh, we want to hear it, dang it!

  10. Your sister is so beautiful and looks so happy. This is such an exciting part of any women’s life. Congrats to her and congrats to you for getting to share such a momentous occasion with a very special sister.

  11. Tressa

    Wait…my daughter will run to another country with you!!!
    She is at wits end too with her toast coming up. She is my son’s “best man” at the end of May! Yes, sister is brothers best man!!! 😉
    Anyway, yours will be over before she gives hers, so let me know if you have any suggestions once your out of the woods!

    I can’t hardly believe your not as funny in “real” life like you are on your blog. Your always cracking us up!
    I bet you do GREAT! Good luck

    Beanie looks like such a big boy with his haircut! LOVE IT

  12. Well, I guess you have to be super fast around here…my idea has already been put forth. Write it as a blog post and then save it/print it. I agree with others, too, though, that you are probably much funnier than you think you are. 🙂

    1. I’m adding something, because my fingers are faster than my brain. Your sister and her fiance really do look sooo happy. They are adorable!!

  13. Sheila

    I’m in the same shoes! Do you have to wear ugly patent leather white ones for the wedding too??? 🙂

    I had to give a speech at my sister-in-law’s wedding last September, and put my heart into it. Now its time for my sister’s in June and I have no material left! Can I copy yours?? 🙂

    I’m sure you will end up writing something moving and humorous and uplifting. Just don’t use the one from Wedding Crashers. 🙂

  14. I’m sure you will do just fine. You do great at writing that is for sure so just put the pen to paper and memorize what you write. I have been really lucky and as the youngest child I have never had to do this before (I was actually the flower girl in the weddings) so I don’t know how you feel. I do know that my brother in law did an amazing speech at our wedding and I really wish that I would have had it video taped– I had no idea how good it was going to be or else I would have!

  15. Meghan

    I gave my now-cousin-in-law the EXACT SAME ‘Domestic Diva’ apron back in 2007! I even added in some matching houndstooth oven mitts.

    She looks super cute in it, that’s for sure 🙂

  16. Kristen

    K. So, you and your sister (I call mine my seester) are absolutely adorable. Just let the record show that y’all are too cute for words, really.

    Besides that, I’m sure you will do great! I feel like a lot of people aspire to be funny during these toasts, but my personal goal is to be so drippingly saccharine and emotional that EVERYONE will be crying. Mwahahaha. I find that easier to accomplish than funny, because all it really requires is being honest about how you feel and how happy you are that your baby sister has found a wonderful person to spend her life with. Works like a charm. 😉

  17. I love how the basketball game is on during the shower. 😉

  18. Jenna

    I have that apron! And I’m no help with the MOH speeches … they are SO scary 🙁 Your sister loves you, so she will likely love your toast no matter what!?!

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