P-Dub knows my name.
Well, technically, she said Bean’s name first. But seeing as to how he is of my loins, I feel that counts.
Let me tell you the whole story as events transpired yesterday…
5:45pm – Chris, Bean, me, and our chaperon, Sarah, arrive at the bookstore where I have a major meltdown in the car and refuse to go inside because I am positive I have humiliated myself enough already.
5:55pm – Chris drags me inside.
6:00pm – We arrive at the bookstore and I am shocked (though I don’t know why) to find the line has already snaked around TWO FLOORS of the store and we are, sadly, at the very end of the line.
6:05pm – PW begins a Q&A session on the second floor. Sadly, I can’t hear any of this because we are on the first floor and practically out of the store.
6:15pm – Sarah steals Bean and takes him over to the children’s section to play.
6:20pm – I hear a faint Ethel Merman impression drift out over the bookstore.
6:35pm – PW concludes the Q&A portion and begins signing cookbooks.
6:45pm – Sarah returns with Bean because he spit up all over himself and the floor of the children’s section. I clean up Bean and take a turn walking with him around the store.
7:00pm – The line has not moved at all and Bean is starting to get fidgety and fussy so Chris takes him out to the car to play. Sarah and I start discussing celebrity gossip.
7:25pm – I get a desperate text message from Chris, who has been walking Bean around outside the bookstore. I take a juice bottle and the diaper bag out to the boys and then I head back inside.
7:45pm – Sarah and I are now discussing our career goals and Tiger Woods.
8:00pm – Chris gives up and brings Bean back into the store where Sarah and I have now started discussing religion as it relates to Sandra Bullock and Jesse James.
8:05pm – Bean spits up again. Apparently something isn’t sitting well in his tummy. Chris changes his clothes in the car, but he is starting to smell a little…ripe.
8:15pm – We give up on standing and set up camp in line, entertaining Bean with food and toy trucks.
8:20pm – Bean has had enough and decides its time to leave.
8:30pm – I chase Bean around the store for a good 15 minutes. Finally, the only way I’m able to get him to sit still is to give him his favorite toy. An infant Tylenol bottle with rice inside for him to shake.
8:31pm – People in line give me weird looks for giving my son medicine bottles to play with.
8:35pm – Bean tires from the shaker and decides to take a few phone calls on his cell while we wait.
8:45pm – We finally make it up to the second floor of the bookstore where Ree is!! Yay!!
8:55pm – Bean spits up a third time. He now smells like…I don’t even know. Something potent and sour. We give him a sponge bath in line with diaper wipes.
8:57pm – Ree looks up from signing and sees us standing a few people back in line and she shouts out, “It’s BEAN!”
8:58pm – I faint. (Not really.)
9:04pm – We are about third in line and Chris, Sarah, and I are all talking quietly and I hear Ree, who was having a conversation about shoes with someone else, call out, “Katie’s wearing flip flops! And she just moved here from the cold!”
9:05pm – I wet my pants. (Not really.)
9:10pm – Finally, its our turn with Ree and she jumps up and gives us a big hug, telling people, “We’re old friends!”
9:11pm – I faint again. (Not really.)
9:13pm – I tell Ree that since security didn’t stop me, I’m going to assume that we actually ARE best friends and that to consummate our friendship, I had brought her half of a friendship necklace.
9:15pm – And then she said she had to do a cleavage check because of the flowy shirt she was wearing. I told her thanks for keeping it real.
9:16pm – (This was the best part) We just chatted for a few minutes. Like best friends do. About her trip. About her book. About Bean. About our giveaway that Rachel won earlier this week. And she signed Rachel’s cookbook as we chatted. And I thought I heard her say, though I can’t be sure and I’m paraphrasing, “YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND I’VE EVER HAD!” (Not really on that last part.)
9:18pm – After a few minutes of chit chat, Ree took some pictures with us. Don’t judge the fuzz in my hair. I blame the humidity. And don’t judge the fuzz in the pictures. I blame my friend, Sarah.
9:19pm – And she took one with her camera, too. Because I’m sure she needed one for a frame in her house. Or for her Christmas card this year.
9:20pm – My friend, Sarah, had her cookbook signed as she insisted that she had nothing to do with my stalking shinanigans.
9:21pm – I took a blurry picture of PW and Sarah.
We left after that and before I could get out the door of the Barnes and Noble, I was squealing with excitement.
My work here was done.
Until we meet again, my friend…