This past weekend Bean Man went to stay at his Nana and Granddad’s house. So, on Saturday afternoon Chris and I decided we would take advantage of our free time and play a round of golf together, just the two of us.
There are things you should know about golf and my family. My Dad is an incredible golfer. As in, really, really good. And from the time I was 7 or 8 years old, he had my sister and I out on the golf course. He said he wanted us to know enough about golf and be good enough of a golfer so that we could play casually with people. He said lots of business is done on a golf course and he didn’t want us missing out on any opportunities because we didn’t know how to play. I think this might have been one of the best parenting decisions he ever made because he is absolutely right. I may not have had to play golf yet for business, but there have been quite a few male dominated conversations around offices where I have worked and I was able to contribute and hang in there with my superiors simply because I knew enough about golf to have those conversations with them. I wasn’t out of the loop and I had some common thread with any of my bosses who were golfers and on more than one occasion that has helped me have a small leg up over some of my other co-workers.
Anyway, back to my family.
So, we all play casually. My Dad plays for blood. My Mom and Dad together play in a golf group once a week. My sister and her husband golf often with their friends. And Chris and I bring up the rear. Living in Connecticut, we just didn’t get to play as often as our family who lived in warmer weather. But now that we are back in Florida, we have really tried to get back into the game. Chris more so than me because he and my Dad play a lot together.
But do you want to know a secret?
I’m actually a pretty good golfer. I have my Dad’s swing and that’s pretty great. And if I could just spend a little more time on it, I think I could become a really great golfer. So now, Chris and I are in this mini-competition with each other on who can get better faster. He, incidentally, is winning. But by default. He gets to play more than me. And he has a Ping driver, so that’s practically cheating right there. But I’m hanging in there and I don’t think it will be long before I’m keeping up.
This past weekend was my first full 18-holes of golf since we’ve moved down here and – holy crap – was I tired. For one thing, I swim more than Chris and so my arms got tired faster. For another thing, it was 90 degrees on Saturday and I felt like I was in a sauna. And, I didn’t eat lunch and so I was starving. So, in these conditions, I started to recreate the game of golf in my head to make it a more enjoyable experience for me.
First, what the crap is up with golf carts? Why don’t they have air conditioning? I say, scratch the golf cart and give me a Mini Cooper. Small, compact, light-weight. And yet fully air conditioned with a stereo. Just put a little thing on the back to hold your clubs and BEEP BEEP! You’re all set! Also, I would prefer to play golf naked. Or at the very least, in a bathing suit. This whole collared shirt and pants thing is for the birds. Even when you wear shorts or a little golf skirt, its still so freaking hot.
You know what else a golf course needs? A lazy river, like at the water parks. When you’re going from hole to hole, you should be able to jump into a lazy river and paddle through nice, cool water until you get to your next hole. In that ridiculous heat, just a few minutes in a pool would change my life. I could also use a few hot dog stands along the course. Maybe a little deli on ever other hole or something. Because when I’m out there, sweating and hot, I’m also starving and that girl that comes by with the peanuts and beer just doesn’t cut it. I’d like a cheeseburger with lettuce, pickles, and tomato. Maybe some hand cut french fries. And a milkshake.
If I had these simple little luxuries on the golf course, I bet I’d play a lot more often. Shoot, if my OB/GYN had a lazy river, I’d probably hang out there more, too. I’m pretty sure a lazy river makes just about everything better…
But even without all these things, I still had a really great time with Chris. It was fun to spend an afternoon doing something that we both enjoy together. We laughed and goofed off and we gave each other pointers (and helped each other dig through bushes for their balls…). It was just a really great day.
On Sunday we went to my parents to pick up Bean and my Dad asked how golfing had been. And before I could say how much fun we had, Chris started teasing me about not playing well (when I had) and about losing all these balls (when he lost more than I did) and about how much I complained about the heat (we were both complaining). He told a completely different version of our afternoon and while I know he was just giving me a hard time, it actually really hurt my feelings. We had a great time but here he was making it sound like a miserable afternoon that I had to drag him through.
Why do husbands do this? I will never understand it.
He used to do it with his friends, too. We’d have a really great weekend away somewhere and when people would ask how our trip was, he would downplay it and make it sound like it was alright and just something he had gone along with.
It makes me want to beat him with a spatula.
Will someone please tell me what is so wrong with admitting when you have a good time with your wife? When did it become un-cool to say that you still like hanging out with your spouse?
Drives me freaking crazy…