Bean,  Parenting

Growth and Maternal Instincts

Thanks to everyone who left comments and feedback on transitioning from the bottle to a sippy cup and ditching the binky.  I always like hearing how changes take place in other houses.  I realized when I started seeing some of the same comments reoccur that I probably should have explained our process a little better, instead of making it sound like I just showed up at the doctor’s office and did what someone told me to do.

At our nine month doctor’s appointment, our pediatrician in Connecticut (who I loved dearly and wish I could fly down here to still see Bean Man whenever we needed a doctor) told us that by one-year-old, we should aim to be bottle-free and on a sippy cup only.  At that point, Bean had been using a sippy cup occasionally, but not regularly due to his love of throwing said sippy cup across the kitchen at the dogs.  But at nine-months after we talked to the doctor, I started letting Bean use the sippy cup even more and when the throwing happened, I would pick the cup up, give him one firm, “No,” and put it back on his tray.  The throwing lasted about a week more and then he realized it wasn’t going to get a reaction out of me other than that and so he quit on his own.

At first, we used juice in his sippy cup.  I bought the Motts for Tots that has 40% less sugar and then I diluted it with water.  I’m a big fan of juice in a diet, especially for Bean who is prone to constipation.  I rotated between a bottle of apple juice and then a bottle of pear juice, just to give him some variety.  He gets a lot of help with his constipation from natural, raw fruit in his diet, but I think a little juice is perfectly healthy (as long as I try to get as much of the sugar out of it as possible!).

I did hold off as long as possible on giving Bean whole milk because we had just moved and hadn’t found a doctor yet.  Should Bean have had an allergic reaction, I didn’t want to have to run to some stranger who had never seen him before for treatment.  So, I waited until we found a practice (though we are still looking for a doctor) and that practice had seen him as a healthy baby.  After that appointment, I felt more comfortable giving him milk and so we came home and kicked the bottle.  Just like that.  I thought about keeping the bedtime bottle and we actually did that first day, but at bedtime Bean is more concerned with his books and Mr. Bear and didn’t seem to care if he had a bottle or not, so I cut that one by the second day.  And I figured as long as we were going through a change, we might as well go through a couple changes all at once and so we kicked the binky, too.

Our first day without either was last Thursday.  And Bean was none too happy.  He moaned all day.  But when he’d get fussy and I knew he was hungry, I’d put him in his chair and give him some milk in a sippy cup and a snack.  Or, if he was meal time, I’d fix him a big, healthy meal.  He hasn’t been a huge eater before.  He likes a lot of things and isn’t picky, he just has never eaten a whole lot of solid food in one sitting.  And I worried that with his bottle now cut out, he wouldn’t be getting the nutrients that he needed.  But the pediatrician (and my Mom) said that Bean would get hungry and he would learn that he can get full by eating solid foods instead of his bottle.  So, I pushed through Thursday and Friday and while Bean was still whining, I did notice that was starting to eat more in each sitting.  By Saturday, Bean seemed to be back to his normal, happy self.  He was eating full meals and having two snacks a day and he was drinking a lot of milk and I kept with our routine of one cup of juice a day.  We have also started giving Bean cups of water since we are living in such a hot climate now and I worry about him getting dehydrated.

As for the binky, when Bean gets up from his crib, we give his binky to Mr. Bear and Mr. Bear and the binky stay in the crib.  In just a couple of days with this new routine, Bean has already learned and so when I pick him up now, he turns and throws his binky back into his crib all by himself.  And then we dance and sing about what a big boy he is!

Going through changes in our house is a process, but it’s usually a quick process.  I sometimes get confused when people say to listen to your maternal instincts when parenting because my maternal instincts tell me to keep my baby laughing all the time and to never do anything that would upset him.  If I listened to my maternal instincts, I’d never take Bean to get shots because I can’t stand when he’s crying and I can’t make it better.  I’d also probably never put him down because my maternal instincts want me to hold him all day, every day.  But common sense tells me that sometimes Bean and I both have to do things and go through changes that we might not want to have to go through but isn’t that just part of life?  Pushing ourselves to try something new, to go out of our comfort zone so that we grow as people?  I think it is.  And so sometimes I might take things away from Bean (like his bottle) or I might try work with him on a new skill (like drinking out of a sippy cup) when he might not want to but I do those things knowing that they are just part of growing up.

Of course, I listen to my maternal instincts (and common sense) when they tell me that Bean is going to grow up stronger and with all the confidence in the world if he has unlimited hugs and kisses and if there are always loving, supporting, encouraging words around him while he’s learning and going through these changes.  That’s where maternal instincts can’t be ignored.  I want nothing more than a happy, healthy child who believes in himself and every instinct that I have – maternal or otherwise – tells me that teaching with a loving hand and not with outrageous expectations and rigid structure is better for Bean and for our whole family.

Sometimes it is the most simple decisions in parenting that make us examine our methods, isn’t it?  Introducing a sippy cup, taking away the binky, kicking the bottle – all things that every parent will go through in some form or another.  Still, those seemingly mundane decisions can keep a parent awake at night wondering if she’s doing the best thing she can for her child.  But I have to say, that when I teach with my common sense and love with my maternal instincts, I sleep quite peacefully at night knowing that I’m doing the absolute best that I can for my child.

21 Comments

  • Mindee@ourfrontdoor

    Katie I love your blog! You’re a great mom and a great blogger. You have to have ovaries of steel to blog about early parenting. Everyone seems to have an opinion and all feel free to offer it. You do a great job of keeping your cool and following sane advice from people who love you and your doctors.

  • andrea

    I never thought that your first post made it sound like you made a decision solely on what a doctor or someone else told you to do. I think that anyone that reads your post everyday, myself included, knows that you are not the kind of person to do that. I don’t believe it was, but I’m sorry if my comment was one of those that made you feel that way, it was certainly not my intention! Obviously you don’t need my approval, but I think you do a wonderful job as a mother (wife, daughter, sister and friend for that matter too!) Of course, everything is a process, it is in this household too, and nothing will ever work the same way twice when it comes to kids, I’m learning that now with the second! I’m always worrying about what seems like the smallest things with my kids but I believe that if it’s big enough for you to worry about then it’s not a small concern. You keep doing what works for you and Bean will grow to be the person you’ve always wanted him to be.

    • Katie

      Oh, gosh! No! No one’s comments made me feel defensive! Seriously! I thought everyone had such great things to say!! I think I thought I should clarify because I don’t often talk about my maternal instinct so much, not because I thought people misunderstood or gave bad advice! I thought all the comments I got were really helpful and insightful! 🙂

      • andrea

        oh good, whew! I’m always very careful with what i say (I proof-read like 20 times before posting, maybe that’s anal and not careful? anyway) so if i think someone got upset by something I wrote I feel horrible and want to explain. sometimes i think i may be a tad too sensitive in that area, i’m working on it. (though I’m completely opposite when it comes to people saying something to or about me, I am not easily offended) either way i’m glad you weren’t upset and again, you are a great mama!

  • Sara Rickman

    Wow! So glad that you got through that transition without any major issues. Although watch out for momentary setbacks, especially if Bean sees another baby with a bottle or a pacifier. You’re doing such a great job with him! And what I love best about your blog is how you invite others (Moms and non-Moms alike) to discuss stuff like this without all of the judgement that can come with advice on parenting. Keep it up!

  • Ashley

    My opinion is that as long as you love your child and you are doing the best you can, making healthy decisions for your family…there’s no better parenting than that. And look how big Bean Man is! 🙂 You and Chris are obviously doing something right.

  • Betty

    Ok. For your next book, it needs to be a parenting one. And if you can’t do that, then can you move next door to me here in Birmingham, say by September? That way I can run over and say HELP HELP HELP! But seriously. thank you so much for these posts. I love reading over them and the comments, just for perspective. I am in the process right now of reading your pregnancy archives, for the same reason. Thanks!

  • tan@tan/green

    Technical question – does the 40% less sugar juice add in a sugar substitute (like splenda or some such) and if so have you asked about that at the dr’s? Our son is 10 months and we haven’t ventured into juice yet because I am undecided about fructose/sugar substitute content. You had a definite opinion there so I am curious. We are just doing water in the cups and formula in the bottles for now.

    As for the rest kudos on the smooth transitions! I like your approach and follow through – notes taken!

    • Katie

      Hi Tan – You know, I’m not sure. We don’t do the sugar substitutes because our former pediatrician said to avoid them. The Motts for Tots has 40% less sugar and no artificial sweeteners. I’m a stickler for juice in Bean’s diet because when he was smaller my doctor recommended it to help keep him regular. Now that he’s older and eating solid foods, he probably gets enough natural fruit in his diet to not need the juice, but I dilute it so much that I don’t really think it’s a big deal. Plus – he loves it! 🙂

  • Jenny

    I just have to tell you how much I loved this post. Your phrase about teaching with common sense and loving with maternal instincts is perfect. Our transition away from binkie and bottle went very much the same with no major problems, but I do remember really worrying about it beforehand. Now I try to remember that change is not always as hard as you think it will be!

  • Megan

    Very well said Katie…as always!

    We are very much on the same page with mothering. Sometimes I feel like we have to make tough decisions that our mothering instincts might not necessarily like. But…I feel it is what is best for her. I feel the same in that if I listened to my mothering instincts I would want to keep her a baby forever. But I know she won’t be a baby forever and needs to learn and grow independent of me sometimes. One thing I really had to push myself on is giving her a fork and spoon. It was so much faster…and less messy…to just shovel it in for her but she needed to learn how to do it on her own. So…we sometimes have long meal-times with twice the mess. But I am so proud of her for how far she has come using them on her own! Just one example of the many!

    I don’t know why I always get on here and ramble. Except I’m sort of a rambler I think anyway.

    Megan

    P.S. I swear I feel like Bean has changed overnight in the most recent pictures. I can’t get over it…he looks like such a little toddler now and not so much like a baby. It’s amazing how fast it happens!

    http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/

  • Angela

    From creepering your blog since Beanie was born, ( and as a young teen myself) I thinnk you’re doing such a great job, and are born to be a mother.

    Bean is so lucky to have such cool parents like you and Chris. And the thing about many hugs and kisses, always continue doing so! Even when he turns into a teenager and thinks he’s too cool for that, he’ll appreciate it in the long run.

  • Ann G-B

    I have been trying to get my husband to use sippy cups for months now! I had been still breastfeeding (up until last week) so he was the one using drinking utensils. It wasn’t until you posted about Bean using a sippy cup that he was willing to try!

    Can I get you to post about putting socks in the laundry basket!?!?!

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