Can we talk about these pictures for a minute?
No, I don’t want to talk about how the Department of Children and Families would take my child away if they knew I was taking pictures of him doing dangerous things like this.
And no, I don’t want to talk about what a terrible parent I am for laughing ridiculously while Bean climbed up on top of this diaper box so that I he could get on the couch.
What I would like to talk about instead is what these pictures represent.Â What they symbolize.Â What came to my mind when I saw these pictures and made me dizzy with fear…
I AM UNPREPARED TO BE THE MOTHER OF A TODDLER.
Other than the obvious things happening in this picture (life and death situations, climbing, doing whatever he wants, etc.), there are some…behaviors happening in my house right now that I am feeling a little overwhelmed with at the moment.
For one thing, Bean is cutting two molars at the same time right now.Â And I realize that this is probably making things 10 times more difficult because there is extra whining and moaning and drama.Â When Bean is cutting a tooth, he becomes the biggest drama queen I’ve ever seen.
“What do you mean I can’t BRING MY TEDDY BEAR INTO THE BATH TUB?!??!?”Â Â WHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!
“What do you mean I can’t PLAY IN THE DOG BOWLS?!?!?!”Â WHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!
“What do you mean I can’t HIT EVERY LIVING THING WITH MY GOLF CLUB?!?!?!”Â WHHHHAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously, it’s like living with Tina Turner.
But even without the teeth thing, Bean is definitely entering some kind of weird, Bermuda Triangle-like phase.Â He has become so demanding.Â Standing next to his high chair and stomping his feet and yelling when he is ready to eat.Â Shrieking and flailing when I take something away from him.Â Throwing things when he’s done or bored with them.Â It’s dangerous to your psyche (and your eardrums) to be around him lately.
When I was pregnant, I read Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp.Â It was one of the only parenting books that I actually read and used.Â And it worked!Â So, when I started to notice Bean’s little temper tantrums getting bigger and bigger, I decided that this was more than I was prepared for and so I went to Barnes and Noble and bought Dr. Karp’s second book, Happiest Toddler on the Block, which is subtitled: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One-to-Four-Year-Old.
So, I’ve been reading this book and Dr. Karp’s main theory is that all babies are basically little cavemen and as parents it is our responsibility to civilize them.Â And I totally buy that because when Bean is stomping and hitting and yelling nonsense, he does somewhat resemble a tiny little caveman.
“ME WANT CHEERIOS RIGHT NOW!”
I’m doing everything the book recommends to curb this temper, but it is darn stinkin’ hard!Â Especially when we’re in public.Â Yesterday we were in the library and Bean had a snack cup in his stroller.Â When he wanted to get out and walk around, I took the snack cup away and put it in the stroller because he can’t walk around dropping food all over the public library.Â But, I guess Bean doesn’t understand complex logic like that (silly one-year-old comprehension…) because he began screaming and stomping and screaming and stomping.Â And he screamed and stomped so badly that he knocked himself over and hit his head on a chair.Â Which caused more screaming.
In response to this, I calmly put the snack cup away where he couldn’t see it, put Bean back into his stroller, and we left.Â But I felt like I missed a chance to work with him and teach him something about civilized behavior.Â I can’t just leave whenever he acts up, can I?Â I mean, I guess that’s one solution.Â If you act like this, then you can’t play here.Â But he doesn’t seem to see that as punishment.Â He was happy as a pig when we left, which really pissed me off because I think he ended up getting what he wanted in the first place.
At home, it’s even harder.Â Let’s talk about the dog bowls because those are our most frequent problem.Â Bean will go play in the dog bowls, I will go over to him, take him by the hand and lead him away, telling him firmly, “No, sir.Â Not for Bean.”Â And he doesn’t even seem phased.Â Two seconds later, he’s trying to get back into the kitchen again.Â So, once again, I take him by the hand and lead him out saying a very firm, “No.”Â And he starts laughing!Â LAUGHING!
Other than removing him from the situation and telling him no, I’m not sure what else he can understand at this age.Â So, I’m starting to think this is just part of his age and that I’m entering a tough little phase here where logic and reason don’t matter and repetitious responses and patterned behavior from me and Chris are the only thing that will make an impression – even if we have to do the same thing 15,000 times in a row.
So, all of this is a long way to say that I have one thirteen-month-old boy for sale.Â He comes with Mr. Bear and Big Molly and a set of plastic golf clubs.Â He’s a good eater and likes water.Â I’ll start the bidding at $1, please.
In all seriousness, is anyone else going through this?Â HAS anyone else gone through this?Â Am I doing something wrong or is this just the age?Â Also, is it legal to sell children on eBay yet?