Why I Could Never Marry a Vampire

(CAUTION:  This post is about Twilight.  Only read further if you have read the books, if you are interested in reading the books, or if you are absolutely sure you will not judge me because I have read the books.  It’s not my fault.  I blame the vampires.)

I am an avid reader.  I love books.  I love bookstores.  I love bookmarks.  I love bookends.  I. Love. Books.

Since having Bean, I have become pretty picky about what I read though.  My free time has become much more valuable to me because I don’t get it that often and so I find that I am a little choosey about what I read these days.  Consequently, I decided not to read the Twilight series of books because, well, I had better things to do with my time.

The first encounter I had with Twilight was a couple years ago when my cousin, Abby, and her friend, Kameesha, came to visit me and Chris in Connecticut.  At the time, I think Abby was 16-years-old maybe.  They came to stay with us because they had read this book, Twilight, and there was some kind of book release party for the second book that they wanted to go to in New York.

So, Chris and I took them to the city, dropped them at the arena, and we went out to dinner with my BFF, Emily, who lived in New York at that time.

For the rest of their visit, Abby and Kameesha poured over the second Twilight book.

I thought it was weird.  (Sorry, Abs)  But I chalked it up to some teenage thing that I just didn’t understand.  And then, years later, Abby was all grown up and a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding in April and I mentioned something to her about Twilight and even in her adult age, she swore I really needed to read those books.

So, this summer, I thought “What the heck…” and I picked up the first book in the series at my library.


Seriously.  I didn’t even really LIKE the thing.  The entire time I was reading it, the tiny feminist hairs on my head (which are super tiny because I’m not much of a feminist) stood up straight.  I kept thinking, “THIS is what we’re giving our teenage girls to read about relationships?!?!” And yet, I COULDN’T PUT THE DARN THING DOWN!  And when I finished it, I immediately put the second book on my waiting list at the library and when that became available, I READ THAT ONE, TOO!

Then, as I was waiting for the third book to be available at my library, I put the first two movies FIRST AND SECOND IN MY NETFLICKS QUE!  And yet, the entire time I was reading them and watching (both) movies, I kept saying to myself, “This is awful!  This is terrible!  I can’t believe this is so popular!  GIVE ME MORE!!!!!!!!!”

And that’s when I decided that those books have the literary equivalent of MSG pumped into them.  The more you read, the more you want.

Here’s what I have decided about why Twilight is so popular.  I think it’s about all-consuming love.  About love so passionate and so over-powering that we are helpless in its presence.  (I cannot believe I am writing seriously about a book on vampires.  Really.  This just feels silly.) I think as adults, we know that kind of love is ridiculous.  We have to be a partnership.  We have to work through things together.  We need a healthy balance.

BUT…I think a lot of people secretly wish that just for a little while, someone would take complete care of them.  Everything about them.  Make every decision for them.  Wouldn’t that make things just a lot easier sometimes?  And yet, we know that that would be so unhealthy and just…well…weird.  But, it’s still fun to read about it.

In reading these books, I have come up with a very definite list of reasons why I could never marry a vampire:

1.  My marriage could never survive if my husband could hear my inner thoughts, particularly on nights when he comes home from work and plants himself on the couch, not helping with the baby or dinner or bath time or bed time or anything. On those nights, my husband does NOT want to hear my inner thoughts.

2.  My husband needs to age appropriately.  If I grow old, he better grow older.

3.  I could never climb on someone’s back and let them speed walk with me.  I laughed out loud in the book when that happened.  I laughed out loud in the movie when that happened.  And if my husband ever honestly said to me, “Climb on my back and I’ll take us there,” I would laugh out loud again.  And probably have him committed somewhere.

4.  I could never be moody or brooding enough to marry a vampire.  I have no filter (SEE: The rest of this blog).  I don’t know how to hold my tongue.  I don’t know how to be coy or play mind games.  And, I don’t want to learn either.

5.  I don’t like cold skin.  Reminds me of chicken breasts.

6.  If my husband ever tried to tell me who I could be friends with, I’d punch him in his nose.  Which would inevitably lead to an argument.  Would leave probably lead to him becoming very angry.  Which would probably mean he would bite me.  And that’s always complicated when a vampire is involved.

7.  I could never be with someone who doesn’t love a good burrito and margarita every now and then.

8.  I live in Florida.  The Sunshine State.

9.  If I woke up in the middle of the night to find Chris staring at me as I slept, I’d make him move out.

10.  I love dogs.

So, you can see that I would never be able to marry a vampire.  Though, reading about them seems to be an acceptable substitute for me.  And now, I have to go.  My library just delivered Eclipse today and I have to go read the entire thing in 3 hours and mercilessly judge and yet simultaneously envy teenagers who turn into wolves and suck people’s blood.  That takes all my concentration, as you might imagine.

(Also, I can’t believe one of my blog posts is tagged with the word, “Vampires.”)

Related posts

65 Thoughts to “Why I Could Never Marry a Vampire”

  1. Have you ever watched True Blood? I am not into Twilight but love True Blood. It is like Twilight for adults.

    1. I love Twilight and I love True Blood. They are so different! I definitely enjoy the darker side that True Blood show and find it more entertaining. I love the Twilight books but catch myself groaning and rolling my eyes at the movies, especially the most recent one.

      I need to find a way to get True Blood with out paying a Bajillion $$$ on the DVD’s! I borrowed the 1st season from a friend and have only caught pieces of the last 2 seasons while staying in hotels.

  2. You put into words exactly what I couldn’t explain. I’ve read them all and think they’re terribly trashy, but I read each one start to finish in one go, rolling my eyes the whole way though never actually putting the book down.

    I’ve only seen the first movie, and I really didn’t like that. I was angry with it for ruining my own mental pictures of the characters, too.

    Ah, well. We can’t all read classy, enlightened, meaningful books all the time.

  3. This is so funny because it’s TOTALLY TRUE!!

    A couple things change in the later books, so it be nice to get an update after you read the last two.

    Have a great weekend, Katie! 🙂

    1. Jeska

      I agree. Katie, you need to update us once you’ve finished “Breaking Dawn.” And then again, after you read “Midnight Sun” on her website http://www.stepheniemeyer.com

  4. hannah

    No judgement here. I, too, got sucked into the books. As a grown woman I knew they were not good for teenage girls, but I couldn’t put them down. I read all 4 in 10 days! This was before having my kiddo of course. I just reread the last 2 on vacation and they were even better the second time! I’m pathetic! 🙂

  5. My sister said reading them was like doing heroin. You just HAD to, but then hated yourself afterwards. But then couldn’t stop shooting up as soon as you could get your next fix.

    Also, a coworker sent me this, which is hilarious (even to someone who hasn’t read the books). Enjoy! http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

    1. Jess

      I love the heroin analogy! The books are awful. I rolled my eyes and laughed out loud and (like you, Katie) shuddered to think what these books teach young girls about love… yet I wanted more. I couldn’t stop reading. I needed the next book, and the next one, and the next one. Now I’m reading Midnight Sun. It’s an addiction, pure and simple!

  6. Sarah H.

    That wasn’t so bad 🙂 I read all the twilight books in Jan 2009 and just let me self get really into them, because I’m fun like that. I enjoyed them at the time–as ALL of my 25-35 year old coworkers were reading them and LOVED them. So I never really knew it was for teens. Eclipse was my favorite–so I’m interested to see how you feel about that one. Even though I enjoyed Twilight I get a kick out of anyone making fun of the series, because what they say is usually true 🙂 And come-on, any book with that much sexual tension has gotta be fun to read!

  7. Megan

    I felt the same way as you at first, I thought they just sounded ridiculous. Then a woman at work brought me in the first book to read, it was slow going at first, then I couldn’t stop. It was as you said, much like heroin! I borrowed her books, then my sister got me the box set for my birthday and my mom bought me the first movie. My husband even liked the movies!! He actually bought the first movie on Blu-Ray (so we have 2 copies now). New Moon came out while we were on our honeymoon, so needless to say, going to see that movie was our first official married date. Eclipse came out on his birthday, guess where he wanted to go…yep, to see Eclipse. Now if only I could get him to read the books! 😉

    As I don’t have HBO and cannot watch True Blood, I just bought the first book in that series. I’m only on the first chapter, it’s going a bit slow, much like the beginning of Twilight was, I’m assuming it’s going to pick up. I’ve heard people talk about the Sookie character and want to see what it’s about. I hope it’s not another addicition for me.

    1. Lee Ann

      Sookie will grow on you, believe me! A friend sent me the first seven books as a birthday gift, and about halfway thru the first book, I wasn’t sure if I liked it, but I kept reading. And now that I’m almost finished with the 8th book, I am hooked … even though I’m still not sure what I think about the books. Strange! (And the hardest part, I can NEVER remember the names of the books … all I can tell my friend is that I’m reading “Dead Something” or “Something Dead.” LOL!)

  8. Twilight is so bad that it’s good. I really don’t like the movies though because most of the acting is so terrible. Also, I’m cracking up at you equating cold skin to chicken breasts. Hilarious!

  9. Kelly H

    Haha Katie you crack me up! I have not read them yet. I have been trying to hold out even though my mom and older sister are obsessed (like they have Twilight themed parties). The real reason I haven’t is because I know I will get sucked in and become obsessed too and I couldn’t take the shame of it all (not to mention the merciless teasing I’d get from my husband). I am curiously wearing down though…

  10. HAHA! You make me laugh! I have only read the first two books (due to my friends saying I have to read it!) and the third book has been sitting on my night stand for about 8 months and never opened. I just find the serious to be so rediculous that I can’t bring myself to pick up the book and read it.

  11. julie

    don’t forget to read Midnight Sun at stepheniemeyer.com…at least what’s written so far. And you’ve still got the best book (in my opinion) to come-Breaking Dawn. Enjoy!

  12. Marie

    I actually loved the books, although don’t get me started on the movies – the only good actor in it is Charlie. Anyway, I loved Twilight until I started reading the Sookie Stackhouse books (True Blood) and realised – hey, this is a much better, much stronger role model for any female (although I wouldn’t be handing these books to anyone under 16 tbh) and the books are way more interesting and entertaining. There is also 10 books in the series, and the first few were published before Twilight. I don’t even like vampire books, but somehow I ended up reading them 🙂 And watch True Blood – the men are so much hotter (and more age appropriate) to look at!

  13. I loved this post. To be honest I felt a little creepy reading these books at 30, but I could not put them down. I even dreamed that my husband was a vampire and bit me numerous times. But once I stopped reading them the dreams quit. My sister and I went to the 2nd movie and I have to say I felt like a perv drooling over Taylor Launter’s abs. Everytime he came on screen my eyes couldn’t move from them.

  14. I haven’t given in to the books or movies yet but I’m sure my time will come too! I love your reasons for not marrying a vampire – especially number 1. I HATE when my hubby does that!

  15. I’m right there with you Katie! I am 29 and my best friend was into Twilight from the beginning. I completely made fun of her… until… I got a boring job and found them online so I could read them at work. I couldn’t get enough! It’s hokey and unrealistic, but us girls sometime want a man to be head-over-heels, love-sick for us. Oh Twilight, you’re literary crack… we know you’re bad for us but we can’t get enough. ; )

  16. Kim

    I finally gave in and read the books after 2 of my kids (teenagers) read them and kept bugging me to read them. I found them to be silly, but I did finish all of them. I will be curious what you have to say about book 4, which was my least favorite.
    I agree with your reasons for not marrying a vampire, especially the cold skin part….yuck!

  17. Beth

    Katie, I think you hit the nail on the head with this section right here

    “I think it’s about all-consuming love. About love so passionate and so over-powering that we are helpless in its presence. (I cannot believe I am writing seriously about a book on vampires. Really. This just feels silly.) I think as adults, we know that kind of love is ridiculous. We have to be a partnership. We have to work through things together. We need a healthy balance.”

    Everyone wants a knight in shining armor or Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet (even if he is a vampire). But no one ever found out what happened after Cinderella got back to the castle, did they?

    I am 32. I loved these books and have NOT seen the movies and don’t plan to. I love that Stephenie Meyer wrote about the urges teenagers have, but the strength to not follow through on them.

    Also, on a side note, Edward can’t read Bella’s thoughts. And with that embarrassing piece of trivia, I am out.

  18. Still won’t read the books, though I really enjoyed your post–especially the list about why you couldn’t be with a vampire!

  19. Katie – my “relationship” with Twilight was a total accident. I was in the airport trying to avoid talking to everyone around me and picked up “New Moon.” I picked up pretty fast that I was missing some back story but I read the book anyway, and like you, I was like “Huh?” But I went and found the first book and read that.. and so on and so forth. I have seen the movies but we go to just amuse ourselves. I will say, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are the more entertaining of the books for sure. It is embarassing to walk into the “teen” section of Bookstop for sure!

  20. Suzanne Branch

    I had the same experience…I judged, A LOT (shame on me, yes), people who read the books. Thought to myself (of all the Edward fans out there) who thinks a vampire is HOT?! He’s pale and his lips are purple, gross!€ But then two of my co-workers pretty much made me read the first one and I didn’t regret it. The second, third and fourth books were very quickly rented at the library and read with gusto. Though, I’m still not a huge Edward fan. I prefer Jacobhe’s a man’s man. Edward scares me a little bitlike you said who wants a guy staring at you while you sleep??
    Oh and don’t tell the Twilight fans out there but I think the movies are stupid. I haven’t seen the third one because I’m sure I’ll be disappointed. Again.

  21. Tee hee. This post makes me laugh. If you’re looking for a book that has that “all consuming-love” component, but one that isn’t about Vampires, try the Outlander series by Diana Galbadon. Amazing. I loved Twilight. But Outlander totally rocked my world!

    Enjoy the third Twilight book!

  22. My thoughts exactly! Whey did I laugh at the books but speed read through them?!!?! My friend (a middle school teacher) introduced the series to me and I could not believe we were reading what had been recommended to us by 12 year olds. I think I read the entire series in about 5 days. Sad.

  23. I rolled my eyes (and started skimming) – every time I got to some part about having found soul mates, blah di blah … but I absolutely found the books to be drug-like. I didn’t want to stop.

    Also, limited time to read is why I joined Goodreads … I got so annoyed every time I ended up wasting time on something that wasn’t good. Now I have a list of 300 books that are waiting for me to read them … I’ll get there eventually. 😉

    ps. I went back and read my goodreads reviews after reading this … 3/4 of my reviews start off basically saying something along the lines of : “This was ridiculous, it didn’t make sense …. I devoured the whole thing in a day and want to read the next one.”

  24. I a right with you. I never was going to read them…I mean how could I ever want to read such a long book. And now I am addicted. I am reading “Breaking Dawn” now and cannot even put it down!!!! I need to see the 2nd and 3rd movie still. Happy reading of Eclipse!

  25. I was really hesitant to read them at first too, I’m not really into vampires, or sci-fi, if this even counts as sci-fi. My friend gave me the first book for Christmas and, like most everyone else, I couldn’t put it down. Much to my husband’s dismay I was reading the third one on our honeymoon a few months later. The way I see it, as a woman, you can relate to that intense, teenage, unrealistic “love”. You feel like you’re sixteen and the hot, mysterious guy at school sweeps you off your feet. It’s not realistic, it’s not true love, but… it’s pretty fun to get wrapped up in!

  26. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reinforcing my decision not to read them. I’m sure my reaction would be just like yours and I’d get sucked right in. That happened to all the kindergarten teachers at school and then when the last movie came out all of them lined up to see the midnight movie.

    There is something very wrong about middle aged kindergarten teachers lining up to see a movie about teenage vampires.

    And it would totally be me if I picked one up.

  27. Carrie

    As a married mother of two, I LOVE the Twilight Series – a great collection of “escapist” reading for me! But, I have to point out, Bella is the ONE person Edward can’t read the thoughts of (your point #1 is moot) – hee hee – I’m such a Twi-nerd! : )

  28. Vanessa

    I’m glad someone else has the same opinion. I flew threw the books, despite the terrible awkwardness. I didn’t care for the first movie, and haven’t seen any of the others.

    I LOVE Sookie Stackhouse books, and if you want a ‘cheap’ way to watch True Blood, sign up for Netflix, at $9.99/mo and no contract, that’s the way to go. (Streaming is awesome with Netflix btw!)

    Another favorite author of mine is Jen Lancaster, and her interpretation of New Moon on her blog is Hilarious! I highly recommend you check it out! http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2009/11/new-new-moon.html

  29. hahahaha, I love your list. #9 cracks me up especially. I have, however, woken up to see my cats staring at me. It was creepy.

  30. Russel

    Does your library deliver books to you…like your house? I’ve never heard of that. If that’s what you mean, that’s so cool! I almost wouldn’t need my Kindle.

    I felt similarly about the twilight books. They were how I stayed up in the middle of the night with my newborn so I didn’t fall asleep and drop him.

    1. Katie

      YES! They deliver right to your house – just like Netflicks! Only, it’s FREE! I think that is worth moving to Orange County for all by itself.

  31. pam-tastic

    Yes (raising my right hand), I am thirty-ten years old and I have read all 4 books, watched the first 3 movies and can’t wait for the next 2 to come out.

    My story echoes the comments above. Last summer we were on a 3 hr car trip to spend the weekend with family. My 16 y/o daughter brought a friend who had brought Twilight. I had finihsed the magazines I had brought in the first 30 minutes of the car ride and had nothing else to do. My daughter’s friend said “here, read this…I’ve read the first 3 chapters and so far it’s really good.” So…I began to read…and read…and read… I had read the entire book over the weekend (Hi family! I’m the one reading the teenage book about vampires, nice to see you too. Sorry…gotta get back to my book now!) and by the time we got back home, I went the very next day to BUY the next THREE books! Funny…nobody at the bookstore even looked at me like I was crazy, because I obviously was, right? Right? I read the next 3 books in rapid succession and here I am today, anxiously awaiting the last movies and commenting on a blog about vampires. Geez…

    Now…don’t even get me started on Harry Potter. I’ve read all the books…TWICE (the original time and then I re-read before the movie comes out). These so-called “teen series” books are sucking more of my time than my laundry. Help me…

  32. I haven’t read the books or seen the movies. I’m am still trying to figure out if that is a blessing or a curse.

  33. Meryn

    I was exactly the same way. It all hit me this spring. When I finished the second book, the wait list at the library for the third was going to be months. So I called a friend who shall remain namelss (he’s a straight man with a manly job and manly beard) who promptly OVERNIGHTED his fiancee’s copies of the last two books to me. He paid more than the books cost to get them from NYC to Wisconsin as quickly as possible.

    This is what the Twilight series does to perfectly sane people in their late 20s-early 30s. Even the manly ones. However, he and I both agree it was worth it. Enjoy them for whatever reasons!

    Oh, and go Team Edward.

  34. Rhona Lutton

    I love this post and all the comments! I got hooked through my teenage daughter. She came home from school with a book that she could not get her nose out of. I was concerned about the subject matter when she told me it was about a vampire, she tended to read some stuff my husband and I didn’t approve of. So, when she went to bed, I snuck the book out of her room in order to check it out. I was hooked from the get-go. I am 51 and it pulled me immediately back to high school and how insecure and clutzy I felt. The adoration Edward has for Bella is what most girls dream of and it certainly took up alot of day-dreaming time in my teens. I read about half the book and put it back so my daughter wouldn’t know I’d been checking up on her. The next night after she fell asleep I snuck the book again and read more. The third night I went to get it and it wasn’t in her room. I panicked! I NEEDED to know how the story ended. I decided I was going to have to fess up so I could find out where the book was. It turned out she had finished reading it and loaned it to a friend. I told her it was urgent to get the book back – I NEEDED to finish reading the story. It has been a fun thing to share with her, yeah, that’s why I kept reading the books and went to the midnight showing of the first movie, yeah, yeah, that’s it!

  35. Brooke

    Oh boy, can I relate to this post, and what so many other commenter’s have said. I remember reading the first book and thinking €˜I feel like I’m reading 500 pages of teenage foreplay.’ It was also way too angsty for me. Yet I picked up the second book and kept going because I couldn’t put the dang thing down. I have not seen the movies though, and I thought the fourth book was a little out there.

    And for the record €“ Team Jacob. Edward seemed too whipped for my taste.

  36. I read all four books two years ago when I was 35. I too couldn’t put them down and read them in about a week. I really enjoyed them and I like the movies too. Eclipse is my favorite of the books. I look forward to reading your response to it.

    Oh, and I second the suggestion of the Outlander series. I’ve read the first three books in the series (there are six or seven) and loved them.

  37. Seriously, Twilight is every.where. And it’s driving me batty! Or vampire-y! I just refuse to pick those books up because I don’t have time to become obsessed with something. Least of which is vampires.

    My sister in law needs a 12-step program. She actually went on a trip to Fork where it was filmed. And her daughter’s middle name is Bella. I didn’t even know that was the main character’s name in the books until after she was born!

    I tell you if this chick can write a book . . . BY GOD, then I can write a book. But it won’t be about vampires. No sir.

    But yeah, that Taylor dude is scrumptious. He is the only reason I want to read the books. So I can go salivate at the movie theatre. Yum.

  38. Gin

    I’m so glad I’m not alone in this! I went to visit my boyfriend(stupid long-distance), and on one of the days he was visiting he was going to spend Saturday and half of Sunday racing his car. I wanted to be there to support him, but also didn’t want to be horribly bored out of my mind, so I borrowed the books from one of my Twilight obsessed friends. I then proceeded to read the first three books over 2 days and finished the 4th that Monday while he was at work. I kept complaining about how dumb the first one was the whole time I was reading it…yet finished it and instantly grabbed the next one. And, if you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll reveal that I secretly want to re-read them. I definitely agree with being describing them as heroin! (certainly no heroine to them :-P)

  39. This post made me laugh because I couldn’t agree more. Especially the part about him watching her sleep. I kept thinking of all the ‘noises’ and other non flattering things we do in our sleep. lol! However, loved the books.

    Funny thing, I read your blog on Google Reader and the advertisement at the bottom was for ‘Making your baby’s picture into a vampire’. I guess that’s what you get for reading RSS feed that includes both babies and vampires. 🙂

  40. Ah, the worst part of a vampire marriage – snuggling with someone who felt like cold chicken.

  41. When all this twilight mess started my bff BEGGED me to read them and told me the whole story/plot line and I looked her in the eye and said “that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.” And a couple months ago I finally caved and started reading twilight and I (hang head in shame) have read the series twice now… But I still think that Kristen & Rob are two of the worst actors of all times in the Twilight movies. But have fun with Eclipse, it was my FAVORITE

  42. Marina

    That’s too funny how many people have similar experiences with the Twilight books. I totally made fun of the books and anyone who read them. Then my very literate/book snob 50+ year old MIL became consumed by the Twilight books. One day, while at the in-laws’ house, I didn’t have anything to read, so I picked up Twilight. And I groaned and rolled my eyes through the whole thing. It’s horrible writing! What an awful wimpy main character. Edward is creepy. The dialogue is cheesy. I basically tore the book apart to anyone who would listen. And them promptly proceeded to pick up the next one. And the next and the next. Yep, I read all 4 books back to back and couldn’t put them down. There really is some sort of crack in there. I was at the end of my pregnancy at the time, completely freaked out about having a baby and not able to sleep due to stress. Once I started reading Twilight before bed instead of the dozens of birth books I had, I slept so much better. I read the last book after my son was born and it made 3 AM feedings so much more bearable. I now recommend the books to my pregnant/new mom friends who need some mindless escapist reading. 🙂

  43. Ashley

    Eeee! I heart the Twilight series! I read them all in a row as a senior in college (a few years ago) and I have distinct memories of staying up until 2am with my roomie as we each read our books in the living room. 🙂 I think you’re exactly right…..Meyer sucks us in because we all secretly want a relationship like Bella & Edward, even if we know it’s totally silly. The books are way better than the movies (as always), and the 3rd & 4th books are the BEST, in my opinion. There are some crazy jaw-on-the-floor moments coming up! Get ready!

  44. Hello??!! has no-one else realized the advantages of a vampire baby-daddy who never needs to sleep?? He could take the nightshift, do all the laundry, clean the house, and have breakfast ready to go all while you get your precious shut-eye. Now THAT I would be willing to put up with pasty chicken skin for!

    Oh and for the record, I’m team Charlie. I would be team Jacob but it disturbs me that he’s about 15 in real life.

    1. Gin

      It’s okay, he’s 18 now. Yeah, maybe still a bit disturbinb, but at least it’s a legal creepy.

  45. Angel

    have read the first 2 books.. but like most, i thought they were ridiculous. I’m more particular to the Lyndsay Sands version of Vampires. Twilight just creeps me out..

  46. As a high school teacher, I’m so conflicted about twilight… I read the books and hated them. HATED them. The role model they provide for my high school girls really disturbs me in the way she falls apart when she doesn’t have one of these two men to hold her together. grow a backbone, Bella! Still, it gets them reading, which is always a good thing. Maybe I can create a twilight–> Anne rice–> Dracula springboard to get them into classic literature…

  47. Cho


    You should read this article about a husband’s perspective of Twilight. It almost made his marriage fall apart!


    1. Katie

      What a hysterical article!

      (Also, when I tweeted about it, I accidentally put that it was YOUR husband who wrote this…Sorry! I mis-read your comment!!!!)

  48. I made fun of my roommates for weeks for being so obsessed with these books and talking about the characters like they were our neighbors or something. And then. I got bored and snagged the first book from my roommate’s bookshelf. And I too, was “bitten”. (hahahah…oh geez.)

  49. First off, I love your blog. I am 29 years old, not married nor do I have a baby. However,I have been reading it for months now and am thoroughly entertained every day! I used to be a nanny for a family of 3 toddlers so I can relate (not maternally, of course) to all your bean adventures. Now having said that. I literally laughed out loud…VERY LOUD reading this on my computer at work! I particularly loved your reasoning in #5 & #9 and join you in agreement! I too was anti-Twilight. I thought it was for 16 year old girls like my younger sister and her friends at her dance studio. So, I was reluctant to jump aboard the Twilight train when my baby sis asked me to. But, I have to say after having read the books and seen the movies…I’m hooked! They are terrible and wonderful all at the same time!!! The movies are like watching 2 hour soap operas (which by the way I secretly adore watching when I’m home sick…which sadly, almost never happens). I laugh, I cry (only because I’m laughing so hard). But, all the laughter aside they have me under their spell. It’s the strangest thing that has ever. I want to watch the movies multiple times and read the books again and again. Literary MSG indeed!!!! Ahh, thank you so much for the laughter.

  50. Samantha

    I love your blog!

    You always say what i am thinking just i bite my tongue or am afraid to say it 😀

  51. I really enjoyed this post even though I have not read, and have no intention of reading, the Twilight books or seeing the films. I feel the same way, however, about Harlequin romance novels. They are quaint and predictable for the most part, yet I’ve literally read hundreds of them, published from the seventies until now (I’m only 25; I read my mom’s). I will watch any romantic comedy they make and hate myself for watching a lot of them. We women just love LOVE. Even if it’s cheesy or unrealistic, we still swoon.

    I have been reading you for a while, but this is my first time commenting. I really enjoy the blog!

  52. My SIL recommended these to me and my husband (who I imagine to be something like Chris) and I resisted – she was about 20 when she gave her thumbs up. My husband didn’t resist – and HE recommends that I should read the series!! I think the whole scenario is pretty funny. And I know that as soon as I start I will read all four as well – because who doesn’t enjoy cheesy good v evil love stories? Without the good v evil part, I hear that Sweet Valley High is coming out with a “ten years later” series…should be just as addictive!

  53. HAHAHAAAA Katie you’ve been sucked in too! Love it! Lol. In all seriousness though, the series is just awful addicting fluff. I prefered the Amelia Atwater Rhodes books when I was younger, just as something to read that wasn’t sweet valley high (ugh!). I actually got my sister Twilight for christmas the first year it was out, thinking hey she likes vampires and its more useful then a starbucks gift card. Turns out it was super popular, and sooo addicting once I realized what it was and had read it all. I haven’t seen the movie yet though. That’s going on dvd before I have to battle a stampede of teenagers.

  54. Elisabeth

    Don’t judge yourself too harshly. I’m 28 and went through a Twilight OBSESSION last year. I sat there reading the first book from the library while ordering my husband to get to the bookstore and purchase the entire series in hardback. I just needed to own them. It’s not the greatest writing in the world, but I agree with you, it’s the escapism. And maybe it just brings us back to that first crush. The first time you felt that all-consuming yearning for someone in grade school..the one where you couldn’t eat, sleep, or breathe without thinking of that person.

    The first and second movie weren’t great, but read Eclipse, and then RUN to the movie theater. It was actually a great movie! And not to worry, I am also embarrassed that I can sit down and pretty much have a philosophical debate about the meaning of Twilight. Enjoy the rest of the series!

  55. I’m thinking we need to start a Twilight Recovery Program. Because…my name is Megan and I am a Twilight addict.

    There…I said it. And honestly…I’m not ashamed!

    I LOVE IT!




  56. I had a 16 year old recommend the book to me years ago, too! I didn’t read it then because she described the book as a high school girl who falls in love with a vampire. (Uh… I assumed that I definitely was not the target audience.) It wasn’t until my best friend told me she spend days and nights consumed by the series and then handed me Twilight to read while she was in a doctors appointment that I actually read the books. I’m a total addict now and have passed them on to other friends (does that make me a dealer?!). As much as I love them, I also think about what type of messages the books send to teen girls about healthy relationships and love. I’m glad you pointed that out!

  57. First I didn’t read the books, I listened to them as Audiobooks. And I think the whole idea is the concept of all comsuming love. I also love how Bella pretends that she thinks she’s undesireable when every boy in the series is tripping over their feet trying to “get” with her. The Bella/Edward relationship just does not seem healthy to me.

    I love your list. I wouldn’t marry someone with cold skin because I’m pretty sure the reason I got married was to have a heater in my bed on cold winter nights.

    If you enjoy young adult books I would absolutely recommend Ally Carter’s I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I would have to Kill You. It’s the first book of the Gallagher Girl Series about a girl spy school.

  58. Sarah C. H.

    This is EXACTLY how I feel about this series. I didn’t like it but I just couldn’t help but finish it.

Leave a Comment