The other morning at 7:30, Bean came toddling into my bedroom.Â He had his two golf clubs with him, as always, and he used them to poke me awake.Â Then he broke into his big ol’ giggle and started holding his arms (and golf clubs) out to be picked up.Â I pulled him into bed with me and we snuggled and laughed and I hid from him while Bean swatted around with his clubs.
Super sweet, right?
Absolutely not sweet.
In fact, this is grounds for divorce in my marriage and Bean is merely a pawn.
See, Chris and I take turns getting up with Bean every day.Â Bean gets up at 7:00 on the dot every morning and we alternate who is going to get up with him, change his diaper, get his breakfast, and feed the dogs.Â It’s a whole routine.Â And while one person does it, the other person gets an extra half hour or so of sleep.
So, what’s all the fuss?
Well, lately, Chris has been sending Bean into my bedroom to wake me up.Â He says it’s cute.Â It’s sweet.Â Bean loves me.Â Blah, blah, blah.Â I don’t care. I don’t care how cute he is, he’ll still be cute when I wake up in half an hour.
And yet this is the perfect crime because what exactly can I accuse Chris of in this situation?Â Think about it.Â Any argument I try sounds ridiculous:
“Why did you bring the baby in to see me?”
“I don’t want to see the baby right now!”
“Take the baby away!”
See?Â All of those make me sound like a jerk.Â So, Chris gets to sit back and watch while I simultaneously love and hate this new morning ritual.
Now, it’s true that I am not completely innocent in this.Â In fact, I was the one that created this game.Â I used to send Bean in to wake up Chris on the weekends when he slept past 9:00.Â I mean, we had things to do.Â Places to be.Â And Chris needed to get his arse up.Â But I would like to argue before the court that that situation is very different than using that tactic at 7:30am on a weekday when I had only an extra 15 minutes or so of sleep.
Chris and I have never argued about this before because of the aforementioned complaints making us sound ridiculous, but we do smile sweetly to each other and say, “Isn’t it sweet?Â I loved when you made him wake me up yesterday like this.”
Did you get that?Â That subtle hint of a complaint in there?
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
So, today before God and Internet Land, I am declaring a truce, Chris.Â I will keep Bean out of the bedroom while you are sleeping and you need to keep him out of the bedroom when I am sleeping.Â No matter what.Â It’s the right thing to do, my love.
Because I would hate to file for divorce on the grounds that my husband forced me to snuggle with my child.