A Day at the Dog Park

(Warning: This post is about poop.  Lots of poop.  Proceed at your own risk.  Just be thankful that my camera cord is still missing and so I don’t have any pictures to share.)

For the first few years of Lucy’s life, I was living in college apartments.  That meant that she learned how to walk on a leash pretty good because I had to walk her every day.  She got so good that she could actually go to the bathroom on command.

“Go potty, Lucy.”


But when we got Big Molly, we lived in a house with a fenced in backyard which meant that she never really learned to walk much on a leash.  Anytime we took her somewhere to run her, she was off-leash in a fenced in field and a leash usually wasn’t necessary.  She’s not horrible on a leash, but she isn’t great.  And she certainly can’t go to the bathroom on command.  In fact, Big Molly is having a hard time going to the bathroom at all now that we are at my parent’s house and having to walk her on a leash.  She doesn’t like an audience and so whenever we walk her, she happily goes for a little walk but there isn’t much business being done.

(I promise there is a reason for me to tell you about my dog’s bowel movements.)

So, yesterday afternoon when Chris got home from work, we decided to take the dogs to the dog park here where my parents live.  It is one of the nicest dog parks I’ve ever been to and our dogs love it.  Without the fenced in backyard to run around in, the dogs have a big case of cabin fever so we thought a good romp might do the trick.

We loaded up in the golf cart (yes, our dogs ride in the golf cart…) and we headed over to the park.  This park is in a huge field that is fenced in and divided in the middle – one side for the little dogs and one for the big dogs.  When we got there, I took Lucy over to the little dog side and Chris grabbed Big Molly to walk her over to the big dog side.

But they barely made it out of the golf cart before Big Molly decided that she needed to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW.  Right there on the sidewalk.  Humiliated, Chris started grumbling under his breath and Lucy and I scooted into the little dog side before anyone knew we were with them.  Chris cleaned up the mess and then took Molly into the fenced in area.

Molly proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes pooping all over the dog park.  All over it.  Chris couldn’t get one cleaned up before she was squatting somewhere else.  And, I don’t know how familiar you are with dog parks, but it’s pretty poor form to have your dog crap all over the place.  You’re supposed to walk your dog before you come in to keep the area clean, but accidents happen.  So, once or twice isn’t that big of a deal.  But Molly probably went to the bathroom 7 or 8 times.

And the whole time, everyone was looking and staring and pointing and whispering at Chris.  What a terrible pet owner!  But it wasn’t Chris’ fault.  It was all Big Molly.  It was like she had been saving up for the entire week we’ve been here and now that we were out in front of everyone, she was ready to let it all go.

I was dying laughing.


Couldn’t stand up straight.

Couldn’t catch my breath.

Chris spent the entire time we were there acting as a human pooper scooper.  And I know we probably should have taken Molly out of there, but she really needed to run.  She’s been cooped up in a house for a week with no fenced in backyard.  Girlfriend needed to run!

And apparently use the bathroom, too.

The whole time this was happening, Lucy was sitting next to the fence calmly, staring at Big Molly in complete disgust.  It was the look that said, “You are an animal and I can’t believe you are my sister.”

And then Molly would crap again.

I think that Chris ended up running around more than Molly did as he followed her around with plastic bags.

The moral of this story is that even if you have a fenced in backyard, you should still teach your dog to go to the bathroom on a leash because you never know when your house will be broken into and you’ll have to relocate temporarily to your parent’s house where there are no fenced in backyards and walking on a leash is the only option.  And in that situation, you will desperately want your dog to be able to go to the bathroom on a leash.

If you doubt this in any way, talk to my husband.  The Human Pooper Scooper.

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42 Thoughts to “A Day at the Dog Park”

  1. Nicole T

    Try using a retractable leash. Wynston, our dog, doesn’t like much of an audience either but has to bs on a leash. Well when he has to go we let him have the full length and he can mingle til he does his business, feel like he’s not 4 ft from us, and still be a happy pup. Hope this helps!

  2. Ah…love it. Only because this week has been one big pile of dog poop. My German Shepherd has been sick and I feel familiar with your husband’s predicament.

  3. I just laughed so hard I was crying here at work. I went through this with my dog after he ate a chicken pot pie and the pyrex dish it was in. He went 8 times on one walk alone and they weren’t the kind you could clean up if you wanted too!

  4. I wish (kind of) that you had video of this 😉

  5. Ro

    OMG…LMAO….human pooper scooper-every time I think it-it makes me laugh-poor, poor Chris!! but how reieved Ms. Molly must feel. Still lauging…..

  6. haha, love it! We didn’t have a fenced in back yard where we used to live so we’d go to the dog park down the street almost every day (we had a puppy- she NEEDED to run around). We started noticing that she would only poop at the dog park, and thought it was because she liked to spread her smell around for other dogs. Who knows. Now we live at my in-laws and they have a fenced in back yard and her only option is to poop here. Though maybe your synopsis is right and she doesn’t like going attached to a leash?

    1. ps. apparently I too like to talk about my dogs bowel movements??

      1. Sarah H.

        I KNEW I’d find a reply on here from you 🙂

  7. Wow, thanks for the warning. I’m really glad I decided to finish my breakfast before reading this one. But who thought dog poop could be so funny?

  8. Poor Chris – but that is hilarious!!

  9. Okay – this made me laugh out loud! I’m so glad we have a backyard for our dog Oscar to play in, I’d hate to see what he would do if let loose in a dog park!

  10. Tressa

    LMAO 😉
    That is way to much!!!!! I agree, it should have been video taped! And you standing over with Lucy laughing….LOVE IT!!

    Have a great weekend!

  11. Natalie

    So funny! Although point taken. We have a back yard and our dogs don’t do their business while on leash – always thought of it as a nice thing to not have to stop on walks, never thought of the potential downside should we move. Oh the educational things on this site…even about poop.

  12. I live on a farm so our dogs have always run loose. I would hate having to walk my dog to get her to poop. Too funny, but poor Chris! Kinda like Marley & Me when Marley poops at the doggie beach. lol

  13. Poor Chris! We only let Bailey poop one time per day. That’s her shot and if she misses it she gets to wait until the next day to do the doo, that way we don’t have to wait around wondering if it’s going to happen. I walk her at 5am (when everyone else is still sleeping) before I head in to work and we live in an apartment. On days she’s missed her poo chance the day before, she yelps really, REALLY loudly when she does it the next day. I’m talking, people are probably calling the cops and turning me in for beating me dog. I always make sure I stand really far away from her so people can see I’m not laying a hand on her. It’s so embarrassing!

    1. Rosemary

      Sorry, but this seems very unkind to her. Have you tried to live by this “rule” for yourself and see what it is like? She probably yelps because she is so uncomfortable.

  14. Now that is funny, anytime a wife can snort coke out her nose or bend over at the waist from laughing so hard at her dh is a moment worth remembering. Poor dog, make sure you are always the one to take the little dog to that park from now on.

  15. kk

    ha ha ha…now on my way to lunch.
    I don’t think i eat anything that is brown right now..

  16. Oh. My. Goodness. That was a FABULOUS story. I’m sitting at work trying not to giggle out loud. Poor Chris!

  17. I totally would have been dying laughing, too. Too funny, but poor Chris…

  18. Ashley

    Hilarious! Poor Chris! I bet Big Molly sure does feel better 🙂

  19. HILARIOUS!!! My dogs are the same way… first one can not stop going to the bathroom on a leash and the other one NEVER goes!

    This was a perfect story for today as well since I am watching my neighbor’s dogs in the middle of the day and just went to their house and had to clean up poop ALL OVER the house.. and not little poop.. GREAT DANE sized poop! AWESOME!

  20. Oh my goodness. I have tears in my eyes. I can sympathize with Chris. Our dog has to go on long walks to poop…apparently our yard is just not good enough and unfortunatly we don’t have a fence to keep the dog and baby in. So almost every morning my husband takes our dog on a walk so she wont poop in the house. He takes her to about a quarter of a mile away, thats about he distance it takes to get the poop train going. Hopefully the owners yard of where he has stopped have aready left for work. Every. stinking. day. we do this.
    This is really fun when we take her on a trip. Sometimes I take her and the baby to the park/greenway. Oh. my.goodness. It must be the fact that its next to a cow pasture, cause it gets her going. who knew the greenway or dog park could be a natural laxitive for a dog.

  21. Oh crap…that sounds like a great Christmas t-shirt idea for Chris next year.

  22. LOL! We took our girls to the park yesterday and one of mine went several times too! I just blame in on the full moon (and muddy pond water she drank…oops)!!

  23. Jennifer

    I seriously could not stop laughing! I can’t even imagine how hilarious this must have been! If I had been there…I would have been on the ground snorting!!!

  24. Omigod, I am laughing so hard. Partly because you were so descriptive that I could picture the entire thing…and partly because that is something that could totally happen to us. Thank you for the laugh (and sorry Chris)! 😉

  25. Amy

    This made me laugh so incredibly hard! I don’t have a dog, but I can imagine what this looked like!

  26. HAHAHAHA! I love that you went on over to the little dog side so you wouldn’t be associated with the crazy guy and the incredible pooper. I totally would’ve done the same thing and then laughed all day.

  27. Ash

    Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I literally had to wait to comment until I stopped laughing so hard. We had a similar problem, but in reverse. None of our dogs have ever had to “go” on a leash until I moved away for a year and took my Miniature Pinscher with me. Now, our Golden wouldn’t even go in the back yard if we were watching her. She would go behind one bush that completely covered her, until the last month or so (we had to put her down almost two months ago), and even then, she looked at us like “oh, my people, I am so embarrassed that you are seeing me like this.” Our Lab will go in front of anyone, even on a leash, but she has NO walking skills on a leash. My poor mother has been thisclose to having no knee caps left because of the way she gets dragged across parking lots. My Miniature Pinscher is great on her leash now, since she quickly figured out she was going to be beaten unless she learned to go on the leash. I hope that she’s not un-learning that skill, though, since the only time she’s on a leash to go now is when we visit my boyfriend and we let her off her leash in the courtyard at his apartment since it’s fenced.

  28. Long time reader, first time commenter. This post is hilarious. Totally can relate to drama at the dog park! Loved it!

  29. For some reason I feel the need to say “na, na, na, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo”…I don’t know why – please forgive me 🙂

  30. Ashley

    That’s hilarious! I just can’t believe people were getting upset with Chris over that. It isn’t as if we can control what our dogs do (at least not all the time!).

    Where is this dog park? I live in Orlando and if it’s not too far I’d be interested in taking my dog.

    1. The dog park we go too the dogs poop all the time you shouldn’t be embarrassed!!

  31. Rosemary

    Love that t-shirt for Christmas idea and it could be a gift from Molly to keep you off the hook!

  32. Karen

    This made me laugh so hard I was crying, and I don’t even have a dog!! We do live directly across the street from a dog park, though, and my little girl loves to go over and pet the doggies! I can just picture this scenario in my mind!

  33. Aw, I hate when things like this happen! And of course, I always have the bad luck of running out of poop bags in the middle of one of my dog’s marathon sessions. Thanks for posting such an entertaining story!

  34. Dogs can be so particular! Hilarious and I am so glad that I am not the pooper scooper. Our dog has just decided to spit his medicine on the floor. Particular.


  35. Kat

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s an awesome story. Not awesome for Chris who had to do all the cleaning up but too freakin’ funny not to laugh at. I guess at least you didn’t take her to a beach??

  36. Brina

    I was literally laughing out loud on this one! Haha! Please, please take your dogs to the Fleet Peoples Park in Winter Park. Tom and I take our dog/child, Parker and he just loves it. It’s the biggest and NICEST dog park I’ve ever seen! (http://www.dogparkusa.com/florida/orlando/fleet-peeples-off-leash-dog-area)

  37. Oh how I miss having a fenced in backyard!! Well…we have a fence but don’t really have a yard. So Dolly prefers to go out in the grass on a leash but it takes her forever and I don’t have all day to be standing around holding the leash while she sniffs every flower in the flower bed…for real. And I can’t be leaving Q-Tip in the house to do Lord knows what alone. Poor Dolly…she’s totally getting the raw end of the deal right now. But hopefully it will be over soon.



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