If You Give a Bean a Pumpkin

If you’re standing in the grocery store line and you see plastic Halloween pumpkins for 99 cents, you’ll probably decide to pick up a little treat for your Bean.


And since the grocery store line is moving slower than a slug, you’ll probably go ahead and give the pumpkin to your Bean so he can entertain himself for a little while.

When you get out to the parking lot and you begin to unload your groceries, your Bean will still have the pumpkin but will suddenly decide he is done playing with it for now and so he will chunk it out the open car window where the pumpkin will roll up under your car.

And since you are on a budget and don’t want to waste even 99 cents, it will seem like the right thing to do to crawl on all fours up under your car to try to find the stupid pumpkin.

Only, because you are three months pregnant and already look like you’ve swallowed a watermelon or two, you won’t quite fit up underneath your car.  Which is okay because the gosh darn pumpkin has rolled into that exact location that makes it impossible to reach from any side of the car.

So, you’ll get back on your feet and continue unloading your groceries while lecturing your 16-month-old son on the value of a dollar and the importance in not senselessly throwing away valuables.  Like plastic 99 cent pumpkins.

And you’ll also notice the impatient elderly woman in the Buick waiting with her blinker on for your parking space.  Not the four empty parking spaces around you.  She only wants YOUR parking space.  And she is drumming her fingertips on her steering wheel, indicating her frustration at how long it is taking you to crawl around up under your car and load your groceries.

Also, at this point your son will notice his new toy is missing and will begin wailing, “P’kin!  P’kin!  P’kin!”

When your groceries are loaded and your Bean is securely in his seat, still wailing, you’ll back out of the parking spot halfway with the intent of exposing the plastic pumpkin so that you can jump out and save your 99 cents.  Only, you’ll hear an unexpected crunch.  And then you’ll stop the car.  Which will cause the ornery, elderly woman to begin laying on her horn.  This will lead to your son raising his voice so that his pleas can be heard above the noise, “P’KIN!  P’KIN!  P’KIN!”

So, you’ll put the car in park and jump out, ignoring the old bat who is now yelling at you through her open window, and you’ll pick up the plastic 99 cent pumpkin and you’ll yell out over the screaming old lady and your wailing son, “KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON, LADY!  YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO WAIT FOR THIS EXACT PARKING SPOT!”

Then you’ll get back in your car and at the sight of the smashed pumpkin, your son will begin weeping uncontrollably and the only thing you’ll be able to understand is the occasional mutter of, “P’kin…P’kin…” in his little cries.


So, your heart will melt and your ears will become deaf to the multiple horns honking at you now for blocking the entire aisle in the Walmart parking lot and you will start popping the dented, bent pumpkin back into place before handing him to your inconsolable son who, upon having his “p’kin” back, will stop crying and whose eyes will light up and whose huge smile will spread across his face.

And then you’ll put your car in drive and you’ll finally pull out of the parking lot.  And your son will think you are a super hero.

The End.

Related posts

30 Thoughts to “If You Give a Bean a Pumpkin”

  1. Is it wrong that I laughed at this story? I wasn’t laughing AT you, of course… 🙂 Poor Bean, I don’t blame him for wanting his P’kin. Now the old lady on the other hand, don’t know what her deal was!

  2. Oh my… LOL! I can just see him tossing the pumpkin.

  3. Well, you are a super hero for rescuing his pumpkin! And that lady would have ticked me off, too. Seriously..people are so impatient!

  4. Love it! And yeah, what’s up with that lady?

  5. Lee Ann

    Maybe the old lady was enjoying watching the “Mother-Son” show, and when she honked, she was just trying to tell you that the crushed punkin was now retrievable. (Well, okay, I did preface that sentence with “maybe.” I like to think I’m a glss half-full kind of gal.)

  6. Ginny

    My general rule (and I’m unbias because I don’t have kiddos) is that anyone with children has unlimited time in the parking lot for loading and unloading.

  7. Jen C

    what an impatient old lady! i think i would have just taken even longer to make her more mad.

    you are a super mom! bean doesn’t quite understand how difficult it is to bend down when pregnant. i applaud you!

  8. Good lord, what a production! And all because you were being a good mommy and giving Bean a p’kin to get him all excited for Halloween! Aw. I’m glad to hear that it wasn’t broken anyway, just temporarily squished. =) If it means anything, I think you handled everything very well.

  9. I feel like I can see the future reading this… I KNOW this will happen to me.

  10. Jenny J.

    Poor Bean… and poor you!! I don’t blame you at all for yelling at that lady, she was really rude!

  11. Heeheehee! You tell this so funny! (Even though, at the time, it must have been MADDENING!)

  12. Ooh…I could see my husband in that scenario making us go back in the store because the lady was being too annoying. He’s a brat like that.

  13. I totally would have moved slower than usual. I genarally try to hurry when I know someone is waiting for my spot, but when you have a child and you’re pregnant AND there are other spots available…you had every right to yell at her…and the nerve of her to honk!! I wouldnt have been nearly as nice.

  14. I hope you got to take a nap after all of that. Did Bean happen to learn any new hand gestures that day? 😉

  15. Aww, mommy saves the day. Even with the batty crazy woman beeping her horn, you’re one little boy’s hero.

  16. I hate when peoplple wait for a spot. It tends to make me go slower. I’ve noticed to that there is a certain murphys law about things getting in the exact hardest spot to reach when Pregnant.

  17. Glad the pumpkin could be fixed. Yep I too have to say when other people act that way for a parking spot I tend to not hurry out of their way.

  18. Ashley

    Go Katie, go! Tell that woman what’s up. Seriously, people should just stop being lazy and find another space in that kind of situation. You did the right thing, SuperMom!

  19. Too funny! It annoys me when people get antsy, they are the ones who wanted to wait for that particular spot.

  20. jamie

    are you for serious? that is so darn funny. what’s up with that little old lady, right?

  21. Has Bean been eating at Chick-fil-a and getting the If You Give a Pig a Pancake books?

    This post made me think of them.

    I’m laughing but I’m feeling sympathy for your 3 month pregnant self crawling up under the car for no reason because the stupid p’kin is beyond reach. Sorry for that but the story is kinda funny!



    P.S. The old lady needs to get a life and the next time she sees someone loading up their car and they have a toddler with them…she needs to drive on!

  22. Beanie's Nana

    Oh Lord, Kitten. For a minute when I read, “So you’ll put your car in park and jump out….” I thought you were going to whop that old biddy with the smashed pumpkin right there in the parking lot. (You have been a little edgy lately, sweetheart.) Glad to see that you fixed the p’kin and gave it back to Beanie. Much better idea.

  23. I love the “If you give a mouse a …” books and the title of this post just made my eyes light up! Last week I had my kiddos in the library make “If you a give a __ a __…” books and they were hilarious! My favorite: “If you give a bunny a book, he’s going to want to start a reading club.” Warms a librarian’s heart. Just like that pumpkin for Bean!

  24. Kristin H

    This is what I love about your writing Katie, you turn a moment that I’m sure was incredibly frustrating and exhausting into a delightfully funny story! Glad everything worked out in the end

  25. Jennifer in CA

    I love your blog 🙂 I was just reading to my daughter “If you give a cat a cupcake” and your blog brought a smile to my face. I would have waived the pumpkin at the crazy bat who was honking.

    I think you handled it well.

  26. Amy

    Oh my gosh, Katie…that was harrowing. Only in the Walmart parking lot.

    1. Amy

      P.S. Thank you for yelling at the old lady; she doesn’t need to be yelling at an expectant mother. Geez.

  27. That is awesome you yelled at the old lady.

    The best part, though, is that at the end you are a super here 🙂

    Cabin Fever in Vermont

  28. R E

    If I’d been you, I would have gotten the kiddo back out of the car, and gone right back into Walmart to buy him another p’kin. Not because he needed an unsmashed one, but just to teach that old lady a lesson! One of my biggest pet peeves is when people just sit in a parking lot waiting for someone to back out. Because most of the time, you’ll get parked sooner if you just keep driving rather than waiting.

  29. See you are a good mommy! This story made me laugh out loud!! 🙂

Leave a Comment