Half Full

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Since we moved to Florida in March, my body has been waking me up at 4:00am on the dot every single morning for one reason.

To worry.

Moving is stressful.  And apparently there just weren’t enough hours in the day for me to worry and so I would wake up early every day and just lay there.  Worrying.  I was worrying about not having a job.  Then when I finally got a job, I started worrying about LOSING my job because I was pregnant.  When I realized that wasn’t going to happen, I started waking up at night to worry about how I was doing at my job.  Or, sometimes I’d worry about Bean – how he was doing in daycare, if that bug bite on his arm was from a mosquito with malaria, how to handle his temper tantrums the right way, and the list goes on.  Or, I’d worry about money.  Always the money.  Since we’ve moved here and as I looked for a job, money has been tight.  Super tight.  Barely any left after bills are paid.  And so I would lay there in bed worrying about bills, groceries, medical bills.

And then I got pregnant and a whole new window of worry opened up.

Last night, I woke up at 4:00am, right on the dot once again.  And I laid there, waiting.  And I waited.  And then I waited some more.  But no worries ever came.  I had my same feeling of anxiety.  My heart was racing, just like it does every morning when I start to worry.  I could feel that same, familiar sense of dread coming over me.  And yet, no worries ever came.

So, naturally, being the born worrier that I am, I began to worry that I was forgetting something.  “Surely there is something major going on that I’m forgetting and that means I’ll drop the ball and then all hell will break loose…”

Very methodically, I went through every single area of my life and for the first time in eight months not a hair was out of place.  Not a bill was unpaid, not an area unprepared.  Work was good, Bean was good, I was feeling good, New Guy was doing good, Chris and I were doing good, our bills were paid, we even had extra money in the bank for the first time in so long, our new website was about to launch, I was (almost) caught up on all my emails.

Still not willing to let go of the worry, I got out of bed and went into our office.  I checked for any notes I’d left myself, anything that I might have forgotten to take care of, anything that might be coming up that I wasn’t prepared for.  But I didn’t find a single darn post-it note of anything that might not be settled.

So, I am confident now when I say for the first time since we moved to Florida, I am worry-free.  Sure, there are things that we still need to do and there are loose ends to tie up – but won’t there always be?  For now, I’m just counting my blessings that life isn’t kicking my butt right now.  Actually, life’s being pretty good to me at the moment.  And so tonight when I get into my cushy bed and curl up next to my sweetheart, I’m going to sleep peacefully knowing that we might not be moving forward in great strides yet, but at least we’re back on our feet and taking some baby steps forward.

And that’s a pretty good feeling.

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32 thoughts on “Half Full

  1. Good for you! Enjoy it – being worry free, as you know, is not easy to come by. 🙂

  2. Amy

    WooHoo! What a great feeling! 🙂

  3. Yay! I totally think of you as a friend and I have thought about you guys and your struggles with the move often in these last months. So happy things are going so well!!

  4. Ella

    Im so glad things are going well for you. i tend to take my worries to bed too One thing that helps me is to write down whatever is worrying me and tell myself ill sort it out in the morning. I keep a notebook beside my bed for this reason. You have all had a lot of stress in your life with the move, house break in etc so its pretty normal for your sleep to be affected but glad its back on track 🙂 Love the new website too!

  5. I’m so happy everything’s going well! And I love the new site, thanks for answering my question!

  6. Now you can just wake up at 4 a.m. to pee like a normal pregnant woman. 🙂

  7. tiff

    I love that feeling! BTW, the new design looks good!

  8. Yay! I’m so glad you are finally worry free. Isn’t that such a wonderful feeling?? Enjoy it! By the way, the new site looks great! Congrats!

  9. Sarah H.

    Awesome Katie!!

  10. So all of this begs the question – now that you have thoroughly established you are good. No worries. Will you give yourself a mental shake the next time you wake up and then go right back to sleep? Or try to find something to worry about? I find myself in the latter category always.

  11. Jen C

    So happy things are finally turning around for you! its been a stressful year for you guys and you deserve a break 🙂

  12. Yay! Its the best feeling ever to cross things off the list and be able to take a deep breath without suppressing a scream. It still cracks me up that you call him “The New Guy”, too. 🙂

  13. Ashley

    That is a fantastic place to be! Thank God. 🙂

  14. Congratulations! After a long and sort of hellish year you really deserve that peace of mind. =) Now try to get some sleep! You need to bank some for when The New Guy shows up and cries at all hours!

  15. Mariya

    What an amazing feeling. Good for you 🙂

  16. I’m so glad to read this post.. God’s plan is just wonderful!!

  17. For a lot of my pregnancy, I’ve been waking up at 2:30 am to worry and be hungry. We have been going through a lot of the same things.. moving, money worries, baby coming.. I’m worrying about rattlesnakes and bills and all sorts of unnecessary things. I blame pregnancy… but I’m pretty sure the extra stress doesn’t help. Glad you are feeling some peace!

  18. El

    That’s awesome! I hope it continues fro you! Enjoy your pregnancy. I am less than a week ahead of you in pregnancyland, and it is nice to have someone else to go through it with.

  19. Tressa

    Katie,
    I’m happy everything as settled down and you can truly start enjoying life. close to family. right where you need to be. 😉

  20. YAY! I haven’t commented in ages (the curse of school and Google Reader) but this is an occasion to be acknowledged! I can’t wait until the day that I wake up at 4:00 a.m. with no worries. Congratulations on the new baby, and congratulations on the new blog!

  21. Wow! First of all, I must say your new website is the bomb!!! I love, love, love the new crisp clean layout and the way all the pictures look!

    Anyhoo, I can totally relate to worrying and stressing over life. Especially about money :(. You have A LOT going on right now. This website is going to be SUPER successful if it isn’t already. Peace dear one!!

  22. I wake up at 4am every morning, thanks to my alarm clock, and help my husband get out the door for work by 4:30am. There’s coffee to be made and a lunch to be packed. And then, I go back to bed and cuddle with the dogs. That’s when I worry. Well, then and throughout the night when I wake up. I worry about our house (which needs lots of repairs – that we can’t currently afford), money, our dog children, my husband, my job, his job, our house some more, our cars, and the list goes on.

    I hope to soon wake up and not have any worries.

  23. My mother and sister are like that too– worrying about not having anything to worry about. Lucky for me, I inherited my dad’s more laid-back nature. 😀 I’m so happy that things are finally falling into place for you guys!

  24. Grandma

    Love your new blog. I think “worrying” is
    inherited. Sorry!

  25. Heather M

    I’ve been a little like that for the last 2 years. I think part of it has been that my husband and I have effectively gone through two immigration systems (UK and USA). We’ve moved house and country and we’ve both given up jobs and gained new jobs. I’ve reached that state of slightly nervous excitement now — the proverbial dust has settled. Money is still tight but we have a little left over for the first time too.

    Enjoy your morning time and the moving forward with your life.

  26. I am glad you are not worry-free. With pregnancy and move, you ought to be more cautious of your mental well-being. Be happy 🙂

  27. I LOVE the new site. But for some reason it deleted my rss feed from my reader. I’m going to fix the problem myself, just wanted you to know in case anyone else has the same problem!!!

  28. Angela

    I’m so happy things are working out for you!
    And you’re website is SO beautiful, I love it.

  29. PJ

    I’m so glad that things are going well. And I LOVE the new site!

    Just to prevent any future worrying – you can not be fired from your job for getting/being pregnant. It is actually illegal. So don’t worry about that. Just worry about doing the best job you can and helping those students.

  30. Lurker

    So was it during one of these worrying sessions that the New Guy was conceived trying to take your mind of your worries?

    God, grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change
    Courage to change the things I can
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  31. Margaret

    Don’t worry, if you lose your job, you can suit them for wrongful termination and then you’ll have lots of money and never have to work again!

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