When We Became Parents
Last week I got a really great question from Leigh on the Q&A page. It’s one that I’ve been emailed about several times and I thought maybe it deserved it’s own full post.
Leigh asked, “How did you and Chris know you were ready to be parents?”
I was the one who first brought up the topic of having a baby. Chris and I were both finally done with graduate school, we had just bought our first house, we were making really good money, and our marriage was in the best place it had ever been in. We had never been happier. And yet, I still felt like something was missing. Well, not really missing. But I felt like things could be even better. Like, if things were this good with just the two of us, how much better would they be with someone else in our family?
When I first brought it up with Chris, there was a lot of, “Hmm….” and “I dunno…” from him. He wasn’t opposed to the idea, but he had genuinely just not thought about it as an option right then. And so I didn’t push him. Chris needs to come to conclusions and decisions on his own. He doesn’t like to feel pressured and he definitely doesn’t like to be pushed into anything. So, I brought up the idea and then let it go. I knew he would need his own time to think things through and make the choice as to whether or not he was ready on his own.
One afternoon several weeks later, we were driving through the country in Connecticut. It was a beautiful day and it was just beginning to feel like fall outside. All of a sudden, Chris stops the car and did a u-turn in the middle of the road. He drove a few yards and then stopped the car.
“Do you see that?” he said, pointing through the trees to something in the woods. I focused hard and finally saw what he was showing me – it was a tree house. Clearly in someone’s backyard and most definitely homemade. “I would build better tree forts than that for our kids.”
“Oh, yeah?” I said, smiling.
“Yeah,” he said. “Actually, I’m sort of excited about doing things like that…you know…as a Dad.”
It wasn’t a big, earth-shattering conversation. It wasn’t overly emotional or some sort of grand gesture. But it was Chris’ quiet way of telling me that he’d been thinking about it and that being a Dad was okay with him. He was ready.
That night I decided to try bringing it up again to see if he was ready to talk more about it. And he was. But he was ready to talk about what he DIDN’T want to happen. He said he didn’t want to be constantly worrying about getting pregnant. He wanted it to come naturally to us, when it was meant to be. I agreed and we decided we would just stop preventing a pregnancy, rather than say we were trying to get pregnant.
He was also really worried about our lives changing when everything was going so great for us. He was afraid having a baby would change that and he was really happy with our lives right now. We talked a lot about that part and together we decided that the kinds of parents we became would determine how drastically parenting changed our lives. We understood that having a baby would change things, but as long as we made the effort to stay the same, happy people then it would all be okay. That conversation is ongoing, even today. The struggle of staying ourselves while being parents is constant, but the changes we see in our lives today are such wonderful changes with Bean in our lives that we wouldn’t want things to stay the way they were, even if we had a choice.
And so, one month later, I was pregnant.
And eight months after that, we became parents.
Chris and I say now that when we decided to have a baby, it was because we loved each other so much that we couldn’t contain it between the two of us and so we grew a whole other person out of that love. And that’s really not far from the truth. There are a thousand reasons to have a baby, but for our family it simply came down to love. The logistics, the money, the jobs, the details – all that we just worked out as we went along. But the basis for our decision-making was if there was enough love to support another person.
And that made the decision easy.
15 Comments
Katie D @ The Amateur Librarian
Wow, a Sunday post! Thanks for such a sweet answer! You are both wonderful parents 🙂
Breann
We have a similar story except that Lee brought it up and I had to get used to it. Then we “tried” and were pregnant one month later as well… Only 8 weeks left until our little man is here!
Sarah@Crazy Love Gamble-Style
I love that answer!! Your little family is so cute, and about to get cuter!
Stephanie@ourmarriageadventure
That’s a great explanation and post. One that I can relate to completely since its a discussion my husband and I finally had not to long ago. Love the backyard treehouse story!
Lisa
I love your reasoning behind having a child. I’ve spoken to friends who said it basically came down to them saying well, if we don’t start soon, we’ll never end up having them because it will never be the right time. I would love for the decision for us having a child to be made out of love rather than logistics and if the timing isn’t perfect then so be it.
Ann
At a similar point here; and we stopped preventing about 6 weeks ago. For the past 10 days, all I want is a coke and bland food… the stick says no, but my body says yes.
Luann
to leigh, and anyone else asking this quesiton, get a copy of Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies by Steve and Candice Watters and READ 🙂
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is
Love your reasoning.
Jen at Cabin Fever
What a good question. My husband and I are at the point where we are deciding whether to ‘prevent not getting pregnant’, just like you did. haha
Alaina
Aw, so sweet! You guys make great parents, too!
Kat @ Living Like the Kings
AWWW So cute! 🙂
Gin
That sounds like the story of how I came to be. My parents decided on their 2 year anniversary (December 1st) that they were ready to become parents. My mom talked to the doctor, went off birth control and was told because of the BC and other things it would probably take her at least 6 months to a year to get pregnant. Obviously didn’t take that long since I was born in September.
Also, I can’t believe that itty-bitty Bean in the last picture is the same person as Big Boy Bean that we get to see pictures of now.
Maddie
Hey Katie (Chris and Bean Man, too!) My sister is in the hospital. She has non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and just had a kidney transplant (from me!) because chemo has ruined her kidneys. Can you say hi to her on twitter? She loves you guys 🙂 Her name is @imperialkhotel 🙂
admin
You got it! What a lucky girl she is to have such a generous sister! I won’t even share CLOTHES with mine! Best wishes to both of you for speedy recoveries!
Megan (Best of Fates)
That last paragraph is just the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. But where is Bean’s treehouse? Come on Chris, let’s stick with our promises!