Marriage Confessions,  Parenting

Romper Womb

February 23, 2011 /

On Friday, I will be eight and a half months pregnant.  At this point, I should be looking forward to Gracie’s arrival.  I should be washing her little tiny new clothes and fluffing her crib sheets in eager anticipation of having her in my arms soon.  I should be humming lullabies while I put the finishing touches on her very girly nursery.  But I’m not doing those things.

Why?  Because I’m not speaking to Gracie.

Why?  Because Gracie thinks that she is still small enough to roll around my belly like a weeble wabble.

And she, obviously, is not.

IMG_7992

When I was pregnant with Bean, he was breech through the entire thing. I thought that was a bad thing. Turns out that head down is WAY more uncomfortable. Like, WAY more uncomfortable. I don’t know how to say this elegantly, but…well…It feels like she’s falling out. Seriously. Like, one good sneeze and girlfriend is gonna shoot right out.

And as if that’s not weird feeling enough, even when she moves around it feels different than with Bean. It freaking hurts! It must be the way she’s positioned – so far out in front – but when she moves around in there, it feels like she’s dragging my insides around in circles with her. The Twitter Fairies told me that it was because this late in my pregnancy the amniotic fluid (PAUSE: I hate that term.) is thinned out and so there isn’t as much cushion between me and Gracie anymore. Whatever all that means. I just know it hurts like crazy and it makes me think that maybe the Good Lord knew what he was doing when he turned Beanie breech because He and I both know that if I can’t handle Gracie rolling around in there, then there’s no way I could have handled contractions!

So, I’ve decided that the only way I can make it through the last month and a half of this pregnancy is to lay down some ground rules for Gracie Girl.

ATTENTION INHABITANTS OF MY WOMB: Clearly there has been a miscommunication about the rules governing the relationship between you (hereafter referred to as THE TENANT) and me (hereafter referred to as THE LANDLORD).  Please see the following list of rules and regulations:

Rule #1:  After eight months in your current residence, THE TENANT will sit still.  Particularly between the hours of 10:00pm and 6:00am.

Rule #2:  THE TENANT will keep all hands and feet inside the ride at all times.  There will be no “falling out” of the womb before THE LANDLORD gives consent.  This includes, but is not limited to, attempting to exit through THE LANDLORD’s belly button, through THE LANDLORD’s hips, or through THE LANDLORD’s lady parts.

Rule #3:  Under no circumstances will THE TENANT turn cartwheels, attempt backhand springs, perform tuck and rolls, or any other similar gymnastic maneuvers while in residence.

Rule #4:  THE TENANT will minimize movement of her big, giant head whilst it resides in between THE LANDLORD’s legs.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Your Mother.  THE LANDLORD.

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56 Comments

  • Amy

    February 23, 2011 at 8:03 am Reply

    Oh my goodness! I am sorry that you are feeling so uncomfortable… but I was giggling so much through this post 🙂 Not long now– I’m excited to meet this little girl with a big personality! (As, I know, are you!)

  • Alyssa

    February 23, 2011 at 8:16 am Reply

    Naughty Gracie! I know what you’re talking about though. Drew was heads down and enjoyed punching straight down too. I seriously thought a hand was going to bust through. He would also drag his hand across the bottom…it felt like an awful pap smear. I cringed every time he did it.

  • Heather O.

    February 23, 2011 at 8:20 am Reply

    You crack me up at 8:19am while drinking my morning coffee. I know that feeling. My second “child of the corn” would move so that it felt that his nails were tearing my insides. Ugh. Hang in there!!

  • Sarah

    February 23, 2011 at 9:13 am Reply

    Oh I hear you! My daughter was the ultimate bladder buster. I thought I was leaking fluid when I was 38ish weeks, but no, I was leaking on myself because she kept kicking my bladder! And at 8.5 months she is just as active as in utero. Maybe Gracie will be quite an active girl!

  • melissa B.

    February 23, 2011 at 9:29 am Reply

    This post is hilarious! However, since I have not had any children yet, this post also freaks me out a bit. Lol! Thanks for the morning laughter. 

  • PattyHo

    February 23, 2011 at 9:52 am Reply

    Before I got pregnant, I always wondered why hugely pregnant women would hold the bottom of their bellies. I mean, it’s not as if the baby is going to fall out, Women!!! That was me, before I had a giant belly with a baby who was positioned head down and it really felt as if my skin, already stretched so tight, could not support any more. I became one of those women, with my hand(s) cradling my belly and I understand and commiserate. Almost there. Almost there.

  • Paige

    February 23, 2011 at 10:16 am Reply

    Well, I’m not writing to brag because my due date is a couple weeks behind you. However, my baby is still breech and I’m sitting around worrying about a c-section. I’m sorry you are in so much discomfort but I just keep thinking of each ache and pain as a blessing that my baby is growing strong and healthy!

  • Paige

    February 23, 2011 at 10:16 am Reply

    Well, I’m not writing to brag because my due date is a couple weeks behind you. However, my baby is still breech and I’m sitting around worrying about a c-section. I’m sorry you are in so much discomfort but I just keep thinking of each ache and pain as a blessing that my baby is growing strong and healthy!

  • Tracy

    February 23, 2011 at 10:18 am Reply

    Thank you for this! You have put into words what I have been experiencing too! I am 32 1/2 weeks pregnant and I’m feeling the exact same way as you. AND my first baby was breech too! It’s a totally different experience!

  • Leah

    February 23, 2011 at 11:18 am Reply

    I’m with you but I’m only 2 weeks out. Baby Hailey is acting the same way (my first though so I don’t know better) and I swear it’s like she’s randomly taken to shaking her head yes or no on my bladder…it’s awesome. Between that ad the feeling like she is trying to bust through my belly button (think Twlight style) I’m so ready for the next two weeks to be over!

  • Jennifer

    February 23, 2011 at 12:01 pm Reply

    Thats how my little guy (not so little then) was at 8.5 months. Just be glad you didnt have a kidney stone on top of that. I gave birth twice in a month and a half! The only time I felt comfortable was laying belly down on the chiropractors table with my belly “hanging” down through the trap door the table had. Hope little Gracie calms down!

  • Nikki

    February 23, 2011 at 12:05 pm Reply

    There are days when your posts want me to have a baby now. But I’m thankful that you also have these wonderful posts that bring me back to reality! My future husband also thanks you as well!

  • laurenbtrain

    February 23, 2011 at 12:28 pm Reply

    that was exactly how i felt!!! i was so uncomfy and while i was thankful for the movement to know that my baby girl was doing okay in there, it was QUITE uncomfortable!!! i felt like my ribs and other (ahem) bones down there were constantly bruised from her karate and yoga moves that she seemed to be practicing. hang in there! queen grace will be here soon!!!

  • Lindsey

    February 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm Reply

    Katie! I think I peed my pants a little reading this post! “Girlfriend is gonna shoot right out!” You had me rolling on the floor. I hope that your tenant respects your rules! Great post, as always!!!

  • Lori @ I Can Grow People

    February 23, 2011 at 2:13 pm Reply

    I made it to 35 weeks with P-Bo who was head down from late in the second trimester on (I think–definitely all of the third trimester.) My office was on the other side of the building from where the bathroom was (of course) and every time I took the long walk through the shop to the restroom I swear I felt like he was going to fall out. Hang in there–you’re almost there!

  • Amanda

    February 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm Reply

    Too funny! When I was pregnant with my daughter she stayed head down the whole time so I feel your pain! It was so uncomfortable. Sometimes I really did think she was going to plop right out! Now she’s 6 weeks old and growing way to fast! Can’t I stick her back in so she won’t grow up!?

  • Christy

    February 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm Reply

    I’m fascinated by pregnancy but I can’t say I’m looking forward to having my insides dragged around all day. I hate to say this but this since this is your last pregnancy try to treasure it…easier said then done right?
    P.S. You’re an adorable preggers.

  • Kristin

    February 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm Reply

    This was pretty funny! BUT I’m pretty sure I don’t ever want to be pregnant. This is sounding painful! Kudos for sticking through it!

  • Megan @ Red Dirt and Crazy

    February 23, 2011 at 10:13 pm Reply

    LOVE THIS!! Well…the humor part. Not the painful part.

    Q-Tip was the SAME EXACT WAY!! Very active and VERY low. She felt like she was falling out constantly towards the end. It drove me crazy and I fear I have permanent nerve damage from it. I have spots on my left thigh that are still tender and sometimes numb. I used to swear the child was going to be a gymnist when she grew up.

    Lordy do they wreak some havoc on us!!

    🙂

    Megan

  • Meredith

    February 23, 2011 at 10:13 pm Reply

    HAHAHA i love this! I’ve never been pregnant yet, but a friend of mine at work would say all the time during her last couple weeks pregnant that she thought baby was sticking his foot out of her… lady parts… silly babies! stay in there!

  • Michelle

    February 23, 2011 at 11:01 pm Reply

    LOL, you make me laugh. 🙂 I don’t think “the tenant” is going to follow the rules. For your sake, let’s hope she moves a lot less these last few weeks. Good luck making it through these last few weeks, she’s almost here!

  • Ashley

    February 23, 2011 at 11:03 pm Reply

    I NEVER cuss, but you are so damn funny that I couldn’t find another word that seemed more appropriate 🙂 Thank you for ALWAYS making my day. I’ve been praying for a long time for God to give me a best girlfriend, and I caught myself thinking last night “Could you please make her like Katie?!” 🙂 Hope that made your day as much as you always make mine!

  • Ella

    February 24, 2011 at 4:35 am Reply

    You look gorgeous pregnant – all glowing! I know that feeling well – when you feel like the baby is just going to fall out any minute. My OBG told me its more common with second pregnancies as everything is stretched! Not a nice feeling. Pretty soon Gracie will have no room to move around too much. I hope the last few weeks arnt too uncomfortable for you xx

  • jen

    February 24, 2011 at 7:50 am Reply

    Lol…katie u r too funny. I have to get my best friend to read this post. She is 6 months pregnant n just yesterday she told me that when it gets close to delivery time she is going to write an eviction notice n eat it.
    Can’t believe that Gracie is so close to being on the outside.

  • Ashley

    February 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm Reply

    Stumbled upon your blog via someone else’s and find myself right in your shoes! Expecting baby #3, gender unknown, but I’m almost 39 weeks and seriously puzzled about where this little one is finding the room to wiggle so much. Come ON! I have a bladder in there…and lungs…every now and then I’d like to just breathe and not run pee every 2 seconds! How fun to commiserate with a stranger!

  • Tressa

    February 24, 2011 at 6:29 pm Reply

    Oh yes, I remember that feeling. Even when you sneeze you think your going to give birth right then and there!! You look beautiful Katie. I hope the last few weeks goes by quickly for you. I’m excited to meet Gracie and to see Beanie in the big brother role 😉

  • Kathy Sanderson

    February 25, 2011 at 11:48 pm Reply

    Oh, my gosh, this was hilarious! My daughter was the same way, except she also liked to tuck her feet up into my ribs. I would literally push her out of them. I hope the rest goes by fast for you!

  • HeatherM

    February 26, 2011 at 12:48 am Reply

    Please tell me you’re going to print this post (complete with the pic of you & your adorable belly) and put it in her baby book. And then pull it out when she is 16 and rebellious, or 40 and living in your basement, a tenant in another form 🙂

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