Feel Better About Your Parenting


Every now and then I like to do a post showcasing some of my low points as a parent.  You know, to make you all feel better about your parenting techniques.  So, here we go…

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1.  Last night we went to Cici’s Pizza where Bean ate breadsticks and brownies for dinner.  I considered the cheese on the breadsticks to be his dairy and the bread to be his grain and I called it a successful mealtime.

2.  The other day I was sitting in the front yard with Bean and I stopped playing for just a minute to flip through some mail.  When I looked up again, Bean was three houses down, standing in the neighbor’s front yard all by himself.  I ended up chasing him through the neighborhood, holding my giant pregnant belly.  Bean thought it was the most fun ever.

3.  Sometimes when I’m too tired to fight him, I let Bean wipe his own nose.  Which usually means he spreads snot all over his face.  But I still sit there and do nothing about it.

4.  If I ever have to slam on my brakes in the car for some reason, Bean always yells out, “WHOA, MOMMA!”

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5.  This morning on our way to daycare, Bean stuck a piece of waffle up his nose.  Since I was in rush hour traffic, I couldn’t pull over to fish it out, so he sat in the backseat for 10 minutes trying to snort it out.

6.  One time Bean pitched a temper tantrum in the waiting room at my doctors office where he threw himself down on the floor in the middle of about 12 soon-to-be mommies.  I was too big and pregnant to reach him on the floor, so I nudged him with the foot until he got up again.  I looked around to find 12 sets of horrified pregnant eyes watching me and all I said to them was, “You just wait…”

7.  Chris taught Bean to growl before biting the heads off of animal crackers.  It’s pretty disturbing.

8.  Sometimes we make Bean get us things when they are stuck in places we can’t reach.  Like when we drop things between the fridge and the cabinets or when tennis balls get under the bushes in the backyard.

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9.  Bean has three toy cell phones and a Fisher Price laptop.  I fear where this is going.

10. Bean has trouble saying words that start with F. Like fork, frog, and flag. He gets the F sound right, but the rest of the word rhymes with duck…if you get my drift. This provides Chris and I with hours of entertainment.

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62 Thoughts to “Feel Better About Your Parenting”

  1. Oh my gosh I nearly died laughing with this one. My faves are Bean trying to snort out the waffle and growling before he eats animal crackers. Awesome!

  2. I try not to make horrified faces now that I have a pregnant belly b/c I KNOW that should be the response! Too funny!

  3. The only thing that quieted my nine month old yesterday was playing around with a giant box of tampons. I just wanted to blow dry my hair, so I let her do it. Probably not the best toy, so I watched her while she made a mess, but at least I got my hair dried in peace.

  4. Jen

    Oh my gosh, I literally laughed out loud and now have co-workers staring at me. Not that I am reading this at work or anything.

  5. Oh can you please video Bean biting the heads off animal crackers. As disturbing as that may be it also sounds like the cutest thing ever. And I am loving these posts more and more now that I am almost 12 weeks 🙂 Cabin Fever in Vermont

  6. Mellen

    Thank you! This post just made my day. My whole family (my parents, my sister & her family, & my brother) except my husband (military) just got back from Disney & a convention in Orlando yesterday. My 19 month old went around Disney & the OC Convention Center crawling & barking like a dog…and I let her. I’m 7 months pregnant and it was just too hot, that’s my excuse!

  7. Oh my this made me laugh so thank you for entertaining this sleep deprived mama. I think it is pretty safe to say you are not the only one who does these things so no worries. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m covered in regurgitated formula and desperately need to change. Thank you for distracting me for 5 minutes. I needed a break 🙂

  8. September

    We have that problem with F sounds…last week I had a stellar 15 minutes going through Target with my son proclaiming loudly that he loves “trucks” and when he gets to be a grownup he’s going to get the biggest “truck” ever. Good times!

  9. Eh. No harm, no foul. As for #8 – isn’t that pretty much one of the main reasons to have kids?

  10. Oh, this was AWESOME!!! You just put on ‘paper’ what all of us do. I love that you told the pregnant ladies “just you wait..” That’s so great. Hope your bed rest goes smoothly.

  11. Latrice

    I have tons of bad parenting moments. I was getting dressed and my husband came in the front door, but left again through the garage. The next thing I know a friend that was staying at my house was yelling to come back Blake. My son and our two dogs were at our mailbox getting ready to go for a walk. I told the dogs that is not the human that is allowed to let them outside under any circumstances! Need less to say we got the baby proof door knob.

  12. HILARIOUS!! I just found your blog and can’t stop reading it, we would definitely be great friends if we knew each other!!
    Praying for your back!!

  13. This post made me literally LOL – parenting seems like so much fun, and all about trial and error. Go you two for making it a great experience for all three (soon four!) of you!

  14. Nova Kristin

    Thanks for the laughs this morning. When my kids were little one of them said truck with an f and the other called our dog Sassy with no s in the beginning. I was afraid to take them anywhere LOL.
    I love your sense of humor , thanks for sharing it with us.

  15. Jessica W

    I extends to aunts too. Last night I was reading my 22mo, OCD, and highly empathic niece “I Love You Because You’re You” before bed. I pointed out that the little boy was sad because his plane was broken but it was okay because Momma’s hugs made him feel better. All I heard for the next 20 minutes, “The plane is broken? The plane is broken.” said with a great deal of concern. I’m pretty sure I just gave her a lifelong fear of planes. She’s going to be in her 30s and telling her therapist “I can’t fly! I don’t know, I just think about planes and I have this feeling that the wing is going to fall off. Oddly enough it’s always green and on the same side”

  16. Anna in Ohio

    You’ve got me laughing at my desk this morning! It’s so nice to know that other people don’t have this whole parenting thing down to a science. I’m not the only one?! It’s a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

  17. Oh and Babydoll’s favorite book for a while when she was in her early twos was all about different kinds of trucks. Each page had a truck and the name of the truck. And when she read it with me every kind of truck started with an F!

  18. Sara M

    My 20 month old likes to sing just the ashes part of ring around the rosey. Except it sounds like a$$e$!! It’s too funny:)

  19. Lewaletzko

    Number 5 should come with a warning! It was so funny I shorted right out loud…at my desk…at work!

    Love the confessions!

  20. So . . . I make sure to identity which animal each cracker is when I eat them, then always bite the heads off first. Isn’t it our duty as parents to pass down proper animal-cracker-eating technique to our kids?

  21. AlisaSterner

    i love this post. i laughed so hard!

    i foresee myself doing all of these things, and possibly worse, in the future. 🙂

  22. Oh Geez Katie, 5, 6, and 7 have be laughing so hard I’ve got tears streaming down my face! As for number 8, Bean probably thinks it’s the best thing ever so that’s totally not a parenting fail. That’s a parenting win!
    Oh, and on the whole words-not-sounding-like-they’re-supposed-to thing, when Bridget says outside, it sounds like a$$hat. Mike and I crack up every single time.

  23. Amy

    Oh my goodness, I’m dying over here (trying not to laugh too loudly bc I’m sitting in my office.) #5 killed me…. it evoked one of those totally-involuntary-totally-unstoppable guffaws 🙂

  24. Ann G-B

    Laughing out loud – like for real! Some days pudding counts as dinner and I am pretty sure the whole reason to have a little person around is to retrieve things in small places!

  25. El

    ROFL!! I almost peed my pants this made me laugh so hard! Of course, being 35 weeks pregnant with my 2nd doesn’t help that situation. You haven’t done anything I haven’t done with my 27 month old son. I think we are all allowed some leeway with all of the things you listed!

  26. LOL, I love this! I’m 26 weeks pregnant with my first and have been wondering how anyone could do this with a toddler underfoot! You go girl 😉

  27. Nikki

    You really need to put a warning for LOL’s at the top before these posts. I try really hard to be sneaky when I’m reading your blog at work, but these are just too funny to suppress a giggle. Unfortunately my job doesn’t involve giggles, so I think they might be catching on!

  28. Gin

    I think #6 was my favorite. Even without being a parent myself, I just know in about a year or 2 those pregnant ladies will be sitting there staring at their kid throwing a tantrum and muttering to themselves “Why did that lady at the doctor’s office have to be right?”

  29. I just laughed so hard! Number 4 is too funny, my two year old, when I do the same thing says “Weeeee Crash!” Thanks for making mommy feel like a good driver…And number 1 – I am happy most nights if he eats anything so cheese bread and brownies is a win in my book 🙂

  30. I just laughed so hard! Number 4 is too funny, my two year old, when I do the same thing says “Weeeee Crash!” Thanks for making mommy feel like a good driver…And number 1 – I am happy most nights if he eats anything so cheese bread and brownies is a win in my book 🙂

  31. Possibly my most favorite post of yours ever 🙂 And given how my husband and I already use our dog to do things for us (like, ahem, clean our kitchen floors), I’m pretty sure we’ll be treating our future children similarly.

  32. Marie

    Hilarious!!! I love no. 8 & 10 especially 🙂

  33. Summer BR

    Katie, I LOVE this post 😉 This had me dying laughing out loud at work–in my comfy cozy cubicle (with neighbors).

  34. Oh god, the nose wiping! It is a never ending battle!!

  35. Rheannon

    I don’t know what I found funniest. (I think it’s a tie between “WOAH MOMMA!” and you nudging him with your foot.)
    I hope my first baby is as fun as Bean.

  36. Rachel, UK

    hahaha! WHOA MAMMA! Love that!

  37. Lindsey

    This had me howling! Thanks for sharing!!

  38. Lindsey

    This had me howling! Thanks for sharing!!

  39. kathy

    Thanks for posting these! I can identify with so many of them!

  40. melissa B.

    you always know how to make me laugh while being extremely honest. Love it!!!! Thank you for telling the truth about parenthood. It makes me know what to expect when I eventually become a mothers. 🙂

  41. #4 made me laugh my ass off. Oh boy. This was such a great post…I needed it!

  42. The waffle comment made milk come out of my nose. I’m sure Bean’s eyes went crossed a few times trying to see what the heck he’d wedged up there. You crack me up, Katie!

  43. Lisa

    Ahahahahaha! Such a funny post! I’ve never thought about growling before eating an animal cracker, that is hilarious!

  44. Totally laughing out loud trying to picture Bean “snorting out” his waffle. Awesome. Also, the picture of Bean patting your belly is absolutely perfect.

  45. I can just imagine the doctor’s office scenario. Those poor mommies-to-be were probably terrified of what’s soon to come!

  46. Hilarious! Love the MD office, your personal retriever, and the f-words.

  47. The best interlude for a very sloooow moving day that began at 4am for me. 😀
    I always get my son to pick things up off the ground – he’s closer to it – and to take things to his dad. That’s one of the best things about kids. I also frequently bump the back of his head on door frames when I’m carrying him – a habit that started when he was still in my belly.

  48. Susan

    Just found your blog and LOVE it! Laughed out loud the whole way through!

  49. Shelley

    ROFLMAO! Growling before biting the heads off animal crackers…….OMG

  50. You CA-RACK me up. I love #7

  51. You CA-RACK me up. I love #7

  52. Number 7 is hilarious!! I was laughing out loud all by myself, just picturing it…

  53. Katie N.

    Numbers 6 & 8 are my favorite! haha This post made my morning 🙂

  54. Dana

    I just found your blog and was reading this post laughing. As a mom of two teenage boys it made me remember all the “challenges” of when they were little. Of course now we have a whole new set of them! But we laugh almost everyday together.

  55. Keri

    Hysterical. Love it.

  56. Donna

    Too funny! Here is one to help you feel better. My daughter used to call chips, b*tches. She would walk around saying “I want my b*tches” or “I need b*tches.” 🙂

  57. “Chris taught Bean to growl before biting the heads off of animal crackers.” This is hilarious and I’m considering teaching my kids this.

    I also hope to god that my child has the f-word issue because I love it. My little cousin had it with truck and whenever she saw a fire truck she’d yell “FIRE-****!!” with the emphasis on the last bit. Hysterical.

  58. I don’t have any kids but 6,7,8 and 10 are HILARIOUS. I think you have gotten funnier in your last months of pregancy. I love this post.

  59. Rachel

    FYI on #1, Chocolate comes from the cocoa bean… beans are vegetables, so that brownie counts as a veggie. =) Also cake has eggs in it, so it’s an acceptable breakfast food. Mountain Dew contains orange juice, so almost health food… of course I’m joking, but makes me feel better about some of the choices I make for myself sometimes. =)

  60. Krista

    I love it. #2 makes the journey even more interesting. Somedays my daughter eats suckers all day long, just because she peed in the potty. OMG – all the stuff we judged before kids.

  61. Sounds like a normal day with boys too me 🙂

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