Marriage: A True Story


This past weekend we spent some time with my parents. I needed some down time with my back and there’s nothing like having your mom around when you’re not feeling good. While Mom, Bean, and I sat on the couch and shopped at Target in short stints, Chris and my dad played golf. That afternoon we all met up again for a bite to eat before we headed back to our house.

Chris is at that point in my pregnancy where he is starting to get excited about Gracie’s arrival. But unless you knew him, you’d probably not be able to tell. Chris loves Bean and he’s a great father, but he’s not the kind to gush about babies and children. It’s just not his way. Actually, for most of my pregnancy he has been standoffish, just like he was with Bean. For Chris, he needs to go through all the practical thoughts and plans before he can get excited. It was like that with Bean, too. It was kind of annoying at times, actually. Like, when I’d bring some cute little pink thing home and he’d just roll his eyes and say something utterly un-sweet like, “Well, how much did that cost?” or “We don’t need that, do we?” When I was pregnant with Bean, it drove me crazy! I felt like he was taking all the fun out of the pregnancy for me. But what I learned with Bean and what I’m seeing again with Gracie is that it’s not that Chris isn’t excited. He just needs to ask himself all those practical, totally un-fun, un-sweet questions before he can truly let go and be excited.

In the past two weeks though, I can tell that he has finally worked through all his nervousness and anxiety. I know this because he has suddenly become extremely close. He comes home early from work (a serious break in his routine) just because he missed me and Bean that day. He sits next to me on the couch and rubs Gracie while he watches TV. I’ve even caught him snooping around the pretty pink nursery recently. With Chris, it’s the little changes in his behavior that tell me that he’s made a huge change in how he feels and that makes me excited because he is excited.

So, this past weekend after a long day of being away from me, Bean, and Gracie, Chris pulled me into his lap as we sat around my parent’s house. And, as you can see from the picture, it takes some dedication to pull a pregnant woman into your lap. Then Bean got in on the game and before we knew it, we had dog piled on top of Chris – and he loved every minute of it.

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Until I started laughing. I was sitting on Chris’s lap and my mom showed me the picture of us on her camera and we were dying laughing about how big I looked and how small my head looked in comparison with my belly. And if you’ve ever been pregnant, you know that any kind of sudden onset of laughter leads to one thing.

Gas.

The gas started pouring out of me like some kind of underground pipe leak. I had no control. And the more I farted, the harder I laughed, which only made the situation worse. At this point, Chris starts screaming for me to stop and he started trying to push me off of his lap. But I weigh 900 pounds. And I’m round. I’m not that easy to push right now. So the harder he pushed, the more I laughed. And the more I laughed, the more I farted. And the more I farted, the more he pushed. It was a vicious cycle.

By nature, Chris and I keep our bodily functions to ourselves. We’re not that couple that sits on the couch and burps in front of each other. We keep the door closed when we go to the bathroom. We walk around with our clothes on. So, this was a serious breech in marital etiquette for us. And as I tried to pick myself up off my husband’s lap, farting and laughing and farting some more, I couldn’t help but think how being parents has changed my relationship with him. In all good ways. In ways that bring us closer together. In ways that have made us better partners. In ways that have made us better communicators. And even in ways that make us laugh.

Pregnancy and parenting turn us into very different people. And I love that about us.
*****
Today I am grateful that Chris and I both love our jobs.

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32 thoughts on “Marriage: A True Story

  1. Um, confession, I thought you were going to say. “If you’ve ever been pregnant you know that a sudden onset of laughter leads to one thing…peeing in your pants” Because that’s what I did…ALL THE TIME!

  2. Now I feel like a savage…my fiancยฉe and I take showers together (but not that often), leave the bathroom door open (mostly due to our cats walking in and out), occasionally walk around without pants, oh, and the worst thing *brace yourself* totally groom each other…like pop each other’s zits (but it’s fun, part of our collective OCD). Nothing shocks me anymore…..we’re like an old, married couple.
    B just said “Thanks for sharing our lives with the whole world, now how about posting pictures on reddit gone wild?”
    That’s when my eyes got huge, I turned bright red, and looked at him horrified.

  3. Amy L Butler

    No worries! I strongly believe that being pregnant and having a baby brings you so close to your spouse. In many ways it made me feel so much more comfortable with my husband. He likes to believe that women don’t have the same embarrassing bodily functions as men, but he knows better. We have two children and I had c-sections with both. So, we’re about as close as you can get in that area. I love your site and your stories! Almost all of them seem to fit into my life somehow. Keep ’em coming no matter how embarrassing they are ! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Sara M

    I also thought you were going to say you peed, since that is all I seemed to do while pregnant and laughing. Yeah, my husband and I fart around each other all the time. TM??!!

  5. I totally thought you were going to say you peed your pants! lol… HILARIOUS!!

    Funny thing is…I have a friend that just found out she’s pregnant and she told me she’s been incredibly gassy. To which I told her…join the gassy club! lol…

    No…I’m not currently in it but I was with Q-Tip and the memory…although 2+ yrs old now…is still VERY fresh!

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Megan

  6. Heather in ND

    This is TOO funny! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Lisa

    Funny story, and probably the last time Chris will be pulling you into his lap for a cuddle without thinking about what you did for the next little while!

  8. Sarah in CT

    I lol’d and had to read this to Jon because if you take the second paragraph, and substitute the names Jon, Henry and Emma for Chris, Gracie and Bean, it could have been written by me! Our husbands…(sigh)

  9. Angie

    Pretty sure pregnancy was the only time I farted in front of my SO. I think I screamed and ran (waddled) out of the room so you handled it better than I did, lol.

  10. Jennifer

    thank you for sharing your story! it was a hilarious read! and, best of all, i love that it is real.

  11. I haven’t been with my husband for as many years as you and Chris have, however like you I could never leave the bathroom open in front of my husband. There are just some things we don’t need to share with one another lol. We do fart and burp though ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Farting, however un-ladylike it might be, always makes me laugh. Stories about farts, hearing farts. Hilarious! That said, I have never let one go in front of my partner (except once when I was asleep on the floor, apparently). It took some serious will-power and pelvic floor muscle control during pregnancy, but then, I never had any funny moments while sitting on his lap. And I rarely did it in front of my family growing up, either. We called it ‘popping off’ when we were kids… my sisters were entirely too comfortable doing it whenever they pleased, for my liking.

  13. My fiance and I moved to Hong Kong about six months ago and during our first week here, I got food poisoning. It was the first time we’d ever lived together (let alone shared a bathroom) and despite the fact that I’ve since recovered from the dim sum illness, Hong Kong definitely stole a piece of my modesty that I may never regain! BTW, my fiance calls it “pappying” which I actually find kind of endearing…

  14. I’m glad I don’t share my office with anyone, because then I would have to explain why I just spit water all over my computer screen. That was hilarious! My husband and I are pretty open about farting and burping in front of each other, though early in the relationship we weren’t as much. I remember the first time I farted in front of him, we were on skype talking to his mother, and I was on his lap. It was a quite one (thank god she didn’t hear) but he did, and made fun of me mercilessly when we got off the phone and we had a good laugh. We’ve never looked back. ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. LMAO…oh my goodness. This cracked me up!

  16. LOL! This post is hilarious, and so true! I love how pregnancy also changes the topics of discussion quite frighteningly. I don’t know how many times totally mortifying things such as mucus or now poop were casually discussed in our house! Have to be very careful to edit ourselves when out with normal people!

  17. YESSSSS! I love you. (PS – My husband chooses to believe that I never ever fart. BOY is he seriously mistaken.)

  18. Aw, that’s hilarious…I’m like you in that I like to keep my bodily functions to myself but my husband? Um…not so much…

  19. That was the one thing I wished someone would have told me about an epidural: GAS. Holey. I don’t think I’ve ever passed more gas in my entire life because there really was no way to stop it. Funniest entry yet, Katie. Hope you don’t break wind in your classroom! You’d never hear the end of that one….

  20. Oh my goodness, I am so glad you shared this story because it’s hilarious. I so admire your ability to laugh at yourself. If I had started farting in front of other people I would have died right there on that spot – and probably cried too. Continued laughter and farting is the much better option. :0

  21. Hilarious. And seeing this picture makes me even more excited to see a photo with Gracie girl born and on your lap, with Bean on Chris’s! (Is this an imaginary friend getting too close to reality?)

  22. I’m glad I’m not the only one! My husband has no idea what is on the baby registry and it kind of bothers me. He is however very affectionate and plans on being a hands on Dad but I feel like he needs to at least see what baby equipment looks like first! We have time so I’ll just try and be patient. ~sigh~ Another great post Katie!!

    ~ GGG

  23. Morgan

    Oh my goodness, I’m laughing so hard!

    Your husband seems like mine in a lot of ways. I’m just 3 months along with our first, and he swears he won’t get excited until all things have been decided with this child. (nursery, boy/girl, etc.) But I don’t mind, that’s just the way he is.

  24. I don’t think mike got excited until the day before Sullivan was born but that’s just the way he is. The farting thing is making me laugh so hard. That was totally me during my pregnancy too. Mike called me Big Red Trucker. He almost went to sleep in the spare bedroom it was so bad at night.

  25. I guess I know what I can look forward to in a few months! But I really thought you were going to say pee, not gas. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Cabin Fever in Vermont

  26. Bridget

    The first time my boyfriend and I kissed, I farted on him. I was 17 and oh so embarrassed. I was sitting on his lap at a New Year’s Eve party, and I kept trying to pretend it was someone else. Nine years later, we still joke about that.

  27. Hahaha, thank you for making me laugh out loud in the office ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. BAHAHAHAHAHAAH that’s awesome. Hubs and i broke the flatulence barrier early in our relationship. I just yelled at him the other day – being on crutches, i sat down in the bathroom, and yelled at him to not come in because i accidentally forgot to the close the door. we respect space when we need it ๐Ÿ™‚ But otherwise pretty much nothing is off limits haha

  29. Sonya

    That is too funny! I’m bad about burping, but I only do it at home! My husband hides his gas well, it’s my BIL that has no shame!

  30. Oh my gosh Katie, I’m laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face. Thank you so much for this on a day when I definitely needed a laugh.

  31. Jayne

    bahahahaha…. That was so hilarious. I am usually the one who hides my gas. It’s my hubs that let it all out. ALL THE TIME. And initially, I was grossed out. Then it became cute. And now I occasionally let out a discreet burp or fart. Bad influence!!

  32. You have been together for like ten years and never burp in front of one another?! Man, that is dedication!

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