Momma Bear
(Warning: Just writing about this story makes me get angry all over again. You have been warned.)
Last weekend, my mom and I took Bean and Gracie to a park to play for a while. Gracie hung out in her stroller. Playgrounds aren’t really her thing yet. Bean, however, was all over the place. He loves playgrounds. He runs around calling, “C’mon, Mommy!” It’s pretty darn cute.
This particular park was for kids a little bit older than Bean, but we just modified how we played so that Bean could do stuff. Besides, his favorite part of the park – the slides – were easy for him to get to. I’d help him climb the rock wall stairs and then he’d walk across the platform to the double slide. He loved picking which side of the slide he was going to go down each time. I think it made him feel free and important. Like a real man. Especially because there weren’t any other big kids around, so he had the whole platform to himself.
After a few minutes, this little girl suddenly appeared on the platform. She was about eight years old and was by herself. There was a birthday party going on at a pavilion on the other side of the playground and there were lots of parents there, so I assumed she was with that group. She promptly plopped down on one side of the double slide and just sat there at the top, not sliding yet. Bean was startled by her sudden appearance and so he stopped on the platform and stared at her for a minute.
“Come on, buddy,” I coaxed. “Slide down the other side.”
Bean broke into a big smile and bellied right up to the second slide and slid down.
“Do again?” he asked.
So, I helped him back up the rock wall and onto the platform again. This time, the little girl, having slid down already, was crawling back up the other side of the slide – the one Bean had just come down. So, again, Bean kind of stopped and stared at her. Big kids are mesmerizing to Bean.
“Why’s he staring like that?” the little girl barked at me in a snotty little tone. “What’s wrong with him?”
(grrrr.…)
“He’s probably staring because you are going the wrong way up the slide,” I said in an equally snotty voice, immediately defensive of Bean. And then to Bean, “Come on, buddy. Slide down the other slide this time.”
So, Bean switched over to the other side and sat himself at the top of the slide and got ready to go down. But the little girl had decided that she didn’t want to climb up the slide after all and she had slid back down to the bottom. And then, seeing Bean sitting at the top ready to slide down, she climbed onto the end of the double slide and laid herself down across BOTH slides so that Bean couldn’t go down either of them.
Then she sat there smugly and snapped at me again, “What’s wrong with him? He just keeps staring!”
(double grrr…..)
My Momma Bear hackles were on edge and I whipped out my best mean teacher voice.
“Could you move, please?” I said. “He’s trying to slide down one side.”
The little girl sighed dramatically and slowly got down.
“Okay, slide on down, buddy,” I said to Bean in my best, happiest voice.
Now, the little girl had once again started climbing up the other slide next to Bean and as she came up close to him, she snapped at Bean, “What’s WRONG WITH YOU?!?!” in a really mean voice. Bean just sat there, not smiling, not sure what to do.
(grrrRRROOARRR!!!)
Now, my inner Momma Bear was awake and there was no stopping her.
“Excuse me,” I said to the little girl in my very best mean teacher voice again. “I think you need to get off the playground RIGHT NOW, please.”
(By the way, I have an AWESOME mean teacher voice.)
And then I stared her down.
(By the way, I have an AWESOME mean teacher stare.)
And with that, she scrambled down and moved to another part of the playground.
In a normal, sane world, I would never confront an eight-year-old little girl over playground etiquette. In a normal, sane world, I would have just moved somewhere else and avoided her. In a normal, sane world, I wouldn’t have thought twice about what an eight-year-old little girl said or did on a slide. But motherhood is not a normal, sane world.
When I was growing up, I remember my mom sometimes taking on this certain tone to mean girls. It was so embarrassing to me. I never understood why she couldn’t just let me hide under the blankets on the back seat of the minivan like a normal middle schooler. Why did she insist that I stand up for myself? And when I wouldn’t or couldn’t stand up for myself, why did she have to do it? Couldn’t she just let it go? But standing on that playground that afternoon with that little pip squeal bullying my son, I understood. I finally understood.
You just can’t stop a Momma Bear.
The thought of someone being mean to my Bean brought out primal urges in me. Primal, I tell you. Like, I totally would have fought that eight-year-old in the parking lot if I had to.
I ain’t scared.
BRING IT, KID!
60 Comments
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
Go Katie, go! That little girl sounds like a real brat. I’d be ashamed if I found out my (hypothetical) kid acted like that. Way to stand up for Bean. Pretty soon he’ll be telling those kinds of kids to step off the slide!
Kara
Oh, wow! Reading that story makes me want to find that girl’s mommy! And it really makes me want to work on my mean teacher voice/stare. It seems like that could come in handy! 🙂
Nigeria Hunter (real name )
This is hilarious! Especially the end! I have to say even tho I’m not a mom I kind of understand. My little step brother has a horrible woman for a mother so I took over that role and I did almost fight a 6 year old at the mall once! 🙂
Claire H
Good for you Katie, I don’t have children yet but I would have the same reaction if it was my neice, nephew or Goddaughter! I remember my Mum one telling me that once my brother was born she sat a the top of the stairs crying her heart out because she realised that she would kill anyone who tried to hurt her child – sounds like all Mum’s feel the same 🙂 xx
Kaitlin B.
Way to go, Mama Bear. I don’t fault you at ALL for yelling at the little brat. The thing that make me most angry, is that if HER PARENT were there actually being attentive like you were, it could have been avoided. I recently had a similar experience, when a 7 year old boy was in the “toddler” area of an indoor playground, and almost fell on top of my 1 year old daughter. I told my husband it’s a matter of time before I get into a brawl with a child, or a parent due to their lack of attention. LOL
Katie
Oh wow.. i got angry just reading your story… how did you not slap her? I know, I wouldnt either- but I would want to march her to her parents and tattle to them! I hope I don’t face too many kids like that with my little Annie- ooh grr!
Stephanie @ Our Marriage Adventure
While I know it would never play out this way, your last sentence made me think of you and this girl. Ten paces each from the center. Ready, GO! Old West style.
Danielle
I understand! I always hate going to the playground and there are children twice the size of my boys. I feel like I am just waiting for one of them to lay a hand on my child so I can pounce them. Motherhood does scary things to you!
Jen @Caved In
Oh I would have done the same thing in a heartbeat. Last year my cousin took her almost 3 year old to a similar playground. An older boy pushed him off the slide. Not down the slide but off the side. Patrick broke his femur and tibia and have to have surgery. I pity the child who messes with my son. I’m sure you have a great teacher stare and voice 🙂
Chloe
That girl was mean!!
Good for you Katie!!
I would have done the same
🙂
Tara@ Thats a Wrap
Such control only using the awesome mean teacher voice I need to master something like that because some how I end up tin a screechy type yell. I can remember being on a playground and being called a boy because I had short hair but hello I was wearing pink stripes! Oh how I had wished my mom heard it and snapped into Momma Bear mode but she missed it! I like reading stories like this because I can relate but on the flip side it reminds me I need to teach my son manners and be attentive to him at all times.
Jamie
I dont have kids, but I have the same urge to protect me neice and nephew. But the truth is, I would have stood up for a complete stranger if I saw a child acting that rude on a playground. Her parents need to be slapped.
Liss
This is pretty much the reason that I dread going to playgrounds with other children around… I can’t believe the behaviour of a lot of the kids, and I’m equally astounded (and pretty pissed) that so many parents basically use the playground as a babysitter, like it’s ok for them to not watch their children at all. Don’t even get me started on the language that comes from some seven-year-olds these days… I haven’t experienced anything like that horrible little girl, but it does make me bristle when my 21-month-old son approaches other children with a smile and a gentle touch on the arm (and I do mean gentle), and they push him off and look at him with disgust. I definitely see some terse confrontations in my future, too…
Jennifer
What a mean little girl. Too bad her mom wasn’t around, it would have been quite the playground fight :-). Good job Mama Bear!
Amy
I totally get the momma bear thing. Many times I have experiences like this. While I have responded many times just like you every once in a while I stop myself. I try to remember that all kids don’t have the greatest parents and sometimes it’s up to the “village” to teach them. I have no problems disciplining other peoples children although I am sure that can anger some parents.
Shannon
Good for you!!!
Waiting for Bulgaria
I had a very similar incident at Chik-fil-a with two older kids. They were running and jumping, blocking the slide, and almost knocked my 3 year old over. One was probably twelve and he had no business on the playground. The bad thing was there but ignoring them. I waited and waited for the mom to say something. Finally, when they almost flattened my son, I whipped out my teacher voice and used it on them. They skidaddled, and the mom never even looked at me. General rule of thumb you don’t mess with a teacher, and you don’t mess with a mom, and you certainly don’t mess with a teacher who is also a mom. (also don’t check the grammar in that sentence)
Margaret
So funny! I haven’t had to deal with this with my son yet, but about a year ago I was at a bowling alley with friends and their two-year-old son. He was sitting in the mostly empty arcade section “playing” a car game and a group of ten-year-olds came over and literally sat down in his seat, pushing him off of it. They were *totally* oblivious. I took that as a teaching moment and walked over and told them *exactly* what they had done, and pointed to the crying two-year-old. Sometimes you just have to step in (especially when there are no adults around).
I think you did the right thing, though I probably would have also told her why she needed to leave.
Amy
You know what’s really fun? When a child pushes your child, without provocation, off the top of the climbing wall, high enough where he could have broken his arm or neck or something, and the horrible child’s parents are standing RIGHT THERE and don’t even say a word! I don’t think I have ever been more angry. It is amazing the depth of feeling one has when one’s child is threatened.
momiss
Salute to your mother, and in turn, you.
Welcome to motherhood. You are really there, and the world is a better place for it.
Karen
What a horrid little girl! I totally would have done the same thing! You don’t mess with my baby! Sounds like her parents could use some disciplining, too.
Window On The Prairie
Good for you. Probably the 1st time someone has ever told that little girl to behave.
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
Awesome job. But I’m also sad for the little girl. Why didn’t she have someone to play with? Where was her momma bear to take care of her? All baby bears should have such loving mommas!
Bec
This is starting for me already and my son is barely 6 months old! He is still a little wobbly, but loves to sit and play with toys, so I took his boppy pillow with him to daycare today. I set him on the floor surrounded by the boppy for support and gave him a few toys. I was standing there talking to the daycare provider and this “big kid” (12 months old, hehe) toddled over and snatched his toy right out of his hand and toddled away. The look my son gave me was priceless…like, what was that, where is my toy? I wanted to go snatch it back from the “big kid” but I kept mamma bear in and just went and grabbed him a new toy. This is only the beginning, I don’t know how I will hand the playground!
Jennifer
I have done the same thing. It’s kind of freaky how “those” kids will get under your skin like they never have before.
Jen at Cabin Fever
LOL… all I can say is that I would have done the same thing as you. You actually were patient with her first. 😛 Cabin Fever in Vermont
Beret
What a frickin’ brat!! I’m mad for you. 🙂
I consider myself a rational, educated woman but as a momma bear I’m vicious. I’ve done the same thing so many times.
Chrissy
I have an 8 year old son and if he was to ever act like that to another kid especially a little kid he would be in so much trouble. My question is where were her parents? Even at 8 I would not just let my son be over playing without me watching him. That is just crazy and I would of handled it the same way. I have a 2 year old also and my 8 year old knows better then to be mean to little kids. Maybe the girl was a only child. At least I hope so.
Marie @ It's a Kind of Normal
You go Katie!!! That little girl sounds like she gets away with whatever she wants, and you were right to stand up for Bean like that. What a little brat, and the question I would like to know is where were her parents??? She’s only 8, anything could happen!!!
Jessica W
Way to go Katie!! What a brat! Love the mean teacher voice too. 🙂 A few weeks ago I took my nieces to the one of those indoor mall playgrounds. There were so many big kids running amok! I was worried they’d get run over! At one point the 4 1/2 yo nieces runs up saying “that boy bit me!” I look and sure enough there is a bite mark, more on her tights than her leg (she was fine). She said “Aunt Jess, what do I do?” and I swear my response was “Bite him back!!” Playground justice babe! Instead the filter caught it and it was “Bite…uhhhh…let’s just go play over here for now.” My husband and I laughed (he was going to say the same thing apparently!) that this is probably why we’re aunt and uncle, not mom and dad. 🙂
Caitlin P.
She must have heard that language and tone somewhere. All I could think while reading this is that her parents (or another adult) have said that to her. (Or she heard adults yelling it at each other). Give the 8 year old a break, there are likely aggressive adults setting examples for her. Unfortunate, but not her fault. 🙁
Megan
Way to stand up for your kid! 🙂
The story made me sad though because I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone must tell that little girl repeatedly, “What’s wrong with you?!” Tell her enough that she’s learned to bully that way. And that makes me sad.
Kim
Wow. I’m kind of surprised at all the piling on for an 8 year old kid. Clealy her behavior was not the best, but it doesn’t sound like she was really harming Bean. She was rude yes, but I bet you would have gotten farther by just answering her question – Bean stares because he’s interested in how big kids play at the playground. She likely would have been flattered and moved on. Or she would have tried to play with him. Sounds like a lonely kid to me. I bet other adults in her life have told her not to stare, so she couldn’t figure out why Bean could get away with it. Kids are pretty black and white, they don’t see little ones as something to be protected, they see another kids who’s getting away with something they are not allowed to get away with. Anyway, seems like we are all so ready to think the worst of everyone – this is just a kid. Sounds like she needs some better examples in her life.
Shari
I hate to break the news, but you CAN stop a Momma Bear. In her TRACKS. Wanna know how? When you do something to defend your (tween or early teen) child and she turns on you. “You’re embarrassing me, Mom.”
Oy.
Bring on the tears. Baby girl is growin’ up.
Liz M.
Way to go! I’ve had it out verbally with a kid more than once. Big kids on the little kids playground, kids trying to “help” my daughter, and just plain bullies. My husband cringes whenever I do it but no one messes with my girls! I had a little boy basically push his way past my daughter at a Chuck E. Cheese. And I told him, she’s not done yet. And he gave some snotty answer, so I got in his face and said, yeah but well it wasn’t your turn you rude snot. That is bad parenting when kids to those kind of things.
Lori @ I Can Grow People
Good for you! I haven’t been in a situation like that yet. My playground pet peeve? When there is clearly a separate toddler playground and big kid playground and the big kids decide to run all over the toddler playground. I HATE that. “Kid, you are clearly too big to fit through that tunnel. Stop bowling the little kids over!”
allison
She sounds really lonely. I worked with a student who has autism and whenever I brought him on the playground he would ask me questions about the kids around him…loudly! He couldn’t help it and he was genuinely curious. Just something to consider, although I probably would have done just what you did!!!
Kat
NICE JOB Momma Bear. I totally agree with standing up and not running away from the situation because I think you are teaching Bean really early on that bullying is NOT right. ps- I was a bully when I was a kid 🙁 Now I feel extra super duper guilty.
Nikki
I completely understand why you said what you said, and I don’t think you were wrong for doing it either. I don’t have children yet, but I’m super protective of all children, even when I shouldn’t be involved! I’m glad that you answered her question instead of ignoring her. While I am not surprised at all that she was acting that way, she is 8 after all, I am surprised that there was no parental supervision. Actually I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised. I live in a town with high young pregnancy rates and their children will be running around restaurants and the parents will do nothing. I’ve had to say something so many times, and I think it’s a bit unfair. I really start to feel for the children though, knowing that it’s not their fault that they have no guidance. I think instead of using the moment as a teachable one for the children, I might just go straight to the parent. It can be a teachable moment for them too.
Mrs. R
I am totally there with you! I would have done the same thing in your situation. Imagine how things would have gone if you were not there?!! I am glad you were there to protect Bean!
La.
Gah! I took Gooner to the park yesterday and there was a skate board gang there! Oh, and a couple making out in the slide. Awesome. MOVE over for my two year old folks!
Amanda
What kind of manners is this little girl being taught? Or, more importantly, NOT being taught. What a brat. I think you handled it so well, I probably would have made her cry.
Cindy In Owensboro, KY
I agree with most of the people above, that this little girl needed a little bit more supervision from someone (mom, dad, etc) but 9 times out of 10 this is just not the case when they get to this age. I would say that instead of getting angry at her you need to just treat her like you would if she were Gracie at that age. What do you think you would have done if YOU were her parent….
Larissa C
I had the same experience this weekend. I had to get ugly with some big kids for throwing things down the slide. Where are the parents and why 8are they not paying attention. My husband told me my momma bear was out in full force. This playground was for 2-5 year olds and these kids were 8-9. So frustrating!
Alaina
That little brat! I would have totally b een the same way. Heck, I get overly protective when kids are mean to my nieces and nephews.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
When Charlotte was 19ish months old, I took her to a local playground with some friends. She immediately took to the older play-area, as did her buddies, and they were all having a lot of fun when a woman came up and:
a) SPANKED MY CHILD, and told her to shut up screaming,
b) GRABBED MY CHILD, walked around the play area (I was on the opposite side making faces at Charlotte), asked if this was my ‘little shit,’
c) TOLD ME TO CONTROL MY KID, otherwise she’d have to take matters up with the police.
WHAT?! THE?! FUCK?!
At first I told her calmly to please not touch my child again, certainly not in anger, and then I addressed her behavior and started to explain that I was actively involved in her play at the moment and felt her behavior was fine and – and then the other woman POKED HER, while she was in my arms, POKED HER and called her a little shit again.
And I lost it. I screamed at her, told her to fuck off, called her every horrid name I could think of, stepped at her aggressively to scare her, the whole nine yards.
Later, when I wrote about it on my blog, I simplified the story. I figured that the whole story was sort of irrelevant – the only funny part was that I ridiculed her parenting when her kid started parroting after me (and her, when she repeated my swearing), but people came out of the effing woodwork to tell me that I was wrong and that I owed the woman an apology for losing it at the playground, etc.
All this to say: a) Well done. Never ever doubt that Bean (and Gracie) will value having a mother who stands up for them when push comes to shove. b) The Momma bear exists in all of us and as long as it isn’t our default mode of operation, I think it’s something we should be proud of. Reacting primally to a perceived threat to a child unites us as parents. and c) I don’t think any of us can judge you for your actions or say you could have made a better one. We weren’t there. We don’t know the situation the way that you did. You did what you did and that’s that. Stand by it with confidence.
Sonya
Good for you! We had an incident at Christmas with some little ones from our family that were acting ridiculous for their age. There is no reason for that!
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife
Go Momma Bear Go! You are absolutely correct…motherhood is not a normal, sane world.
Susan
you go girl!!! 🙂
alison
you go momma bear! I would have done EXACTLY the same thing with any one of my 3 boys!!
Barbara Manatee
Moments like this drive me crazy…not so much directly at the kid but at the parents. Where were her parents during all this? I’d NEVER allow my kids to act that way toward another child or adult – especially a younger child!
As a teacher and a parent, I am often in the position of having to protect my little ones from bigger kids. I hate watching my lil ones get lost in a crowd or pushed around on the playground. I know the space is meant for everyone there…but I’m already teaching my 4 year olds to be careful around younger children and always talk about taking turns and being polite! I have had to bite my tongue MANY times (at kids and parents) during playground excursions!
Debbie
I am very protective of my son, my husband calls me a lioness. I have a very hard time controlling the teacher in me as well. I guess after 5 years in a middle school it is close to impossible to do. I would have done the very same thing. As long as you handled the situation as you would have hoped it would have been handled if the tables were turned; no worries.
Jayne
My mom did the same thing just last week for my 18 year old brother. He was taking driving classes but he was not home 2 hours past the end of his class. My brother called me up to say he was left waiting for who-knows to send him home. he’d been waiting over an hour. My mom called up the driving school and gave them a piece of her mind. My brother was soooo annoyed that she “embarassed” him. But I know. I know why she did it. I would do the same for my son of they bullied him. And that mean girl? She needs discipline. Hand me the wooden spatula!
Nate's Mom @ NateIsGreat
Holey, Katie. My skin prickled when I read this story. Way to stare down this kid. I can’t stand it when parents don’t supervise their kids to prevent this kind of behavior from happening. I took Nate to the playground the other day and there was a girl about six or seven who took a liking to Nate — a clingy, I want to be in your space liking. Nate, being autistic, isn’t too keen on that. The girl insisted on being close to Nate and her parent just kept chattering on with her friend, ignoring the whole thing. It was muddy and the girl also insisted on climbing *up* the slide, which made the whole thing muddy. Nate, of course, thought that was awesome and so he kept doing face plants trying to climb up the slide like the girl did. It took about 10 minutes for her mom to notice and tell her to stop. Seriously. If her mom wasn’t there, I’m pretty sure my Momma Bear would have whomped her a little…. Bring it on, Momma Bear! We other Momma Bears are with you!!!
Sarah
This sounds like a little girl who saw the opportunity to get attention from a mom who clearly is good at giving attention. She probably only knows how to get it by mis-behaving.
Of course it’s not your job to take care of her, it’s your job to take care of Bean like you did, he and Gracie should always come first! But at the same time when children so obviously don’t have someone helping them I wonder if they are not all of our responsibilities. Because really, can an 8 year old girl be that responsible for her own actions?
Andrea
I am also guilty of outbursts from Momma Bear. I got kicked out of a department store when an 80-something woman told me that my son didn’t have his jacket on (INSIDE) and she was going to call the authorities.
KT
You can only poke a mama bear so many times before she bares her teeth. 🙂
Sumer Taylor
I love it! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who does this. I will say I have to get pushed pretty far to finally say something to another kid, especially since where we live, it’s likely the kid’s parents are going to try and fight me which is totally riduclous since they should’ve taught their child some manners and social skills to begin with ! Oh, and don’t get me started on the kids who climb up the slides!
Britt
Go Momma Bear Go!
Calypso
I would like to formally request a video simulation of your teacher voice and teacher stare along with teaching commentary. I must have this skill. I simply must. Please share!!!!!
Thanks….
€œExcuse me,€ I said to the little girl in my very best mean teacher voice again. €œI think you need to get off the playground RIGHT NOW, please.€
(By the way, I have an AWESOME mean teacher voice.)
And then I stared her down.
(By the way, I have an AWESOME mean teacher stare.)