Two Ways to Skin a Cat…or whatever
Chris and I parent very differently, but with the same end result. We figure as long as we both end up at the same destination, what does it matter what road we each take to get there? I guess that’s a good thing? I’m not sure yet. Time will tell. Lately, the biggest difference in our parenting style has been timing. And it is about to drive me cah-razy.
How can I explain this? Chris moves at the pace of a turtle. Or as slow as a 90-year-old man. Roughly.
I, on the other hand, move faster than the speed of sound. Or as fast as a toddler on a sugar high. Take your pick.
He says he just likes to take his time and I say that I am just being efficient. Either way you slice it, we are polar opposites when it comes to our timing. Somehow, though, we always end up ready to go at the exact same time. Just further proof that we are meant to be.
Lately, I’m starting to notice this timing issue in our parenting styles, too. Chris’s job in the mornings is to get Bean up, dressed, and fed by the time I have to leave for work, while I do the same for Gracie. In order to get myself and Gracie ready on time, I get up earlier and get myself ready before going in to get Gracie, who is usually playing happily in her crib by then.
Chris, on the other hand, sleeps until the last possible minute, then goes and wakes up Bean, who has slept until the last possible minute. Then, they both stumble into the kitchen and stare at the box of Cheerios for fifteen minutes, trying to decide if they want milk in their bowl or yogurt. Finally, they make a decision and then sit down to eat. Which takes, roughly, thirty-six hours at least. Once they have sufficiently eaten as slow as humanly possible, they discuss the idea of going upstairs to get dressed for the day. This conversation usually lasts approximately 20 minutes and ends with Bean crying about how he doesn’t want to change his underwear. When they finally manage to make it up to Bean’s bedroom, they spend the next 10 minutes picking out underwear, followed by another 10 minutes to choose the perfect pair of pants (Bean insists that everything is too big, even when it’s not…), followed by another 10 minutes to find the appropriate shirt for the school day.
By the time those two yahoos make it downstairs, Gracie and I are packed, dressed, fed, and waiting. And you’d think we’d be close to leaving because – hey! we’re all dressed! – but you’d be wrong. Bean has to find his shoes. Both of them. And choose the correct pair of socks for those specific pair of shoes. At this point, I am gnashing my teeth with frustration and biting my tongue not to yell at Chris, “JUST PUT HIS DAMN SHOES ON AND LET’S GO!”
Perhaps this is why it is to our kids advantage that we have different parenting styles. I am great in a crisis. I move quickly, I react calmly, I get us in and out and on the way again. But I’m not so great at giving Bean the time to make his own choices. I know in my head that toddlers require extra time for things, but in real life I get frustrated and often times end up doing things myself rather than giving Bean the chance to try to do it on his own.
Right now, as I write this, Chris and Bean are getting ready for bed upstairs. Chris and been up there for almost an hour, talking over things like how much toothpaste Bean should use and which pajama pants go with which pajama bottoms. And once I heard Bean yell out, “But, Dad! I almost pooped!” Ahhhh…parenthood. It’s funny that most of us go through it, and yet we have such different responses and experiences. I’m glad that my kids will get two different experiences in their home.
Even if it does make me want to kill their father sometimes.
31 Comments
Angela
I actually loved this post. It made me chuckle 🙂
Kelly H
This was HILARIOUS. Gave me a glimpse into my future when we have kids, it sounded all too familiar 🙂
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife
And, in our house, Brad and I are the complete opposite. Funny how parents end up complementing each other so well… huh?
Alyssa
I am due on Jan. 30th with our first child and OMG…this WILL be us! HILarious!
Sarah
Ae you sure you’re not talking about my house? Like yourself, I am a teacher. I’m convinced it makes us move quickly, take the reins and use the “teacher- voice” to get it all done.
Abby @ I Used To Have A Brain
So funny! This is very similar to how my husband and I are. I always thought it was because I’m doing daycare all day so by the time we need to do something with just our kids I just want to “hurry up”. But maybe it’s just plain old different styles.
The Life and Times of Me (Waiting for Bulgaria)
Haha! I can so relate.
Jenna@CallHerHappy
I’m pretty sure you just wrote a post about my family. My husband takes soooo long to do everything. I call him The Dilly-Dallier! He is always so amazed that it only takes me 15 minutes to do the dishes after dinner when it takes him almost an hour!
Lorrie
Loved this post! This is so going to be my husband & I when we have kids. Maybe it’s a difference between men and women in general.
Meggie
Sooo glad to know that my toddler isn’t the only one who takes forever to make decisions!!
Allison
This is so funny! I find it hard to appreciate my husband’s and my differences sometimes, but we really do complement each other. Thanks for sharing!
Sarah H.
I’m totally laughing! I do hear my husband say “Sarah, let HER do it, she has to learn. ” Very hard for me!
Rachel @ The Ongoing Planner
That is so going to be my husband and I! I am sure I’ll be the same as you and he is already the same as Chris. Well if your kids work out that means mine have a good chance too!
Sharlee@believinginsomething
This made me laugh! We don’t have kids yet, but my goodness, my husband has NO sense of urgency whatsoever. It really tries my patience…daily. I hadn’t even thought about this for kids…the good or the bad. It’ll be an exciting ride!
Jen @ Caved In
Like most of the other comments, my hubby is the same way. It’s his job to get Sully up in the morning and he sleeps until he hears the kiddo stirring then gets pissed off when he’s running late. Get up 10 minutes earlier!! Ugh, this must be a y chromosome disorder.
Chelsea
An interesting light to a common issue between “opposites”! Great post, made me laugh several times 🙂
Christina @ Marriage from Scratch
Hilarious. Loved this post. It’s true. I am yet to have kids but as a nanny I deal with this with “my” four year old….yeeesh
Sarah@Crazy Love Gamble-Style
Seriously, right there with you. My husband is SLOW, slow to feed hungry kids, slow to change a diaper, slow to put them to bed. Yet quick with other things like losing patience, yelling or skipping the step where you avoid the inevitable tantrum.
This drives me INSANE!
But we balance each other out perfectly too, funny how things work out.
laurenbtrain
CT3 and I are EXACTLY like yall. He is slow as molasses, I am like white lightening. Can I say that I just about fell over laughing though at these two lines in your post:: “JUST PUT HIS DAMN SHOES ON AND LET’S GO!……I react calmly” hahhah! I realized you were talking about two totally different situations i.e. slow people moving versus reaction in crisis situation but still totally cracked me up.
Allison
My comment is “ditto” to everyone else! I laughed/shook my head at this post because my husband also doesn’t HUSTLE in urgent situations!
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
So funny. 🙂 I can see this happening to us when we have kids.
Christine
Wow, I could have written this post. We split up the mornings like you do–I get the 11 month old and he has the 28 month old. My husband is not only slower when parenting, he also struggles with multitasking. The one thing at a time style or having the toddler help out style drives me bonkers because they slows things down.
I was just talking with my daughter’s daycare teacher this morning, and she brought up what you said, that by doing everything and doing it so fast, I may be keeping my kids from building confidence or mastering skills. So, it got me thinking–maybe I can slow down a little sometimes and let the kids (and my husband!) be more involved. We’ll see. Probably not in the mornings though…
Vdragon
Have you considered doing a ready drawer for Bean? The night before he can pick out his entire outfit down to underwear, socks and shoes, so there are no decisions in the morning? My sister found these cards to be helpful, but her daughter was a little older than Bean when she started using them: http://www.livinglocurto.com/2009/08/school-morning-routine-free-printable-cards/
Courtney
Sister, you are SO not alone. Even though we’re not really there yet, I just KNOW my husband will be very similar to yours when it comes to our son and getting ready to leave the house while I will be more like you. Bring it on….I guess! 🙂
Jamie
The following words are not in my husband’s vacabulary: Fast, Quickly, Hurry, Rush, Multitask. The man can’t even walk and tell a story at the same time (or listen to one for that matter). It already causes me to want to strangle him daily, I can only imagine how kids with magnify the situation. Hopefully, I can appreciate our differences and the perks it will have for our children. If not….well Lord help us!!
Andrea
I appreciated this one! Our home is the same way, but with one child. On the mornings that my husband has childcare duties, I’m actually late to work! Go figure.
Lissa
Ugh. Must be a man thing. My husband is the SAME way. Some days he doesn’t even get out of bed since our oldest (4) can dress himself! It sends me into a rage that lasts all day (when I’m home). This is TMI, but the worst issue my husband has is that almost every morning, when everything is all ready and all that’s left to do is put on coats, which of course is an adventure with a 2 yr old, my husband has to do a #2! and we all have.to.wait. so that the kids can give freakin’ give him a hug before we leave. Seriously!
Kat
You and I and Jon and Chris are very much the same in this respect. I am all about efficiency and planning, while Jon is about taking his time. But it drives me bonkers! I think maybe I should add patience to my list of 2012 resolutions or what-not, but we all know it ain’t happening, so why set myself up for failure 😉
Monica DeLaCruz
Soooo funny. Got to your blog from BlogHer and I liked this post.
Holly T
This is very similar to our household! I’m not ashamed to admit that when our now 6-year-old was a toddler I would, on occasion, dress him the night before so that we only had to change a diaper when he got up. Saved.My.Sanity. When we didn’t do that we picked out his clothes and found his shoes the night before and laid them out for a quick change in the mornings. I still do this for him and my other kiddoes now…makes getting him off to school go much smoother! And that is something I need with the 6 year old, a 2 year old and a 3 month old!
Lara
I just want to remind you of how awesome you two are. I learn and laugh every time I come here and can I just say how much the books you gave me forever ago have been a lifesaver?!! Thank you. So grateful for you both and how you share your lives, xoxo