Really? We.re Doing This Again?

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Last weekend, my BFF, Sarah, made me run another 5k with her. Chris said that since I have now run two 5k’s, I am officially a runner. But I don’t think it counts if the ONLY time you run is when your friend drags you through a 5k

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(Do you like our socks???)

I put pictures on Facebook and Twitter and I had so many people congratulating me on being so “athletic.”

I feel like I should clarify.

I am about as athletic as a bag of Doritos. I want to work out. I want to be healthy. But I just don’t have time! And, I know, I know. You make time for what is important. But I have made time for my job, my kids, my husband, this blog, my home life, my church life, and, occasionally, a good book. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for any other priorities right now. So, working out falls to the wayside.

Well, not the wayside exactly. I try to let it fall to the wayside, but freaking Sarah keeps trying to force me into healthy living. At least every other day, Sarah calls to ask me to go do something healthy – walk around the neighborhood (yes, we grew up together, teach together, and we now live in the same neighborhood), go for a jog, explore a nature park, take a yoga class. Every other day, Sarah calls or texts me with some activity for us to try. Which means every other day, I have to come up with an excuse. It’s becoming tiresome.

LET’S STOP THE CHARADE, SARAH!

But, she won’t stop. She is tenacious and unforgiving. It’s kind of like I’ve stepped in chewing gum and it won’t come off my shoe. I keep telling her I liked her better when all we did was drink and shop, but she will have none of my complaints. She’s tough, that Sarah.

So, last weekend, we ran a 5k. Well, “ran” is really ambiguous. Bless her athletic, vegan, little heart. She stuck by me the entire time and pretended to be as winded as I was. I started out alright. For the first mile(ish), I ran pretty good. I was passing people, tossing my hair, and picturing myself looking somewhat similar to those paparazzi pictures of Carrie Underwood when she works out. Then, I got a cramp in my side just as we came up on the first mile marker.

Now, I would like to pause here and appreciate the fact that I even made it a MILE. The last time I ran was in December at a 5k in Sea World. A mile without dying was a miracle to me.

With that cramp, I told Sarah I thought we had to stop and walk a bit.

“Oh, good,” Sarah said politely. “I’m tired, too.”

Now that was just a blatant lie. Sarah runs all the time and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t sweat. Like, ever. So the fact that she pretended to need a break for my sake was nice of her. We slowed to a quick walk pace for about 10 minutes.

“Okay,” I said. “I think I’m ready.”

We started running again for about 5 minutes and then I was POSITIVE I was going to either:

a) throw up
b) pass out
c) die

We were running on a cobblestone road and I really think that it was looking down at those cobblestones that made me suddenly get sick to my stomach. Well, those and the fact that in the past two months I hadn’t run further than to my car in the Target parking lot when it was raining. I told Sarah we had to stop.

“Oh, good,” Sarah chirped happily. “I’m winded.”

But she didn’t look winded. She looked windblown in that sitting-beside-a-breezy-beach-drinking-a-margarita way. But she stopped and walked with me anyway.

And we never ran again.

I walked the last almost two miles and I thought I was going to either:

a) throw up
b) pass out
c) kill someone…preferably Sarah

In the last fourth of a mile, the cameras and crowds started lining the street and yelling to encourage us. I wanted to yell back at them to shut the hell up and let me die in peace, but Sarah insisted that we actually RUN across the finish line. When I started running again, I couldn’t feel my legs. At all. I figured that meant either:

a) I was about to throw up
b) I was about to pass out
c) my legs had actually fallen off sometime during the second mile and I hadn’t even noticed

But, I did it. Dammit. I ran my short, fat legs across that finish line and I even resisted the urge to hit the runners who had already finished the race and looked all fresh-faced as they cheered for us and congratulated us. So, there’s a win. Nobody got punched.

The moral of this pathetic story? Find friends who are lazier than you and who want you to become lazier than them, instead of friends who want you to be healthy and live a long, full life. Those kinds of friends are overrated. So is running.

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25 thoughts on “Really? We.re Doing This Again?

  1. HAHAHA!! You are hilarious. Love it. I hate running 😉

  2. Whether you like it or not, I’m going to continue to be impressed with you even if it’s just for entering. I admire you’re Can Do attitude, even if it’s misguided because it means you’re at least getting out there and trying instead of being like me and just reading about other people doing stuff. 🙂

  3. I love the socks! And good for you for running…even if you don’t think you did much of it, because I couldn’t run if my life depended on it 🙂

  4. jenny-bird

    Haha! Those are cute socks. Kudos to Sarah for being your healthy shoulder angel. 🙂 By the way, you looks great Katie!

  5. Amy

    I need a friend like Sarah! Otherwise I may never run again. Love the socks!!!

  6. Amy

    Heck yes. Except Sarah is my husband, and he keeps suggesting we do athletic things together on the weekends. Which recently has included climbing a mountain with our two children and the Warrior Dash.
    He’s not as nice as her about slowing down though- she is a real gem. Keep her as a fitness buddy, or send her to me!

  7. Sandy

    you need a stunt double…

  8. Mallory

    This is hilarious Katie, I was laughing out loud! I totally get you, I hate running. I will do anything but! So awesome job running your second 5k!

  9. Teheh congrats on running even a mile? Our dog tries to make me exercise every morning and I’ve yet to convince him that running is seriously over-rated.

  10. diana

    people need to spot hating on running. 😛 running is awesome! and you are awesome for completing your second 5K! the best thing about training is it gets a lot easier…no more cramps and lots of endorphins that trick you into thing you are really having fun. also, running is way faster than walking so if you are pressed for time…

  11. Congrats to you on your accomplishment. I NEED a friend like Sarah who will motivate me to do active things every other day. I, too, seem to have the “time” problem that you do, although I know it is just an excuse. Good JOB!!! 🙂

  12. Lindsey

    I had a smiliar experience when I “participated” in my first 5k – you are hysterical!

  13. You look fab and I totally think you could rock the “runner” vibe.

  14. HeatherM

    Well you DID get to wear really cute socks :). And running a whole mile? Wow. Way better than I could do. I kept trying to use the Couch 2 5K app, but kept spraining my ankles when I would run. But it was a great app (I prefer the $2 version made by Felt Tip). You’d probably already be half way through the program, seeing as how you can already run a whole mile. Go you!

  15. Well done on finishing! I hate running with a passion, but I do love stripy socks 🙂 Watch out, if you keep going you’ll turn into a proper athlete!

  16. Good for you! The fact that you went back for a second 5K speaks volumes. I try to keep it healthy, but I’m just not sure I’d survive one of those. Congratulations on TWO of them! Next step is a half-marathon?

  17. Nikki

    What a hilarious post! I hate running too, but I have been running 5k’s with my Aunt. I’m pretty athletic, but it drives me nuts when crazy people who have already finished the race are running back through cheering us slow people on. That is when I have my, “I want to punch you in the face” moment.

  18. Hahaha. I hate running so much. There are very few forms of exercise I actually enjoy. This made me laugh.

  19. Grandma

    You forgot to mention “making time for Molly and Lucy!”

  20. “…shut the hell up and let me die in peace.” I think milk came out of my nose when I read that. Holla for you for publicly recognizing that running isn’t everyone’s game. My best friend, Aimee, eats chia seeds. CHIA SEEDS (as in Ch-ch-ch-chia!). And she posts chirpy little Facebook updates about how great they are. I like to think about those updates while I eat cookies. It makes me feel healthier….

  21. Katie!
    I ran my first 5K this weekend and I thought I was going to die. I ran it with two of my friends and one of my friends and the two four year olds both beat me. Did I mention my friend was pushing a double stroller?!?! How horrible am I? It’s nice to know someone feels the same way about running!

  22. Mariya

    You’re awesome.

  23. i just:
    a. wet my pants because of laughter
    b. decided we are soul mates
    c. made my husband read this because its classic

  24. Ann

    Katie, your healthy eating must be working, b/c even without exercising, you look trim.

  25. […] am not a runner. I don’t like exercise. But a few weekends ago, when my BFF forced me at gunpoint (not really) to run my second 5k with her, we were standing in my driveway with Sarah, her husband, Chris, and my parents the night before […]

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