Chris Talks to a Nurse

Tomorrow morning at the butt-crack of dawn, we’re going to be heading to the hospital so that Gracie can get tubes in her ears. I feel really good about it. Gracie hasn’t had a doctors appointment since Thanksgiving when she hasn’t either had an ear infection, a double ear infection, or fluid in her ears. I am so happy that she will have some relief from the constant ear aches, and that we might have some relief from the constantly missed work.

This afternoon, I had a voice mail from the doctor’s office asking me to call them back to answer a health questionnaire for Gracie. Since I teach, it is really hard for me to step out and take a personal phone call, so I sent Chris a quick email and asked him to call the doctor’s office for me. He emailed me back an hour later and all his email said was, “That was hard.” When he got home from work, he once again told me how hard the questionnaire had been. Finally, when he said it again over dinner, I asked him straight out, “What exactly did they ask you?”


Following is the question and answer session Chris told me he had with the nurse. I dare you to read it and not wet your pants.

Nurse: How old is Gracie?
(Correct answer: thirteen months)
Chris: She’s still a baby.

Nurse: How much did Gracie weigh when she was born?
(Correct answer: 8lbs, 2oz)
Chris: She was medium sized.

Nurse: How much does Gracie weigh now?
(Correct answer: 21bs)
Chris: She’s about the weight of a watermelon.

Nurse: How tall is Gracie?
(Correct answer: 29in.)
Chris: She’s pretty short.

Seriously. These are the things my husband knows about our daughter. It’s frightening. I told him that we have to get there early tomorrow so that I can correct our paperwork so they don’t dispense the anesthesia for a short, medium-sized, watermelon weight baby.

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46 Thoughts to “Chris Talks to a Nurse”

  1. Hilarious! My husband knows all of these details more than I do, unfortunately but I’m not sure I could guess watermelon as a weight 🙂

  2. Weight of a watermelon–Remember those weekly pregnancy updates that said stuff like, “Your baby is the size of a mango this week!” It is sorta the same now that Gracie is on the outside, right? Ha ha!

  3. Ann C

    I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. I shared with Jerry, who says he’d “like to think he’d have better answers.” I seriously doubt it.

  4. Awesome! Men are so funny about this stuff. Mac refuses to call the doctor’s office because “they ask too many questions” He doesn’t even know the name of our pediatrician. He’s just “bald dr with glasses”. Lovely.

  5. Oh my… that cracked me up! Sooo funny!! I love the comparison of weight to a watermelon. I’m still laughing. =)

  6. Hahahahahaha that is EXACTLY how Max is going to be with our baby. You are brave for even considering that Chris might know some of these answers… lol. You guys crack me up!

  7. LOL how cute! Hey, he gave it a shot, right?

  8. Sarah H.

    Poor Chris, haha. I just quizzed Ryan with those questions and he knew all of them but Natalie’s height. Natalie and Gracie are actually the exact same size! Good luck tomorrow! I hope Gracie and you all get some relief!

  9. Lauren

    Haha! This so reminded me of one time when my husband dropped our daughter off at the nursery for church, and they asked him “is there anything we need to know?”, because she was only about 5 months old at the time, and he responded with “well, she might be hungry, but she might not. And she might be sleepy, but she might not.” The lady just looked at him and laughed!

  10. Ha ha! The weight answer makes me think of Dirty Dancing: “I carried a watermelon?”

  11. Heather

    Oh my gosh that is so funny!! My husband didn’t think it was as amusing as I did… although he probably would have given similar answers if asked about our son…

  12. Amanda

    Oh my I’m laughing do hard that my husband thinks I’ve lost it. This is how he would have answered the questions. I read the post to him and he agreed. Prayers for an easy time tomorrow as well as relief for all of you.

  13. jessica

    That was absolutly hysterical!

  14. That is too much! I love it! That is exactly the way my husband would have responded. Men, sometimes just make your heart smile.

  15. Kat

    Dare incomplete…I’m pretty sure that I just wet my pants.

  16.! I am terrified to know what my husband would say!! Oh wait, he probably would probably pass out at the thought of having to answer!

  17. Hilarious!!!!!!! My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but I could totally see him saying something like this!

  18. I’m just curious. Is she the weight of a personal watermelon or family sized in Chris’ estimation. Because they vary and that could be key info there!

  19. HA! I have tears in my eyes. Absolutely hilarious! Praying for Gracie and you all this morning!

  20. BAHAHAHAHA!!!! I have a feeling my hubby will be the same way when we have kids in the future. Too hilarious!

  21. Alyssa

    We had been getting the run around with our docs about our 3 month old son’s ‘colic’. We knew it was something more and kept pushing and pushing for testing. We finally got fed up and my mom came in from out of town (she’s a nurse) to meet with the docs with my husband and I. My mom and I did ALL the talking- and I mean ALL of it. At the end of the appt. the doc looked at my husband and said ‘are you ok with all this?, you haven’t said a word since you got here’ 🙂 He was of course on board but it was hilarious! (for those wondering our son has milk soy protein intolerance and needed to be on a prescription formula. Now all his symptoms are GONE- we finally have a happy baby!)….moral of the story- if you think something is WRONG- Keep PUSHING! You are the parent and nobody knows your child better than you do!

  22. hahaha! I can SO see my husband saying all these answers! Men so do not pay attention to details, except for when it comes to their hobbies and interests!

  23. Are you sure that wasn’t my husband? When he gets in the presence of a medical professional all common sense goes straight out the window. And seriously, I think tubes are a heaven-sent invention.

  24. So funny! I doubt my husband would remember that stuff but I do not think I would either!

  25. Rachel

    That was hilarious! I hope by now Gracie is out of surgery & on her way to being healthy. Tubes were the BEST thing we did for our son, who would NOT take any medicine (if he miracously swallowed it, he would throw it back up).

  26. That was so funny! Thats exactly something my dad would do!

  27. Laurie

    That is hilarious!!

  28. Laurie

    Also forgot to add, hope Gracie’s surgery goes well!! and she is on her way to healthier ears!

  29. Hope Gracie starts feeling better soon. My husband would answer those questions about that same way.

  30. Oh. My. GOSH! Hehehehehe…. poor Chris. If this were our house, it would also be “Poor Gracie.” Just imagining what nicknames could come out of this… Shorty McWatermelon? I hope the tubes help the poor little sweetie – I know ear aches can be awful!

  31. Hilarious!!! I’m sure my dad was the same way, and I already anticipate my husband will also be the same for our future children! Haha. Hope miss Gracie is doing okay and the tubes help her!!

  32. Nicole

    Oh my gosh! I laughed so hard every time I read the next question. Too funny. Thanks for sharing!

  33. That is hilarious! So typical. Definitely had me cracking up.

  34. Brianna

    Too funny. When our son was born my husband called his work to let them know. When asked how big he was instead of reporting 7lbs 4oz and 19 inches he reported “average”.

  35. Melissa

    I made my husband read this and apparently Chris is now his hero! Good thing we’re still a few years away from having kids =)

  36. Sonya

    Hilarious! I almost did pee my pants!

  37. I’m dying! I love husbands. Details are never their strong suits.

  38. Good luck! We are on our second set of tubes for our 4-year-old and first for our 2-year-old and they are truly miracles. The fluid will drain immediately and then when they do get infected, you see the drainage and just put drops in their ears for a few days. I wrote about our experience if you want some perspective on what will go down.

  39. Amber

    This. Is. Awesome. I love it!

  40. Maren

    My husband (he’s Chris too!) would totally give those answers also, if we had a child together! lol

  41. Amy L Butler

    I laughed so hard I cried. HaHaHa. This is so great. Thanks for sharing!

  42. Oh my goodness, that is hilarious! I am crying from laughter. I’m sure the nurse on the other end was trying her best to also not laugh and was wondering where the mommy was. 🙂

  43. Chloe

    This is wonderful!

  44. That’s hilarious… husbands can be pretty clueless sometimes! I just found your blog and I really like it! What grade do you teach? I am a high school English teacher, and my husband and I are now starting to talk about kids… I am worried about teaching full time, and whether I’ll still have energy and enough love for my kids at the end of a day dealing with my high schoolers! I love them, but they are challenging for sure. Keep up the great blogging!

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