Having a blog about your marriage is a great way to keep tabs on things. Just like I’m sure having a blog about healthy eating is a great way to keep track of how healthy you are actually eating, or how having a blog about parenting is a great way to keep track of how good you’re doing with your own children. Blogs are like giant, very close mirrors. The honest ones often do more for the writer than they do for the reader.
Lately I’ve noticed that I haven’t been posting hardly at all about my marriage. Which is something to think about, considering this is a marriage blog. I’ve been trying to think of something to write about for two weeks now, but nothing has come to mind. Which has me concerned.
In two weeks, NOTHING HAS COME TO MIND ABOUT MY MARRIAGE.
At first, I thought that was fantastic. We aren’t fighting, we aren’t in crisis mode, we aren’t struggling with a challenge, we aren’t working through something deep and meaningful. We aren’t really anything. We just are. For a week, I thought, “Well, that’s great! Look how far we’ve come! Look how good our marriage is doing!” And then two weeks went by and my mind continued to stay blank about my marriage. That’s when the panic began to set in. “What’s going on? What’s happening here? Are we 7-year-itching? Are we avoiding real issues in our marriage? Are we regressing? Or worst, are we (gulp) growing apart????”
Don’t you love the female mind? Such a powerful tool. And like most powerful tools, it can really wreak havoc when not used properly. Doubting my marriage simply because things are going smoothly is not using my power tool correctly. Instead, I should be using my power tool to do powerful things. Like writing my sweetheart a note to tell him how much I love him even when life is calm. Or like praying more about how I can be a better wife. Or like planning a really awesome date night. Power tools don’t always have to blaze trails or fight through hard things. Sometimes power tools can be just as useful doing practical things, like hanging a ceiling fan or bookshelf.
All of this is to say that:
A) My marriage is enjoying a little period of inactivity. We’re not growing necessarily at the moment, but we’re enjoying each others company while we’re idling.
B) My marriage will need to start growing again here soon. My mom told me one time that a marriage is like a shark – if it isn’t moving forward, then it will die. (Did you know sharks have to keep moving or they will die?) So, forward motion is always the goal, but it’s kind of nice sometimes to just be still for a while.
C) I have a powerfully strong female mind. Shocking, I know. And while most of the time, that massive power tool sitting on my shoulders can be used for all kinds of important work – like growing my marriage, finding new ways to raise two sweet babies, and learning about how to become a better person myself – sometimes, that power tool can take a break and, as Bean says, chillax for a while.
Life without storm clouds is not the worst thing in the world, and neither is a smooth sailing marriage. We might not be doing anything truly blog-worthy, but I’m enjoying this time with Chris. We’re cuddling on the couch while watching TV at night, laughing at the kids behind their backs (Bean said, “Holy shoot!” tonight and we cracked up!), and holding hands while we drive down the road. It might not be forward progression, but that might not be such a terrible thing. Peaks are incredibly uplifting in a marriage, and valleys can be so very strengthening. But sometimes the in between is awfully satisfying, too.