Again and Again and Again

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Oh, imaginary friends!  What a week!  Am I still awake?  It’s quite possible that this week has exhausted me to the point that I am blogging with my eyes closed while I catch a few winks.  I have been busy with church obligations, school projects, requirements for my teaching certificate, and a couple big looming deadlines at work.  In addition to these things on my mind, I’m in the middle of reading three books at the same time (“Bitterblue” by Kristin Cashore, “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, and “American Sniper” by Chris Kyle), and my two Bible study classes are overlapping a bit, so I’m actually participating in two devotionals at once this week.  And did I mention that I signed up today for a 10k race that is in (gulp) TWO WEEKS?  I feel like my brain is in 100 places at once!  Right now, I am the definition of spread too thin, but I’m loving it all!  Thank goodness we somehow make room for things we love.

Today I got ahead at school for the first time all week, which took a huge weight off my shoulders.  Last night I did a few loads of laundry, which took another weight off my shoulders.  And I finished one of my books this afternoon, which oddly took more weight off my shoulders.  (You know you are addicted to reading when books begin to weigh on you!)  Things are shaping up and I’m heading into the weekend ready to get some more things checked off my to do list.  I’m also making a to do list for Chris, which includes things like finish painting the last small side of our house and mowing our yard so that we don’t lose the kids in the grass when they are playing.

You know what is sitting the heaviest on my shoulders right now, though, Imaginary Friends?  Come close because I don’t want to say it too loudly.

I’m working on my book.  With a publisher.  And have been for a couple months. 

Nothing is in stone yet.  Trust me, you’ll know as soon as I know.  In fact, no matter what corner of the world you are reading this blog from, I guarantee that you will hear me squeal and hoot and holler if a book deal is actually ever really signed.  But I have been talking with a publisher for a couple months now, and I’m in the middle of getting a few more sample chapters to them this week.

Almost a year ago, I wrote this blog post about God shutting the door on my book.  I said that I thought sometimes God closed doors because it was what was best for you.  And I believe that.  But not very long after I wrote that post, I felt that tug again on my heart to write a book.  I just couldn’t get away from it.  Everywhere I went, book publishing was in my face.  It was what I literally dreamed about at night (one time I dreamed that my book came out and I was standing in Barnes and Noble, but wouldn’t let anyone pick it up off the bookshelf… ???).  And I prayed.  And I prayed.  And I prayed.  And I thought, “Lord, if this is your will, then put your hand on this book and I will be your servant.”

Not long after, my agent at the time called.  We had parted ways for a while after the first book deal fell through so I could go lick my wounds.  But several months had gone by and she wanted to check in to see if I was ready to try again.  And I was.  So, I wrote.  And I wrote.  And I wrote.  And publishers called and called and called.  I spoke with so many editors that I couldn’t keep them all straight.  My cup runneth over with publishers.

But not one of them worked out.  Every single deal I thought was in the bag passed me by.  And every time it broke my heart, but bolstered my spirit.  “I know your hand is on this, Lord, and I will wait for your perfect timing.”  Occasionally, my prayers were more like, “WHAT THE CRAP, GOD?!?!?!?” but more often than not, I was as patient as possible.  And still, no book deal.

This whole process has been going on for almost three years.

People have asked why I don’t self publish this sucker and get it over with.  I self publish every day on this blog.  Every day, I put my writing out there to be judged, criticized, embraced, laughed at, laughed with, shared, cultivated, and improved.  I don’t want to self publish because that’s an accomplishment I’ve already made.  I want something more.  I feel called to be something more.

Let me tell you, nothing has given me nerves of steel like trying to get a book published.  I’ve kept quiet about it because disappointment is so disappointing when it’s this personal.  When you want something this badly, the disappointment reaches all the way down to your toes and all the way to the core of your spirit.  And it can BREAK you.  It can break your heart into many, many pieces.  But every time it doesn’t work out, I learn to fill that broken heart with prayer and confidence that this has been put on my heart by a God who is big enough to fill that hole.

And so I am continuing to wait.  It might be this publisher.  It might not.  It might be this year.  It might be next.  It might be five years from now.  But I’ll be here, writing my heart out.  Pouring my heart out.  Because that’s the heart I’ve been given.
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32 thoughts on “Again and Again and Again

  1. There better be a Pittsburgh stop on your national book tour so I can give you a hug and a high five! This will happen for you, Katie. It will.

  2. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been waiting for this post since the last post about the deal falling through. I’m SO GLAD you’re writing your book. Don’t give up… keep being the little engine that could. You’ve totally got this!

  3. Just keep doing what you are doing Katie, one day the right publisher will see your work and see what we all see here! You are an amazing writer and we all love reading your blog. 🙂

  4. KATIE!! OMG!! So exciting! I just signed with a literary agent this week. I expect I will revisit this post many times in my heart. Rock it, lady 🙂

  5. darn. i thought i was going to see a surprise pregnancy announcement but i guess this is the next best thing. 🙂 praying God’s will is done here and He carries you through however this goes! best wishes for good news soon!

  6. First of all, can I say your open, honest, genuine conversation about your Walk with God is what attracted me to your blog more than anything else. And your statement of contrasting prayers are part of why I love you/this blog.

    Secondly, I’m praying for you and this book. His Will. His Way. But in everything with prayer and supplication. And as an act of faith, I’m assuming there will be an LA stop on your national book tour, I promise to be your personal Disneyland guide when you visit! 😉

  7. Keep on going, Katie! If this is what God has for you, He will be faithful to complete this work in your life! And I will be thrilled to read the book that comes from it. Praying for you!

  8. Sometimes it’s so incredibly hard to stay positive and to try and see the tiniest bit of light when it seems like everything is crashing around you but just keep focusing on that light. Let it surround you and lift you up. You’ll get there. Mostly because, from what I know from reading your blog for these past few years, you’re too damn stubborn. You are meant to right this darn book and thus you will. It will happen. I believe in that.

  9. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful- You WILL GET THERE! I know it. I have no idea when it will be, but I am sure you will.

    I love your wording: And every time it broke my heart, but bolstered my spirit. And this: Occasionally, my prayers were more like, “WHAT THE CRAP, GOD?!?!?!?” Keep doing what you love, and have faith, and it will come 🙂

  10. Katie

    I rarely, if ever, comment on blogs. I’ve read you for years. Since before Gracie, since before Florida…and Katie, (my fellow Katie), writing is your passion and your heart.

    The one rule about things that have to do with passion and heart is that you never, ever, ever give them up. Sometimes, we have to set them aside to allow room for other things to come forth.

    But then, once we’ve allowed other things to blossom, we can go back to our passion and heart and do what we truly love.

  11. Amy

    Can’t wait to buy a copy! You have so many people with so much faith in you, I know it’s just a matter of His timing. So glad your sister’s coin landed on the right side. 🙂

  12. Katie, that’s so great to hear! I spent yeeeeeaaarrrrrrrrssss working towards the same dream (I started submitting stuff to publishers and stuff over a decade ago, when I was still in high school–you can imagine how high-quality THAT writing was, haha) and finally signed with an agent two years ago and then got my first book deal last year. It’s a particular kind of pain and hope and purgatory to have written something you’re trying to publish, I think, and it’s not perfectly analogous to much outside the non-writing world. And emotionally it can really do a number on you. I loved your post last time about shelving the book–it was so resonant for me.

    I am so, so excited for your book, and it sounds like you’re in terrific hands with your agent and that things are going well. Can’t wait to hear more updates, and drop me a line if you ever want to commiserate. 🙂

  13. Jenna

    This made me smile for you! I know we will all enjoy when your dream comes true.

  14. Katy

    I cannot wait for you to get to published…that is one book that I will definitely buy!! I love reading your blog daily and know that when the time is perfect you will get that deal!! Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way!! God Bless!! 🙂

  15. Kat

    Go you! Seriously, you are so strong and I love it. Line me up to buy it when it’s published 🙂 (no ifs just when)

  16. Katie,
    Hoping your dreams come true!

  17. Michelle B

    One thing is for sure, Katie, when your book DOES get published (which it will because you are amazing), this girl will be RUSHING to the store to get it…and that, my imaginary friend, is a promise.

  18. Just patience Katie.. you will get there soon! 🙂 And I’m also waiting patiently… 😉

  19. Katie, my husband sent this song to me this morning to encourage me, and after reading this…I had to share it for you. You can, you can, you can. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmuIQACxhKE

  20. Those publishers had better get their heads out of their butts! I am dyyyyyyyying to read your book!

  21. Jill

    Katie! Exciting news. Never let go of the callings of your heart. My mom is an author and has 40+ books published. She wrote THREE complete manuscripts before she got her first book published. And she wrote them on a typewriter!!! You can do this…

  22. Aileen

    So awesome, I’m rooting for you, Katie!!! Love from your imaginary friend. 🙂

  23. Melissa

    Give us the address of the publisher and we’ll storm down the doors! Your writing NEEDS to be in book form and your fans are getting impatient =) Praying for you and your family and hoping God’s timing is sooner rather than later!

  24. Yay. Very excited for you!!! Keep plugging away and you will get that book published.

  25. Eeek! I REALLY want this book to happen! Whatever happens….just keep reminding yourself that you are AMAZING and there are soooo many people who can’t wait to read your book one day!

  26. As one writer to another – KEEP ON KEEPING ON! I’m in a similar boat, looking to jump into book publishing after a career of journalism, marketing and PR. Funny how everyone thinks if you are a writer, it’s soooo easy!

    Best of luck!

  27. Hilary

    Woo hoo! Hey, it’s exciting that you’ve gotten this far! Keep trusting in the Lord and remember that all things work together for your GOOD. Even when it seems like things will never happen.

  28. Nikki

    I am so proud of you for continuing your quest to write a book! I really hope that it works out for you. Since my son was born 8 weeks ago, I’ve only been able to read your blog while feeding him, but I’m going to work on commenting more often. It’s all about the little goals, right?!

  29. Katie, when it happens, know that you will be supported by your readers. When it happens I will be ready to buy your book because you are the one single blog that I look forward to reading everyday. I love your writing and it will happen.

  30. Suzanne

    Katie, you are a wonderful writer and I can assure you that WHEN you get published I’ll be running out to buy that book!

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