Pass Momma the Margarita

Tonight, Chris ended up working later than he already thought he was going to work.  Which was really his loss because it was taco night, and our fiesta waits for no one.

I knew it was going to be a rough night for Gracie from the minute I picked her up at daycare.  She was in that hysterically excited mood that means she is one giggle away from breaking down in tears.  And you really want to avoid tears with Gracie.  Remember when she was all colicky as a baby?  Well, she’s kind of like a colicky two-year-old.  Once she starts crying, you best settle in and pop some popcorn.  It’s going to be a while.

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Anyway, I was able to get her home before the crying started.  But just barely.  It seemed like the minute we walked inside the house, she melted down.  I think it was because Lucy licked her.  And then she never stopped crying.  I cooked dinner with her sitting on the floor at my feet, sobbing.  I helped Bean with his homework (he brings one worksheet home every Wednesday night) with Gracie sitting in my lap, whimpering.  I sat through dinner with the kids and tried to talk to Bean about his day while Gracie screamed from her chair.  Finally, I sent her to her room, which just got her revved up all over again.

Bean and I finished dinner and we went upstairs to take baths.  I could not get Gracie to calm down, but she didn’t have a bath last night, so I ended up stripping her down and sitting her in the bathtub still crying.

And then it happened.

Gracie got herself so worked up that she started gagging.  Which made Bean start to panic because he was sitting in the bathtub next to her.  But before he could get himself out of the bathtub, Gracie threw up.  And then all hell broke lose in about 3.6 seconds:

Bean screamed and jumped out of the bathtub.  But he tripped because he moved so fast. To break his fall, he put his arms out and caught on to one of the bathroom drawers that was hanging open.  Only, the weight of his body pushed the drawer shut, slamming his fingers in the drawer.  Bean starts crying.

While this is going on, Gracie was so freaked out by Bean’s sudden bolting out of the bathtub, that she flipped herself over backwards and went head first into the throw up that was now floating in the bathtub.

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At this exact same moment, some alarm company salesman rang our doorbell.  Which sent our dogs, who had been laying on the floor of the bathroom, into a frenzy.  They tore through the bathroom, legs flying and barking, slamming Bean’s hand into the drawer again.  AGAIN!

Finally, in a moment of primal instinct, I yelled out, “NOBODY MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I somehow managed to get both kids out of the bathtub, into jammies, and into bed.  I have no idea how.  By the time Chris got home, I was standing in our living room, mumbling something about margaritas and bubble baths.

Some days are better than others.  For me, that day… was yesterday.

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28 Thoughts to “Pass Momma the Margarita”

  1. Oh my god. This is . . . tragically hilarious. I just read this entire post out loud to my husband. I think it worked as birth control. Maybe we’ll wait a few MORE years for kids!

  2. Beth

    Oh Katie! I cannot tell you how totally I FEEL YOU ON THIS! It does get better I promise but keep Gracie around 8 years old because my 11 year old is one walking talking hormone factory. And those alarm system people have the worst possible timing!!!

  3. jenn v

    And I just announced that I’m due in March. Is it too late to take it back? lol

  4. why IN THE WORLD does the damn doorbell ring every.single.time chaos is breaking out inside? Today, I had to take my kids into the bank because I had way too many transactions to do in the drive-thru. I put Slade on the ground for a split second, and when I turned around like TWO SECONDS later, Zoe was dragging him through the bank on his stomach. That exact moment was when the banker asked me if I would like some information about a special account that yada yada yada… I mean. Why? Why then? Why not see that I’m just trying to make it through my transactions without my kid laying prostrate on the ground. Why not just do your job as quickly as possible so that I can get the heck out of there?

    sorry about your afternoon!

  5. I’m so sorry…but I cannot stop laughing. It’s been a rough day for me too. Screw it. Let’s get pitchers.

  6. Andie

    Wow..that is like chaos after chaos after more chaos with some side of chaos. I’m so sorry!

  7. Somehow you write things like this, and it makes me MORE excited about becoming a mom.
    Not about the throwup though. I can’t begin to figure out how to clean throwup from a bath that had 2 kids in it.

  8. Sarah

    Wow… That really sucks. I’m do sorry. Those days are so awful. 🙁

  9. Jennifer

    Yay Addison isn’t the only one who throws up in a meltdown!! Happens all the time. Only way for me to calm her down is whisper to her and make her answer questions so she forgets why she is going crazy. It works!! Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  10. Katie

    Oh good god.

    Welp. That’s all for me tonight. I’m just going to go to bed and be grateful I do not have kids.

  11. Tomorrow will be better! It just HAS to be.

  12. Lindsey

    Hilarious! Motherhood at it’s finest.

  13. Becky

    I read this at 2 am trying to wind back down after my horrid night. I needed to read this. Thanks!

    For the curious: 3 year old woke up hysterical and covered in pee head to toe. After stripping her down changing linens and quick bath (where she also fell), the 1 year old woke hysterical. Brought the younger one to our room to find blanket for older one and younger one puked and peed on our bed. (Hysterical piker too). So bath and change for all!

  14. I remember my sister having an episode like that. Hysterical crying that went on and on and on and on…. My parents ignored it. However, we were on a car trip at the time. My sister was sitting behind me and got to the gag & throw up point about an hour from our destination. She hurled all. over. me. I had to strip off, and spent the rest of the trip in my knickers. Furious.

    She was still crying. But this time she had a reason cos I smacked her. I don’t think my Mom yelled at me either!

  15. Oh no! I could see why bean would panic. YUCK!

  16. Oh you definitely needed a margarita in the worst way possible. What a rough night.

    And it seems to me like you already have an alarm system with Lucy and Molly.

  17. ah, we all have days like those. You go from feeling helpless to hysterical. If you can laugh about it, you can get through it. I had one of those days a few weeks ago! http://www.smiley9188.blogspot.com/2013/09/nolans-first-day-of-pre-school.html

  18. Peggy

    I am sorry you had a bad night but you made my day! I am laughing out loud – sorry but this is too funny and you have such a great way with words. The visual of this … oh my! Hope today is better.

  19. Suzanne

    WHOA. I now want to keep this baby I’m pregnant with inside of me forever 😉

    Okay, so about Gracie. I’m not so sure this will help but I do have a tiny bit of insight. I was a highly sensitive child and I remember that I “liked to cry” when I was younger. I don’t think it was an attention thing, I think it was a way of getting all my emotions out without knowing a better way of expressing them. My parents always sent me to my room to cry and I usually tore apart my room in my frustration, cried and then I was done. Dramatic, yes I was. But I will say that they handled it pretty well. They told me if I wanted to cry that was fine but that I needed to cry in my own room (so that I didn’t disrupt my entire family – I have a big family). It helped me vent out my frustration and it prevented me from seeking negative attention (they basically didn’t give me attention…just acknowledged the fact that I was crying and after they knew nothing was physically wrong with me, I was sent to my room). Not sure if that’s the best parenting tactic but it worked for me! I’m now a highly functioning adult HAHA! 🙂
    Also, I realize that Gracie is only 2 and I’m not trying to tell you what to do…I’m just telling you what worked for me because I actually remember that I liked to cry. As weird as that is.

  20. Jess Z.

    Ugh, girls. My 2-yr-old did that to me last week, minus the gagging. All she did was cry all night long! For no reason! This scene has played out at my house before, not fun.

  21. Lindsay

    Hilarious!!! Sorry 🙂

  22. Sarah H.

    Oh Katie, Katie, Katie. That sounds horrible!! I think I read the entire thing with my mouth open wide. Just goes to show you (and all the kid-less readers out there) that we are so much stronger than we thought and can handle what comes our way. You’re a rock star! Hope tonight goes better 🙂

  23. on days like these, i remind myself that one day i will laugh at this and have a killer story to tell. until then, enjoy your margarita.

  24. That sounds incredibly traumatic!

  25. VICKY

    I’m a huge fan of your blog and I finally have to come on here and state that for sure we may be living parallel lives. I also have two kids. One colicky, the other an angel. I am from Orlando but live in NC. Married to a great guy who is a grat dad. My dad also passed away this year. And my week today resembles your day. It’s tough being a working parent. When it’s bad it’s relentless. But when it’s good, you know God’s given you everything for a reason!
    Hang in there! 🙂

  26. Oh man! That sounded like a scene from a movie! I hope the next day was a better one!

  27. Kat

    omg Katie. I don’t even know where to begin. This is so overwhelming just to read (and brings out my fears lol) but I can’t imagine experiencing it. But what I know as a mom is that when things like this happen something takes over and somehow, despite the fact that you shouldn’t be able to, you get through it. And then, if you’re me, you drink half a bottle of wine and go to bed early.

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