When Marriage Lifts You Up

I am struggling a little bit this holiday season. It started at Thanksgiving and I just can’t seem to shake it. A large part of the reason is missing my dad. I keep dreaming about him, and I wake up with my heart bursting until I realize that it was just a dream and then I get very disoriented while I remind myself that Dad isn’t here anymore. It is heartbreaking every time it happens.

This past Sunday, though, was the second Sunday of Advent, and we lit the Peace candle at church.  The sermon was all about how peace has nothing really to do with your circumstances.  It’s a state of mind.  And I know this first-hand from experiences in my own life.  Times when I should have really been anxious or worried or nervous, and yet there was this overwhelming sense of peace, despite the chaos.

It’s this feeling that I am missing right now.  But always, always, it is my family who brings me back to center again.

UntitledChris has been very sensitive and supportive of me for the past month or so while I have been struggling a bit.  He has gone out of his way to make me feel loved and taken care of and valued.  And in that perfect example of what a partner should be, he has brought me out of a sad time and into moments of great laughter and sunshine.

UntitledIsn’t that what marriage should be?  Isn’t that what we should be doing for each other?  Marriage doesn’t make the dark days go away.  It doesn’t solve the problems.  It doesn’t change who you are or who your partner is.  But, when it’s right, what it does is fill you with love and warmth, and with the understanding that you matter.

UntitledThis weekend, we continued to celebrate my birthday.  Chris has made such a big deal about my birthday this year, and it has filled me with such unexpected joy.  My big gift this year were hockey tickets for our whole family.  Chris and I love hockey, and we had taken the kids to see a game last year.  Bean loved it!  And this time was no different.  We were all excited!

UntitledWe had a blast Saturday, but Sunday night might have been even more fun. Chris’s theater had their annual family gala event. Normally, this is a more formal fundraising event, but this year they opened it up to families and made it family-friendly. They had a great adult buffet, but they also had a gourmet kids buffet with chicken fingers, macaroni and cheese, and fruit. They also had a cupcake station where you got to make your own cupcake and decorate it with whatever toppings you wanted (my kids had two!). Santa was walking around, and on top of it all, we got to see the play “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” It was a really fun night, and we all had a blast.



UntitledKeepin’ it classy, Gracie…

Untitled…and Bean… and DADDY.

UntitledAnd excuse this picture. It’s from my phone, but too funny not to share.

UntitledLife is hard sometimes. Joy and peace can feel so far away. But that’s why having a good marriage is so important. When it’s done right, marriage lifts you up. It fills you with so much love that even simple things – a hockey game, sitting in your front yard with your kids, a Christmas play – make you feel special and significant. And it’s hard to feel sad when you’re too busy feeling special and significant…

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4 Thoughts to “When Marriage Lifts You Up”

  1. Simone

    I can relate to the dream thing. My grandpa died 8 years ago and it still sucks. He started showing up in my dreams a couple months after he passed. In the dream he’d show up at some family event and say he wasn’t dead, he had just been in a coma (stupid, i know). I used to hate those dreams but now I love them because for a few hours a get to talk to my grandpa and he’s alive and happy. I guess you just have to look at the silver lining, no matter how thin it is.

    Hope you enjoy the rest of your Holiday Season!

  2. Deepa

    The dream thing is the worst. Soon after my dad passed away, I dreamt that he came back laughing and was just pulling a joke on all of us. We were all too happy to be angry. A lot of my extended family was in the dream to, the families I had grown up with, and my dad’s college friends. (I had just seen everyone at the memorial, I guess.) Waking up from that dream was like hearing the news all over again. I am so sorry you are having a hard time. As you know, things get easier, then harder, then easier again. An easier spell is on its way.

  3. Great post. I recognize us in it. Your husband sounds like mine. I go through up and down times and my husband is the steady one. Knowing that the smallest of thing will put a smile on my face. Nope, marriage doesn’t fix anything, it just makes we’re not alone in our ‘things’.
    Glad you were able to write such a cheery post in the midst of not being at your best.

    We have been talking about peace ourselves in church. It was new for me to look at peace as a Person. We often focus on getting to the emotion of peace where we should focus on the relationship with the person who is Peace. Make sense?

    Love to you.
    Merry Christmas.

  4. Christine

    It’s so true what you say about marriage, and a great reminder to appreciate the efforts our partners make towards our relationships! Also a good reminder of how we should act as well. I always enjoy your marriage posts!

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