So, Chris is sick. Which is why this entire post is written as I whisper it to you. You might think this makes me a very kind wife, keeping quiet so my lovie can sleep. But, actually, I’m only whispering so that Chris doesn’t know I’m blogging about this. Normally, I have a 100% Share Clause in our blogging agreement. I show him every post that involves him before it gets published and he has 100% authority to tell me that he doesn’t want it published. No questions asked.
But sometimes a girl just has to get things off her chest. So, I’m going to whisper a secret post in your imaginary ears for just a minute. No one tell him…
Chris and I handle sickness in two very different ways. I’m not saying one is superior to the other, but… well, let’s just take a look at both of them, shall we?
When I am sick, I go lay down in my bed so that I don’t bother anyone. When Chris is sick, he lays in the living room on the couch and moans whenever someone gets in his general vicinity.
When I am sick, I stay home from work because I know that I can get other people sick and I know how unproductive I will be. Not to mention, I usually get over my cold quicker with rest. When Chris is sick, he attempts to continue working, which means he takes twice as long to get better. Which means he lays on my living room couch moaning for twice as long.
When I am sick, I try not to take too much medication because it makes me groggy and foggy headed and I usually end up feeling worse. Gatorade, water, and chicken noodle soup are my medicine. When Chris is sick, he takes DayQuil and NyQuil continuously around the clock for a week (because he has attempted to work and so now he is sick for a longer period of time – see how this cycle works, kids?). This means for a week, he stumbles around our house in a complete fog as he attempts to find the living room couch where he can lay down and moan.
When I am sick, I don’t want to talk to anyone. Just put me to bed and leave me alone. I’ll be up in three days. When Chris is sick, he suddenly wants to be around me all the time, explaining in detail every new ache and pain he is experiencing. “My throat itches right here,” and then 20 minutes later, “Do I feel warm? I think I’ve got a fever” (he doesn’t), and then 15 minutes after that, “I’m lightheaded and my left pinky is cramping.”
When I am sick, I always, ALWAYS assume it’s something minor, like a head cold or allergies. When Chris is sick, he immediately declares some sort of medical mystery is taking place inside his body.
Like I said, this is not a competition. Neither of us are “better” sick people. It’s just that some of us are… better to live with when we’re sick people.
And some of us are just such damn pansies that their wives want to scream, “JUST GO LAY THE *BEEEEEEEEP* DOWN, CHRIS!!!!!!!”
Well, I feel better.