Kindergarten Paperwork

Baby fever.  I’ve gots it in a bad way.

The other night, I was talking on the phone with a girlfriend who has a four-week old son.  She was talking about how hard it is to adjust to the lack of sleep and the responsibilities of becoming a mother.  We talked about colic and reflux and fussy babies.

And I hung up the phone and I STILL WANTED A BABY!  That’s how I know baby fever is an illness.  When nighttime feedings and lack of sleep sound sweet to you, you are sick in the head.  That’s why this is called “baby FEVER.”  Clearly, I am violently ill.

But, nonetheless, babies are on my brain.

(Calm yourselves, imaginary friends.  We are not in the baby business around these parts anymore.)

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I think it’s because Bean is getting ready for kindergarten.  I have been so excited for him to start.  For months, we have been talking about it and waiting for it.  But then last week, I started filling out his actual registration paperwork and, honestly, I almost cried.

I mean, this is a wonderful beginning for him.  A lifetime of learning is in front of him.  So many experiences and adventures await.  And for those things, I am truly excited.

But at the same time, this feels like very sad ending to me.  I can’t really explain it more than that.  It just feels like we’re moving on before I’m ready to let go of the past four and a half years.

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What if I missed something?

What if I was supposed to plant a memory or create a childhood that he didn’t get?

What if it’s too late to teach him something?

Was I supposed to take his training wheels off his bike already?

Does he know not to run out in traffic yet?

How will he make friends?

Did I teach him how to be confident?  Kind?  Caring?

Is he ready?

Did I prepare him as much as I could?

Did we sing every song we were supposed to sing?

Did I give him every hug he needed?  Every snuggle he wanted?

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I feel like I’m getting ready to send him out into the world and my head knows how wonderfully successful he is going to be.  How happy he is going to be.  But my heart is worried and for some reason, it just feels really tender and sore right now.  Because as happy as I am and as ready as Bean is, I know that this is definitely the closing of a door and the ending of a stage in Bean’s life.

Will he still let me kiss him when I drop him off?

Will he still look for me when he falls down and scrapes his knee?

Will he still let me rock him when he’s really sleepy or doesn’t feel well?

Will he still try to climb into my bed on Saturday mornings?

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I’ve been really irritated with the kids lately.  They call my name ALL. DAY. LONG.

“Mom! I ‘pilled my milk!”

“Mom! Gracie spilled her milk!”

“Mom! I need a new milk!”

“Mom!  Gracie needs a new milk!”

“Mom!  Where is my new milk!”

“Mom!  Gracie still needs her new milk!”

It’s all day and by about…oh… 10:00 in the morning, my nerves are shot and frazzled.  But then I see the folder of kindergarten paperwork sitting on the kitchen counter and my heart starts to beat faster.

One day, they won’t need me.  They’ll just clean up their own spilled milk and pour themselves another glass.  And while I’ll be so proud of them when that day comes, part of me will catch my breath and close my eyes and feel my heart skip a beat.

So, the reason for this posting is to ask that if you happen to be out strolling with your little dimple-faced wee one and you should happen to see me pass, please don’t be alarmed if I do any of the following:

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1.  Coo at your baby and burst into tears.

2.  Yell out, “JUST YOU WAIT!  YOU’LL BE USELESS ONE DAY, TOO!” and then burst into tears.

3.  Wordlessly burst into tears.

Just pat me on the shoulder and point me on my way.  I’ll be fine.  I just registered my son for kindergarten.  That’s all.

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20 thoughts on “Kindergarten Paperwork

  1. Diane

    It doesn’t seem possible that Bean is getting ready to start kindergarten. I’ve been reading your blog since right around the time you had him. I am in the same boat. My little miss will start kindergarten in the fall as well. Though her personality reminds me of your Gracie. 😉

  2. Shannon

    My youngest is going to Kindergarten too, I feel exactly the same!

  3. Jen

    My little guy is starting kindergarten in the fall too and I feel exactly the same way as you do. And he is my own child so it is making me feel even more panic than i thought it would

  4. I always have baby fever. My memory is short.

  5. Bahahahahahaha!!! I love this! It’s exactly like going through menopause almost, except for the scorching and violent mood swings. I hope to God I am still alive and you are still blogging when you are going through menopause, because I don’t want to miss that! LOL
    Seriously, though, I know just exactly how you feel. I’m still disappointed you are not still in the baby making business. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that. Sigh.
    Those doorways. They just keep happening. You are keeping a very precious record of them. Well done and I thank you.

  6. Stacy

    Oh Katie, squeeze him extra tight! My son is in kindergarten and yesterday was the first time he didn’t want to kiss me at school. “Just a hug, Mommy,” he whispered to me. My heart broke into a million pieces. 🙁

  7. Don’t worry. I’ll be grunting and waddling before that every happens. Be jealous.

  8. Well geez, that’s enough to make this pregnant mama cry. My oldest is going to Kindergarten, too (full day, be still my heart) and I feel like I’m losing my baby. I know he’s still going to be here amd need me but I’m going to miss seeing him all day. And here come the tears. Thanks a lot, Katie. 😉 and for the record, having a new baby does not make this any easier. They’re our little boys.

  9. AH! I feel like that is going to be here before I know it! Thank you for the amazing reminder to enjoy each snuggle that much more.

  10. Bonnie B.

    I’m sure you already know this, but…they ALWAYS need you, just in a different way. Embrace the changes, because they are wonderful. Trust me.

  11. Christina

    You are doing a great job with Bean. This is a hard time….when your babies go off to school and you feel like you are no longer in control of their life all the time. You have many milestones ahead where you will feel this way again! My baby is learning to drive now and will be driving himself right at the beginning of summer. Crazy to imagine…hard to just let him take the car and run. He is still supposed to be this little boy that brings me flowers and lets me cuddle him at bedtime…LOL It seems time has gone fast, but we have so many memories together. Enjoy this time, even though it is a little stressful, it will go great and you will be surprised at all that you get involved in while Bean and Gracie are in elementary school, there are so many wonderful things to be a part of and it is wonderful watching them grow and become more who they are going to be.

  12. Suzanne

    Oh man! Brooke is only 5 months old and that just made me cry. Thinking about how fast time flies and how much she’s already grown just scares me…I know that I’ll be signing her up for kindergarten before I know it. Sigh.

  13. Meghan

    Is someone cutting onions around here? Someone definitely must be cutting onions…

  14. Sarah Hash

    I figured that since I work full time and my kids are in day care/preschool that them going to school wouldn’t be that big of a deal–we’re all gone all day somewhere. But I guess it is a big moment! I am SO not looking forward to homework….if I have to help my kids as much as mine helped me…..
    I REALLY enjoyed the pictures of baby Bean!! Such a cutie! I’ve been reading your blog since you were pregnant with him, so I know you’be hugged him and sung all the songs, and taught him to be the awesome, smart boy that he is!

  15. Christy

    I almost burst into tears just READING this! My baby girl will be a first grader next year and is about to turn 6. I tear up every time I think about it. We are so happy that they grow up healthy and smart, but it’s hard as a mommy to let them. Ok, I have to go have that cry now. =)

  16. Dawn

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I read this with tears in my eyes, but a smile on my face as I thought of my sweet boy and the fact that we also registered for Kindergarten, just yesterday. He’s “ready” as far as the testing tells us, but his Daddy and I are definitely having a hard time. Doesn’t help that the day after he starts school, I will go back to work from maternity leave with his soon to arrive sister!

  17. Hilary

    My oldest is just wrapping up her kindergarten. Honestly, it was WAY easier when they were infants to drop them off at daycare and go to work. I’d arrive at the sitter’s with a bag of baby stuff and hand her the baby carrier, baby wailing and leave as fast as possible with little less than a “See ya!.” But then this awesome thing happened. They got older. They started walking, talking and acting like humans. Then I didn’t want to leave them any more. Then I wanted to stay home and do art projects and read and take them to museums and concerts and play outside. But just as they were starting to be so amazing, school came. Preschool and kindergarten. I know how you feel. I cried all the way to work the day I dropped my daughter off for kindergarten. Not because she was upset or scared. She was the opposite, actually. And that’s why I cried. However, despite the emotions, there is still no way I would go in for another kid. Two is just enough for me.

  18. Jenna

    I love that close up grin picture! This just about made me hyperventilate. I worry about all those things on some level daily. Maybe that just means we are trying our best?? I’ll be thinking of you!!

  19. Maren

    I’m right there with you…except we’re not registering for K, we’re registering for high school and getting Parent Taught Driver Ed. CDs in the mail.

    If it makes you feel any better my 14.5 year old son still hugs me, and in front of his friends (even girl friends!)!!!, and tells me he loves me every morning when he gets out of the car for school.

    And I think all that worrying means you’re a terrific mama!

  20. Nicole Curry

    Clean up their own spilled milk? Can I come live in your dreamland? Lol! Jake, who is in 3rd grade, stopped letting me kiss him goodbye just this school year. Heart. Broken. BUT, we made up a special, private handshake and now we do that instead. I still get my hugs and kisses at home so I’m ok with it. When Kendall started kindergarten this school year I was a mess. She had been with me 24/7 since she was born and now, because the LAW says so, I had to give her up to strangers for 8 hours everyday! BUT, she loves it. I love it. She’s not too excited about having to go to first grade next year but that’s just because she HATES change. You will be ok, Bean will be great, and you will be amazed how much more they have to say during dinner! Lol!

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