The Grammar of Marriage

I’m never more reminded of how lucky I am to have Chris than when we face a challenge together.  Over the years, we have learned that the only way to make it through the ugly parts of life is to lean on each other for support.  I think that’s a pretty good lesson to have learned.

I love Chris when he is there for me.  He has this calming presence that just puts me at ease.  He doesn’t have to be near me or touching me or talking to me.  Simply being in the room with him soothes my soul.  You know that part of love that people describe as magical?  I think that’s the magic they talk about.

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I love Chris when he is there for our kids.  Whether it’s teaching Bean how to ride a bike without training wheels or pushing Gracie on a swing or bringing home spontaneous treats for them, Chris knows just how to reach out to our kids.  He speaks their language.  He understands them in ways that I sometimes can’t.  He gets them in that dad way.  And I love him so much for that.

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I love Chris when he is sitting next to me on the church pew.  Chris’s faith is very different from mine.  He is quiet and reserved about his beliefs, and I respect that so much about him.  His walk with Christ is a slow, steady stroll.  He may not talk much about it, but he lives his faith every day.  This morning as they passed the offering plate in church, I saw him reach into his wallet and sift through some dollar bills.  He had ones, fives, and a twenty, and I smiled to myself when he put the twenty in the plate.  Not because money has any monetary value to God, but because Chris chose to honor God in that small, quiet way.  Chris is always so conscious about our money, but he never questions when we give to the church.  Never.  I’m not sure why that speaks to me so strongly, but it does.

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I love Chris when he is quiet.  Solitude is an important part of our marriage.  Both Chris and I value time to ourselves and we recognize that need in each other.  But since we have had kids, we have learned that sometimes it’s just not possible to get away by ourself, and so instead we have naturally gravitated to quiet evenings together.  Some nights after the kids have gone to bed, Chris and I sit on the couch with quiet music playing and we do our own things.  I read and he works, or I blog and he reads.  We sit close together, sometimes even entangling our legs on the couch, but we give each other that solitary time.  And it seems to be even more fulfilling when my alone time is spent side by side with Chris.

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Marriage is a funny thing.  When I was first married, it was simply a title.  A box I checked.  “I am married.  Married I am.”  It was an adjective then.

Later, as we grew out of the newly-wed stage, marriage became sometime to work on, to grow, and to strengthen.  It was WORK to be married.  It wasn’t something I was, it was something I did.  It was a verb then.

Now, almost nine years in, marriage has become this state of existence.  It is the place where I live every day.  It is him.  It is me.  It is our life.  Marriage is now a noun.  It’s the person I have become, the place I lay my head, and the thing I prize the most.

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Sometimes, I forget to blog about my marriage.  Weird, right?  This blog is called MARRIAGE Confessions.  But being Chris’s wife and loving him as my husband is second nature to me now.  It’s as natural as my next breath and as much a part of me as every hair on my head.

But there are those times when I turn to the person standing faithfully by the side and I see his hand in mine, still after half my lifetime, and I think to myself, “Love is.  It is as simple and as complicated as that.  It just is.”

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14 thoughts on “The Grammar of Marriage

  1. Jenn

    Beautiful Katie, simply beautiful

  2. Sharon Faye

    I’ve been following your blog for several years now. I LOVE your writing. My husband and I have been married 20 years last month and my youngest is 14 and a freshman in high school. But even though I’m a little bit older, I can still relate to so much of what you say, especially in your post today. I seldom comment on the blogs I read, but… dang it, child… you made me cry ! And then I promptly went over to the sofa where my “soul mate” was playing a video game, and snuggled up with him to finish reading my blogs…

  3. Jess

    This is a lovely post, and has made this 37 week preggo woman stop and pause, you say things so well. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Andrea in SC

    I. Love. This. Post. SOOOO MUCH!!!!! Spoke directly to my heart….. Girl, you and your marriage are awesome! <3

  5. Love this! And I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing!

  6. You totally nailed this one. Made me want to spend some quiet time with the husby.

  7. jenny-bird

    It’s funny that you chose to write on this subject today. My husband and I been married for 5 years, but like you and Chris, we were high school sweethearts and have been in one type of relationship or another for 10 years. Today we ordered Chinese take-out, and as I began digging into my lunch special, my husband asked if we could share his lunch and save mine for later. (General Tso’s chicken is much better than Sweet and Sour chicken is for leftovers.) I agreed without giving it a second thought. We’re so comfortable with each other it just wasn’t an issue. You’re right, it takes a long time and a lot of hard work to learn to live with someone. But when it’s good it’s good. I’m glad to hear ya’ll are so happy!

  8. Casey

    Amazing post! I love it.

  9. Jenna

    Beautiful and perfect and exactly where I am, Katie. Thank you yet again!

  10. Jen

    Love this post – as an English teacher your explanation of the “grammar” was particularly awesome. Keep it up 🙂

  11. […] of Marriage Confessions reflects on how her relationship with her husband has evolved through the years. A short, sentimental […]

  12. Clara H

    I have been following your blog for a while now, and I always come back to this one. I am not married (yet) but I find that I can relate to many issues. You write beautifully, and I’ve yet to come across someone as honest about their relationship as you. I love the way you love. It is my inspiration. Thank you.

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