I am having a photographic emergency right now. See this camera?
It has so many beautiful pictures on it from this weekend. Pictures with family and friends. Pictures from baseball games and birthday parties. Pictures of Gracie running naked through the backyard and Bean doing homework. Really, really important pictures, you guys. But the battery is dead on my camera…
…AND I CAN’T FIND THE CHARGER!!!!!!!!!!! (insert melodramatic scream here)
I don’t know what I have done with it. I’m searching. But until then, you’ll have to let me tell you about something else that happened to me this weekend. Something that was definitely NOT camera-quality programming, but still has touched my life in a profound way.
There is a live lizard loose in my car somewhere.
I was at Target on Sunday, loading groceries into the back of my car, when all of a sudden a giant (well, relatively speaking…) lizard pops up on the back of the car seat and stares right into my eyes. And then it whispered, “15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance…”
And then I did the only imaginable thing I could conceive of doing in that situation. I turned to the closest stranger I could find in the parking lot and shouted, “THERE’S A LIZARD IN MY CAR!” and the poor woman looked sympathetically at me and said, “Better you than me!” and off she drove.
Not that I blame her.
This left me standing there in the parking lot trying to figure out what to do. I frantically thought, “Don’t lose sight of it! You’ll never find it again!” So, I climbed through the back of my car, up and over the back row of seats, just like the lizard had done. At this point, he was running all over the back of the car, and was just about to dash under the passengers seat. I lunged out to try to grab him, but he was too quick.
(insert colorful language here)
I climbed out of the back of my car and flew around to the passenger door. I flung it open just in time to see him climb up and disappear under my dash on the passenger side.
(insert more colorful language here)
Well, shoot. Now he was gone, and I had to drive home. What if he jumped out while I was driving? What if he climbed through my dash and crawled out on MY side where my feet are at the pedals? What if he climbed through my dash and popped out face-to-face with me on my dashboard?!
After a quick call to Chris, (who proved to be totally useless when he said, “Chill out. Maybe the lizard just needs a ride,”) I decided I was going to have to man up and just drive my lizard-infested car home.
It has now been 24 hours, and there is still no sighting of the lizard. I’m pretending that he climbed up into my dash and out some pipe or something and is now out of my car.
I’m definitely NOT pretending that he is still up in my dash laying hundreds of lizard eggs and watching them all hatch into a hundred lizard babies who will jump on my legs and crawl up my body and peck my eyeballs out while I’m driving.
Nope. NOT pretending that, at all.
So, friends. Over the next two days, there’s no telling what will happen in my life. I might find my camera charger. I might not. I might be attacked by hundreds of baby lizards in my car. I might not. Life is so uncertain. And in these uncertain times, it’s best to drown your sorrow in Girl Scout cookies while you still can.
Pass me my Thin Mints.