Ever since Chris started graduate school at Yale, I’ve had this sticker on the back of my car. It’s a simple sticker that says, “Yale University.” At first, it was a badge of honor because I thought it was so cool to actually know someone who went to Yale. After the novelty of the school wore off, I kept it on my car because I was so proud of Chris for what he had accomplished. When he graduated and started working in New York, we kept our connection to Yale through my job there, and that sticker was no longer a symbol of Chris, but of my own ties to Yale. When we moved to Florida, I debated about taking the sticker off, but decided to leave it on for nostalgic reasons. Every time I backed my car up, I’d see that sticker in my rearview mirror and I would remember that wonderfully happy time in our lives.
I took the sticker off this weekend.
Looking in that rearview mirror every day kept me in the past. Every time I looked at that sticker, it was because I was backing up. Sometimes it was backing up my car, and sometimes it was backing up emotionally. I’d look at that sticker and think about all the things I didn’t have in my life anymore. The people who we came to love at Yale, the house that became our first home, the jobs that started out our career paths, the seasons that gave us so much happiness…all of it. Every time I saw that sticker in my rearview mirror as I backed up, I’d mentally and emotionally back up a little bit, too.
This week, I was backing my car out of my parking spot at school after a particularly rewarding day of teaching that made me both proud and happy to be a teacher. I glanced at the sticker and thought to myself, “Oh! That’s still on there?” I couldn’t remember the last time I had noticed it. Probably not for months. “I should probably take that off,” I thought.
Just like that. I should just take it off.
In the past year, we have been establishing ourselves where we wanted to be in Orlando. We’ve built a life that not only satisfies me the way that our life in Connecticut had, but goes beyond that and makes me feel complete and whole. I can’t imagine my life being anywhere but here. I know where my kids are going to go to school in a couple years. I wake up every morning and drive to a job that fulfills me in ways I didn’t even know needed fulfilling. I come home to a family that is funny and happy and energetic and exhausting and constantly keeping me on my toes. I lay down at night beside the one person in the whole entire world that could give me this life. I can honestly say that I have never been this happy in my life.
You should see my house right now. It is a disaster zone. (I say that like that’s a change from the normal, every day state of my house…) But you know what I did today? I went on a glass bottom boat tour with my mom, my best friend, my grandma, and my two kids. We came home to the hustle of bath times and bedtimes and Sunday evening chores to get ready for the week. And as I sit here now, my house is finally quiet and the rush of the day is calm and if I had to give one word to my day after all that chaos it would be “happiness.” Just pure happiness. Happiness that I got to spend the day with three generations of women, all who have inspired me in ways I don’t even think they know. Happiness even though the kids were tired and grumpy when we got home and fought bedtime hard core. Happiness even though I got absolutely nothing done that I needed to for this upcoming week. Happiness even when I’m exhausted and feel like I need another weekend to recover from this weekend. It is all just happiness to me.
Running has been an unexpected joy in my life, but I think it is really the sign of something much deeper happening to me right now. With every step I run, with each early morning I rise, with each mile I clock, I am doing something that brings me happiness. For a long time, happiness was situational for me. I was happy when things were happy around me. But something in the past four or five months has shown me how to live in a state of happiness, even during times that may not necessarily be happy. On work days when I feel ineffective in the classroom, I still feel happy in my career. On days when dinner is late to the table and kids are crying and dogs are barking and Chris texts to say he hasn’t even left the office yet, I still feel happy. I feel other things that sometimes dull that happiness – frustration or exhaustion or anger – but at the end of each day, there is always happiness.
Deep, deep down in my soul there is happiness now.
Turns out, I don’t need to be constantly reminded about specific times in my life that have made me happy. I don’t need a sticker in my rearview mirror to remind me of happy days. That happiness is inside me. It goes with me. It’s there on good days and on bad days and every day in between. And when it is that prevalent in my life, when I don’t need reminders or moments that show me how happy I am, when it just comes that naturally from inside, then it’s time to take down that sticker.
15Apr
I’m reading this book called “Mile Markers,” by Lance Armstrong’s ex-wife, Kristin Armstrong. She is a runner who has a blog on the Runner’s World website and who has written several books about life through the eyes of a runner. This particular book is about the “26.2 reasons that women run.” Sarah gave it to me to read. I was a little skeptical at first because while I am continuing to run five to six days out of the week, I still wouldn’t call myself a runner and so I felt a little bit like an outsider reading a “runner’s” book. But, as Sarah promised, it isn’t a runner’s book at all. It is more about women and friendship and life, and, I have to say, it is so uplifting to read. Not only does it make me proud of all the running I’ve been doing, but, more importantly, it makes me more aware of the kind of person I want to be.
Actually, running in general has done this for me. In the past few months that I have been getting up early and running, I’ve seen real differences in my life in areas other than my health and waistline. The biggest change I have seen in myself is that I am simplifying my choices. It started as a simple question I’d ask myself at 5:00am when I found myself wide awake in my bed, trying to decide if I was going to get up and go run. I am the Queen of Excuses. I’m pretty sure I’ve held that title since I was little. I can come up with an excuse for anything. But at 5:00am, it’s hard to come up with creative excuses. It really just boiled down to one statement: I could go running, or not. It was as simple as that. I could choose to get up or not. There was no excuse, no reason, no explanation that mattered. I could do it or not.
And so, I’d sigh and grumbled, “Fine!” to myself and I’d get up out of bed and go for a run. Which I never regretted.
Gradually, I stared applying that simple choice to all kinds of things. When presented with cupcakes in the teachers lounge, it became, “I can eat that cupcake or not.” And I walked away without those empty calories.
After flopping into bed one night without taking off my make up and washing my face, it became, “I can wash my face or not.” And I’d get up, wash my face, and sleep better.
When faced with sending a scary email that I had been avoiding for a couple days, it became, “I can send that email or not.” And I cranked out that email in three minutes and it was over.
When I got home from work and school and the kids were crying and I could either put on a movie to entertain them or I could get us all up and moving, it became, “I can either go for a walk or not.” And I loaded the kids up in the wagon and we got out for a while, all feeling better for doing something active rather than sitting on the couch.
When deciding if I was going to go to a meeting after work one day on the other side of town even though I didn’t feel too good, it became, “I can either go or not.” And I went and felt really great for being involved.
When extended an invitation to something that I might normally have not attended, it became, “I can either go or not.” And I ended up going and having a really great time.
When thinking about my Grandma one night this week in the middle of the mad dinner dash at my house, it became, “I can either call her or not.” And I called her, had a sweet conversation, and realized no one was going to die if dinner was a few minutes late.
When standing on one side of a hanging bridge or next to a tiny airplane in Costa Rica, it became, “I can either do this or not.” And I walked across that bridge or up into that airplane and (though I thought I was going to die both times…) I never looked back.
When I felt myself getting really mad at Chris over something this week, it became, “I can pick a fight about that or not.” And I decided to call my sister instead, blow off some steam, and Chris and I ended up having a civil conversation about it later instead of a fight right then.
I know that not all things in life are black and white, yes or no. But after a month or so of boiling things down to a yes or no decision, I haven’t found too many things that can’t be applied to my decision-making statement. I use it to make 95% of the decisions I make these days, and I find that not only am I making better choices, but I am doing a lot more things than I normally would do. I’m more active and more proactive. I complain less and feel guilty less because I know that I’ve made every decision deliberately and intentionally. I am more content and satisfied, even on days when things are crazy busy and hectic. It certainly doesn’t eliminate all my problems or stresses, but it does make me feel more in control of the things I do have a choice in.
I’m finding that life without excuses feels a lot better than a life built on excuses.
26Feb
I have a really great husband. He’s involved in our home life, prioritizes our family above all else, and, above all, he loves me. A LOT. I am a lucky, lucky girl.
Which is why I hesitate to complain about this one, small, insignificant issue…
On Sunday afternoons, Chris drives me absolutely insane. INSANE, people! It hasn’t always been this way. We used to enjoy Sunday afternoons together. But in the past couple months, those days have gone out the window. Why? Well, it began with a Target RedCard.
I do my grocery shopping at Target, and since I was spending about $100 a week there on groceries, I decided to get a Target RedCard. The RedCard has two different options. One is a credit card, and the other is linked to your debit card. I got the one linked to my debit card. It has no enrollment or annual fees, and costs me nothing to use. What it does is send you a specific debit card to use only at Target. When you use that debit card there, you automatically save 5% on your total purchase. So, basically, I’m saving 5% of my own money at a place where I would be spending it anyway. It’s a huge win-win.
So, I started saving money that way. Then, I started clipping more coupons. I use Coupons.com and the Target website for coupons. Both are pretty awesome. With all of these things, I started saving a pretty good amount on each grocery visit. I could easily take $10 off my bill every week. I was bragging to Chris about this about a month ago, and he went out and surprised me by using a Groupon to get us a weekend subscription to the Orlando Sentinel (at 1/2 price, no less!) so that I could clip even more coupons. It was a really sweet gesture and it really helped with our grocery bill. I was now lowering our bill by $20-$30 a week. It was amazing!
And that’s when Chris decided he wanted to help. (sigh)
Two weekends ago, I was sitting down at our kitchen table on Sunday afternoon, planning our meals for the week and creating my shopping list. As I did this, Chris walked in with the newspaper. I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was doing, until he started asking me questions like, “Do you use Pantene?” and “Are we out of stick butter?”
I turned around to find Chris going through the coupons in the newspaper, clipping out what he thought I might need. Which is really nice, I know. But he was also throwing out coupons before I got the chance to look at them. And since I’m the one who makes our list and does the grocery shopping, I really wanted to see the coupons to make sure that he wasn’t overlooking something I might need. When I mentioned this to him, he got really irritated.
“It’s not rocket science, Kate,” he snapped. And then he stormed out. I dug the coupons out of the trash can and continued on my way.
This weekend, I sat down on Sunday to do my list and couponing, and here came Chris again. Sorting through coupons and throwing stuff out that I might actually have needed. Not wanting to hurt his feelings again, I took a more mature approach. I just ignored him when he tried to talk to me about what coupons to cut. I focused on making my grocery list and let him look through the coupons on his own. When I was ready to start clipping, I dug my coupons out of the trash and went on my merry way.
But then, due to some poor planning on our part, we ended up at Target with the whole family. Chris, both kids, and me. It was my worst nightmare. It’s hard enough to go with the kids, but with Chris it is next to impossible. He puts the most random stuff in the cart, and yet he questions everything I put in there. Drives me crazy.
When we were first married, we used to do all our grocery shopping together. It was so much fun. We’d pause for a kiss in the frozen foods section, stroll through the home decor aisles and decorate our imaginary summer house, and spend most our time in the cookie aisle, arguing over who picked the cookies we got last week. It was what newlyweds were supposed to do. But now, grocery shopping is different. For one thing, I’m shopping for four people now, so I’m trying to make sure I get everybody what they need. But mostly it’s different because we’re on a budget, and using coupons requires a little more thought. I have to check my list for what I need, then see if I have a coupon for that item (before I leave home, I usually put a little star beside each item on my list that I have a coupon for to remind myself to use it). When I find the coupon, I have to check to make sure that I am buying the right brand, size, quantity, or whatever is required to use the coupon. Then, I look at the other products to compare prices to make sure that I’m not paying more, even with a coupon. It isn’t hard, but it does require some concentration.
Now, imagine digging for coupons, searching for products, and doing math on the fly, all while having your husband fire 1,000 questions at you:
“Do you have a coupon for that?”
“Is that the flavor we normally get?”
“Is that other brand cheaper?”
“Do you want me to check the next aisle over?”
“Is that the one I liked?”
“Will Bean eat that?”
“Will I eat that?”
“How much is that coupon?”
It drives me CRAZY. CRAZY.
Today, we were two aisles into the grocery trip and Chris asked me his 200th question of the day so far.
“Hey, see those beans behind you? Don’t we have a coupon for those? I think I saw a coupon for that in the newspaper.”
And that’s when I turned around and snapped at Chris in the middle of Target, “WILL YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME SHOP?!?!?”
And that’s when he snapped, “FINE!” and stormed off, taking the two children with him.
And that’s when I danced a happy jig. Yes, my husband was mad at me, but I was willing to accept that in exchange for a blissful, peaceful grocery shopping trip. He finally reappeared in the snack aisle and decided it was more effective to silently pout beside me for the rest of the trip. Even still, it is much easier to do simple math when someone is silently pouting next to you, as opposed to helping you until you want to punch them in the face.
In the produce section, over a bunch of bananas, Chris said to me, “I just like to do things with you.”
Well, poop.
There he goes again being nice and sweet. And there I go again focusing on checking items off my to-do list and completely missing the little moments of love that fill my day.
Yes, our life is very different now than when we were first married. Much like grocery shopping now, life these days requires a little more attention, a little more concentration, and a little more thought. But shame on me for letting a little more effort replace the importance of things like kissing in the frozen food aisle. Sometimes, I think newlyweds have more insight into marriage than seasoned married couples. They have their priorities right. Love above all. Even in the grocery store.
Alright, this is my last post on products I use as I enter my 30′s this year. Mostly, because I’m tired of talking about my personal hygiene. But also, because I’m sure you all are tired of hearing about my personal hygiene, too.
(By the way, it took me three times to spell hygiene correctly in that sentence.)
(Hi, I’m an English teacher.)
In the past couple of years, my make up use has changed a bit. Some of that is because I have different needs for make up now than I did before. Now, I don’t need coverage so much because, thankfully, I don’t deal too often with blemishes these days. My make up has also changed as I have become a real adult and can now afford a little bit nicer quality. I don’t spend money on lots of things anymore. I’m not a brand name wearer and I can’t actually remember the last time I went shopping for anything other than what was on my grocery list. But I still treat myself to good make up now and then. I figure if I’m going to be smearing it on my face, then I’d like it to be somewhat good quality.
So, let’s begin, shall we?
I start with a loose powder by – who else? – Mary Kay. I use the MK Mineral Powder Foundation (my color is Ivory 2). I really like this because it goes on really lightly, but it still sets with nice coverage. I’ve never worn foundation or even really a pressed powder, but I imagine that this gives you comparable coverage. I just prefer the lightness of the loose powder.
After the powder, I brush on Bronzing Powder by MAC. I am a huge MAC fan. Before my sister started selling Mary Kay, that was the only brand I used, really. Of all MAC products I have used, this bronzing powder as blush is my favorite. It goes on like blush, but it doesn’t really cover like blush. Instead, it just sort of highlights your natural cheekbones. I’ve worn this for seven or eight years, and I love it.
For my eyes, I normally use MAC eyeshadow, but my Grandma gave me this great eyeshadow box and I have been using it for FOREVER! There is no brand on it, so I have no idea where it came from, but I love the colors. I wish I could give you more information, but that’s all I’ve got! I really love the metallic colors. I wear them muted for daytime and play them up for night.
After shadow, I use a dark brown eyeliner so that you can tell I have eye sockets. I have strawberry blonde eyelashes, so if I don’t paint ‘em up real pretty like, then I look a bit freaky deaky. So, I use eyeliner to help give my eyes some definition. I go with Maybelline for this one because I like the pencil. It’s not sharp so I’m not worried I’m going to stab myself in the eye. And it’s early to put on. Plus, it’s cheap.
For mascara, I use Mary Kay’s Lash Lengthening Mascara. And it is awesome. This stuff goes on really lightly and never, ever clumps. Plus, the wand is simple and straight. I hate funky shaped mascara wands! Plus, I really like this mascara because it washes off easily. It’s waterproof, but it comes off clean with an eye make up remover. All good things from a mascara.
The last two products I use for make up are the same kind of lipstick, the Frost line from MAC. I really like the Frost lipsticks because they are the perfect blend between a full lipstick and a shiny gloss. They go on with the full coverage of a lipstick, but the colors are a little lighter and shinier than traditional lipstick, so they look a little more like gloss. I have them in two different colors. First, I use Ramblin’ Rose. I use this one mostly in the spring and summer because it’s a little pinker. Right now I’m wearing a new color called Sequin, and I love it! It is very similar to Ramblin’ Rose, but a shade darker, which makes it perfect for autumn and winter wear.
(Is it weird that I change my lipsticks by season? You can tell me. Is it weird?)
The last thing I do before I walk out the door in the mornings is spray on some yummy smelling goodness. On a daily basis, I wear Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker. I love it! It smells bold, but still floral and girly.
On date nights, though, I wear Clinique’s Happy because it’s Chris’s favorite. It’s what I wore in high school and I think it reminds him of making out between classes.
Well, there you have it, kids. I turn 30 this year and, as you can see, that’s impacting so many areas of my life. I’m getting healthier, fitter, and taking better care of myself. And, so far, it’s been pretty awesome, actually. I feel better about myself and I’ve got more energy than ever before. Bring on my 30′s!
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