Gracie is seven months old now (gasp!) and I started to panic because he daycare teachers told me today that she’s about to move up to the next classroom. In that class, they introduce a sippy cup at ten months old and they start on table food. It’s not that we are trying to hold Gracie back on purpose, but we really haven’t been working with her on developmental skills at this point. I mean, she’s only seven months old, so her skills are pretty basic. But the conversation about moving her up to the next class today made me come home and think hard about what we need to be teaching Gracie and things we should be trying with her.
When Bean was a baby, I was on Babycenter.com all the time checking his milestones. Making sure we weren’t missing something or lagging behind. With Gracie, I don’t think I’ve checked a milestone chart or anything like that since she was born. While I’m not one of those people who live and die by milestones, I do think I should probably at least check in to make sure Gracie is developmentally on the right track.
So, tonight I came home and while Bean was (not) eating his dinner, I put some puffs on her tray and let her get used to eating some kind of solid food. She was making some of the funniest faces that I had to grab my camera…
24Oct
Two weeks ago, Chris and I decided to change daycares for the kiddies. After a series of events that I just wasn’t comfortable with, we started looking around and found a daycare that was closer to our house. The format and systems that the daycare uses (ex. potty training, daily routine, curriculum, etc.), which is fine because we liked all of that about the other place. Our biggest criteria this time were the teachers. We wanted kinder, gentler teachers, and we really think we found them at our new daycare. The kids start at the new place on October 31, so we have one more week at our current daycare and then onward and upward.
The situation at the old daycare has been a little tricky, but I think I’ve handled them as best I can. On the day that the final incident happened at the daycare, I went to work fuming. And crying. And fuming some more. My first instinct was to pull the kids out that very day. But Chris convinced me that:
a) we had to give two weeks notice at the daycare
b) we didn’t have anywhere else to take the kids
c) we needed to talk to the administration at the daycare before we did anything
So, I cooled off at work and when I went to pick the kids up that afternoon, I stopped in to see the manager before I got them. Very calmly, I explained the problems I had seen and told her about the incident that had happened that morning. I told her that we expected more from our caregivers and that we had been very disappointed and concerned with the care Michael was getting. The manager listened intently, assured me that she would speak with with Bean’s teachers, and apologized for the problems we had experienced.
Nevertheless, Chris and I began our daycare search the next day. Once we found a daycare a few days later, I had to give notice at the old daycare. I really dreaded that. But actually, it wasn’t so bad. The next morning I dropped the kids off, I asked the front desk receptionist for a withdrawal form, completed it at the desk right there, and – voila! All done!
The kids are starting at their new daycare next Monday and while I’m really nervous for Bean Man, I know that this is really such a great thing. Not only will I feel better about his teachers, but because it’s a daycare in our neighborhood, he’ll be going to school with our neighbor’s kids and children that he’ll eventually go to kindergarten with. Not to mention, it’s so much closer to our house, so Chris can help with drop off and pick up now.
Looking back, there are a few things I would have done differently about picking a daycare. First, I wouldn’t trust other people’s judgment more than my own. I chose this daycare because so many people I work with had kids that went there and they had such glowing recommendations. But the fact is that even if 100 other kids had wonderful experiences, for some reason my kid didn’t. And I should have listened to my own voice instead of following everyone else.
Secondly, I would have looked closer to home for a daycare. It has been really rough to be the only parent responsible for regular pick ups and drop offs because when I started to notice problems, I didn’t have anyone else’s eyes to take a look around. Actually, Chris and I got into a little bit of a tiff over the whole situation. I was mad that he kept saying he didn’t know enough about the situation to help me decide whether to move the kids or not and I kept saying it should have been his responsibility to be at the daycare more (even though it’s over an hour away from his office). It wasn’t really either of our faults, but it was definitely something to learn from. When it comes to caregivers, I’m going to always prefer now that they are somewhere both Chris and I are close to so that we have two sets of eyes checking things out and the responsibility to make major decisions about them doesn’t fall just on one person.
Even though we’ve had this one negative experience, I am still a fan of daycare. When it’s a good one, it’s a place where my kids can learn and grow and be encouraged and stimulated. But if my kids are going to be in daycare, it had better be a place where they are happy and I am comfortable. My standards are high, but my kids are worth it.
11Oct
I had a pretty rough day today. I woke up with a headache and that ended up being the high point. What got everything off to a bad start was something that happened at Bean and Gracie’s daycare. I’ve thought about this blog post all night and about whether I would share what happened or not. I think I’ve decided not to. It wasn’t anything horrific, but the point of this blog post isn’t about what a daycare does or does not do. The point of this blog post is about intuition.
When I first dropped the kids at their new daycare, I felt pretty good. They both had some adjustment issues, but nothing major or unexpected. During that adjustment period, I was very forgiving of anything I saw at the daycare that I wasn’t 100% thrilled with. For the first week, Gracie kept being sent home in someone else’s bibs and I’d often walk into the nursery to find another baby wearing one of hers. It didn’t bother me, really, but I did think it was odd. Couldn’t they keep track of her things? They all had her name on them. But I chalked it up to getting used to a new place and a new way of doing things. Gradually, I became more comfortable with her classroom and teachers.
Bean’s room was a little different. I’d love to be able to give you a list of things that I saw that I wasn’t happy with, but the list I do have is kind of nonsensical and abstract. Yes, there have been incidents and things that I am not happy about, but my comfort level with this daycare doesn’t come from incidents. It comes from a feeling inside me.
Something just isn’t right.
I see things occasionally that I’d come home and tell Chris about (for example, Bean’s daily report was a photo copy that every child had sent home – they all said the same thing every day, “He loved story time!” But every sheet said that, for every child. There was nothing personal about Bean’s sheet, so I never knew what HIS day was like…), but for the most part, the little things I was noticing were just sort of filed away in the back of my mind. His teachers seemed nice. Bean seemed to be adjusting, but settling in.
But something just wasn’t right.
Finally, this morning, there was an incident involving Bean and I thought to myself, “Why am I sitting here waiting for something bad to happen? What else has to happen before I do something?”
I called Chris and my mom on my way to work. I talked to Sarah when I got to work. I emailed with Chris all day. And I called my sister after school. All day long, I wanted someone to validate what I was thinking. I’d explain things to them and then get mad when someone thought I was overreacting or if they didn’t understand what I was upset about. But I came home tonight and thought long and hard about it.
The fact is, I can’t really explain what’s wrong with the daycare. If I told you the things I’m unhappy with, you’d probably not think it was anything worth uprooting my kids and moving them to another daycare. But I know better. I know that this unsettled feeling I have about my kids daycare isn’t an overreaction. It is intuition.
Having kids is teaching me that sometimes you have to go with your gut, even when you can’t explain it to someone else. So, this week, Chris and I are going to look at other daycare centers and, hopefully, we’ll be moving the kids in the next couple weeks. I’m not happy about doing it. I hate the thought of Bean going through another transitional period after he finally got settled, but I know that we’re doing the right thing because at the end of the day, those two babies are my whole entire world and I better by 200% satisfied with the people who are taking care of them.
We moved into our house on a Saturday and Sunday. That following Monday, Bean Man started school. Normally, I am really big on avoiding too much change at one time for the kids, but the situation was unavoidable. So, we tried to love him up really good during that busy time so that he at least knew that we were constant and stable, even if everything else was changing.
The move into the new house went fairly smoothly for Bean. I think it helped that we spent a few weeks at the house before we moved in. While we were stripping wallpaper and painting, Bean came with us. Spending that time at the house helped him get comfortable being there before we actually moved in. We didn’t plan it that way, but it was a nice transitional period for him.
And then, one day, we were driving home from school and Bean was talking about the “new house” and “home.” He kept asking me if we were going to the “new house” or if we were going “home.” We’d been living in the new house for several weeks, but I guess he was just putting it all together that the new house was now our home. During our conversation while I was driving, I said a few things like, “Well, we’re going home to the new house.” He would repeat what I said, but you could tell he was really trying to think this through.
Then, when we turned onto our new street, Bean suddenly started crying hysterically. He literally just burst out in tears.
“I wanna go home!” he cried. “No new house! Want to go home!”
By the time we pulled into the driveway, he was sobbing and wouldn’t get out of the car. I tried to get him out of his car seat and he started kicking and hitting and crying hysterically, yelling, “No, Mommy! Want to go HOME! Want to go HOME!”
I kept it together long enough to get him inside and calmed down (snacks helped!), but then I called my mom and started crying myself. I felt terrible. What had I put him through?
For about a week after that, Bean had trouble sleeping at night. He woke up crying in the middle of the night sometimes and he cried a lot when we put him down. I spent a lot of time laying with him, rocking him, and talking to him as he went to sleep. Normally, we don’t do that when it’s bedtime. We put him to bed and then we leave the room. But this wasn’t a two-year-old just acting out. You could tell he was scared about being in a new room and we didn’t want him to be scared of our new house. So, we took some extra time with him at bedtime and did a lot of soothing.
At the same time this was going on, Bean was having a tough time at school, too. He was really excited about going to school at first. We talked about it for weeks leading up to it. He started carrying around his backpack at home. And he was super excited when he got to pick out his nap roll for nap time. He actually had a pretty good first week there, too. He liked his teachers and he came home talking about his “fends.” There were the normal amount of tears when I’d drop him off for the first few days (from both me and him), but overall he was taking it like a champ.
But about a week later was when he started having trouble sleeping at the new house and about that time he started having trouble at school, too. He cried harder when I dropped him off and his teachers said he cried a lot during the day. He cried at home whenever we talked about school. He didn’t want to wear his backpack. He was just so sad to see. First, he was sad during the day at school and then he was sad at night because he wanted to go home.
Honestly, it was one of the toughest things I’ve been through yet as a mom. Knowing that your child is sad or, worse, scared and that you can’t do anything about it was heartbreaking.
During that one awful week, Bean woke up in the middle of the night crying, but when I went in to help him go back to sleep, he was burning up. He had a really high fever. Two weeks at daycare and he was already running a fever. Perfect. We kept him home for three days with a fever and runny nose. He was whinier than usual, but we thought maybe that was more from him not feeling good.
When Bean got over his fever, we took him back to school starting this week. He cried a little bit when I dropped him off on Monday, but he was much better than the week before. And as the week went on, he grew more and more confident and comfortable. This morning when I dropped him off, he walked right in and waved goodbye to me like it was no big deal.
Since that second week after our move, Bean hasn’t had as rough of a time. He seems to really like our house, especially his bedroom. Anyone who comes over has to immediately go visit Bean’s room. It’s his rule. And at dinner, he tells us all about how much fun he has at school.
We’re still taking it pretty easy with Bean. He’s getting a lot of extra hugs and attention these days. But I think the worst part of the transition period is behind us. I’m hoping his therapy bills later on in life will be minimal…
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