Growing Bean | Marriage Confessions Growing Bean

A couple months ago, I accidentally stumbled on an article through Pinterest on the things your child needs to be able to do before they enter Kindergarten. Normally, I avoid milestone charting like the plague. They just stress me out, and it’s like Chris says, “Have you ever seen a college student who isn’t potty trained and still drinks from a sippy cup?” But somehow I found this article and was instantly sucked in.

Most of the things Bean can do pretty well, like recognize numbers and letters, can follow one and two-step instructions, can sort and characterize by different features, and definitely has an eagerness to learn. There were some things on the list that he just isn’t ready to do yet, but that I have no doubt he will master within the next few years, such as cutting shapes out of construction paper, sequencing pictures in a logical order, and using shapes or letter-like objects to communicate ideas on paper. But there were a handful of things that he certainly had the ability to learn, and we just hadn’t thought to teach him yet.

One of those things was learning the names of all his immediate family members. He now knows me, Chris, and Gracie’s full names (and thinks it’s hysterical that Chris and I have actual, real names besides Mom and Dad), along with all his grandparents. And we also worked with him on learning both upper and lower case letters, which he is getting really good at recognizing. But the one that I think I am the most proud of is that he can now spell his name.

We tried writing his name and having him tell us the letters, and that worked, but he couldn’t ever repeat the letters without looking at them. Finally, I wised up and realized that Bean memorizes best when he’s singing a song. So, I turned his name into a little chant (don’t tell Chris, but it’s more like a cheer from my cheerleading days…and before you ask, I was a reject cheerleader on the reject cheerleading squad in 8th grade…not too many fond memories there). Within a day or two, Bean could spell his name using that chant. Over the next few weeks, I practiced the chant with him by asking him to spell his name at unpredictable times to see if he could truly recall the information, and he always could. Gradually, he dropped the chanting pattern and can now spell his name in a normal inflection, and can recognize it when it is written. Though, when I ask him to spell his name with a camera in his face, he hams it up pretty good…

So the lessons learned in this spelling experience:

A) If you’re trying to teach your child how to spell his or her name, try a chant or song because they are easier to remember for kids.

B) Milestone charts (while they aren’t the end all, be all of parenting) aren’t really the worst things in the world. When I stop freaking out about them, they can actually be a very useful tool to help guide my parenting.

C) Bean can cheer with the best of ‘em.

19 comments | posted in Growing Bean, Milestones, parenting, Parenting Ideas, The Romper Room, Toddlerhood, Video | tags: parenting, toddlers

Bean is entering a new phase. I think this must be the three-year-old behavior people warned me about. These days, Bean is like a PMS-ing tiny warlord hyped up on steroids. He’s emotional, moody, demanding, bossy, and very rambunctious. My sweet, shy, quiet little two-year-old has become a little turd.

I say it with love, but it’s true.

The biggest change in him would have to be his roughness. I remember a few months ago we were at a birthday party for a little boy in Bean’s class who was turning three. There were other three-year-old boys there and I remember watching them push and shove and literally roll around on the ground playing in the dirt. Meanwhile, Bean was hanging out over on the sides, kind of close to me, just watching and checking things out. I remember thinking, “Thank goodness Bean isn’t a rough boy.”

Oh, boy.

It’s like all the rough and tumble that comes with being a boy just suddenly came surging through Bean in the past two weeks. He’s rough and pushy now. He kicks things and jumps on things and throws things and takes things from Gracie. I don’t think he’s intentionally being mean, but it’s like he can’t control it. He reminds me of the Hulk.

All these changes are driving me crazy! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “Michael, is that how we play nicely?” over the past two weeks? Bean hasn’t sat in time out in months, but lately I feel like he’s been in time out more than he’s been out of it! To a certain extent I’m trying to let him ride through this phase. I know this is just part of being three and being a boy, so I try not to stay on him ALL THE TIME. But at the same time, there are rules in our house that we do not break. We share toys, we don’t push or kick, we treat our toys nicely. And no matter what phase my kids are in, those rules have to be followed. Which is usually how Bean ends up in time out…

The difference between the two’s and three’s from what I can tell is that at two, they are still learning how to control their emotions. You get random outbursts and meltdowns because they are learning how to use those emotions and actions, so they can’t really control them yet. And then they learn how to control them, so they like to practice using them – like, a LOT. Two was tough, but the actions (no matter how frustrating) made sense in some way.

But this three-year-old thing? From what I can tell, now it’s not about learning to control those emotions and actions, it is knowing what’s right and wrong and deliberately choosing the wrong, just to try and cross the line. I’m sure that psychologically he’s learning about boundaries and limitations right now and that these little acts of defiance are to test our limits, so I’m glad that Chris and I are holding firm about what rules we have in our house. But GEEEEZZZZ! This is going to be tough!

Last night Bean was particularly challenging. He wasn’t being very nice to Gracie and I ended up sending him to bed early because of his behavior. This morning wasn’t much better as Bean pitched a total temper tantrum about not having a THIRD bowl of cereal because we were running late for school. By the time we got to daycare, I have to admit that I was ready to drop him off. I had told him that he could have breakfast at daycare since he didn’t get to finish his bowl of cereal at home, so I took him into the cafeteria to eat after we’d dropped off Gracie. Normally, if Bean eats breakfast there, I just drop him off and he sits at a little table, eats his breakfast, and then the cafeteria girls take him to his classroom when he’s done. But this morning when I went to drop him off, he took my hand and looked up at me with those big blue eyes of his daddy’s and said, “Mommy, will you sit with me?”

I was so late for work already. So, so, so late. But it was so nice to see my sweet boy shine through for just a minute and so I sat down with him and we ate breakfast together right there in the middle of the daycare cafeteria. There was the normal rush of morning drop off going on around us, but Bean ate his waffle and talked to me like we were the only people in the room, and soon I felt like we were. It only took him about 10 minutes to eat his waffle, and then I walked him to his classroom before I left. And I smiled all the way to school.

Three is going to be rough. I can already tell. But three might also be very surprising on random Tuesday mornings, and that part I’m really looking forward to.

23 comments | posted in About Beanie, Angry Bean, Boys, discipline, Growing Bean, Milestones, parenting, The Romper Room, Toddlerhood | tags: Family, parenting, toddlers

This post is only about regression. The other two words are there for no rhyme or reason. Actually, they are there exactly for a rhyme, but that’s not the point. The point is that this post is about regression.

Specifically, regression of the digestion.

Specifically, regression of Bean’s digestion.

Specifically, THE KID KEEPS HAVING ACCIDENTS ALL OF A SUDDEN!

Bean has been potty trained for well over three or four months now, at least. He potty trained fairly easily. Mostly because when the time came to potty train him, I waited until I didn’t have a newborn to take care of. I also waited until the daycare was ready for him to potty train, too. There was no point in us doing it at home but then sending him to school in diapers all day. The way our daycare handles it is four kids at a time are intensively potty training. That means that they are wearing underwear, but they are constantly being taken to the bathroom until they learn. Once one of those four is officially potty trained, they move them up to the “potty trained” list and they add another un-potty trained child to the group of four. Personally, I think that’s a great system because it makes sure that the children who are learning the concept get more attention and focus. It really helped Bean.

By the time I synched up with the daycare and all parties were on board with potty training him, he was more than ready. He was asking to go potty and crying when we put him in diapers.

We went cold turkey with him pretty much. Except for nap times and bedtime, he was in a diaper all day from the time. It wasn’t long before he was able to go through nap time without having an accident, so he started staying in his underwear during that part of the day, too. And then, about a month ago, he started waking up dry in the mornings and so we decided to let him try sleeping in his underwear. He had two accidents, but that was it. And both of them happened in his doorway, as he was getting up to tell us. Ever since then, he’s been completely out of diapers.

But then randomly, two weeks ago, he started having accidents again. He would occasionally have accidents before. Not often, but occasionally if he got playing really good and didn’t want to go, he’d have an accident. But two weeks ago, he started having accidents almost every day, and sometimes multiple times in a day. And the weirdest part was that it didn’t seem to bother him. Before, if he had an accident, it was beyond the end of the world to him. He would be so upset with himself, no matter how light and cheerful Chris and I tried to make it. You could just tell he was SO disappointed when he had an accident. But lately, he doesn’t really seem bothered. Now, when I pick him up from daycare, he happily yells to me, “Mom! I poopied in my pants!”

He went through this happy thing once before and I discovered that he was happy because accidents meant he got to change into different character underwear (he’s so clever!), but we nipped that by buying several pairs of plain white underwear. Then, when he had an accident, he had to wear white underwear instead of fun underwear. That stopped those accidents in one day. But this time he doesn’t even care if he has to wear the white underwear.

When this first started, he had a little stomach bug, so I thought maybe that was the problem. But then the stomach bug cleared up and the accidents continued. I picked him up from daycare today and he had had TWO accidents already. I can’t even remember the last time he had ONE accident at daycare. Even his teacher was a little confused.

So, imaginary friends, tell me what’s going on. I know regression when potty training is fairly normal, but I’m not sure what to do about it. Do we put him back in diapers? Do we keep letting him have accidents? Do we get on to him when he has one now? Cause, I’ll tell you honestly, that’s my first reaction. I get really irritated because he KNOWS better. But then I stop and think, “Geez, Katie! The kid’s only two and a half! It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose!” Or is he????

I’m confused. Help.

25 comments | posted in About Beanie, Growing Bean, Milestones, parenting, Potty Training, The Romper Room, Toddlerhood | tags: parenting, potty training, toddlers

On Sunday mornings, Bean and Gracie go to their own nurseries while Chris and I go to “big church.” Up until Gracie was five or six months old, we brought her to church with us because I was nervous about leaving her with the nursery girls. She was just so tiny! But since then, she’s been in the nursery on Sundays. We’ve brought Bean to “big church” on special occasions before, like holidays or when we have family visiting with us at church or if the choir was doing a major performance. Anything that we thought would keep his attention. But, for the most part, the kids are in the nursery.

Today, though, our church served Communion and so right before they started that part of the service, I slipped out and went to get Bean from the nursery. Chris and I have talked before about how we thought he was old enough to start receiving Communion with us and today just seemed like the right time to start.

At our church, Communion is given once a month and everyone is invited to attend. Growing up, I remember my parents letting me have Communion from as early as I can remember. As a Christian, it is a very important symbolic act to me. It makes me feel connected to God through his son’s sacrifice and, while I want Bean to come into a relationship with God on his own terms and in his own heart, I want to give him the opportunity to feel at home and comfortable in the church by showing him the customs and traditions we practice. That was how it was in my family. Religion was never forced on me. It wasn’t a requirement. It was just an environment that my parents continually exposed me to so that I came to feel comfortable and at home in the church. Years later, in college, when I began to simultaneously grow in my faith and question my faith, I could go through those thoughts and struggles within the context of a place that I felt comfortable and safe in. As a parent, I think that’s the best we can do for our children. I want Bean to know that Christ and the church are where I find my strength, and I want him to see the importance of that in my life. But then I want him to make that commitment to faith for himself.

I pray every single day that both my children make that commitment for themselves.

We haven’t really done too much up to this point to introduce God and Christ to Bean. We sing the blessing before we eat, we say prayers together at night, we watch Veggie Tales, and occasionally we talk about Bible stories.

Actually, when I write it out, I guess that’s not too bad. But what we haven’t really gotten into with him is the Christian doctrine (to the extent that you could do that with a two-and-a-half year old). We haven’t really talked about what we believe. I just don’t feel like Bean can understand the abstract ideas of religion yet. So, instead, we focus on things that he CAN understand.

Communion this morning was a perfect example. When I brought Bean into the “big church,” we stood in the narthex while the minister prayed over the bread and grape juice. While he prayed, I held Bean and whispered in his ear what was happening. I said things like, “Do you see that man in the robe? That is one of God’s best friends and he is going to give us a snack today.” I told him that the snack was a gift from God because “God loves Michael.”

I told Bean what it was he would be eating – bread and juice – because I wanted him to know what would happen when we went up front. Then I pointed to the Communion rail (where we kneel in our church to receive the Sacrament) and told him that we were going to go up front there to the rail and then we would sing our blessing before we had our snack. When Bean understood what we were going to do, we went to the pew and sat down until our row was able to go up front. He does better in situations when he knows what’s going on and what he is supposed to do next.

When we got up to the Communion rail, I knelt and Bean stood in front of me with my arms around him. I held my hands out for the bread in front of Bean and he copied me. When our minister came along (who, by the way, is one of the sweetest men I have ever met), he put bread in my hands and then a little piece in Bean’s. I whispered into Bean’s ear while we waited for the juice to come down the rail, “This is our snack that God is giving us because God loves Michael and God loves mommy.”

“And God loves Daddy and God loves Gracie,” Bean whispered back.

“Exactly!” I whispered.

When the juice came, Bean was super excited when I gave him his own little cup, but I told him we had to sing our blessing first. Normally, before I take Communion, I pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the gift of his son and for his presence in my life. For Bean, that equates to a blessing. So, that’s what we did. Very quietly, Bean and I sang our family blessing right there at the Communion rail. Then, we both took Communion together.

When we stood up from the rail to go back to our pew, Bean happily wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then announced very loudly to me, “Mommy, I want more snack!”

I’m sure I turned three shades of red in front of the laughing congregation, but inside I was praying, “Dear Lord, please keep his heart hungry for you.”

28 comments | posted in Family, Growing Bean, Milestones, parenting, Parenting Ideas, The Romper Room, Toddlerhood | tags: Christianity, faith, Family, parenting, toddlers