Lucy | Marriage Confessions Lucy | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

We have a lot of living beings in our house. Me and Chris, two wild two legged beasts, two wild four legged beasts, and a fish named Lt. Dan (cause he ain’t got no legs). When we’re all home and at full capacity, it’s a little overwhelming. And God help the person who calls me when all living beings in our house are hungry. It’s like World War 3 around here at meal times – every man (or beast) (or Bean) for themselves.

In all the hustle of our daily grind, I do feel bad for our dogs. They really get the shaft these days. Especially Lucy. Lucy has gone from my college days when she used to sleep in my bed with me every night, to married days when Chris kicked her out of bed at night, but let her back in to snuggle in the mornings, to parenting days where she’s shunned from all beds and is now forced to sleep on a pillow on the floor. Like some kind of animal. I feel for her. Truly.

As you can imagine, she is none too thrilled with her current living situation. And she lets us know this. Frequently. Lucy now barks at just about everything. The mailman, mothers walking babies down the street, the wind blowing leaves in the back yard… you name it and she will bark at it. Generally speaking, she walks around pissed off most of the time. She’s always been like an angry old lady, but these days she actually IS a cranky old lady.

Poor Lucy.

But it is actually Molly who I feel so guilty about tonight. I feel double guilty, really, because I didn’t even remember this terrible story I’m about to tell you that happened two nights ago until my sister reminded me about it today.

Double guilt is the worst.

So, two nights ago…

IN MY DEFENSE…(bad sign when someone already gets defensive before the story even begins)… Chris had been working long, crazy hours, and we were both exhausted. So there.

Anyway, two nights ago, I put the kids to bed, cleaned up the house, watched five or six HOURS of Glee on Netflicks, and then headed to bed. Chris came home around midnight, I mumbled hello or something, and then we both went right to sleep.

Until I was woken up at 1:30am by barking in my backyard. Normally, that wouldn’t wake me up, but this was familiar barking. This was barking I knew. This was Big Molly’s barking.

I threw the covers back and ran, half asleep, to the backdoor. I flung it open and there sat Molly. On our back porch. In the cold. At 1:30am.

God knows how long she’d been out there. Or why she hadn’t barked until 1:30 in the morning. Maybe I left her out there since 8:00 when I let the dogs out for the last time and she sat there for a while, realized I wasn’t coming back, and was finally like, “Peace out to you, losers. I’m going to Steak ‘n Shake.” And then she left and didn’t get back home until 1:30 in the morning.

I’m not really sure what happened. It might have been that.

Or, maybe, she had been barking outside to come back in and in the utter chaos that is our household, I just didn’t hear her. FOR FIVE HOURS.

It was probably that.

Either way, when I opened that door and saw her sitting there in the middle of the night all by herself in the cold, my heart broke and I felt so terrible. Not just for leaving her outside, but for how our dogs have been pushed so far to the side since we’ve had two babies. I never thought I’d be THAT dog owner. I love my dogs. The entire first two years of this blog is about them, actually. And now they just kind of get pushed to the side and forgotten.

WELL NO MORE!

Starting today, my dogs are front and center again. Belly rubs, ear scratches, apple slices, peanut butter Kongs – anything they want.

Well, anything after 7:30 when the kids go to bed.

And anything that’s free cause most of our money goes to the kids now.

But anything that’s free after 7:30 is THEIRS!

30 comments | posted in Around the House, Lucy, Marriage Confessions, Molly, The Dog Pound | tags: dogs, Family, pets

(Warning: This post is about poop.Â Lots of poop.Â Proceed at your own risk.Â Just be thankful that my camera cord is still missing and so I don’t have any pictures to share.)

For the first few years of Lucy’s life, I was living in college apartments.Â That meant that she learned how to walk on a leash pretty good because I had to walk her every day.Â She got so good that she could actually go to the bathroom on command.

“Go potty, Lucy.”

Done.

But when we got Big Molly, we lived in a house with a fenced in backyard which meant that she never really learned to walk much on a leash.Â Anytime we took her somewhere to run her, she was off-leash in a fenced in field and a leash usually wasn’t necessary.Â She’s not horrible on a leash, but she isn’t great.Â And she certainly can’t go to the bathroom on command.Â In fact, Big Molly is having a hard time going to the bathroom at all now that we are at my parent’s house and having to walk her on a leash.Â She doesn’t like an audience and so whenever we walk her, she happily goes for a little walk but there isn’t much business being done.

(I promise there is a reason for me to tell you about my dog’s bowel movements.)

So, yesterday afternoon when Chris got home from work, we decided to take the dogs to the dog park here where my parents live.Â It is one of the nicest dog parks I’ve ever been to and our dogs love it.Â Without the fenced in backyard to run around in, the dogs have a big case of cabin fever so we thought a good romp might do the trick.

We loaded up in the golf cart (yes, our dogs ride in the golf cart…) and we headed over to the park.Â This park is in a huge field that is fenced in and divided in the middle – one side for the little dogs and one for the big dogs.Â When we got there, I took Lucy over to the little dog side and Chris grabbed Big Molly to walk her over to the big dog side.

But they barely made it out of the golf cart before Big Molly decided that she needed to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW.Â Right there on the sidewalk.Â Humiliated, Chris started grumbling under his breath and Lucy and I scooted into the little dog side before anyone knew we were with them.Â Chris cleaned up the mess and then took Molly into the fenced in area.

Molly proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes pooping all over the dog park.Â All over it.Â Chris couldn’t get one cleaned up before she was squatting somewhere else.Â And, I don’t know how familiar you are with dog parks, but it’s pretty poor form to have your dog crap all over the place.Â You’re supposed to walk your dog before you come in to keep the area clean, but accidents happen.Â So, once or twice isn’t that big of a deal.Â But Molly probably went to the bathroom 7 or 8 times.

And the whole time, everyone was looking and staring and pointing and whispering at Chris.Â What a terrible pet owner!Â But it wasn’t Chris’ fault.Â It was all Big Molly.Â It was like she had been saving up for the entire week we’ve been here and now that we were out in front of everyone, she was ready to let it all go.

I was dying laughing.

Dying.

Couldn’t stand up straight.

Couldn’t catch my breath.

Chris spent the entire time we were there acting as a human pooper scooper.Â And I know we probably should have taken Molly out of there, but she really needed to run.Â She’s been cooped up in a house for a week with no fenced in backyard.Â Girlfriend needed to run!

And apparently use the bathroom, too.

The whole time this was happening, Lucy was sitting next to the fence calmly, staring at Big Molly in complete disgust.Â It was the look that said, “You are an animal and I can’t believe you are my sister.”

And then Molly would crap again.

I think that Chris ended up running around more than Molly did as he followed her around with plastic bags.

The moral of this story is that even if you have a fenced in backyard, you should still teach your dog to go to the bathroom on a leash because you never know when your house will be broken into and you’ll have to relocate temporarily to your parent’s house where there are no fenced in backyards and walking on a leash is the only option.Â And in that situation, you will desperately want your dog to be able to go to the bathroom on a leash.

If you doubt this in any way, talk to my husband.Â The Human Pooper Scooper.

42 comments | posted in Around the House, Lucy, Marriage Confessions, Molly, Out and About, Suburbia, The Dog Pound | tags: dogs, humor, life, pets

Once upon a time there was a little mutt puppy named Lucy.Â She was beloved by her owner named Katie and all was right with the world.

Together, Katie and Lucy explored the world together.

It was a happy time, even if Katie did often insist on dressing Lucy in ridiculous outfits.

Lucy loved Katie so much that she even forgave her for The Hat Incident of 2003.

And then Katie married a boy named Chris and though Lucy needed some time to adjust, she eventually came to love Chris, too.Â He let her sleep in the bed with him.

And when they went boating…

…Chris dove in and saved Lucy when she forgot how short her legs were and she jumped out of the boat.

Yes, Lucy came to love her little family of three.Â But then, unexpectedly, they became a family of four.

Katie and Chris brought Molly home one snowy, winter day and Lucy was none too pleased.Â No one had asked her if she wanted a furry canine companion, after all.

Now, Lucy began to notice there was less room for her on the couches during nap time.Â This would not do.

And then Molly began to make friends with Lucy’s favorite Baby.Â No, this would not do at all.

But when Molly began to claim her place on the bed, Lucy had had enough.

And so Lucy began to assert her dominance over the silly black Labrador mutt puppy.

But eventually, Molly grew bigger.

And bigger.

And she got stronger.

Until, finally, Lucy realized that she could no longer beat Molly up and so Lucy reluctantly accepted that they had become a family.

Even though no one had asked her.

Years went by and Lucy began to tolerate Big Molly.Â And just when she thought she had accepted the unwilling expansion of the family, something odd began to happen to Katie.

And Lucy’s world, once again, changed.

Today, Lucy lives a much different life.Â Gone are the days of sleeping in Katie’s bed.Â Gone are the extra long belly rubs and table scraps eaten right off the plate.Â Gone are the quiet hours of solitude and leisurely strolls through the park.Â Now, Lucy’s days are filled with loud shrieks from The Wee One and the occasional playful harassment from Big Molly.Â Now, Lucy climbs to the highest point in the house to escape the waving golf clubs and the violently wagging tail of Big Molly.Â Now, Lucy crawls into a dog bed at the end of the day.

Like an animal.

Occasionally, late at night after everyone has gone to sleep, Katie will pull Lucy into her lap on the couch and the two of them will curl up watching Top Chef and The Real Housewives while Katie absentmindedly rubs Lucy’s belly and ears.Â And as they sit there together in the quiet of the house, it is almost easy for Lucy to pretend that life is like it was before.

…Until she wakes up to Big Molly’s big wet tongue on the side of her face and The Wee One throwing Cheerios at her.

Reality is such a rude awakening.

31 comments | posted in Around the House, Flashbacks, Friendship, Lucy, Marriage Confessions, The Dog Pound | tags: Changes, dogs, Family, humor, life

This afternoon when Bean woke up from his nap, he was really fussy (read more about Bean’s reoccurring fussiness HERE) so I took him out to our back yard where Chris was playing with the dogs.Â Only, I couldn’t find Chris.Â Or the dogs.

So, Bean and I walked over to the side of the house where we found this:

A fence with two different colored stains?Â Yes, but that isn’t alarming.

Chris’ tiny little rear end up sticking out?Â Yes, but that isn’t alarming.Â Just kind of cute.

A snake in a bush?Â YES, AND IT WAS HORRIBLE!

Chris said Lucy found it in the yard and chased it into this bush on the side of our house.Â But clearly, Lucy has the memory of a goldfish because the minute the snake disappeared into the bush, Lucy forgot what it was she was chasing and instead began rolling around in the sunshine.Â Like a fool.

That’s when I started yelling, “Lucy!Â Run!Â There’s a snake!Â Look out!”

Sensing the panic in my voice, she went into protector mode and began helping Chris scope out the bushes for the snake.

Although, I don’t think she knew what it was she was searching for.

“Are we looking for bacon in this bush?Â No?Â Well, then I’m going to just sunbathe a little more.Â Come get me if you find any bacon.”

Lucy has no issues with danger.Â She laughs in danger’s face.Â She looks danger in the eye (while standing on a stool…short legs, you know…) and she says, “You don’t scare me.”

Molly on the other hand?Â She looks danger in the eye and then giggles and says, “Just joshin’…” and then she laughs nervously and wets her pants.

The whole time Lucy and Chris searched for that snake, Molly searched for a hole in the fence so she could run back to Connecticut.

In the meantime, Chris declared that the snake must have gotten away because he couldn’t find him anymore.Â And then I declared he wasn’t allowed back inside the house until he found a snake, killed said snake, and hung the skin on the flagpole as a warning to all other snakes in the animal kingdom.

BACK TO WORK, MINION HUSBAND!

AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!

After half an hour of searching for this 2-foot long garden snake, Chris once again declared it was gone and that he was going inside.Â And I once again declared that I saw no snake flying on a flagpole and so he wasn’t going anywhere.Â And then he declared I was being ridiculous.Â And I was about to declare war against all slithering varmits in our backyard and against Chris, but all this declaring was really starting to make Molly even more nervous and I started to worry that she would dig all the way from here to Timbuktu, so instead I took my Bean and my camera and marched back inside.

For the rest of the day, I sat in my bathroom with a bucket on my head for protection and a mop in my hand as my weapon, ready to take on the next Floridian threat that presented itself to me.

BRING IT ON, SLIMY GREEN FROGS!Â BRING IT ON!