Marriage | Marriage Confessions Marriage | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

Chris and I have been together a long time. At the end of April, it will be 12 years total together and in June it will be our sixth wedding anniversary. In that period of time, we’ve said a lot of things to each other.

I’m proud and happy that if you tallied it up, we’ve probably said, “I love you” more than anything else over the years. Not all couples can say that. So, that’s a good thing. On the flip side, we’ve probably said almost just as often, “You’re driving me freaking crazy right now!” We’ve also had our fair share of “Did you really just say that?” and “Your feet/breathe/hair/armpits/whatever stinks.”

But nothing changes a couple’s conversations more than having children together. I find us saying things to each other and to the people around us these days that I never, ever imagined coming out of either of our mouths.

Me: Don’t shoot your sister.
Chris: Go shoot your granddad instead.

Me: We’re outnumbered now.
Chris: Yeah, but we’re still taller than them.

Chris: You look pretty for a pregnant woman.

Me: We don’t put waffles/crackers/airplanes/Legos up our nose.

Chris: Bean’s locked in the laundry room.
Me: At least we know where he is.

Chris: Is that the best you can swaddle?

Yep. Life changes your language. But in those quiet moments when no one is listening, I still hear the same familiar words we’ve always said to each other.

Chris: You’re my favorite person.

Me: I love that you come home to me.

Chris: There’s no one I’d rather be here with.

Me: You’re the most important person to me.

When you’ve been together for a long time and, especially if you have children, it can be hard to remember to say these things. I think I sometimes forget to say them because I just assume Chris already knows. I mean, I’ve been saying the same things for 12 years. Surely, he doesn’t need me to say them again.

But that’s the thing about the power of words. They only get their power when they’re spoken. And I know when I hear Chris say something kind and thoughtful and meaningful to me, my heart flips over. Even after all these years. Even after hearing it said countless times before. I still catch my breath and then smile from the inside out.

It’s especially important for our marriage when we’re going through times like right now. When things are a little more chaotic than normal and we’re readjusting to a new routine and way of doing things. When minutes seem like hours and nights seem endless. When we’re tired and stressed. When we have two children who are observing our interactions quite literally from the day they are born. Those are the times when we need to hear those words the most.

There are lots of reasons why Chris and I are happily married. We work hard to stay happy. We make time for each other. We prioritize our marriage above everything else. We allow for frustrations and anger and everything in between. But if I had to define one specific action we take that makes our marriage work, it is what we say to each other. We have ups and downs just like anyone else. We have low days and weeks and months. We get angry and hurt. We argue. We grow. We go through everything that other couples go through. But what always brings us back to center are our words.

No one talks to me more kindly than my husband and I hope he can say the same thing about me.

20 comments | posted in Changes, Communication, Husbands, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Parenting, Understanding Chris, Understanding Katie | tags:

Since coming home from the hospital, my hormones have been whacked out, to say the least. But unlike during my pregnancy, my hormones seem to be surging from happy to happier and back down to happy and then back up to damn-near euphoric. I am so stinking happy right now that I’m 99% sure I am being drugged without my knowledge.

Okay, well, I’m the one giving myself the pain pills, so I guess it’s not against my will, per se.

The happiness doesn’t make me giggly or even all that smiley, really. I’m still in a good amount of pain. I’m still tired. I’m still learning about how to be Gracie’s mom. And all of those things are stressful and chaotic to a certain extent. But underneath all of those very real emotions, there’s just a river of happiness flowing inside me. I don’t remember ever being this happy or this content. Certainly not the past year.

And all this happiness comes from this guy…

Well, I mean, a lot of it comes from this girl…and her ruffles…

And a lot of it comes from this guy…and his Lightning McQueen slippers…

But without this guy, those two little whippersnappers wouldn’t even be a thought in my head.

Having babies changes your relationship. It’s an unavoidable side effect of procreation. You can’t birth babies together without a few things changing. Sometimes those changes are hard to adjust to. Learning to make time for Chris after having one baby was hard enough, but I can already see how having two babies will make quality time with him even harder. And in the middle of the night when we wake up for feedings and we’re tired and we’re cranky, it’s hard not to take sharp, pointed criticisms personally. But those kinds of little changes are far, far outweighed by the good, positive changes that Chris and I have instantly gone through after the birth of both Bean and Gracie.

There’s just something about seeing Chris holding a baby that we made that makes your heart flip over in ways I can’t explain. Seeing him love them so completely and so carefully and so unconditionally fills my heart with such happiness. I feel loved even more because he loves them.

And, apparently, I’m not the only one who feels like this because a certain man that I’m married to seems to be quite happy these days, too.

Being a parent changes who you are. It brings you happiness during times when you had forgotten what happiness that great felt like. It brings you satisfaction and completeness. It reminds you how small you really are and how dependent we are on the Good Lord. And at the same time, it shows you how strong you are and how much you matter to people.

And when you change that much and that deeply as a person, it can’t help but change your marriage, too. If you’re lucky. If you’re really, really lucky, your marriage will never be the same after you have babies together. If you’re really, really lucky, you will value your partner more. You will learn how deeply you can love someone.

If you’re really, really lucky, your life will never be the same.

42 comments | posted in Changes, Communication, Dads, Family, Husbands, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Operation BWYP, Understanding Katie | tags: babies, Marriage, marriage after children

After such a fun day on Saturday with family, Sunday morning was a lazy day for me, Chris, and Gracie Girl. Everyone was still at our house and would be coming back up to the hospital later in the day, so that morning we took advantage of the quiet for just the three of us to spend some time together.

After a while, Gracie started to get sleepy again, so we sent her up to the nursery and Chris took the opportunity to head home, shower, and spend some time with Bean. I used that time to take my first shower. I’ll post later on how the entire repeat c-section has been on me and my body, but I’ll just tell you right now that the shower was awesome! After being poked and prodded and goopy for days, being clean was just about the best feeling in the whole world. Of course, taking the shower itself was tricky, but not nearly as hard as I remembered it was with Bean. Generally, I’m finding that to be the case about a lot of things. The second time around isn’t easy, but it definitely isn’t as hard as the first time.

Once Gracie had napped and I had showered, I called for her back from the nursery and got her dressed for the day in one of Bean’s favorite outfits of hers. It has little ducks all over it and he has liked counting them since the outfit first appeared. Funny enough, this was one of Bean’s outfits from when he was in the hospital, too!

Now that we were ready for company, the family came back up to spend the afternoon with us again. This time, we let Bean Man hold Gracie for the first time. It was quite possibly the sweetest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world. Really.

Then the kisses started flowing and I thought I’d died and gone to Mommy Heaven.

When Bean started getting a little rough, as almost-2-year-old-boys are prone to do, Chris took him on a tour of the hospital for a while to get some energy out. While they were gone, I snuggled with Gracie and told her thanks for being patient with her big brother. She said no problem. And then she demanded food in exchange for her continued cooperation. And that’s when I knew she was my daughter.

Turns out, the hospital stay is just as much fun the second time as it was the first. Always someone to take care of you. Always someone to whisk away your baby when you need a little nap. Always food when you get hungry. And always family there to make you laugh until you think your staples are going to pop out.

Was that too graphic?

Sorry.

But the next morning when they discharged us was pretty awesome, too. Finally being home with just our little family of four has been better than I could have imagined. We’re all tired and a little out of sorts and still trying to figure out how to do this, but it’s the best kind of organized chaos because it’s full of laughter and love and all things good. I can’t ever remember being this happy.

58 comments | posted in Changes, Dads, Family, Florida, health, Husbands, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Operation BWYP, Parenting, pregnancy | tags: babies, c-section birth, Family, having a baby, humor, love, parenting

By the time my c-section was finished and we made it up to our room, it was close to midnight. My parents were still at the hospital with Bean, waiting so that he had a chance to meet Gracie. We finally got up to our room and Bean came in. I’m sure it was the hormones, but I started crying right away. I think it was relief. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for the time when we were all together and here it was.

The first thing Chris and I did was give Bean 100% of our attention. He had been such a trooper all day long and we knew he was tired and confused. So, I let him climb up in my hospital bed with me (after explaining that he had to be very gentle with Mommy’s boo-boo…) and we cuddled there for a few minutes just the two of us while my parents had some good time snuggling with Gracie.

When we’d loved on Bean really good, the four of us curled up together on the bed and introduced Bean to his little sister.

Bean was pretty quiet at first. It was late and he was tired, but he also wasn’t quite sure what to do with her. To help him out, we started pointing out all the parts of her face. That’s one of Bean’s favorite things to do anyway, but it also gave him something to focus on. He pointed out her eyes and ears and mouth. And he giggled when he saw she had no teeth. We also encouraged him to touch her as he pointed out these things. We wanted him to be comfortable with her and to know that he didn’t have to stand back when she was around. That’s his sister and he can certainly be as close to her as he wants. As soon as he touched her cheek and had our permission to interact with her, he really opened up.

“Touch! Touch!” he’d ask and as soon as we said okay, he’d gently rub her cheek or hold her hand.

It really was such a sweet moment for our family in the middle of the night.

My parents took Bean home that night and Chris and I sent Gracie down to the nursery so that we could get a good night’s sleep after a long, unexpected day of excitement. Good thing we rested, too, because the next day all the troops arrived and it was a day full of family and happiness and all good things.

First, Chris’s mom came into town bright and early on Saturday.

Jackie has been such a great grandmomma to Bean. I know she’s going to love having two grandbabies to love and spoil even more!

Chris’s sister, Annie, also came up to the hospital to meet Gracie, too. Babies have a tendency to bring everyone around!!

My sister, Ginny, and he husband, John Michael, were scheduled to fly in in a couple weeks but when Gracie arrived early, they changed their flight and were in our hospital room within 24 hours.

If you’ve read my blog for any period of time, you know how important my sister is to me. Having her there made the whole thing seem real. I was so glad she was there.

And, of course, my parents were back that day, too. They were toting Bean back and forth between our house and the hospital and trying as best they could to spend time with Gracie and make Bean’s life as normal as possible. And in their leftover time (ha ha…) they were getting our house cleaned up and ready for us to come back home. In short, they are just good people and we are lucky they are so close now.

But mostly this day was about Bean and Gracie again. As it should have been.

Bean came up to the hospital that afternoon and hung out until dinner. He was a trooper and it was nice to spend a good block of time together as a new, bigger family.

Thankfully, we are learning that Gracie might be even more laid back that even Bean was. She seems to really love sleeping, but I think that’s pretty normal in newborns. She’s been snoozing a lot and waking up to either eat or toot. Not a bad life, really.

But I woke her up for some forced snuggles throughout the day. I figure she owes me after all those kicks in the ribs…

All in all, Day 2 was pretty awesome. Not only did I get to spend time getting to know my Gracie Girl, but so did the rest of our family. It was so nice to have them close by and it made me really thankful to be living in Florida again.