Dads | Marriage Confessions Dads | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

Tomorrow morning at the butt-crack of dawn, we’re going to be heading to the hospital so that Gracie can get tubes in her ears. I feel really good about it. Gracie hasn’t had a doctors appointment since Thanksgiving when she hasn’t either had an ear infection, a double ear infection, or fluid in her ears. I am so happy that she will have some relief from the constant ear aches, and that we might have some relief from the constantly missed work.

This afternoon, I had a voice mail from the doctor’s office asking me to call them back to answer a health questionnaire for Gracie. Since I teach, it is really hard for me to step out and take a personal phone call, so I sent Chris a quick email and asked him to call the doctor’s office for me. He emailed me back an hour later and all his email said was, “That was hard.” When he got home from work, he once again told me how hard the questionnaire had been. Finally, when he said it again over dinner, I asked him straight out, “What exactly did they ask you?”

Following is the question and answer session Chris told me he had with the nurse. I dare you to read it and not wet your pants.

Nurse: How old is Gracie?
(Correct answer: thirteen months)
Chris: She’s still a baby.

Nurse: How much did Gracie weigh when she was born?
(Correct answer: 8lbs, 2oz)
Chris: She was medium sized.

Nurse: How much does Gracie weigh now?
(Correct answer: 21bs)
Chris: She’s about the weight of a watermelon.

Nurse: How tall is Gracie?
(Correct answer: 29in.)
Chris: She’s pretty short.

Seriously. These are the things my husband knows about our daughter. It’s frightening. I told him that we have to get there early tomorrow so that I can correct our paperwork so they don’t dispense the anesthesia for a short, medium-sized, watermelon weight baby.

46 comments | posted in Around the House, Dads, Fun Things, health, Husbands, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Parenting | tags: dads, Family, humor

REGISTER MY FRUSTRATION

The two times Chris and I have come the closest to divorce would be the time we registered for our wedding and the time we registered for our first baby. Hands down, they were awful experiences. Come close and let me tell you the tale of how NOT to register for a newborn baby. Learn from my mistakes, people. Trust me.

In both cases, the bottom-line reason that the registry was such a fiasco was because I didn’t include Chris in preparing for the registry. When you register for an event, you usually put a fair amount of research into what you’re going to register for. At least, I do. This was especially true for baby things because a) I didn’t know anything about them and b) I wanted to make sure I had the best and safest choices out there.

But when I was doing the actual research and prep work before the day we went to register, I never really included Chris. I’d search online at work (let’s pause to appreciate the days when I had an office with a door and could occasionally surf the internet…sigh…), I’d chat with girlfriends about what products they used, I’d look up consumer reports at night. But hardly ever did I get Chris involved in this part.

Now, I do have to say that I did TRY at first to get him involved. I’d tell him about a product line or a particular style or brand I liked, but his first question was always “How much is it?” and then he’d shut down after the answer. Which made me mad because he was “putting a price on our baby.” (I think I actually yelled that phrase to him one night when I was pregnant with Bean.) He took all the fun out of preparing, and so I just stopped talking to him about it.

When the day came to register, I’ll never forget the colossal fight we had in Babies R Us, while my parents and sister stood there awkwardly trying not to listen, and I pointed my scanner gun straight at Chris’s man parts. I was in tears, Chris was angry, we were both not yelling as much as possible because we didn’t want to make a scene. But it was clearly a scene. I was eight months pregnant. Everywhere I went I made a scene. The source of the problem? The stroller.

I had done so much research about what kind of stroller I wanted to get, and had finally decided that I really wanted a travel system (the ones with the car seat that snaps into the stroller). I thought it would be easiest with a newborn and for me to operate on my own while I was out on maternity leave and Chris was at work.

But when I went to scan the travel system I wanted, Chris kind of sighed heavily. “What’s wrong?” I asked, fully prepared to compromise. He could choose any color he wanted. “I’m just not sure about the travel system,” he said. “I don’t think we need one.” “You don’t think we need one?” I asked with a tone that might as well have said, “Are you stupid????” “I mean, I just think it’s a little over the top.” “You think it’s over the top?” I asked in a tone that now said, “I cannot believe I married someone who doesn’t want a travel system.” “Well, yeah,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t think we need that much stuff.” “You don’t think we need this much stuff?” I asked in a tone that screamed, “It is a crime to humanity that I am about to procreate with you.”

Then, I think Chris threw in a “Don’t talk to me in that tone” and I threw out a “I can’t believe you’re ruining this for me,” and before we knew it, I was crying in the stroller aisle and Chris was stalking off toward the layette section to cool off.

Looking back, the problem was that I went into the registry experience knowing exactly what I wanted and Chris went into the experience not knowing anything about what he wanted. The result was Chris feeling super frustrated that he wasn’t even able to figure stuff out on his own, and I felt incredibly angry that I’d done months of research only to have it all overruled by someone who didn’t even know what a bassinet was.

Now, I know a lot of couples who never had this problem. The husband was on board and anxious to be involved from the beginning and the wife was excited to have his input. But for me and Chris, it was different. Chris was really nervous and hesitant about having a baby and so he was very standoffish. And instead of helping him feel more comfortable, I just took it as a green light to do whatever I wanted. If I did it all over again, I’d go back to the times when I’d start to talk to Chris about what type of pack ‘n’ play we should get and I’d take him to the baby store to look.

Chris (and men in general) are visual people. Chris likes to see things for himself. He wants to try them out and test things. He doesn’t want to just show up and choose something because someone told him to. When he was buying a lawn mower a couple summers ago, he went to Sears five or six times before he actually made a purchase. He just needs to see things in real life before committing.

Baby gear should have been no different. Even when he was uncomfortable, I should have pushed him a little and exposed him to all our choices in real life, not in some link in an email that he probably didn’t even open.

Another thing I should have done was be more open to his questions. When he asked questions like “How much does that cost?” or “Are you sure we need that?” I took them as a sign that he didn’t want to be involved. Like he was using these questions to prove me wrong or make a statement. But looking back, I really just think he asked those questions because that’s how his mind thinks. He just thinks in logistics. He does that whether we are buying a car or taking a vacation or registering for a baby. His mind functions very pragmatically while mine functions more emotionally.

So, when he asked those questions, they weren’t a personal attack against me or against our baby (as I kept insisting he was doing). They were very real questions that he was having, and that means that I should have stopped to talk through the answers with him. I think that would have made him feel more comfortable instead of feeling like he was always asking the wrong questions and, therefore, always left out of the process before we even began.

Registering for a baby is actually a super sweet, super fun time. Or so I hear. I really wish I had wised up a bit before we went through the process so that I was more prepared to help Chris be part of the process, too. For the record, we still have our travel system, we still love using it, and Chris tells me all the time what a great purchase that was. Not that it matters to me…But I was right. In case anyone cares.

Find more posts from bloggers sharing their experiences of motherhood on the Huggies page on BlogHer.com.

17 comments | posted in Dads, Fights, Flashbacks, holidays, Just for Fun, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Parenting, Reviews | tags:

1. I have a notoriously bad voice. Even Bean tells me to stop singing sometimes. Last week, I decided to see if I really had a bad voice or if Chris (and Bean) (and my sister) (and my mom) were just giving me a hard time. So, I turned on the radio and started singing along. Halfway through the song, I turned down the music and kept singing. Then, I turned the music back up to see if I was still in tune. I wasn’t. They were right. I’ll never be on American Idol.

2. Gracie took her first bath in the bathtub. She’s still a little small for the tub and I’ll probably continue to give her most of her baths in her small tub, but it was so darn cute to see her and Bean together. And they both loved it!

3. I started this new reading program in my class this year where all my students are required to read 30 books by the end of the year. I wasn’t sure it would work and then I worried that I’d be screwed because most of my curriculum was built around them reading those books since we were going to do a bunch of activities with them. The end of the first quarter is this week and I am so proud to report that my kids have read 673 books! That’s an average of 6-7 books per student. I’m so darn proud of them!

4. Chris hurt his knee somehow playing golf last weekend. Now, he has trouble getting up and down the three flights of stairs in our house. I know I should be sympathetic to him, but seeing him hobble around like an old man makes me giggle.

5. We had our family portraits with Jenn Hopkins yesterday. They were pretty darn awesome and I can’t wait to see the pictures when she’s done editing. I made her promise to edit out my sweat beads. And maybe 20 pounds or so.

6. In the past few weeks, the weather’s been a little cooler (finally!). Which has led to my discovery that Bean has absolutely no pants that fit. He’s too tall for 18 months, but the 24 months and 2T are way too big in the waist, even with the adjustable waistlines. He’s a tall beanpole. (Oh, I made a joke!) This weekend, I picked him up two new pair of jeans while I was out shopping. I didn’t notice in the store that I accidentally bought “skinny jeans.” Seriously. They say that on the label. He looks like a tiny hipster!!!! It’s hysterical!!!

7. The other night as we were making dinner, Chris and I were kissing and Bean suddenly yells out from the dinner table in an angry voice, “Daddy! You no kiss Mommy’s face!” We died laughing and started kissing again while Bean continued to tell us to “stop kissing face!” He’s only two and we’re already grossing him out! Bonus parenting points for us!

8. I forgot to wear deodorant today, so during 3rd period when I finally remembered, I tried to sneak into my supply closet in my classroom to put some on (I keep an extra deodorant stick in my file cabinet). Then I accidentally dropped the whole stick with the deodorant side down on the nasty, filthy storage closet floor. I stood there for a full minute staring at all the dirt and dust on the deodorant while I seriously considered putting it on anyway. But I didn’t. Which made me feel really good about myself. Sometimes motherhood can make me feel pretty gross, so it’s nice to know where I draw the line.

9. I walked into our bedroom the other day to find Chris sound asleep on our bed and the kids siting on either side of him, with Gracie banging on the toy piano and Bean calling out, “DADDY! WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEAD!” Poor Chris. He hasn’t been feeling too good this weekend and I think the kids can sense weakness. They can sniff it out. Like bees. And middle schoolers.

10. ANNOUNCEMENT FOR MY ATLANTA-AREA READERS: The Atlanta MC Meet and Greet has been scheduled! We’ve moved it to this Saturday, October 29, from 3:00 until 4:00pm at Stone Mountain Park (which is fun because I was born in Stone Mountain!). We’ll be at the Triangle Pavilion in the Triangle Picnic area. Just look for the pavilion with the turquoise and yellow balloons. There is a playground there, too, so if you have little ones, they can run around and play. Chris and I will be there with the kids and our family to meet and greet, answer a few questions, talk a bit about the blog, and spend some time hanging out. I really hope if you’re in the Atlanta area, you’ll come on out. Bring a picnic, bring your kids, bring your friends, and come play with us!

26 comments | posted in Around the House, blogging, Dads, Family, Fun Things, Just for Fun, Marriage Confessions | tags: blogging, Family, humor, Marriage

When Chris and I were in high school, I thought he was hot.

I loved that he loved his family and ate dinner with them every night. I loved that importance he gave to the people he loved.

When Chris and I were in college, I still thought he was hot.

I saw him become more confident and self-assured, and I thought that was dead sexy.

When Chris started grad school, I realized how smart he was. His brain worked in ways that mine could never. And I loved listening to him talk.

I watched him grow into a husband and learning to manage bank accounts and bills and homeownership with him made even the most mundane and stressful tasks a little more fun.

But seeing Chris as a dad might just be the best side of him yet. The way he lights up when he sees our wee ones and the way they light up when they see him?

Well…I…it’s….well…uh…