Family | Marriage Confessions Family | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

Ever since Chris started graduate school at Yale, I’ve had this sticker on the back of my car. It’s a simple sticker that says, “Yale University.” At first, it was a badge of honor because I thought it was so cool to actually know someone who went to Yale. After the novelty of the school wore off, I kept it on my car because I was so proud of Chris for what he had accomplished. When he graduated and started working in New York, we kept our connection to Yale through my job there, and that sticker was no longer a symbol of Chris, but of my own ties to Yale. When we moved to Florida, I debated about taking the sticker off, but decided to leave it on for nostalgic reasons. Every time I backed my car up, I’d see that sticker in my rearview mirror and I would remember that wonderfully happy time in our lives.

I took the sticker off this weekend.

Looking in that rearview mirror every day kept me in the past. Every time I looked at that sticker, it was because I was backing up. Sometimes it was backing up my car, and sometimes it was backing up emotionally. I’d look at that sticker and think about all the things I didn’t have in my life anymore. The people who we came to love at Yale, the house that became our first home, the jobs that started out our career paths, the seasons that gave us so much happiness…all of it. Every time I saw that sticker in my rearview mirror as I backed up, I’d mentally and emotionally back up a little bit, too.

This week, I was backing my car out of my parking spot at school after a particularly rewarding day of teaching that made me both proud and happy to be a teacher. I glanced at the sticker and thought to myself, “Oh! That’s still on there?” I couldn’t remember the last time I had noticed it. Probably not for months. “I should probably take that off,” I thought.

Just like that. I should just take it off.

In the past year, we have been establishing ourselves where we wanted to be in Orlando. We’ve built a life that not only satisfies me the way that our life in Connecticut had, but goes beyond that and makes me feel complete and whole. I can’t imagine my life being anywhere but here. I know where my kids are going to go to school in a couple years. I wake up every morning and drive to a job that fulfills me in ways I didn’t even know needed fulfilling. I come home to a family that is funny and happy and energetic and exhausting and constantly keeping me on my toes. I lay down at night beside the one person in the whole entire world that could give me this life. I can honestly say that I have never been this happy in my life.

You should see my house right now. It is a disaster zone. (I say that like that’s a change from the normal, every day state of my house…) But you know what I did today? I went on a glass bottom boat tour with my mom, my best friend, my grandma, and my two kids. We came home to the hustle of bath times and bedtimes and Sunday evening chores to get ready for the week. And as I sit here now, my house is finally quiet and the rush of the day is calm and if I had to give one word to my day after all that chaos it would be “happiness.” Just pure happiness. Happiness that I got to spend the day with three generations of women, all who have inspired me in ways I don’t even think they know. Happiness even though the kids were tired and grumpy when we got home and fought bedtime hard core. Happiness even though I got absolutely nothing done that I needed to for this upcoming week. Happiness even when I’m exhausted and feel like I need another weekend to recover from this weekend. It is all just happiness to me.

Running has been an unexpected joy in my life, but I think it is really the sign of something much deeper happening to me right now. With every step I run, with each early morning I rise, with each mile I clock, I am doing something that brings me happiness. For a long time, happiness was situational for me. I was happy when things were happy around me. But something in the past four or five months has shown me how to live in a state of happiness, even during times that may not necessarily be happy. On work days when I feel ineffective in the classroom, I still feel happy in my career. On days when dinner is late to the table and kids are crying and dogs are barking and Chris texts to say he hasn’t even left the office yet, I still feel happy. I feel other things that sometimes dull that happiness – frustration or exhaustion or anger – but at the end of each day, there is always happiness.

Deep, deep down in my soul there is happiness now.

Turns out, I don’t need to be constantly reminded about specific times in my life that have made me happy. I don’t need a sticker in my rearview mirror to remind me of happy days. That happiness is inside me. It goes with me. It’s there on good days and on bad days and every day in between. And when it is that prevalent in my life, when I don’t need reminders or moments that show me how happy I am, when it just comes that naturally from inside, then it’s time to take down that sticker.

21 comments | posted in Changes, Depression, Family, Florida, Marriage Confessions, Moving, Operation BWYP, Running, Understanding Katie | tags: depression, Family, happiness, life

This past weekend, I ditched Chris and the kids and hitched a ride with my parents to Atlanta to visit my sister. Ginny and her hubby, John Michael, just moved into their new house, and so they threw a big housewarming party. First of all, their house is AMAZING. If Ginny and John Michael were a house, this is the house they would be. It’s classic and open and warm and perfect for hosting lots of friends and family.

I especially loved the front door and porch. I wanted to sit in their rocking chairs for days.

The housewarming was really only half the reason for a party. What this really was was a gender reveal party. I had heard of gender reveal parties before, but had never known someone who threw one. Turns out, it was pretty stinkin’ awesome. We spent Saturday getting the house and food ready for the party.

For the actual party itself, Ginny asked everyone on the invitation to wear either pink or blue, depending what gender we thought the baby would be. As you can see, we were pretty split. Some of us thought it was going to be a girl and some thought it was going to be a boy.

Here’s how the actual gender reveal worked…

Ginny and John Michael went to their ultrasound a couple weeks ago, and when the tech was able to determine the sex of the baby, she turned the monitor off so that Gin and JM couldn’t see anything. When the tech determined the sex, she wrote it out on a piece of paper and sealed that into an envelope without showing Ginny and JM. Then, JM took the envelope to a bakery and ordered a cake. The baker would open the envelope and make the inside cake based on the gender of the baby. So, if it was a girl, the cake would be pink and if it was a boy the cake would be blue. Then, the baker would ice the entire cake with white icing, so that you couldn’t tell until you cut into it what color the cake was.

Ginny decided to use the theme, “What will it Bee?” for her party, so the baker made the cake in the shape of a bee hive. Isn’t it cute???

When it was time to cut the cake, everyone crowded around the cake table and waited to see if the cake was pink or blue…

And the cake was…BLUE!!! IT’S A BOY!

It was such an exciting idea for a party, and so much fun to find out together with Ginny and John Michael’s friends and family. Such a fun day! I am so excited to be an aunt, but I think I’m even more excited to be an aunt of a NEPHEW! Even though I was convinced it was going to be a girl, I was so happy to see that blue cake because I know how great it is to have a little boy and I can’t wait for them to have that experience.

The crazy part was that both Ginny and JM just KNEW it was going to be a boy. For weeks they had been saying they just felt it. They knew. They were so convinced that they both wore blue to the party, but each had a splash of pink, just in case. Looks like that parenting instinct is alive and kickin’ for them already!!!

CONGRATULATIONS, GINNY AND JOHN MICHAEL! I can’t wait to meet Baby D!!!

23 comments | posted in Family, Fun Things, Just for Fun, Marriage Confessions, pregnancy | tags: Family, gender reveal party, sisters

I know you all are wondering where my Costa Rica posts have been, and just as soon as I manage to pull myself out from under the 400 pounds of vacation laundry I’ll have those posts up. We had a wonderful trip and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

But first, some news on the baby front…

Not MY baby front. It’s my sister’s! GINNY’S PREGNANT!

I have been dying to tell people, but Ginny and John Michael were both very cautious this time. She’s 20 weeks now, looks fabulous, feels fabulous, and is due in August. I am so darn happy for her and JM that I just can’t stand it!

True to our gene pool, Ginny decided that it wasn’t enough to be pregnant. She decided to buy a house, too! And start a new job! The same week she started a new job in Atlanta was the same week they closed on their new house. Lots going on in their world right now! We are beyond excited for them!

Ginny’s always been beautiful, but I think motherhood makes her radiant, don’t you???

We’re going up to Atlanta for a housewarming/gender reveal party in a couple weeks. The invitation said to wear the color of the gender you think the baby will be. I’m wearing PINK ALL THE WAY!!!!! I gots me a feelin’!

68 comments | posted in Family, Marriage Confessions | tags: Family, miscarriage, pregnancy, sisters

Sunday afternoon we had Gracie’s first birthday party. We had a really nice afternoon sitting outside in our backyard under the shade tree. The kids played, the adults ate and chatted, and the birthday girl went to town on her birthday cake. All the makings of a great day!

Gracie decided to wear butterfly wings instead of a birthday crown. I think it was a smart choice. Crowns fall off, but wings are forever. I found the wings at Target in the baby section (next to some killer shoes, which I will have to go back for later…). I thought they were a steal at $5.99.

Gracie also wore sunglasses. Like the diva that she is.

My mom made Gracie’s smash cake and my sister helped her decorate a dozen cupcakes for everyone else. I loved the cake. She cut mini marshmallows in half and dipped the sticky side in colored sugar, then placed the marshmallows in circles around the cake to make it look like petals.

Gracie thought it was so beautiful that she didn’t want to touch it at first. It was less of a “smash” cake and more of a “finger poke” cake.

Before she got too goopy, we tried taking a few family pictures. Which NEVER goes well. With two small kids, someone is always picking their nose, or moving, or looking the other direction.

After cake, we played outside with the kids and opened presents. It was such a beautiful afternoon. Oh, and Gracie got a microphone. So, life was grand.

When Gracie started getting grumpy (she skipped her nap), we moved inside so that she could rest a bit, but she ended up playing even harder on the living room floor. We took all her presents out of their boxes and the kids played for over an hour with everything. It was the first time Gracie had sat with the “big kids” and actually played before. She’s such a big girl now that she’s one!