And Now the Fun Must End

16Jul

Categories: Around the House, Marriage Confessions, Money

Yesterday was a great day. Sun shining. Children laughing. Hair cooperating. And then I came home and the skies opened up and rained on my parade. Waiting for me in my mailbox was our mortgage payment book. For those of you who have not chosen yet to go into debt up to your eyeballs, a mortgage payment book is like a car payment book. Its just a book of slips that you send in with your mortgage payment.

That’s all. Just slips of paper that represent more money than God has. That’s it.

The racket in the mortgage crisis is not the inflated market or the interest rates, it is the fact that they don’t make you pay your first month living in the house. Oh, don’t you worry. You’ll pay it eventually. But the first month you are mortgage free. This means, you are able to walk around with lots ‘o cash in your pocket buying new furniture and paint and dog bed without a care in the world until, one day, you are blind sided by this daunting little payment book. Suddenly – WHAM! – the fun must end. You must drink heavily, take out your checkbook, and write this check that makes even the mailman weep for you.

What a dirty industry that mortgage banking business is. What heartless thugs. They give you a pretty little house and then expect you to PAY FOR IT?!?!? Whose idea was that, and why wasn’t I involved in that decision??? If I had been involved in that decision, it would look more like this: “Here, you adorable newlywed couple. Take this beautiful cape cod home, paint its walls, mow its lawn, say nice things to its neighbors, and always take down its Christmas decorations by New Years and its yours – for free!”

If I don’t post for a few days, its either because of the amount of tequila it took for me to write that check or its because I have no access to my computer because I can’t afford electricity. In either case, send help in the form of more tequila.

0  comments   |   posted in Around the House, Marriage Confessions, Money   |   tags: financial, home, humor, life, Personal

Here Comes the Bride, Again, and Again, and Again…

20May

Categories: Husbands, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Money, Vacation, Weddings

‘Tis the season of bridal showers, three-tiered cakes, and crying flower girls.  Last week alone we received four invitations to weddings and one invitation to a shower.  Now, I love weddings.  Any excuse to get all dolled up, cry in public, and eat bacon wrapped scallops and cake is fine by me.  But, come on brides!  Lets get our schedules together here!

The bad thing is that all of these weddings are people that we really can’t say no to.  One is Chris’ old college roommate, one is one of my oldest friends and former bridesmaid, one is a current classmate of Chris’, and one is a former co-worker who I adore.  And every single one of these brides could take me out in a street fight in under 2 minutes.  We must attend.

There are several problems with this situation.  First is the basic logistical nightmare.  Chris and I will both have to take a week off to move into our new house (pause to think happy thoughts about the new house…!!) AND Chris will be starting a new job.  We both are worried about our days off of work.  Which brings us to the second problem.  Only one of the four weddings are actually in the state of Connecticut.  And two of them are in Florida!  So we have to figure in travel time, air fare, and hotels…  Which brings us to the third problem.  Traveling during the summer is really expensive!  Let’s say we manage to get ourselves together and both of us can take the time off of work (doubtful, but let’s pretend).  We still have to fork out airfare for two people to Florida – twice! – and then hotels to put us up while we are there.  And there’s rental cars, food, a new pair of shoes once I realize I have packed the wrong pair.  And of course, there’s the gift.  Which brings us to the final problem in this situation – I adore wedding presents!

I think it is because I know the wonderful feeling I had when people were so randomly generous for my own wedding, but I just love to give big wedding presents!  I love it!  The entire cookware set – check!  An entire place setting, including china and silver – check!  Large, random appliances – double check!  Let me tell you, I am an awesome wedding guest.  This is all in spite of Chris, who thinks we send a waffle maker to everyone.  He doesn’t know, and as far as I’m concerned he doesn’t need to know of this habit.  If he wants to take the time to go online, find the registry, pick out the gift, then fine.  He can know what we’re giving.  But until then, he has no say in this.  Wedding presents are so much fun!  But when we’re talking four weddings (and possibly my funeral if Chris finds out about the gift situation), it is going to get expensive.  The cost of homeownership is marginal compared to wedding season.

But what can you do except put on your prettiest dress, grab some tissues, and practice your best chicken dance?  Hold on to your hankies – it’s wedding season!

4  comments   |   posted in Husbands, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Money, Vacation, Weddings   |   tags: bridesmaids, friendships, gift giving, Marriage, Relationships, Weddings

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