Moving | Marriage Confessions Moving | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

Ever since Chris started graduate school at Yale, I’ve had this sticker on the back of my car. It’s a simple sticker that says, “Yale University.” At first, it was a badge of honor because I thought it was so cool to actually know someone who went to Yale. After the novelty of the school wore off, I kept it on my car because I was so proud of Chris for what he had accomplished. When he graduated and started working in New York, we kept our connection to Yale through my job there, and that sticker was no longer a symbol of Chris, but of my own ties to Yale. When we moved to Florida, I debated about taking the sticker off, but decided to leave it on for nostalgic reasons. Every time I backed my car up, I’d see that sticker in my rearview mirror and I would remember that wonderfully happy time in our lives.

I took the sticker off this weekend.

Looking in that rearview mirror every day kept me in the past. Every time I looked at that sticker, it was because I was backing up. Sometimes it was backing up my car, and sometimes it was backing up emotionally. I’d look at that sticker and think about all the things I didn’t have in my life anymore. The people who we came to love at Yale, the house that became our first home, the jobs that started out our career paths, the seasons that gave us so much happiness…all of it. Every time I saw that sticker in my rearview mirror as I backed up, I’d mentally and emotionally back up a little bit, too.

This week, I was backing my car out of my parking spot at school after a particularly rewarding day of teaching that made me both proud and happy to be a teacher. I glanced at the sticker and thought to myself, “Oh! That’s still on there?” I couldn’t remember the last time I had noticed it. Probably not for months. “I should probably take that off,” I thought.

Just like that. I should just take it off.

In the past year, we have been establishing ourselves where we wanted to be in Orlando. We’ve built a life that not only satisfies me the way that our life in Connecticut had, but goes beyond that and makes me feel complete and whole. I can’t imagine my life being anywhere but here. I know where my kids are going to go to school in a couple years. I wake up every morning and drive to a job that fulfills me in ways I didn’t even know needed fulfilling. I come home to a family that is funny and happy and energetic and exhausting and constantly keeping me on my toes. I lay down at night beside the one person in the whole entire world that could give me this life. I can honestly say that I have never been this happy in my life.

You should see my house right now. It is a disaster zone. (I say that like that’s a change from the normal, every day state of my house…) But you know what I did today? I went on a glass bottom boat tour with my mom, my best friend, my grandma, and my two kids. We came home to the hustle of bath times and bedtimes and Sunday evening chores to get ready for the week. And as I sit here now, my house is finally quiet and the rush of the day is calm and if I had to give one word to my day after all that chaos it would be “happiness.” Just pure happiness. Happiness that I got to spend the day with three generations of women, all who have inspired me in ways I don’t even think they know. Happiness even though the kids were tired and grumpy when we got home and fought bedtime hard core. Happiness even though I got absolutely nothing done that I needed to for this upcoming week. Happiness even when I’m exhausted and feel like I need another weekend to recover from this weekend. It is all just happiness to me.

Running has been an unexpected joy in my life, but I think it is really the sign of something much deeper happening to me right now. With every step I run, with each early morning I rise, with each mile I clock, I am doing something that brings me happiness. For a long time, happiness was situational for me. I was happy when things were happy around me. But something in the past four or five months has shown me how to live in a state of happiness, even during times that may not necessarily be happy. On work days when I feel ineffective in the classroom, I still feel happy in my career. On days when dinner is late to the table and kids are crying and dogs are barking and Chris texts to say he hasn’t even left the office yet, I still feel happy. I feel other things that sometimes dull that happiness – frustration or exhaustion or anger – but at the end of each day, there is always happiness.

Deep, deep down in my soul there is happiness now.

Turns out, I don’t need to be constantly reminded about specific times in my life that have made me happy. I don’t need a sticker in my rearview mirror to remind me of happy days. That happiness is inside me. It goes with me. It’s there on good days and on bad days and every day in between. And when it is that prevalent in my life, when I don’t need reminders or moments that show me how happy I am, when it just comes that naturally from inside, then it’s time to take down that sticker.

21 comments | posted in Changes, Depression, Family, Florida, Marriage Confessions, Moving, Operation BWYP, Running, Understanding Katie | tags: depression, Family, happiness, life

I am thankful for the home that we live in and for the lives that we will build here.

I am thankful for a job that makes me smile every day and for the middle schoolers who allow me to be part of their world for a little while.

I am thankful for a church that teaches about the power of prayer, the importance of family, and the strength of faith.

I am thankful for friendships that make me a better person.

I am thankful for the readers who come back here every day to journey with me, without judgment, expectations, or demands.

I am thankful for just enough money in the bank each month.

I am thankful for family who send funny emails, inappropriate texts, and who are worth everything we’ve been through to live close to them again.

I am thankful for an incredibly smart, energetic, innovative, and funny two-year-old son who reminds me every single day that life is just good.

I am thankful for the beautiful smiles, nighttime cuddles, and incredible happiness that my seven-month-old daughter brings into my life.

I am thankful for the person who kisses me every morning, says he loves me every night, and stands beside me every day.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but above all of those things, I think I am most thankful for the trials and tribulations in our lives because, through those experiences, I have learned to be thankful for everything else.

Wishing you and your family all the blessings of thankfulness,
Katie, Chris, Michael, and Gracie

17 comments | posted in Faith, Family, Florida, holidays, Jobs and Careers, Marriage, Marriage Confessions, Money, Moving, Operation BWYP, Understanding Katie | tags: Family, life, thanksgiving

Tomorrow will be a great day.

No. Tomorrow will be a FANTASTIC DAY.

Because tomorrow, these boys will be in my house.

I’ve missed them in my house. I’ve missed them at my kitchen table. I’ve missed them making plans to show up at our house on a Friday, but then showing up on Thursday night…or afternoon…or morning… I’ve missed them on my back deck after dinner, drinking beer, and talking about nothing until the wee small hours of the morning. I’ve missed them stealing my camera and taking pictures like this…

Or this…

Chris and Justin have been best friends for seventeen years. And, though they lead very different lives now, they are still like brothers.

Which in turn makes him like my brother. Which in turn make him like my sister’s brother, too. Which in turn makes him like family.

More specifically, like that drunk family member that always shows up, drinks your beer, hits on your friends, and then goes home. He’s that family member.

And then there’s Gary.

Gary is the kind of friend everyone should have. He makes no demands of you, expects nothing from you, and will be there in a split second when you ask. And sometimes, even when you don’t ask. I think he has helped us move, like, five hundred thousand times. Roughly. He’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.

When we moved away from Connecticut, leaving our entire group of old friends behind was the hardest part. They were such fixtures in our lives and in our home. They shared every milestone with us.

And we miss them now.

But tomorrow? They’ll be here. In our kitchen again. Sitting on our back porch. Eating our food. Drinking our beer. And wine. And whiskey.

And that is why tomorrow is going to be a great day.

18 comments | posted in Childhood, Friendship, Marriage Confessions, Moving | tags: Friendship, Moving

It’s no secret that I had a rough time adjusting to our move back to Florida from Connecticut. But if you were to ask me now how I am doing, I would be able to tell you with 100% confidence that I feel like I am home. I feel like I have planted roots here and I’m happy to grow now. I have done bloomed where I done been planted.

Except for one thing.

Autumn.

(sigh)

I just cannot get my head around autumn in Florida. It’s hot here. I mean, like, 90-plus degrees every day. A few weeks ago we had a “cold spell” and the temperatures dropped into the 80′s. But, it’s Florida. That just sort of comes with the territory. What is freaking me out is that everyone keeps talking about how much they love fall and I want to take them by the shoulders and shake them, shouting, “HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!?!?”

I miss the sweaters and the hot cider and the apple orchards and the pumpkins and the oversized cardigans. I miss the smell of wood burning fireplaces and the flannel pajamas and the leaves changing colors. It just doesn’t feel like fall without those things.

So, this weekend, I decided to fake it. Our house during autumn in Connecticut was one of my favorite places. It was warm and cozy and felt like home. In our new house, I want to feel those same things.

I had Chris help me dig through the mess of unpacked moving boxes in our garage and we pulled out all my fall decorations. I hug my first wreath on our new front door and felt a little warmer inside.

I took the autumn garland that used to go on our fireplace mantle in Connecticut and strung it up along our banister.

I took our backdoor wreath and hung it on the door going out to our garage, which I love because it is scented so our entry way smells like cinnamon now.

I put out my favorite fall decoration on the ledge going down the stairs from our living room. Now, I have a constant reminder to be thankful.

And then I went to Walmart and bought $4.00 apple cinnamon candles and $3.00 bags of scented pine cones to make my house smell as warm and cozy and it now feels.

I think I’ll always miss fall in Connecticut and I’m so glad I had the opportunity to live there and experience it. Everywhere you live should have some special significance in your life even after you leave, don’t you think? But my home is now in hot, sunny Florida where we have to light candles that smell like fall and buy fake fall foliage to adorn our banisters. Is it the same as before? Not at all. But fall is just a season and I still love it.

Fake cinnamon candles, plastic pumpkins, and all.