parenting | Marriage Confessions parenting | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

“Hi there, Gracie Girl!” I said.

“Don’t you ‘Gracie Girl’ me, Mom,” she said. “We are fighting.”

“What?!?!” I screeched. “Why?”

“Because you think I have colic.”

“Now, I said I wasn’t sure. But your doctor and I think you might have a TOUCH of colic.”

“I don’t have colic, Mom,” Gracie insisted.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Because you kind of seem like you might…”

“Now, wait just a minute,” Gracie said. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, you’re crying at certain times of the day…”

“So?”

“…for a couple hours…”

“So?”

“…for two weeks now.”

“I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about,” said Gracie.

“Gracie, colic doesn’t make you a bad baby. It’s just part of who you are right now and it’ll pass soon.”

“Did it ever occur to you, Mom, that I am crying because I have NEEDS? I mean, I’m not a potted plant.”

“Well, of course that occurred to me. But sometimes you cry when your diaper is clean, your tummy is full, you’ve been played with, you’ve taken a nap, and all seems like it should be right in your world. Those times when the crying won’t stop, it just seems like colic might be the answer.”

“You’re forgetting one very important need, MOTHER,” snapped Gracie. “My need for attention.”

“Attention?”

“Yes, attention,” she said. “I have a constant need for attention.”

“Great,” I muttered. “I’ve birthed a middle schooler…”

“I heard that.”

“You know, Gracie,” I said slowly. “Sweet little coos would get you attention, too. It doesn’t have to be screaming for hours.”

“Yeah, but you’d never hear those coos over Bean. That dude is LOUD.”

“HEY!” objected Bean.

“I’m just sayin’,” said Gracie. “I don’t think this is colic. I think you just need to pay more attention to me.”

“Oh, my Itty Bitty,” I said gently. “If I paid any more attention to you, there wouldn’t be time for me to do anything else in my day.”

“I see no problem here?”

“I would love nothing more than to sit and hold you all day long and nibble your ears…”

“Again, not seeing the problem…” she said.

“…but I can’t do that, sweet love. So, we’re going to have to compromise here.”

“And what do you suggest as a compromise?”

“Well, how about I’ll snuggle you really good every day and you stop the crying for no reason?”

“Hmmm…” she thought. “That would certainly free up a lot of time in my evenings…”

“Me, too,” I grumbled.

“I heard that!” she snapped.

“Sorry.”

“Maybe we could work out that compromise,” Gracie said after thinking it over. “But if I cut back on my crying for no reason, you have to stop calling this colic. No baby wants to have that label, Mom. It hurts our image.”

“Deal!” I said.

“Deal!” she said.

“I’m glad we worked through this, Itty Bitty,” I said. “I’d much rather spend that time snuggling than trying to stop the crying.”

“Me, too,” said Gracie thoughtfully. “Though, I’m still going to require you to walk me around the house while you bounce me for about an hour a day. That’s just good, clean fun.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “Fine.”

“Oh, goody! Everybody wins!”

32 comments | posted in About Gracie, Conversations with Bean and Gracie, Gracie Girl, parenting, The Romper Room | tags: babies, colic, newborns, parenting

Last week I shared about the behavior changes we were seeing in Bean since Gracie’s arrival. You all gave great suggestions and ideas for how to deal with it and so did our pediatrician and my mom. So, Chris and I took all that information and started forming our own game plan for Bean Man.

Chris and I are big on game plans for parenting. Periodically, when we start to notice the needs of Bean (and, later, Gracie) changing, we’ll decide it’s time to change the game plan. For example, we had one when it was time to start thinking about potty training and we had another one when Bean became much more mobile around a year old. Usually game plan conversations happen at night after Bean’s gone to bed and we can really talk through whatever issue we need to address. We both talk about what behavior is new in Bean and needs attention (and it isn’t always bad behavior – we talk a lot about good things, too) and then we work through different ways we want to deal with it. Having a game plan keeps us on the same page. It makes it easier on us because we put together a formula of sorts. “If this happens, then we will respond like this…” And it makes sure we are both parenting the same way, which is really important for kids. They need that consistency and having a game plan helps Chris and I to be consistent.

This past weekend, Chris and I started to formulate our game plan for Bean this summer when I’m home with him. Not only is he adjusting to Gracie, but he’s also adjusting to not being in daycare every day and on top of all that, he’s entering the Two’s. That’s a lot of change for both him and us and so our parenting needs to change a bit, too. Our biggest game changer in the coming months is our use of time out. The change being that we are now actually DOING time outs. We’ve used them sporadically in the past, but we’ve decided to use them consistently and more frequently now. We decided to enforce the time out rule mostly because Bean understands the concept of it now. He knows when he’s done something wrong, he knows how to sit still for two minutes, and he understands when he’s in trouble.

We don’t use time out all the time (or else it would lose it’s effectiveness), but we use it for specific actions. As our pediatrician suggested, we use it when Bean is outright defiant. When I tell him something and he looks right at me and does something else – that’s a time out. Our time outs work like this:

Bean gets a warning (“Michael, we do not hit the dogs.”). If he changes his behavior, we throw a party. If he doesn’t change his behavior, he gets a time out warning (“Michael, Mommy said we do not hit the dogs. Do you need a time out?” He always violently shakes his head no.). If he changes his behavior, we throw a party. If he doesn’t change his behavior, he gets a time out (“Michael, you are in time out because you hit Molly. We don’t hit.”). He sits in time out for two minutes, usually crying. And then I go back over to him and ask him to apologize (“Okay, buddy. Thank you for sitting in time out. Let’s go tell Molly you are sorry for hitting her.”). When the apology is over, I release him and we move on (“What a big boy you are for saying you’re sorry! I’m so proud of you! Let’s go play outside.”)

There are a ton of ways to do a time out and I’m sure it depends on your child and your parenting style, but I think the trick – no matter how you enforce it – is to be consistent each time. Having a game plan for Chris and I helps us to keep processes like this consistent for Bean. He knows no matter who he is dealing with, certain behaviors aren’t allowed and the punishment will always be the same.

This week was our first week with the new game plan and I am happy to report it’s been a great week. The two days there were several time outs as Bean started to realize some of his previous behaviors were no longer going to be tolerated (i.e. throwing toys and yelling inside), but once he got the hang of the new parameters, there have been MUCH less time outs. We didn’t even have one yesterday. He got the time out warning and since he knew what was coming next, he changed his behavior and life moved on.

I’m learning that discipline and teaching in toddlers is just as much about parental communication as it is about the child. Chris and I have to be on the same page for the discipline to work and we can’t be on the same page unless we’re talking about specific actions and steps we want to take as a family. And I’m so glad to see the positive effects of those game plans already coming through in Beanie.

14 comments | posted in About Beanie, discipline, parenting, Parenting Ideas, Siblings, The Romper Room, Toddlerhood | tags: parenting, terrible two's, toddler discipline

This past weekend we gave Gracie her first real bath. We’ve been giving her sponge baths, but she still had her little belly button nub that hadn’t fallen out yet so we couldn’t put her in a bathtub yet. But she dropped her nubby last week and so this weekend we were GO FOR BATH TIME.

(Side note: How gross is the whole newborn belly button thing, right? It looks like they’ve got an ice pop sticking out of their stomach. So weird.)

I remember when we gave Bean his first bath. I was a wreck. I thought he was going to drown in two inches of water with both his parents standing right there next to him. I think he sensed my anxiety.

With Gracie, I was way more prepared. That seems to be the mantra of second-time parents. In fact, I was actually excited. Gracie needed a little bath. She was starting to lose that new car smell. I mean, new baby smell.

(Side note: Why do all babies come out smelling like Johnson & Johnson? It’s one of God’s most good-smelling miracles.)

Turns out, Gracie loves baths. Which is another trait that confirms she is indeed my child. She just cooed and sighed and for just a split second I thought she might even fall asleep.

It was actually a lot of fun giving Gracie her first bath. I knew this time to put a wet hand towel in the bathtub to keep her from slipping around. And I knew this time to put another wet towel over the parts we weren’t washing to keep her warm.

I felt like a professional mom. With Bean, I was still a mom. I was a pretty darn good mom, too. But I was a first time mom of a newborn. I needed training wheels. I needed a book to tell me how to do the bath. I needed a written schedule to remind me when to feed/diaper/wash. I needed a phone call from my mom every now and then telling me I was doing good. But with the second, I’ve kicked my training wheels to the curb. Yeah, I fall over sometimes. Sure, I lose my balance. And, occasionally, I crash into things. But for the most part, I’m moving and shaking all on my own.

And it’s not that I know more now than I did then. Each baby is different and so being Gracie’s mom is just as new as it was to be Bean’s mom. But this time around, I’m trusting my instincts more. I’m more confident in myself. It really has nothing to do with the baby. It’s about how I see myself. And I think I’m doing just fine.

(Side note: Gracie doesn’t like cold water. Message received.)

21 comments | posted in Gracie Girl, Milestones, parenting, The Romper Room | tags: babies, motherhood, new moms, newborn care, newborns, parenthood, parenting

First, thank you all for the suggestions on how to deal with Bean during this transition period. We had an appointment with our pediatrician on Friday for Gracie and while we were there, he talked with us a lot about how to handle Bean during this time and then this weekend I talked to my mom about it when she came over to stay with Gracie and both the doctor and my mom agreed with what most of you said – consistency is key! We’ve decided to pay a little more attention to Bean and to love him up even more, but as far as his behavior, we really have to stick to our guns. My doctor had a good rule of thumb for Bean (and any child going through the terrible two’s). He said to redirect and correct unacceptable behavior and to discipline defiant behavior. Keeping that in mind, along with advice my mom gave me, and everything you all suggested, I feel like we at least have options going forward.

We decided last week that we really needed to not just spend time with Bean and the family, but by himself. So, we asked my mom to come down and keep Gracie Saturday morning while we took Bean to the Orlando Science Center for some hands-on Big Boy fun! They had a Curious George exhibit and we thought Bean would really love that. And he did!

There was a whole Curious George town set up in one wing of the museum that you could walk through. Each area had a part of the Curious George books that you could participate in. Bean loved the part where you got to dress up in Curious George’s work outfit and then move around all these big foam blocks.

Bean’s other favorite part was a big rocket ship slide. He got to climb up the stairs all by himself (which was slightly terrifying as a parent because it was so high – I kept checking to make sure I brought our health insurance card) and then slide down. It was big and fast and Bean loved it!

After the Curious George exhibit, we headed out to check out the other exhibits and things to do. Bean was actually just a bit young for the museum. It was completely hands on and had all these cool science experiments you could do. But almost everything was adaptable for him. We just helped him and did modified versions of everything so that he got to do stuff. He didn’t know the difference and thought everything was great!

We maneuvered a big fan and made wind socks blow…

We stopped and played with widgets and gadgets and built things that spun…

We made noise on the big PVC pipes by whacking them with a big mallet…

We played with the train table (which Bean took very seriously)…

We raced cars down this giant racetrack…

And we studied law of motion…I think…

One of Bean’s favorite parts though was the dinosaur exhibit. I thought it might scare him, but he walked around roaring the whole time, so I’m guessing he was fine.

I think I even heard Chris roar a time or two.

Bean especially liked the part where he got to dig for fossils in the big bed of sand.

The last floor of the museum focused on Florida wildlife. Have I mentioned how much I don’t like Florida wildlife? Snakes, alligators, lizards, frogs? No, thanks. But Bean and Chris loved it!

(You’ll notice there aren’t many close-up pictures of this part because I was standing about 20 feet away from the critters – it’s how I roll.)

The whole day we kept telling Bean what a big boy he was. Everything was big boy. Big Boy with Curious George. Big Boy racing cars. Big Boy dinosaurs. And at the end, we went out for a Big Boy lunch at Chick-fil-a. It was a great Big Boy day!

I knew the day would be good for Bean, but I wasn’t expecting how good it would be for me and Chris. It was nice to spend some time alone with Bean for us, too. It gave us time to reconnect with him and listen to him and talk to him and play with him. It was just a great day for all of us.