Late in my pregnancy with Bean, the advice changed from how to survive my pregnancy to how to survive the first few months as a new mom. Without a doubt, the most frequent advice I heard was, “Sleep when the baby sleeps!”
Hearing that before I had any children, it seemed a little silly. Of course I’d sleep when the baby slept! What else would I do? But within one day of having Bean finally in my arms, I realized how much there was to do!
For one thing, I’d had a c-section, and so I had to take care of my own healing body, but that would have to wait until he slept because I couldn’t change bandages with a newborn in my arms.
And there was the laundry. Oh, Lord! The laundry! Epic amounts of laundry because I insisted on changing Bean’s clothes every time he touched anything and because we went through so many blankets and burp cloths on a daily basis.
And there were other tasks, too, like sending thank you notes, cleaning up the house for the next round of visitors, and preparing meals. I started to understand very quickly why everyone gave that advice, but I still didn’t know how to follow it. With so much to be done, when would I ever sleep again?!
It really wasn’t until Gracie was born that I finally figured out how to sleep when the baby slept. The first thing I learned was to lower my expectations. I learned to accept that my house wasn’t going to be tidy and neat every day. Some days I managed it, but other days I didn’t. And on those days when the house looked like it had imploded, I just let it go. Because in the grand scheme of things, dishes in my sink or laundry piles on my floor weren’t the worst things to happen.
Another tip I learned was to get “close enough.” Gracie was a colicky baby, and on days when she cried for hours straight, I settled with getting the laundry “close enough” to the washer, and so I’d collect all the dirty laundry from around the house and throw it into piles on the floor of the laundry room. And then (this is my favorite part!) I’d shut the door and walk away. I did the same thing with dishes. We bottle-fed, so I had bottles everywhere. And we ate when and where we could in those first months, so that always left a trail of dishes.
Then there were the guests who were stopping in to visit, which meant there were coffee cups and snack trays sitting out. Dishes were everywhere, and when I had a few minutes free, I started getting them “close enough” to the dishwasher. I’d make a sweep through the house with Gracie in one arm, collecting all the dishes and throwing them into the sink with the other arm. I’d get to them later.
Getting “close enough” made my whole house feel neater and organized because at least the messes were contained in specific areas, and the rest of the house could be salvaged. That did wonders for my new-mom psyche.
In the evenings when Chris got home from work, he and I would work together to actually DO the laundry and WASH the dishes. Having that extra set of hands to help was such a blessing after long days at home with a newborn!
The last thing I learned was to let people help – and not just Chris. When my parents offered to come over and help for an afternoon, I asked them to do some laundry. When my Grandma asked if she could come bring us a meal, I said yes (and I even let her do the dishes!). Before I had kids, I would never have asked someone to do my chores for me, and even with my first I had a hard time. But by the time Gracie was born, I learned that that’s just what people DO. Anyone with kids knows what position you are in as a new mom, and it makes us feel useful if you let us help. We feel like we’re passing the torch, and what a heavy torch it can be!
Using these simple little tips throughout your busy days as a new parent will actually free up some time for you, and you’ll be surprised that by the time the baby is ready for a nap, so are you!
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23Apr
This past weekend, I ditched Chris and the kids and hitched a ride with my parents to Atlanta to visit my sister. Ginny and her hubby, John Michael, just moved into their new house, and so they threw a big housewarming party. First of all, their house is AMAZING. If Ginny and John Michael were a house, this is the house they would be. It’s classic and open and warm and perfect for hosting lots of friends and family.
I especially loved the front door and porch. I wanted to sit in their rocking chairs for days.
The housewarming was really only half the reason for a party. What this really was was a gender reveal party. I had heard of gender reveal parties before, but had never known someone who threw one. Turns out, it was pretty stinkin’ awesome. We spent Saturday getting the house and food ready for the party.
For the actual party itself, Ginny asked everyone on the invitation to wear either pink or blue, depending what gender we thought the baby would be. As you can see, we were pretty split. Some of us thought it was going to be a girl and some thought it was going to be a boy.
Here’s how the actual gender reveal worked…
Ginny and John Michael went to their ultrasound a couple weeks ago, and when the tech was able to determine the sex of the baby, she turned the monitor off so that Gin and JM couldn’t see anything. When the tech determined the sex, she wrote it out on a piece of paper and sealed that into an envelope without showing Ginny and JM. Then, JM took the envelope to a bakery and ordered a cake. The baker would open the envelope and make the inside cake based on the gender of the baby. So, if it was a girl, the cake would be pink and if it was a boy the cake would be blue. Then, the baker would ice the entire cake with white icing, so that you couldn’t tell until you cut into it what color the cake was.
Ginny decided to use the theme, “What will it Bee?” for her party, so the baker made the cake in the shape of a bee hive. Isn’t it cute???
When it was time to cut the cake, everyone crowded around the cake table and waited to see if the cake was pink or blue…
And the cake was…BLUE!!! IT’S A BOY!
It was such an exciting idea for a party, and so much fun to find out together with Ginny and John Michael’s friends and family. Such a fun day! I am so excited to be an aunt, but I think I’m even more excited to be an aunt of a NEPHEW! Even though I was convinced it was going to be a girl, I was so happy to see that blue cake because I know how great it is to have a little boy and I can’t wait for them to have that experience.
The crazy part was that both Ginny and JM just KNEW it was going to be a boy. For weeks they had been saying they just felt it. They knew. They were so convinced that they both wore blue to the party, but each had a splash of pink, just in case. Looks like that parenting instinct is alive and kickin’ for them already!!!
CONGRATULATIONS, GINNY AND JOHN MICHAEL! I can’t wait to meet Baby D!!!
After the kids went to bed tonight, I grabbed my shopping list and coupons and headed up to Target to do my weekly grocery shopping.
(Side Note: Have you ever been grocery shopping at Target? It is much cheaper than my regular grocery store, which kind of surprises me…)
I loaded my cart with necessities and pulled into the check out with the shortest line. There was a really nice, chatty young girl working the register and we made small talk while she rang up my groceries.
And then the worst thing that can happen to a person after you’ve given birth to a human being happened.
The girl smiled shyly at me and motioned to my stomach. “When’s your baby due?” she asked, smiling sweetly.
It caught me so off-guard that I didn’t quite understand her at first. But the longer I stood there staring at her, the faster the horror spread throughout my body.
“Did she just…??? No. She couldn’t have. But I think she did. DOES SHE THINK I’M PREGNANT?!?!”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(breathe, breathe, breathe)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(breathe, breathe, breathe)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Without missing a beat and in my brightest voice, I replied, “Oh, I actually just had my baby. A little girl.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful!” the girl replied. If she knew what a colossal mistake she had just made, she didn’t show it. “How old is she?”
And before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “She’s two months old.”
“TWO MONTHS?!?!” the girl squealed. “Girl, you look fantastic for having a two month old baby at home!”
(Side note: Gracie turned five months old last week.)
“Er…Thanks,” I mumbled. Then I grabbed my groceries, tucked my tail, and crawled out to my car. I called my mom on my way home from Target and we laughed and laughed and laughed about what had just happened.
“What were you wearing?” she asked.
“Does it even matter?!?! She thought I was PREGNANT, Mom… PREGNANT!”
So, that was the end of my Tuesday.
How was your day?
07Apr
Warning: This post is about my c-section recovery (hence the post title…). Don’t read if you’re squeamish, are eating a meal, or have no interest in c-section recoveries. Thank you, Management
(Please ignore the fact that Gracie’s feet are above her head. It’s been a long day.)
Gracie was my second c-section. When I was pregnant with Bean, he was breech for my entire pregnancy. I tried everything my doctor suggested to get him to turn on his own – including laying with my feet in the air on an ironing board – but little man was mighty comfortable where he was. At the end of my pregnancy, we did a procedure in the hospital called an EVS and the doctor tried to turn him using his hands. It was incredibly painful for me and though Bean did move a little bit, he went right back to his original position by the time we finished the procedure. Stubborn little Beaner. In the end, there was no choice but to do a c-section.
I was a little nervous about the idea of being “gutted like a fish,” as my husband so eloquently put it, but I really loved my doctor and trusted his judgment. I felt like I was in great hands and, ultimately, I just wanted what was best for my baby. So, c-section it was. And I was really lucky. I had a wonderful experience. The procedure itself was quick (about 10 minutes until they pulled Bean out and then another 20 minutes to finish) and my recovery, though long, wasn’t nearly as painful as I had heard they could be. So, when I got pregnant again with Grace and my doctor said a c-section was recommended again, I wasn’t entirely bummed. These days, a lot of doctors won’t do regular deliveries after a mom has had a c-section because of their medical malpractice insurance and the risk of complications. Plus, it hadn’t even been 2 years since my first c-section, which made the risk factor somewhat higher if I decided to have a natural delivery. We had had such a good experience the first time around, I wasn’t too worried about doing it again.
My doctor told me that the second c-section was actually easier than the first, but I was still a little skeptical. This time I had a toddler waiting for me at home and I was sure that would complicate things. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find my doctor was right. The second time has been much easier in some ways and a little harder in others. Overall though, I’d say I’ve had two really positive c-section experiences.
This time, I got to experience the one thing I missed about not having a natural delivery the first time. I really wanted the surprise and shock of going into labor. With a c-section, it’s all scheduled and planned. You show up at the hospital at a certain time, just like for a regular doctor’s appointment, only you’re there to have a baby. That was nice, but it wasn’t the excitement that comes with the surprise of going into labor. With Gracie, I did get to experience that. I’d been having some symptoms that told me I might be in labor and when I discussed them with my doctor at a routine appointment, she sent me straight from her office to the hospital. Still not exactly thrilling, but it was pretty exciting to all of a sudden hear we were getting ready to have our baby in a matter of hours.
The procedure itself this time was just as easy and quick and the doctors and nurses in the operating room made it fun by talking to us and taking pictures of our new baby girl as she was born, which we didn’t have last time. It was actually a FUN procedure to have – isn’t that weird? And the recovery this time is even easier than it was the first time.
In some ways.
The first c-section I had was difficult because the recovery felt so foreign to my body. I didn’t know WHAT was going on and so everything seemed dramatic and scary. This time around, I don’t have that to deal with. I knew what to expect about the recovery going into it. What I’ve found about the second recovery is that I push myself more to recover quicker than I did before. For example, I remembered that my doctors told me the first time around that the faster I could get up and walking after the surgery, the faster the recovery would be. But because I wasn’t used to that kind of pain when I stood up, I felt like I was doing something to hurt myself when I tried to walk. So, the first time around, I didn’t walk for about three days. This time though, I knew that pain was normal – painful, yes, but very normal. I knew I wasn’t hurting anything and that I just had to push through it, so I was up and walking the morning after my procedure this time.
Same thing with the shower. The first time, my nurses had to help me with my first shower because I didn’t know how to handle my body after surgery. It was hard to stand, it was hard to maneuver, and I didn’t know what could get wet and what I had to keep dry. This time around, I asked to take a shower on the second day and my nurses and Chris said no. Their main concern was my ability to walk and move. What if I fell in the shower? What if I got stuck in there and couldn’t move? What if I overdid the effort and bled too much? So, when my nurses left and Chris went home to take a shower to check on Bean, I hobbled into the shower on my own and took a shower. I knew this time what I was physically able to do more than I did the last time.
BUT. This has also been what has made my recovery this time a lot harder in some ways. Because I want to get up and going so fast this time and because my incision doesn’t hurt, I feel like I should be able to do a lot more than I really should be doing. I came home feeling great and moving around really well, but what I didn’t think about was that there is internal healing that has to happen. I wasn’t sitting, like my doctor told me to do. I wasn’t resting, like my doctor told me to do. I wasn’t going slow with my recovery, like my doctor told me to do. And so I started bleeding internally, like my doctor told me I would.
Worse than that (to me, anyway), my bowels decided to kill me from within. Seriously. I won’t go into detail, but let me just tell you that my bowels tried to kill me.  So, not only was I bleeding, but I was sick on my stomach and in a lot of pain.
Had I done what my doctor told me and taken it easy from the start, I am 100% confident that my recovery this time around would have been relatively uneventful and quick. I started out that way. I felt really, really good until I tried to overdo it too quickly. So, take my advice if you’re going to have or end up having a c-section, listen to your doctor and your husband when they tell you to sit down and heal for a little while.
I am now doing as my doctor originally told me and I’m taking it easy. My feet are up. My Dad has spent a few days here with me and the kiddos to give Chris a chance to go up to his office a few days this week and he has done my laundry for me and cooked dinners and cleaned up. And, of course, there’s Chris who is doing pretty much everything and more that he did during the last few months of my pregnancy. Knowing that I’m in good hands has helped me to kick my feet up and rest. And, I’m happy to report that the bleeding has stopped and I’m feeling better every day.
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