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How We Chose Our Daycare

19Nov

Categories: Q & A with MC


I’ve been asked this question before and I was asked it again just today over on Bean’s page. I’ve been hesitant to answer because choosing something like a childcare service for your child is so incredibly personal and I’d hate to set unrealistically high expectations or dangerously low expectations for someone. And then I realized that most new parents just want to know that someone else has gone through it and that they aren’t overlooking some GLARING warning sign in a childcare facility.

So, what the heck? Here goes…

THINGS WE LOOKED FOR WHEN WE CHOSE OUR DAYCARE:

Make sure the facility is clean. Admittedly, I am not a clean and/or germ freak.  I mean, as I write this Bean and Lucy are sharing a cookie.  And Bean’s covered in dog hair.  And mashed sweet potatoes.  It’s just not in my nature to worry over dirt and germs.  HOWEVER, when you’re talking about a room full of kids, I do appreciate a clean play area.  Those kids are going to bring in all kinds of germs anyway (sorry to burst your clean bubble if you thought otherwise…), so the least I can ask for is a clean place for those dirty germs to land.

When you’re touring the facility, pay particular attention to how clean the eating area is – are there crumbs everywhere?  sticky residue?  stains?  If so, that might be an indication that they don’t clean up regularly with cleaning products.  A big no-no in my book.  Also, check the changing area.  Is it organized?  Are each child’s diapers and wipes clearly marked and put away?  Is there a fresh towel or paper laid down each time a child’s diaper is changed?  And most importantly, ask specifically how and how often they wash the shared toys.  In those younger classroom especially (nursery and early toddlers), the kids share a lot of the same teething toys – that’s just unavoidable with all those teething, mouthy little babies everywhere.  But the facility should have a clean, frequent cleaning system.  I prefer that they bleach (or something equivalent) at the end of every day that way they start with a clean slate every morning.  Those small details tell a lot about the overall cleanliness of a facility.

P1000586These are pictures that Bean’s teachers at his first daycare sent us of him hanging out through the day.  He loved that place and so did I.

Talk to the teacher your child will have. In my experience hunting for daycare centers, often times it is the manager or owner of the facility who gives you the initial tour and that’s totally fine and very helpful.  But you want to make sure you get to spend a little time (alone, if possible) with your child’s perspective teacher.  When Chris and I did the first visit to potential daycares, we met the teachers but didn’t really get a chance to speak too much with them because the managers were with us.  But for the facilities that we were very interested in, we made a follow up appointment where we requested time to bring Bean into the classroom he would have and play a bit.  This allows Bean to check out the place, but more importantly it gave us a chance to sit for a while with the teacher and see how she interacted with the children.

BIG TIP:  Don’t be alarmed if the teachers aren’t talkative with you or are a little stand-offish.  Remember, they interact with children all day long.  They just aren’t used to having adults in the room and I have found that some childcare providers are just not comfortable talking with adults.  But, luckily, you’re not hiring them to talk to you.  You are hiring them to interact with your child.  So, it’s not so important that they are super friendly and spend a lot of time with you, what really matters is how they act around the children.  And don’t worry if they are a little stand-offish at first with YOUR child, too.  Remember when you babysat as a kid and the parents were in the room?  Very awkward.  Instead, pay attention to how they interact with the other children.  Are they friendly?  Comfortable?  Helpful?  Encouraging?  And how do the other children react to the teacher?  Are they sitting around crying or are most of them happy and secure?  Don’t let one or two crying babies put you off either.  Remember there are lots of little heads in that room and the teacher can’t attend to them all at once (an unavoidable downside of daycare), but is she making the effort to keep them all happy?  Is she working to keep the room calm and secure?  If other children feel comfortable, chances are your child will, too.

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Ask about how they communicate with parents. Do they send home a report on your child’s activities everyday?  They should.  In the rush of pick up, teachers may not have time to give you the play-by-play on your child’s day and so a daily report really helps give you a better picture of what their day was like.  Also, don’t be afraid to ask how honest they are when they report your child’s behavior.  I don’t know about you, but if Bean has a bad day, I want to know about it.  If he’s cranky, if he’s tired, if he cried a lot – I want to know!  It’s not that I think it’s anyone’s fault, but I just want to know how his day was.  I’ve seen facilities before who always give great reports – “your child had a fantastic day today!” on every report – but no child can have a good day every day.  You want a daycare provider who is honest with you about your child’s behavior.  Not just for your piece of mind but because if they’re hiding something small like your child’s daily behavior, I can’t help but wonder what else they might be hiding?  If you can corner a parent out in the parking lot and ask them this question (don’t be embarrassed – I’ve done it several times!), do it!  You’ll get a better idea of how honest the facility’s communication is that way.

Ask to meet the teacher in the next class up from your child. Even though that might seem like a long way away, you still want to know who the next teacher is that your child will have.  What if they get so comfortable in that daycare only to change rooms and find the next teacher up isn’t what you want?  Choosing a daycare is a long term commitment, so be sure you’re planning long term and not just for the next year.  You don’t want to have to uproot your child to another facilities just because you don’t like the next teacher they get.

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Wait for the warm fuzzies. In both the daycare centers that Bean has been in, we searched long and hard before we settled on one.  And both times what the decision came down to was not how clean the facility was or how detailed their toddler curriculum was.  What it came down to was that we walked away both times feeling warm and fuzzy inside.  I can’t explain this one anymore than that.  When you find the right facility, you get warm fuzzies inside.  In both daycare centers, Chris and I felt like we could have stayed all day.  We wanted to stay for snack.  We wanted to curl up in the rocking chair.  We wanted to sit in circle time.  Both times we got those warm fuzzies and left the facilities saying to each other, “This is the one.  This is it.”  If you don’t have that 100% certain feeling, keep looking.  Because whatever doubts you might have about a daycare center will triple when you drop your child off and leave them there.  So make sure you’re leaving them somewhere that YOU would feel good being.  Wait for the warm fuzzies.  They’ll come when it’s the right place for your child.

13  comments   |   posted in Q & A with MC   |   tags: choosing a daycare, Daycare, finding a daycare, working moms

Thanks for Hiring Me. Also, I’m Pregnant.

04Nov

Categories: Q & A with MC


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So far I’ve been asked twice in the past two weeks on the Q&A section about how I handled my pregnancy with my job. So, I figured I’d use a whole blog post to answer it.

When I was hired as a middle school language arts teacher, I was ecstatic. I had been unemployed for six months, I was uninsured, and we were struggling with money (or lack of money…) every day. When my friend, Sarah, called and told me about the position that had become available at the middle school where she taught, I jumped at the chance to interview. After my interview, I was in Sarah’s classroom rehashing every question they’d asked and every answer I’d been given when the principal walked in and offered me the job. Right there on the spot. I was so relieved and happy that I started crying.

Little did I know, I was crying partly from relief and happiness but also because of hormones.

Two days later, I found out I was pregnant. And not just a few weeks pregnant. I was NINE WEEKS pregnant. Which meant I was due before school would be out for the summer. Which would mean in my first year teaching, I would be starting late (they hired me three weeks after the school year started) and then leaving early.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH! RIGHT HERE!

After I was hired, I had to go through all the drug testing, background screening, fingerprinting, and orientation that comes with becoming a government employee and so it would be several more weeks until I would be in the school. That meant I sat around waiting and worrying about what I was going to do. Did I tell my new boss and risk her either not bringing me on after all or possibly not bringing me back the next year? There are laws that protect pregnant women at their workplace and I know that. But there could have been a hundred different reasons they could have chosen to “not continue my employment.” And I was worried beyond belief. I needed this job not just for the paycheck, but for the medical insurance, too.

In the end, I decided to go tell my principal what had happened. I met with her privately and told her exactly what was going on – that I had found out two days after I was hired, that I was nine weeks pregnant, that I wouldn’t be able to finish the school year, but that I really wanted to come back to work the next year if she’d let me. My principal was really understanding – incredibly understanding. She told me that the first year she became a principal, she found out six weeks after her new appointment that she was pregnant unexpectedly. She laughed and said that she knew what panic felt like because of that experience. I could have kissed her.

I didn’t tell too many people at first. I definitely didn’t tell my students. I didn’t want to call attention to my little…situation…before I really had to. I wanted to meet people, get to know people, find my bearings before I let the cat out of the bag.

And then one day in my first period class, we were talking about the prefix “ultra” and I asked my students to give me examples of words using “ultra.” A few started giggling and I could tell something was up. Then one of the braver ones sheepishly raised his hand.

“Uh, Mrs. Brown? Would ultrasound be a word?”

“Yes, that’s an excellent example,” I said.

“Like, people get ultrasounds when they’re going to have a baby?” the student continued.

“Um…yes…” I said, starting to see where this was going.

“Uh…Mrs. Brown…have YOU had an ultrasound?”

And my class bust out laughing. I started laughing. And the cat was out of the bag. By the end of the day, all my students knew and so did most of the other teachers.

And you know what? I was BEYOND relieved! I hadn’t been able to put my pregnancy on my blog or tell too many people all because I was carrying around this big secret, but with that big secret revealed, my pregnancy became much more real and exciting.

Part of being pregnant is anxiety. It just comes with the territory. I blame the hormones. And the fact that you are GROWING A HUMAN BEING and that’s bound to bring about a lot of questions and nervousness and anxiety. That’s completely natural. I had it with Bean and I have it again now with New Guy. And out of all the reasons for anxiety during pregnancy, if you’re a working woman, your job is going to be at the top of your list. But after two pregnancies (both while working), I have learned that being honest, straight-forward, and frank with your employer is usually the right way to go. If only just for your own peace of mind.

13  comments   |   posted in Q & A with MC   |   tags: pregnancy and careers, working moms, working while pregnant

When We Became Parents

17Oct

Categories: Q & A with MC

Last week I got a really great question from Leigh on the Q&A page.  It’s one that I’ve been emailed about several times and I thought maybe it deserved it’s own full post.

Leigh asked, “How did you and Chris know you were ready to be parents?”

I was the one who first brought up the topic of having a baby.  Chris and I were both finally done with graduate school, we had just bought our first house, we were making really good money, and our marriage was in the best place it had ever been in.  We had never been happier.  And yet, I still felt like something was missing.  Well, not really missing.  But I felt like things could be even better.  Like, if things were this good with just the two of us, how much better would they be with someone else in our family?

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When I first brought it up with Chris, there was a lot of, “Hmm….” and “I dunno…” from him. He wasn’t opposed to the idea, but he had genuinely just not thought about it as an option right then. And so I didn’t push him. Chris needs to come to conclusions and decisions on his own. He doesn’t like to feel pressured and he definitely doesn’t like to be pushed into anything. So, I brought up the idea and then let it go. I knew he would need his own time to think things through and make the choice as to whether or not he was ready on his own.

One afternoon several weeks later, we were driving through the country in Connecticut. It was a beautiful day and it was just beginning to feel like fall outside. All of a sudden, Chris stops the car and did a u-turn in the middle of the road. He drove a few yards and then stopped the car.

“Do you see that?” he said, pointing through the trees to something in the woods. I focused hard and finally saw what he was showing me – it was a tree house. Clearly in someone’s backyard and most definitely homemade. “I would build better tree forts than that for our kids.”

“Oh, yeah?” I said, smiling.

“Yeah,” he said. “Actually, I’m sort of excited about doing things like that…you know…as a Dad.”

It wasn’t a big, earth-shattering conversation. It wasn’t overly emotional or some sort of grand gesture. But it was Chris’ quiet way of telling me that he’d been thinking about it and that being a Dad was okay with him. He was ready.

That night I decided to try bringing it up again to see if he was ready to talk more about it. And he was. But he was ready to talk about what he DIDN’T want to happen. He said he didn’t want to be constantly worrying about getting pregnant. He wanted it to come naturally to us, when it was meant to be. I agreed and we decided we would just stop preventing a pregnancy, rather than say we were trying to get pregnant.

He was also really worried about our lives changing when everything was going so great for us. He was afraid having a baby would change that and he was really happy with our lives right now. We talked a lot about that part and together we decided that the kinds of parents we became would determine how drastically parenting changed our lives. We understood that having a baby would change things, but as long as we made the effort to stay the same, happy people then it would all be okay. That conversation is ongoing, even today. The struggle of staying ourselves while being parents is constant, but the changes we see in our lives today are such wonderful changes with Bean in our lives that we wouldn’t want things to stay the way they were, even if we had a choice.

And so, one month later, I was pregnant.

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And eight months after that, we became parents.

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Chris and I say now that when we decided to have a baby, it was because we loved each other so much that we couldn’t contain it between the two of us and so we grew a whole other person out of that love. And that’s really not far from the truth. There are a thousand reasons to have a baby, but for our family it simply came down to love. The logistics, the money, the jobs, the details – all that we just worked out as we went along. But the basis for our decision-making was if there was enough love to support another person.

And that made the decision easy.

15  comments   |   posted in Q & A with MC   |   tags:

A Little Q&A on a FM

03Sep

Categories: Q & A with MC

What’s more fun than a little question and answer session on a Friday morning?  Not too much in my book.

This weekend I was watching Inside the Actors Studio.  I just love that show.  I especially love the end of it when they ask those ten questions to each guest.  The questions are from a series of questions from the late 1900s and the answers to these questions are supposed to reveal a lot about your personality.

Well, okay!

1.  What is your favorite word? Either “bubble” or “twinkle.”  Cause they are just fun to say.

2.  What is your least favorite word? “Hors d’oeuvre.”  You wouldn’t think I’d need it a lot, but surprisingly I do.  And I can never pronounce it or spell it.  Usually when I have to use it in a sentence I just look down and mumble when its time to say it.  “Appetizers” work just fine for me, thanks.

3.  What turns you on? Humor.  Good, witty, clever humor.  Or stupid, middle school, fart humor.  I’m not particular.

4.  What turns you off? Laziness.  Can’t stand it.  Be active or get out of the way.

5.  What sound do you love? This answer is the only one that’s changed since I’ve had a baby.  My favorite sound used to be someone walking on gravel because it reminds me of early mornings in campgrounds when I was growing up.  But since the Bean’s arrival, that has been replaced by his laugh.  He laughs like whatever he’s looking at is the funniest thing he’s ever seen in his short little life.  It doesn’t get much better than that.  Its genuine happiness.

6.  What sound do you hate? Ugh!  My freaking dogs barking!!  THE SCHOOL BUS COMES EVERY MORNING, DOGS!  EVERY MORNING!  GET USED TO IT!

7.  What is your favorite curse word? Pisser.  I use it all the time.  “That’s a pisser!”  “You’re a pisser!”  “PISSER!”

8.  What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? I’d love to be a self-supported writer.  Any kind will do.  But I think I’d especially enjoy being a humor columnist.

9.  What profession would you not like to do? Anything with numbers – accountant, retail, banker.  Anything where numbers are part of the daily grind.  I’d poke my eye out with a #2 pencil if I had to work with numbers every day.

10.  If Heaven exists (and I believe it does), what would you like to hear God say to you when you arrive? I’m proud of you.

So, that’s the insight into my personality.  Now we all know really important things about me like my hatred of numbers and my love of campground noises.

What about you?  If you want, answer the questions for yourself in the comments section.  Just know that as I read all your answers, I’ll be singing, “Getting to know you, getting to know all about youuuuuuuu.  Getting to like you, getting to hope you like meeeeeee…..”

And I may even break out my hoop skirt.

73  comments   |   posted in Q & A with MC   |   tags: humor, life

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