Reviews | Marriage Confessions Reviews | Laugh. Fight. Stay Married.

Late in my pregnancy with Bean, the advice changed from how to survive my pregnancy to how to survive the first few months as a new mom. Without a doubt, the most frequent advice I heard was, “Sleep when the baby sleeps!”

Hearing that before I had any children, it seemed a little silly. Of course I’d sleep when the baby slept! What else would I do? But within one day of having Bean finally in my arms, I realized how much there was to do!

For one thing, I’d had a c-section, and so I had to take care of my own healing body, but that would have to wait until he slept because I couldn’t change bandages with a newborn in my arms.

And there was the laundry. Oh, Lord! The laundry! Epic amounts of laundry because I insisted on changing Bean’s clothes every time he touched anything and because we went through so many blankets and burp cloths on a daily basis.

And there were other tasks, too, like sending thank you notes, cleaning up the house for the next round of visitors, and preparing meals. I started to understand very quickly why everyone gave that advice, but I still didn’t know how to follow it. With so much to be done, when would I ever sleep again?!

It really wasn’t until Gracie was born that I finally figured out how to sleep when the baby slept. The first thing I learned was to lower my expectations. I learned to accept that my house wasn’t going to be tidy and neat every day. Some days I managed it, but other days I didn’t. And on those days when the house looked like it had imploded, I just let it go. Because in the grand scheme of things, dishes in my sink or laundry piles on my floor weren’t the worst things to happen.

Another tip I learned was to get “close enough.” Gracie was a colicky baby, and on days when she cried for hours straight, I settled with getting the laundry “close enough” to the washer, and so I’d collect all the dirty laundry from around the house and throw it into piles on the floor of the laundry room. And then (this is my favorite part!) I’d shut the door and walk away. I did the same thing with dishes. We bottle-fed, so I had bottles everywhere. And we ate when and where we could in those first months, so that always left a trail of dishes.

Then there were the guests who were stopping in to visit, which meant there were coffee cups and snack trays sitting out. Dishes were everywhere, and when I had a few minutes free, I started getting them “close enough” to the dishwasher. I’d make a sweep through the house with Gracie in one arm, collecting all the dishes and throwing them into the sink with the other arm. I’d get to them later.

Getting “close enough” made my whole house feel neater and organized because at least the messes were contained in specific areas, and the rest of the house could be salvaged. That did wonders for my new-mom psyche.

In the evenings when Chris got home from work, he and I would work together to actually DO the laundry and WASH the dishes. Having that extra set of hands to help was such a blessing after long days at home with a newborn!

The last thing I learned was to let people help – and not just Chris. When my parents offered to come over and help for an afternoon, I asked them to do some laundry. When my Grandma asked if she could come bring us a meal, I said yes (and I even let her do the dishes!). Before I had kids, I would never have asked someone to do my chores for me, and even with my first I had a hard time. But by the time Gracie was born, I learned that that’s just what people DO. Anyone with kids knows what position you are in as a new mom, and it makes us feel useful if you let us help. We feel like we’re passing the torch, and what a heavy torch it can be!

Using these simple little tips throughout your busy days as a new parent will actually free up some time for you, and you’ll be surprised that by the time the baby is ready for a nap, so are you!

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16 comments | posted in Around the House, Flashbacks, Marriage Confessions, Parenting, pregnancy, Reviews | tags: new moms, parenting, pregnancy

Almost as important as knowing what to carry in your diaper bag is knowing what NOT to carry. When Bean was born, I tried carrying everything he could possibly need in my diaper bag every time we went out. Actually, I have to confess that I carried a diaper bag like that when Gracie was born, too. And the only thing that made me change what I toted around was that I simply couldn’t fit it all in the bag. So I had to readjust. Had I known how easy readjusting would have been, I would have streamlined my diaper bag from Day One. The thing I learned about slimming down my diaper bag is that just because it’s not in my diaper bag doesn’t mean it won’t be there when I need it.

For example, I used to carry several diapers, a container of diaper wipes, a tube of diaper rash cream, and a diaper changing pad. But when Gracie came along, and before Bean was potty trained, I just couldn’t carry around two different size diapers along with all of that diaper stuff. Plus, I found that I hardly ever changed the kids out in public. I hate using public restrooms, so I usually took the kids out to the car to change them on the backseat, if I had to change them at all. I decided to streamline my diaper bag by leaving all of my diaper changing stuff in my car instead.

Now, I keep my diaper changing pad, a small pack of diapers, wipes, and diaper cream in the very back of my SUV in a reuseable grocery bag. If Gracie needs a diaper change while we’re on the go, I take her out to the car and change her there.(By the way, there have been only two times I’ve had to actually LEAVE a store due to a diaper situation.)

Another thing I streamlined was carrying a purse. My diaper bag isn’t too big (which I like), so my purse never fit neatly inside of it. Usually, I tried to either stuff it in the top, which never worked out, or tried to carry it on my shoulder along with the diaper bag (and Gracie or Bean, if I had to carry one of them). It was too much. So I went on the hunt last year for a larger wallet carrying thing that would carry my wallet, cell phone, and maybe a chapstick tube. I tried all kinds of wallets, but nothing worked quite right. I wanted something small enough to stick inside my diaper bag when I was out with the kids — or in my purse if I was going somewhere by myself. I finally found just what I was looking for around Christmas. I bought this really cute wristlet by Coach (thanks to a gift card from my mother-in-law!).

It is very thin and small to carry or throw into a diaper bag or purse, but it actually holds a lot of things. I fit my entire wallet in there (including my checkbook!), plus my cell phone fits in the dollar bills fold perfectly. I even keep a clear lip gloss in the bottom of it at all times. Now I throw that into my diaper bag, into my wallet, into my school bag on weekdays, or sometimes I just carry it on its own. It has really lightened my diaper bag load.

The last thing I have started leaving out of my diaper bag are a lot of toys. I used to carry a bunch of hand toys for Gracie and a bunch of bigger kid toys for Bean. But what I’ve found is that usually when we’re out somewhere, the kids are much more interested in what we’re doing and where we are than they are in their toys. Now, I carry one or two toys, depending on what we’re planning to do while we’re out. I couldn’t believe how much lighter my diaper bag load became when I eliminated about half of the toys I carried around that never got used. These days, I have a small bag of various toys in my car that I keep there and I usually grab one or two out of that to toss into my diaper bag when we’re out.

Diaper bags are essential when you have kids, but sometimes they can become quite the nuisance when you stuff too much into them. Knowing what to take is important, but knowing what you can live without is almost as important. If you think your bag is too heavy, cumbersome or disorganized, dump it out on your floor and make two piles — one pile of things you use every time you’re out and one pile of things you have never used. Kick the never used stuff to the curb (or at least to your car!) and try to whittle your “always use” pile down to half its size. You’ll be amazed at how much lighter you’ll feel and how much better you’ll get around!

Don’t forget to check out the Huggies Mommy Answers Facebook app and then visit the Huggies page on BlogHer.com to read about other bloggers’ who share their own experiences of motherhood.

6 comments | posted in Fun Things, Marriage Confessions, Out and About, Parenting, Reviews | tags: diaper bags, Huggies, parenting

One of the things I was the most apprehensive about when I first had Bean Man was the diaper bag situation. I just didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t figure out what to carry in it, or if I should even carry one at all. When I went to the grocery store, was I supposed to take my diaper bag in, too? If we were going out to dinner, should I change out what was in the diaper bag that Bean took to daycare? And how the heck was I supposed to balance a baby, a baby carrier, and a diaper bag all without falling over? While I have learned a few things in my two and a half years as a mom, I still haven’t conquered the balance issue when carrying baby things. I fall or drop things quite often, I must admit.

The other questions, however, I have managed to figure out answers to. Diaper bags have different functions for different families, but here are a few tips we’ve discovered over the years.

Where do I take my diaper bag?† When both the kids were fresh out of the baby oven, I carried my diaper bag everywhere. Both Bean and Gracie had acid reflux, so spitting up happened often and was quite a production. My diaper bag was mostly a burp cloth carrier, really. We couldn’t go far without burp cloths, and so we couldn’t go far without our diaper bag. Also, with newborns or infants who spit up frequently, you need to have several changes of clothes handy, and a diaper bag helped with this. Once the babies were not spitting up so often, I found I could leave the diaper bag in the car sometimes if we were running in quick somewhere. The emergency phase was over, and should I need anything in the bag, I could get out to it quicker now that my babies were older.

Should I change out my diaper bag for different purposes? I tried this at first with Bean. When he started daycare, I had a big daycare diaper bag for him that he took every day and then I had a smaller weekend bag when we were running errands. I know some families who use this two-bag approach flawlessly, but for me it was a little messy. Things wound up in the wrong bag, leaving me at crucial times without something I really needed. It was more of a hassle to juggle two bags for me. What I ended up doing was using Ziploc bags to compartmentalize my diaper bag. I have one Ziploc with Gracie’s toys, one with Bean’s toys, one with a change of clothes for each kiddo, one with eating-out supplies (bibs, spoons, disposable placemats, etc.), and one with diaper changing materials (a diaper, a small pack of wipes, and a small tube of diaper cream). Now, depending on what we are doing or where we are going, I just pick and choose which Ziplocs need to go in or come out. It also makes it really easy to find things when you’re digging them out in public somewhere.

What kind of diaper bag should I buy? The first diaper bag I had was my absolute favorite. It was so functional, and totally by accident. I didn’t know what I was looking for when I bought my first bag, but I ended up discovering that my favorite kind of diaper bag is wide open with hardly any compartments. I loved the first because it was huge, easy to reach into, and had very few pockets for things to hide in. When that one was taken during our home invasion a couple years ago (we guess that they must have used it to carry things in?), I bought another one that was the same style. It is so convenient to be able to throw everything into the diaper bag and not have to worry about if I’m putting the bottle in the pacifier spot, or if the sippy cup is in the diaper compartment. Everything goes into the center and I used my Ziploc bags to compartmentalize myself according to my needs. To me, it’s just a lot easier to get into and out of if the central pocket is large with a wide open top. Just be sure to find one with a zipper. The diaper bag I have now is beautiful and very functional, but I do miss having a zipper at the top so that things don’t spill all over the place when your diaper bag tips over or when you bend down to pick up your baby with your bag on your shoulder.

I’ll do a few more Huggies posts this month about dealing with diaper bags. I’ll talk about what we pack in ours, what we’ve taken out of ours, and what we used the diaper bag for at different ages. Feel free to leave comments below giving your own advice about diaper bags. As a new mom, I think the black hole of a diaper bag is one of life’s greatest mysteries…

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Find more posts from bloggers sharing their experiences of motherhood on the Huggies page on BlogHer.com.

9 comments | posted in Marriage Confessions, Out and About, Parenting, Reviews | tags: diaper bags, Huggies, motherhood, parenting

REGISTER MY FRUSTRATION

The two times Chris and I have come the closest to divorce would be the time we registered for our wedding and the time we registered for our first baby. Hands down, they were awful experiences. Come close and let me tell you the tale of how NOT to register for a newborn baby. Learn from my mistakes, people. Trust me.

In both cases, the bottom-line reason that the registry was such a fiasco was because I didn’t include Chris in preparing for the registry. When you register for an event, you usually put a fair amount of research into what you’re going to register for. At least, I do. This was especially true for baby things because a) I didn’t know anything about them and b) I wanted to make sure I had the best and safest choices out there.

But when I was doing the actual research and prep work before the day we went to register, I never really included Chris. I’d search online at work (let’s pause to appreciate the days when I had an office with a door and could occasionally surf the internet…sigh…), I’d chat with girlfriends about what products they used, I’d look up consumer reports at night. But hardly ever did I get Chris involved in this part.

Now, I do have to say that I did TRY at first to get him involved. I’d tell him about a product line or a particular style or brand I liked, but his first question was always “How much is it?” and then he’d shut down after the answer. Which made me mad because he was “putting a price on our baby.” (I think I actually yelled that phrase to him one night when I was pregnant with Bean.) He took all the fun out of preparing, and so I just stopped talking to him about it.

When the day came to register, I’ll never forget the colossal fight we had in Babies R Us, while my parents and sister stood there awkwardly trying not to listen, and I pointed my scanner gun straight at Chris’s man parts. I was in tears, Chris was angry, we were both not yelling as much as possible because we didn’t want to make a scene. But it was clearly a scene. I was eight months pregnant. Everywhere I went I made a scene. The source of the problem? The stroller.

I had done so much research about what kind of stroller I wanted to get, and had finally decided that I really wanted a travel system (the ones with the car seat that snaps into the stroller). I thought it would be easiest with a newborn and for me to operate on my own while I was out on maternity leave and Chris was at work.

But when I went to scan the travel system I wanted, Chris kind of sighed heavily. “What’s wrong?” I asked, fully prepared to compromise. He could choose any color he wanted. “I’m just not sure about the travel system,” he said. “I don’t think we need one.” “You don’t think we need one?” I asked with a tone that might as well have said, “Are you stupid????” “I mean, I just think it’s a little over the top.” “You think it’s over the top?” I asked in a tone that now said, “I cannot believe I married someone who doesn’t want a travel system.” “Well, yeah,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t think we need that much stuff.” “You don’t think we need this much stuff?” I asked in a tone that screamed, “It is a crime to humanity that I am about to procreate with you.”

Then, I think Chris threw in a “Don’t talk to me in that tone” and I threw out a “I can’t believe you’re ruining this for me,” and before we knew it, I was crying in the stroller aisle and Chris was stalking off toward the layette section to cool off.

Looking back, the problem was that I went into the registry experience knowing exactly what I wanted and Chris went into the experience not knowing anything about what he wanted. The result was Chris feeling super frustrated that he wasn’t even able to figure stuff out on his own, and I felt incredibly angry that I’d done months of research only to have it all overruled by someone who didn’t even know what a bassinet was.

Now, I know a lot of couples who never had this problem. The husband was on board and anxious to be involved from the beginning and the wife was excited to have his input. But for me and Chris, it was different. Chris was really nervous and hesitant about having a baby and so he was very standoffish. And instead of helping him feel more comfortable, I just took it as a green light to do whatever I wanted. If I did it all over again, I’d go back to the times when I’d start to talk to Chris about what type of pack ‘n’ play we should get and I’d take him to the baby store to look.

Chris (and men in general) are visual people. Chris likes to see things for himself. He wants to try them out and test things. He doesn’t want to just show up and choose something because someone told him to. When he was buying a lawn mower a couple summers ago, he went to Sears five or six times before he actually made a purchase. He just needs to see things in real life before committing.

Baby gear should have been no different. Even when he was uncomfortable, I should have pushed him a little and exposed him to all our choices in real life, not in some link in an email that he probably didn’t even open.

Another thing I should have done was be more open to his questions. When he asked questions like “How much does that cost?” or “Are you sure we need that?” I took them as a sign that he didn’t want to be involved. Like he was using these questions to prove me wrong or make a statement. But looking back, I really just think he asked those questions because that’s how his mind thinks. He just thinks in logistics. He does that whether we are buying a car or taking a vacation or registering for a baby. His mind functions very pragmatically while mine functions more emotionally.

So, when he asked those questions, they weren’t a personal attack against me or against our baby (as I kept insisting he was doing). They were very real questions that he was having, and that means that I should have stopped to talk through the answers with him. I think that would have made him feel more comfortable instead of feeling like he was always asking the wrong questions and, therefore, always left out of the process before we even began.

Registering for a baby is actually a super sweet, super fun time. Or so I hear. I really wish I had wised up a bit before we went through the process so that I was more prepared to help Chris be part of the process, too. For the record, we still have our travel system, we still love using it, and Chris tells me all the time what a great purchase that was. Not that it matters to me…But I was right. In case anyone cares.

Find more posts from bloggers sharing their experiences of motherhood on the Huggies page on BlogHer.com.