For Christmas, Santa brought Bean his big boy race car bed. Christmas night was the first night he slept in it and he was so exhausted from the excitement of the day that he fell right asleep. Chris and I high-fived and congratulated ourselves on raising a well-adjusted and flexible child. Then we went out of town for a week to visit family. Then we came back home and realized that maybe the big boy bed wasn’t going to be such a smooth transition after all.
Our first night back home with Bean in his bed was a nightmare. It was exactly like all those Nanny 911 episodes you see where the kid keeps getting up and the parents have to keep putting them back to bed over and over and over again. At first, we would pick him up, cuddle him a little, and then reassure him as we put him back down. I think I just felt so bad because he’s so little to be going through this transition, but the more he fought it, the faster we realized that it needed to be a quick transition and not one full of cuddles. So after the first three or four times of him getting up, we started doing things differently. We wouldn’t pick him up at all. We’d take him by the hand and walk him back to his bed and then help him climb back in. Then we’d walk out, never having said a word. But I started to realize he was scared with the door shut. So, I started leaving the door open for him.
But none of that seemed to matter. He was up out of that bed before Chris or I could even get out of his bedroom. And he was screaming crying. And it had already been over an hour. It was just awful. I’ve never been that cold to him for that long of a period of time. I’m a pretty tough cookie when it comes to disciplining Bean. I’m a no-nonsense momma and I don’t feel bad about that. But this just broke my heart. I reminded myself though that the longer we dragged out the transition by being soft and cuddly, the harder it would be for Bean. So, we really stuck to our guns.
After an hour, Bean started to realize that when we came back in the room it was kind of entertaining and HE STARTED LAUGHING! He’d be crying hysterically but the minute we walked him back to his bed, he’d start laughing like he’d totally tricked us into interacting with him. Talk about infuriating! We were exhausted and our nerves were fried from the past hour and here was Bean laughing at us! So, we changed tactics again and got a little tougher. This time, I put a stool in his doorway and sat down facing him, but not looking at him. Then the minute he started to get up, I’d say very sternly, “Lay down, Bean.” And he’d put his head back down. That seemed to take some of the fun out of the game for him. And it also made him stay still long enough to realize how sleepy his body really was. After that, it was only about 10 minutes before he fell asleep.
The next night was a lot like the first. It didn’t last quite as long and we started the stool thing right away, but otherwise, it was just more of the same. I think it took about an hour to get him to sleep that night.
The next day I called my Mom who really emphasized the importance of a bedtime routine so that Bean’s body had a way of knowing it was time to start going to sleep. We have always had a pretty good nighttime routine with him, but one thing our routine lacked was a relaxing activity. We took a bath, got in jammies, brushed our teeth, and then we just laid Bean down in his crib and he’d put himself right to sleep. We’ve always been lucky that he is such a good self-soother. But with this new freedom in the big boy bed, there needed to be some activity that allowed Bean to rest and relax into sleep in a controlled environment since the crib railings were no longer there to keep him confined.
The next night, we started reading two books to him when he got in bed. Bean loves books and we read to him all the time, but at bedtime it just never worked out for us. Bean always got fidgety and so we never got into the habit of a bedtime book. But in the big boy bed, those two books are just enough time for Bean to unwind and relax in his bed without feeling like we’re just dropping him and running. It gives him time to get comfortable with us sitting right there with him.
When we finished the two books that night and as I was leaving, Bean pointed to a small board book and said, “Book! Book!” He wanted to read. I thought about it for a minute and realized that maybe that was actually a good idea. It was a calm, quiet activity and it would keep him in his bed for a little while. So, I gave him his book, turned out the lights (it WAS bedtime, afterall…) and cracked his door as I left. We heard him in there “reading” his book for about 10 minutes and then it was completely silent. Surely he wasn’t already asleep, we thought. But when we peaked in, sure enough, there he was snoozing with his book right next to him.
The night after that we did the same thing – two books in bed and then he got a small book to read on his own after lights out. And it worked like a charm again. So far, it’s been a week and we haven’t had a problem since. I think that book gives him just enough activity to keep him entertained, but it keeps him still so his little body can relax into sleep.
If you’re transitioning into a big bed and are having trouble, try the book thing if your child is a reader. Kids are like adults in a lot of ways and sometimes we all need a few steps to help us nod off to la-la-land. Who can just fall asleep on command anyway? Leaving a book with Bean seems to have really helped us solve our problem!
The problem we are still left dealing with though is nap time on the weekends. It’s tricky because it’s light outside and usually we have to interrupt something fun to take a nap and Bean is never happy about that. We found that putting a baby gate on Bean’s bedroom door helps immensely. That way he can’t just wander out of his room when he’s supposed to be sleeping (it also helps at night to keep him from wandering around the house after we’ve all gone to bed). The first day we tried the baby gate, Bean got really mad that he couldn’t come out of his room so he threw himself down on his bed and pitched a huge temper tantrum. But then he got tired, apparently, because when he finally got quiet, this is what we found in his room:
I guess he just got tired and fell asleep right there. It made us giggle and run for the camera. Because we’re good parents, you see…
The nap thing we’re still working on. But in the grand scheme of things, I’m much more concerned that he’s getting a good night’s sleep every day than getting a nap in on the two weekend days that he’s not in daycare. We’ll work the nap out, I’m sure. I’m just thankful we’re all getting to bed at a decent hour again.
Whose idea was it to give children free will? I’d like to speak with that person, please.
27Dec
This year was Bean’s second Christmas and oh, what a difference a year makes! It was absolutely magical to see Christmas through his eyes. I know that sounds corny, but there’s just no other way to describe it. Everything was better because he was here and this year was better than last because he was able to be a part of Christmas and to even understand what was going on a little bit.
My favorite part of Christmas this year was giving gifts to Bean. We don’t buy too many toys for Bean throughout the year, really. Birthdays and Christmas and occasionally a little treat along the way, but most of our gift giving comes at the holidays. And Bean was in hog heaven! He just kept walking from toy to toy saying, “Wow! Wow!” and “Alllllright!”
Bean’s big gift this year from Santa was his big boy race car bed. We knew that we wanted to get him a big boy bed – mostly because with Gracie’s arrival in April, Bean will soon be evicted from the crib. But the bed that we wanted was over $300 and we just aren’t in the position these days to spend that kind of money. So, I got this great idea to look for the race car bed on Craigslist. We saw a few of them before we found one in really great condition and the best part was that it was only $50!! We cleaned it with bleach when we got it home, put a new mattress in it ($30 at Walmart) and it was like a brand new bed!
I found the duvet and duvet cover at Ikea for $25 and by the time the entire bed was assembled and decked out, I think we put $100 into it total. And it was a big hit with Bean!
I worried about how Bean would transition into a big boy bed, but it was really easy. I think the fact that he naps on a cot at daycare helped. On Christmas Eve, we put Bean to bed in his play pen in our bedroom so that we could set up his new bed in his room. Christmas morning, he walked into his bedroom and there was the new bed! We let him spend the day playing in his bed with his toys. He crawled in and out of it, he dragged all his toys on it, he jumped on it a little bit. Later in the afternoon after all the excitement of Christmas morning had died down, we took him into his room and told him it was nap time. Then we laid him on his bed with his stuffed animals and that was it. He walked out into the living room one time, but we put him right back in his bed and before we knew it, he was sound asleep.
That night when it was bedtime, he was a champ once again. We did his whole bedtime routine and then be climbed into bed and that was it. We heard him in there for about 15 minutes going, “Vrrrooomm!” but he never got up and he fell asleep really quickly.
All in all, it was a smooth transition and a great Christmas present!
15Nov
After our trip to visit Aunt Ginny this weekend, Bean was EXHAUSTED. But it was that exhaustion that makes him hysterical. Either hysterically happy and spastic or hysterically upset. There was no stopping him. When we got home, I tried laying him down for a nap – twice! – but he wasn’t having it. Since it was late in the afternoon already, we decided to just let him stay up and be hysterical and then we’d go to bed early.
By early, we meant after dinner and baths.
But early to Bean meant in the middle of dinner.
I was sitting next to him while he ate dinner and I turned away to talk to Chris for two minutes and Bean was DONE.
Hysteria yields quick results, I tell ya. Lightning quick.
So, naturally, Chris and I poked at him.
It’s our job as parents. We can’t help it. When your kid falls asleep in the mashed potatoes, you are allowed to bob his head around and poke his cheeks until he wakes up.
It’s, like, the law.
25Oct
For a week we have been preparing for this past weekend when we would finally take away Bean’s binky. We prepared by cutting back the binky usage to just bedtime and naptime and that was pretty painless actually. I don’t think Bean even noticed, really. But, boy oh boy, did he notice when we took it away for real.
At the suggestion of my mom, Bean’s daycare teacher, a lot of friends, a ton of blog readers, and just about everyone in the childbearing universe, we decided we would use the method of clipping the binky so it loses all of it’s suction. Then, when Bean realized it was “broken,” he could throw it away by himself. We had this whole dramatic scene ready to play out.
But I botched it up right away when I snipped the binky. I didn’t really put a slit in it so much as cut the darn thing in half.
Oops.
When Bean put it in his mouth on Friday night just before bedtime, he sucked on it for a minute and then took it out and examined it to find out what was wrong. Then he put it back in his mouth again, but when he discovered it was still broken he took it out and handed it over to me and walked away. And that was it. I tried to give it back to him so he could throw it away like we had planned, but he wouldn’t even take it. It was broken and he was done with it. End of story.
When we put him down that first night, he fussed a little bit but only for about 15 minutes and then he fell asleep. He slept all the way through the night and Chris and I were ecstatic. What was all the fuss about? This was going to be easy!
The next day naptime was a little harder. It’s lighter outside, Bean isn’t as sleepy, and we were a little worried. He fussed a little bit longer than the night before, but in about 20 or 25 minutes he was sleeping binky-free.
Saturday night was the hardest and I started to understand why breaking the binky is such a hard thing. Saturday night it took Bean almost an hour to fall asleep. From the time he was born, he’s been a good sleeper. You can lay him down in his crib wide awake and within a few minutes he will put himself to sleep. But he’s always used a binky to help him nod off. Without that binky now, it was really like having a newborn again. He just doesn’t know how to get himself to sleep now.
I’ve always been pretty tough when it comes to things like bedtime and such with Bean. I’m a cry-it-out, tough love kind of mom and I don’t feel bad about that. I’m pretty good at reminding myself that sometimes a little crying up front can lead to happier, healthier habits in the long run.
But this was different.
This time when Bean cried, it wasn’t because he wanted attention or wanted to be picked up or anything like that. He wasn’t even really crying too much. He was just wimpering in exhaustion and frustration because he didn’t understand why couldn’t go to sleep. He wasn’t asking for his binky and he didn’t even raise his arms to be picked up when I went into his bedroom. He just looked so confused. He wanted exactly what I wanted – to go to sleep – but he didn’t know how to do it. And that just melted my heart. I’m really glad we threw away all the binkies in the house because I totally would have given in on that second night.
But since we didn’t have a binky to give him, we stuck with the plan. About every 10 minutes, I’d go into Bean’s room and lay him back down if he was sitting up and then rub his little tummy or his head until he calmed down and got sleepy enough to fall asleep. Then, just before he went to sleep, I’d scoot out of the room. I deliberately didn’t stay until he fell asleep because what we were trying to teach him was how to put himself to sleep and I didn’t want him to become dependent on me being there to fall asleep. So, I’d sneak out. When he started fussing again, we’d let it go a little longer – maybe 15 minutes – before I went back in there, laid him down, rubbed his hair, and then snuck out. And I had to do it for almost an hour.
And it sucked.
There’s just no other way to say it. It just sucked. It’s one thing to have Bean fuss when he wants something that he can’t have, but it’s another to listen to him fuss because he just doesn’t know how to make something better for himself. That sucks and I hated every single minute of it.
By the time he fell asleep about an hour later, Chris and I were exhausted and so we went to bed early. Good thing, too, because Bean woke up all night long. Every couple of hours he would wake up crying because he couldn’t put himself back to sleep. And as if it was bad enough to be up every couple of hours, that middle-of-the-night-and-I-can’t-go-to-sleep cry was just horrible. It was a terrible little wimper and it just broke my heart all over again. So much so, actually, that I ended up sleeping on the couch outside his bedroom just so he wouldn’t have to be by himself.
Sunday morning, I was ready to go to the store and buy 10,000 new binkies, dip each one in chocolate, and let Bean have as many as he wanted. But instead, we went to church. By the time we got home that afternoon, Bean was exhausted and so I laid him down for his nap and he went right to sleep because he was so tired from the night before.
Tonight is Sunday night and I just laid Bean down. He fussed for about 10 minutes and then fell right to sleep. I’m crossing my fingers that the worst is behind us and that he’s learning how to self-soothe quickly. Of course, who knows? Night #8 might be worse than Night #7. But we’re hanging in there. Tomorrow he’ll be binky-free at school and I’m sure that will bring a whole new set of challenges.
I just keep reminding myself that this is a good, healthy thing we are doing. And that it’s important to do it now so that he isn’t still adjusting to life without the binky when the New Guys arrives with a binky in his mouth. Hopefully by then, Bean’s binky will be a thing of the past and he won’t even bat an eye when he sees one laying around.
But, man, I tell you, it’s not easy doing the right thing as a parent sometimes. You don’t really care about right and wrong when you’re little one is wimpering in his crib, if you ask me. But we’re going to stick to it and hopefully we’ll be over this part in a couple days. Until then, I’ll be curled up on the floor outside Bean’s bedroom door. Wake me up if I start to snore.
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