Ya’ll.
P-Dub knows my name.
Well, technically, she said Bean’s name first. But seeing as to how he is of my loins, I feel that counts.
Let me tell you the whole story as events transpired yesterday…
5:45pm – Chris, Bean, me, and our chaperon, Sarah, arrive at the bookstore where I have a major meltdown in the car and refuse to go inside because I am positive I have humiliated myself enough already.
5:55pm – Chris drags me inside.
6:00pm – We arrive at the bookstore and I am shocked (though I don’t know why) to find the line has already snaked around TWO FLOORS of the store and we are, sadly, at the very end of the line.
6:05pm – PW begins a Q&A session on the second floor. Sadly, I can’t hear any of this because we are on the first floor and practically out of the store.
6:15pm – Sarah steals Bean and takes him over to the children’s section to play.
6:20pm – I hear a faint Ethel Merman impression drift out over the bookstore.
6:35pm – PW concludes the Q&A portion and begins signing cookbooks.
6:45pm – Sarah returns with Bean because he spit up all over himself and the floor of the children’s section. I clean up Bean and take a turn walking with him around the store.
7:00pm – The line has not moved at all and Bean is starting to get fidgety and fussy so Chris takes him out to the car to play. Sarah and I start discussing celebrity gossip.
7:25pm – I get a desperate text message from Chris, who has been walking Bean around outside the bookstore. I take a juice bottle and the diaper bag out to the boys and then I head back inside.
7:45pm – Sarah and I are now discussing our career goals and Tiger Woods.
8:00pm – Chris gives up and brings Bean back into the store where Sarah and I have now started discussing religion as it relates to Sandra Bullock and Jesse James.
8:05pm – Bean spits up again. Apparently something isn’t sitting well in his tummy. Chris changes his clothes in the car, but he is starting to smell a little…ripe.
8:15pm – We give up on standing and set up camp in line, entertaining Bean with food and toy trucks.
8:20pm – Bean has had enough and decides its time to leave.
8:30pm – I chase Bean around the store for a good 15 minutes. Finally, the only way I’m able to get him to sit still is to give him his favorite toy. An infant Tylenol bottle with rice inside for him to shake.
8:31pm – People in line give me weird looks for giving my son medicine bottles to play with.
8:35pm – Bean tires from the shaker and decides to take a few phone calls on his cell while we wait.
8:45pm – We finally make it up to the second floor of the bookstore where Ree is!! Yay!!
8:55pm – Bean spits up a third time. He now smells like…I don’t even know. Something potent and sour. We give him a sponge bath in line with diaper wipes.
8:57pm – Ree looks up from signing and sees us standing a few people back in line and she shouts out, “It’s BEAN!”
8:58pm – I faint. (Not really.)
9:04pm – We are about third in line and Chris, Sarah, and I are all talking quietly and I hear Ree, who was having a conversation about shoes with someone else, call out, “Katie’s wearing flip flops! And she just moved here from the cold!”
9:05pm – I wet my pants. (Not really.)
9:10pm – Finally, its our turn with Ree and she jumps up and gives us a big hug, telling people, “We’re old friends!”
9:11pm – I faint again. (Not really.)
9:13pm – I tell Ree that since security didn’t stop me, I’m going to assume that we actually ARE best friends and that to consummate our friendship, I had brought her half of a friendship necklace.
9:15pm – And then she said she had to do a cleavage check because of the flowy shirt she was wearing. I told her thanks for keeping it real.
9:16pm – (This was the best part) We just chatted for a few minutes. Like best friends do. About her trip. About her book. About Bean. About our giveaway that Rachel won earlier this week. And she signed Rachel’s cookbook as we chatted. And I thought I heard her say, though I can’t be sure and I’m paraphrasing, “YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND I’VE EVER HAD!” (Not really on that last part.)
9:18pm – After a few minutes of chit chat, Ree took some pictures with us. Don’t judge the fuzz in my hair. I blame the humidity. And don’t judge the fuzz in the pictures. I blame my friend, Sarah.
9:19pm – And she took one with her camera, too. Because I’m sure she needed one for a frame in her house. Or for her Christmas card this year.
9:20pm – My friend, Sarah, had her cookbook signed as she insisted that she had nothing to do with my stalking shinanigans.
9:21pm – I took a blurry picture of PW and Sarah.
We left after that and before I could get out the door of the Barnes and Noble, I was squealing with excitement.
My work here was done.
Until we meet again, my friend…
So.
We all know that Chris and I stalk The Pioneer Woman, right? First, we met her in New York at her cookbook signing and I took a blurry picture with her and it was the biggest tragedy of my life.
And then Chris and I annoyed her on Twitter and I was afraid we would go to jail, but she ended up following both of us so that one kind of actually worked to our favor.
But now it seems the tides are shifting. Instead of me following her around and begging for her to be my bestest friend on earth, she has now followed me all the way to Orlando where she is doing a book signing tomorrow night at a Barnes and Noble here.
Seriously, PW. I already told you I’ll be your friend. You really didn’t have to come all the way down here.
So, tomorrow night Chris and I are going to take Beaner over to the bookstore to meet our beloved family friend again. Bean is so excited. He can’t decide if he should wear his cowboy boots or not. I’m voting no. Chris says yes.
We are a family divided.
Anyway, as the time of the book signing gets closer and closer, I am getting more and more nervous. In fact, I have almost talked myself out of going. I’m afraid we’ve made complete fools of ourselves and that when we get to the bookstore, security might escort us out.
So humiliating…
Or, I’m afraid PW will recognize us as those weirdos who stalk her and she’ll say something like, “You people again?â€
Also humiliating…
I decided the only way to prevent these things from happening is to come bearing gifts. And I found the PERFECT gift for my BFF.
Remember in the late 80s and early 90s when all the girls had friendship necklaces? Well, I found one for PW and me!
Now, she’ll get half the heart and I’ll get the other half and we will officially be best friends. And then maybe she will call off security when they try to kick out her best friend. Hopefully.
Anyway, I figure that I shouldn’t be the only one who becomes friends with PW tomorrow. So, today I am giving away a personalized, signed copy of The Pioneer Woman Cooks. I’ll take the cookbook to the book signing tomorrow and have PW sign it to the winner of today’s giveaway.
To be entered to win, please leave a comment telling me what your favorite type of food is. Mine is Mexican. I can’t get enough of it. Especially the queso. I’m a professional queso connoisseur.
The giveaway will close tonight at 8:00 PM. Be sure to check back tomorrow morning to see if you’re the winner. If I don’t hear from the winner by noon tomorrow, then I’ll choose another winner. I need to make sure I get confirmation from the winner before I have a book signed over to them. The winner. (I felt like I needed to throw one more “the winner” in this paragraph…)
Also, if you’re in the Orlando area you should come on out tomorrow, May 12, and meet The Pioneer Woman at her book signing. The signing will be at Barnes and Noble (2418 E Colonial Drive, Orlando) at 6:00 pm. If you see Chris, Bean, and me in line, be sure to say hello!
This giveaway is not sponsored by anyone, especially The Pioneer Woman. Because I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m freaking crazy.
Oh, my.
I mean, oh. my. goodness.
Yesterday, I was out shopping with my Grandmother and Bean all day and so I didn’t have email or computer access. When I finally sat down at my computer last night, I was bombarded with emails and Twitter messages all telling me the same, very important piece of information
THE PIONEER WOMAN IS COMING TO ORLANDO!
THE Pioneer Woman. Ree Drummond. My imaginary BFF is coming to Orlando.
You might remember the beginning of our friendship when Chris, Bean, and I made the trip into New York to see her at her book signing last year. She signed my cookbook. She took a blurry picture with us. And she made one, small, little comment that she recognized my name from the comments in her blog.
On anyone else, that comment might have been lost. But to me, she might as well have said, “Hey, do you wanna come over and watch Real Housewives of New York in our PJs and talk about boys?”
That was when I knew she wanted to be best friends.
Shortly after that, Chris and I attacked her on Twitter. Seriously. We sent her so many messages, forcing her to be our friends. It didn’t really work, but she did start following Chris and I on Twitter and we considered that a minor victory.
Once we knew we were Twitter friends and, like, totally meant to be real life best friends, Chris and I started begging – no, more like groveling – to come to PW’s ranch. We wanted to come out and spend a weekend with her and her family.
Was this creepy? Sure.
Was this weird? Absolutely.
Did this make us stalkers? Possibly.
Apparently, you can smell desperation through the internet and, naturally, PW ignored our requests. As any sane person would have done. Probably a good move on her part. We would have showed up and been so star struck all weekend that it would have left Bean to do the talking for us. And all he can do is say Ma-Ma and Da-Da and give high fives, so that might have been awkward for everyone.
After that desperate attempt to reconnect with my BFF, Chris and I moved to Florida from Connecticut. And WHO SHOULD FOLLOW US DOWN HERE BUT THE PIONEER WOMAN HERSELF! Obviously, she wants to be my friend and is just nervous about reaching out. So instead, she has followed me to Florida where she will casually hang out until I come see her.
I get it, Ree. I totally get it. I know you want to be my best friend, but you really didn’t have to follow me down to Orlando…
Bean was really excited about meeting PW in January.
Here is the part where you, dear readers, come into the picture. CLEARLY, Ree is unsure of the next step to take in our friendship. I can understand that. Imaginary friends don’t often come to life.  But if she just had a little encouragement, then I think it might be possible. SO… If you love me as your blogger at all, you can do a little something to unite two long lost imaginary friends. If you are so inclined – and I do hope you will be! – you can do one or more of the following to help my cause:
1. Go to Ree’s blog and leave a comment on her Orlando post telling her that you think she should meet me, Chris, and Bean while she is in Orlando. We’re BFFs, so she will TOTALLY know who you are talking about… (but you might want to mention Confessions of a Young Married Couple just in case…friends can’t remember everything, you know…)
2. Send Ree a message on Twitter telling her she should meet us while she is in Orlando. Ree’s Twitter name is @thepioneerwoman. My Twitter name is @MarriageConfess and Chris’ is @MrConfessions.
3. Send Ree an email telling her she should meet us while she is in Orlando. Her email address is ree@thepioneerwoman.com.
I think if we just flood her little heart with messages, I might actually reunite with my imaginary BFF! I mean, its the LEAST I can do for her since she followed me all the way here, bless her heart.
Tonight, Chris and I took Bean Man to one of my favorite places. Le Cracker Barrel. As a misplaced Southerner living in New England, Cracker Barrel has provided just the kiss of sweet tea that I sometimes need in my blood stream to survive.
They have also provided me with hashbrown casserole. Thanks be to God.
This was all part of Operation Keep Beanie Awake So He Sleeps Through the Night. And it worked perfectly. We had such a nice, leisurely dinner just the three of us. Well, until Chris got so engrossed in the peg jumping game on the table that he forgot we were there with a small child who likes to throw lima beans at his mother. I had to ask him to put down the pegs and remind him that his duty in this whole dinner out thing was to protect me from flying vegetables.
He didn’t really care because the peg game kept telling him he was an egg-no-ra-mous. That’s really degrading to someone with a Masters degree from Yale. Or so he kept reminding me.
After we got our Southern food fix on, we moseyed on out to the gift shop. Have I ever told you how much I love Le Cracker Barrel Gift Shops? You can always find the most clever little gifts in there. Chris has a grandmother who collects John Deere tractor merchandise and that is one of the only places that carry that stuff. And the things in the gift shop are always affordable, too. Its one of those places though that I never think to go to find a particularly thoughtful or cute gift unless I happen to be in the restaurant already. I should fix that. I found some cute stuff in there.
Bean found this hat and faithful steed, who we named Pork. (Get it? Pork and Bean?)
But, sadly, Bean said the cowboy hat was merely a sad reminder that Valentine’s Day was coming up soon and we had still not received an invitation to The Pioneer Woman’s ranch. He just couldn’t handle the hat after that…
While Pork the Steed and the cowboy hat were excellent finds, I think I hit the jackpot myself. I found these adorable ceramic measuring cups.
Aren’t they just the cutest? I love their little beaks.
And I love their little tails.
Let me tell you about my latest obsession with ceramic measuring cups. It all started with Paula Deen. She uses a beautiful set of ornately painted ceramic measuring cups sometimes on her show and I think they are gorgeous. And then for Christmas this year, I gave my BFF, Emily, a great set from Anthropologie.
After that, I started keeping my eyes peeled for them. I like them because for one thing, they aren’t that common. Especially when you make up your mind you must have them. Suddenly, they disappear into that black hole along with every great pair of shoes you wanted to buy, but didn’t at the time and then you could never find them again.
I hate that hole.
But tonight at Le Cracker Barrel, I was finally able to put my little paws on my very own set.
My favorite part about them is that the biggest cup is 2 CUPS! WOW! I only have one two-cup measuring cup (cup, cup, cup, cup, of, of, of, of, cup, cup, cup, cup, of, of, of, of, cup a’ tayyyy) and I always find it so useful. I’m so glad that now I have another!
And the sizes go right on down the line all the way to the ‘ittle bitty 1/4 cup. Ain’t he cute?
I loved the measuring cups so much that I bought an extra set to share with you all! Now, I know this isn’t some huge, wonderful giveaway, but you know. Its Wednesday. And its probably cold wherever you are. And wouldn’t it be nice to warm your house up with something freshly baked using some super cute, brightly colored measuring cups?
I’m convinced they make the food taste better.
So, to enter to win this giveaway, leave a comment telling me 2 things.
#1 – That you went to The Bloggies website at some point and voted for Marriage Confessions for Weblog of the Year (and no cheating on this part or the measuring cup birds will poop in everything you use them to bake with for the rest of your life).
#2 – What your favorite utensil in the kitchen is.
The giveaway will close to comments at 8:00 PM on Thursday, January 28. I’ll post a winner on Friday.
There. That’s easy.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!
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