Well the end is near, or the beginning, or the beginning of the end.??? I don’t know. I going to go with the end is near. What’s the end you ask? The end is when this strange woman goes back to wherever she came from, and my sweet, adorable, funny, polite wife comes back to live with me.
The other night’s little emotional explosion is just one of many. See what you girls don’t understand is what your husband is going through while you are going through this hormonal imbalance. We are miserable. Life has come to a halt and this is what we have to listen to everyday we come home:
Let me tell you what hurts from head to toe. My belly hurts, my belly button hurts, my hands hurt, my hips hurt, my legs hurts, my ankles hurt, my feet hurt and I’m hungry. Â And I think I broke my toe…….and I’m hungry..DIDN’ÂT YOU HEAR ME – I SAID I’M HUNGRY!!!Â
So the good husband goes off to cook dinner because we all know what happens if you don’t keep them fed. Clean up dinner. Â Make sure everyone is happy watching TV or blogging. Â And then step downstairs to play a little Playstation (which you haven’t done in months). The next thing you know a snarling raging bull who used to be your wife is standing at the top of the stairs SCREAMING like the damn house is on fire or something. And why because the dog barked to be let outside.
Has anyone ever seen that Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Deborah is yelling and yelling at Ray and Ray says, What do you want from me? And Deborah says, Do I have to ask to get a hug every once in a while!? And then Ray screams, A HUG??? This is my life right now. Ray knows.  You can’t give a hug to a crazy woman, just like I can’t rub a crazy woman’s feet!
See in public Kate is this sweet Southern girl with red curly hair and who loves to be pregnant. People say she even glows. Well I think that glowing is the after effect of her ripping into me for no reason. I don’t get the glowing happy Kate. I get the pissed off Southern woman who’s hair is red because all of her blood is up there and she’s about to pop. She explodes at me for not caring/helping/rubbing/sitting/standing/etc., and then she goes out and has a glow about her.
I try to be nice about it. I try to stay out of her way when she is all crazy. I tried to help her out that night she was having contractions. But Kate is different (and I hope the family backs me up on this one). Â When Kate is upset or isn’t happy, rubbing her feet is just asking to kicked in the face. I have been trying to figure this out for ten years. So please is you have the answer, fill me in.
Now I can’t imagine how hard it is to stay positive and happy all day when you have to carry a small human inside of you for nine months while it sucks away your energy and resources. Trust me, I would NEVER want to go through that. And I have to say Kate is doing a great job at taking care of the little guy. The problem is she is doing SO good at keeping it together while at work and out and about that I suffer when she gets home.
This is why we husbands are deemed clueless. We aren’t clueless. Â We are just trying to stay out of the way. We balance on that line (and believe me, it’s a FINE line) between getting yelled at, or being called clueless. That’s why I’m glad the end is near, at least then we can be clueless together.
~ Chris
30Apr
Yesterday I messed up. Â This is not the first time I have been down this road, trust me, and since this IS confessions of a young married couple, I felt the need to post about it because fights in a relationship are real. Â Fights happen and they are totally normal. Â In fact (I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this) if you are in a relationship and you don’t fight from time to time, your not in a healthy relationship. Â Sorry if you don’t agree, but it’s the truth.
The past few days Kate has been so excited about our anniversary. Â Looking back she brought it up a few times throughout the week to remind me, she even wrote a really sweet post about it to me. Â Unfortunately, I did nothing to celebrate the occasion, and now I am eating dinner alone. Â Now I’m definitely NOT the first person to make this mistake (and I won’t be the last). Â But I might be the first to say not only did I deserve that slap but I needed it to snap me out of it.
I think I was getting lost in the land of, what the hell is happening to our life. I was getting so concerned with what was happening and where we were going and how different it would be after the bean gets here.  I was constantly worrying about Kate and if she was working too much, staying off her feet enough, etc. etc. etc. and that slap snapped me out of it.
I’m not going to give you the play-by-play, cause that’s our business.  But I can’t stress enough to everyone out there that it is so important in times like these, to remember why you are in this to begin with.  I lost sight of the best thing that has ever happened to me Kate.  I forgot that, yes while all of that stuff I was worried about absolutely matters, those are all things that I should be talking to her about.  We are in this together, and it’s OUR relationship that makes all of this even possible.
Now, I’m definitely not an expert on the topic, and I’m not pretending to be. Â But I do feel like me and Kate have been through our share of ups and downs in the last ten years to at least have an educated guess about the situation. Â When you find your relationship in a place like this, and you get to the point where your yelling and screaming at each other one night; after the dust has settled, take a step back and remember what its all about. Â Things might be changing and big things could be on the horizon, but remember that your in this together. Â Relationships are tough! Â And it doesn’t matter if you have been together for 10 days, 10 years, or 100 years. Â Its okay to fight and its okay to be wrong. Â But you have to own up to your actions. Â You know you messed up, so admit it, apologize for it, and find ways to tell that person that you love them.
- Chris
Traveling with a woman who is 8 months pregnant, Ridiculous.
Being the pregnant woman’s husband, Ridiculous AND exhausting!
Imagine having to walk through an airport holding 1,000 pounds of luggage on your back while also holding the hand of Jabba the Hutt. Â Now take that and multiply it by 100, and you are almost imagining my weekend. Well moments of my weekend at least. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Â I love Kate more than anything and of course I will take care of her anytime she needs it, but WHEW!! I’m glad this weekend is over.
Since Kate is a little emotional these days I would love to tell the real story of our Friday travel nightmare. Now keep in mind that the real story might sound a little different from the Crazy Prego version, but she IS carrying a small child around so give her some slack.
The trip began as planned.  We got to Hartford feeling good and were excited to go through the shorter “family”‘ line in security (thank you nice security guard who said, you guys are close enough to a family. I guess you have to have a child to be considered a family! I’m not sure what that’s about but I won’t digress.) We had enough time to get dinner, which was much needed. Kate ate, like, 3 fajita burritos and was full and happy.  Happy enough to let me buy a ridiculously expensive set of headphones in the airport gift store. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I must have caught her during a moment of weakness. These situations don’t happen often so I decided to capitalize on this. (thanks sweetie!) We boarded and I took the middle seat so she could have the aisle and we were off. Woo hoo! Let the feet swelling begin!
We DID have to land in Knoxville, which was unfortunate but you can’t do anything about the weather so I see no reason in getting all huffy puffy at Delta like some of the other passengers. Aside from missing our flight to Pensacola, Knoxville wasn’t that bad.  It wasn’t stormy and we weren’t there for five hours as Mrs. Crazy Prego described. We were only there for half, (maybe 3/4) of Marley and Me.  This is GREAT because I had never seen the movie, but I do know how it ends and I think I would have been a basket case on the plane if I had to sit through the ending. (I’m a sucker for labs, but who isn’t?) So we were stuck on the runway for about two hours. And the worst part was that they were rationing out the water, which I would have been perfectly fine with if they would have substituted my water for a beer or a few of those little mini whiskey’s.  Oh well.
After arriving in Atlanta, I discovered the perk of traveling with someone who looks like they could pop at any moment. Â They put us on the first flight out the next morning! I suggest finding your own bursting Prego the next time you are stuck in your travels.
After that we were off to the hotel to sleep for a few hours and then get back on a plane to continue our journey at 5:00 AM the next morning.
And yes, I did go stand in line at the Mickey D’s drive in, but I had no choice. Â Crazy Prego hadn’t eaten since 6:00 PM and I knew she was hungry. When I got back she ate a quarter pounder MEAL, and then she ate MY quarter pounder meal!!
Sorry Sweetie.... You look pretty in this pic. 
I’m just glad I didn’t have to go back to get more because I don’t know if you know this, but standing in front of a beat up Buick holding a 300 pound man waiting on his quadruple cheeseburger, super sized extra large fry with double chocolate shake at 1:00 AM in downtown Atlanta can be quite terrifying. Â I mean really. Â What was I going to do? It was either deal with the 300 pound Buick man or deal with my beautiful Prego at the hotel. Â What would you do?? Â I’ll take my chances with the Buick.
–Until next time–
Chris
11Mar
(For the past year, I have made fun of, nagged, harassed, ranted, and raved about my husband, Chris. Â He is as much a part of this blog as I am, only I’m the one with the voice. Â And so today, in response to the overwhelming demand, Chris is taking over the reins. Â When I asked him to post, I told him he should post about whatever he wanted to post about – being married, being a dad-to-be, how humiliated he was when I blogged about his boxers… Â The sky was the limit. Â And, as always, he didn’t disappoint.)
Let’s think about this: Â getting dragged to a huge outlet mall in Connecticut, complete with 14 baby stores, each of which are full of the same “cute” crap as the last, and zero man stores in sight. Here is my issue, we HAVE to go to these stupid outlet malls for a nice family outing but where the hell are the guys supposed to go?
This weekend I was stuck at this place and let me tell you, if I ever get stuck in a baby store holding up an outfit so that I can have my picture taken again, I just might throw in the towel. I mean really – take away my manhood. I beg you. Â I couldn’t take it. But where could I go? Â There was nothing!! Â It was awful. Â I did wonder down to the cooking store but I can only stare at pots and pans for so long, and I finished all of the pretzels in the free sample tray and, of course, they wouldn’t re-fill it. After the snack shortage, I looked at the map of the outlet mall and I saw that they had a game room.
Sweet! I thought. Â ”Surely they have packman or something.”
But after peeking in the window and only seeing kids under the age of 10, I had a quick daydream of some crazy mom throwing me out and calling me some fruit loop.
Moving on, I found the “As Seen on TV” store. This place was the highlight of the day. But I had to drag myself out of there so that I didn’t come home with $250 worth of Shamwow’s and a pet claw sander.
As I walked from one crappy store to another there was one constant. Â All of the men were waiting on little park benches that have been strategically placed out of the way of the huge paths of crazed mom shoppers with their huge strollers. All of these poor souls who have been drug out to the outlets with their kids and wives. Most of them probably didn’t even put up a struggle. They just bit there lip and said “Yes, honey, I’ll go with you.”
WHAT?!?! Why do we put ourselves through this crap!?! Â This isn’t fun.
What happened to the good ‘ol days of drinking a cold beer on Saturday afternoons and working out in the yard with our shirts off? You know, physical labor. Â Working. Â Getting dirty. Â Using our hands for something other than pushing a stroller around while our wives shop for crap that they don’t need. Why do we put ourselves through all of this? And why does this all of sudden happen when you have a kid? I cannot and will not give into this! I refuse to become one of these men:
Guys: Â COME ON!! What has happened to you! Stand up for yourself and don’t let your wife put you through this agony! Â Grow some man parts and say (nicely) “Sweetie, I think I’m gonna stay home this time. Â But I will keep the Beaner if you don’t want to deal with him while your shopping. Â There is nothing wrong with this. Look at those boys in that picture. Those boys USED to be men.
Now, ladies, if you feel we MUST go for some strange reason, could you at least take us to places that can be fun for us, too? Â I’m all about shopping with you as long as there is some kind of man-store, game room, or anywhere I can get a beer and watch a game.
We don’t need much. Â I promise.
- Chris
dads
Man Cave
In the Kitchen
Vacation
