Archive for the ‘Conversations w/ Beanie’ Category

“Mom!” shrieked Bean.  “Look what I found!”

“Somebody hid my old bottles in this trash bag full of clothes!”

“Well, Bean Bean,” I said.  “I did that.”

“What?!?!?  Why?!?!?”

“Because you are a big boy now, Beanie.  And so we’re going to give some of your old bottles to a women and children’s shelter.  Don’t you think that would be a nice thing to do?”

“No.  Absolutely not.  These are mine and I have missed them.”

“I know you have missed them, but you are a big boy now.  You use a sippy cup and so you don’t need these bottles anymore.  But there are other babies out there who really need a bottle.”

“Hmm…” said Bean.

“So, don’t you think it would be nice if we could share your old bottles with those babies?”

“Well…(sigh)…I guess so,” said Bean.

“Oh, that’s so nice of you, Bean Bean!” I said.

“Yeah.  I like my sippy cup better anyways.”

“But I’m keeping one of these just in case my sippy cup breaks…” Bean whispered to himself.

“Mom!” said Bean.  “I LOVE MY TREAT CUP!”

“I’m so glad, Beanie!”

“I just love my treat cup so much!”

“Good, Beanie!  That’s so great!  You’re such a big boy!”

“See?  I just stick my hand in there and – BAM! – I pull out a Goldfish!”

“Here, I’ll bring it over to you and show you how it works…”

“Whooooooaaa!  I’m going down!  I’m going down!”

“Geez, Mom,” said Beanie.  “You’re not even gonna put down the camera?”

“I think you got it,” I said.  “I have faith in you.”

“My life just flashed before my eyes, Dude.”

“Oh, but look!” said Bean.  “A Goldfish fell out!”

“Oh, hey, Lucy,” said Bean.  “Do you want a Goldfish?”

“No, Beanie,” I said.  “We don’t give food to the dogs.”

“Don’t be such a Debbie Downer, Mom,” said Bean.  “Here Lucy!”

“Bean!” I shouted.  “I said NO, SIR!”

“BEAN!  NO!” I shouted.  “We do NOT feed the dogs!”

“Geez, Mom…” said Bean.  “Don’t get your panties in a wad!”

“Pssstt…here Lucy,” Bean whispered.

“That’s it, Beanie,” I said.  “I’m taking your treat cup away now.”

“But it wasn’t even my fault!” Bean whined.

“Well, whose fault was it?”

“It was Lucy’s fault!”

“Well, I’ll just hold on to this treat cup and then neither of you will be tempted,” I said.

“Oh, Mom,” said Bean.  “Can I please have my cup back?  Pu-pu-pu-please?”

“No, buddy,” I said.

“What if I get up in your face and make cute noises and blubber into your neck and bat my eyelashes at you?  Can I have it back then?”

“No.”

“You’re cold, Mom.  Real cold.”

Before I had Bean, I would hear moms talking about how much their young children talked.  They’d say things like, “…And then little Johnny said he wanted to eat Goldfish for dinner!  Can you imagine?!?!  GOLDFISH for dinner?!?!”

Actually, yes, I could imagine Goldfish for dinner (and might have even served that exact meal to Bean once or twice when nothing else would suffice…).  What I could not imagine was this babbling one-year-old kid saying sentences.  Parents seemed to talk about their kids like they were prodigies – talking constantly! – but when I’d meet the kid…let’s just say “child prodigy” wasn’t the term that came to mind.

(That’s an envelope on his head, in case you were wondering.)

Now that I have Bean though, I’m starting to understand what that was all about.

Parents hear things that their kids say before anyone else understands them.  I think that’s what keeps our children around until they turn 18 really.  They need us to translate.  What sounds like senseless babble to the untrained ear sounds like complete sentences of brilliance to a parent.

Let’s take Bean as an example.  When Bean says, “Mo’!”  There are several different options as to what he is saying.

Mooooooooo: (most frequently used)   It means “more.”  That’s what he says when he is hungry.

Momo:  That’s me.  Momma.

Mo:  That would be NEmo.  As in Finding Nemo, his favorite movie.

Moooan:  That’s “mine.”  This one is new.  We’re not sure where he learned possession from, but he definitely knows what it means.

Bean has other words that you probably wouldn’t recognize unless you birthed him.  Such as…

Baaaa – Bath

Waaa – Water

Nooooo – No  (okay, so that one’s pretty obvious)

Booo – Book

Beah (pronounced “Beeeyah,” like he’s from New Jersey) – Mr. Bear

Baw – Ball

Ooonn (pronounced “ewn”) – Balloon

Awgaaa – All gone

Doooonnn – All done

Lewww – Lucy

Mowww – Molly

Rooooo – Roll ‘em up, always with hand movements (from Patty Cake; not sure why he chose this one phrase)

There.  Now you all know another language.  Bean Speak.  We’ll have a pop quiz on this later this week.  I hope you’re taking notes…