Archive for the ‘Changes’ Category

I have been working for two weeks now and I think its time to say it.

Yes.

I admit it.

I loved not working.

It was bad once a month when we needed to pay the bills. Other than that, I played golf twice a week and made breakfast every morning. I watched daytime TV and played with Bean all day. I could watch movies and eat popcorn all day if I wanted and anytime we need to go somewhere we could just go. Those two months were fantastic. I never realized how busy I could stay without a job and looking back there were only a couple of days with nothing to do. On top of all of this, for the first time in his little life, Bean Man and I had all day together. Kate and I have always worked except in the very beginning and I think it was great family time. I think the transition would have been bad if I had started right away. Being off for two months gave us stable ground here in OTown. Believe me even with two months off stability was not easy to get.

Making a big move like this was tough. Sometimes it felt like the wrong move and other times it felt really good. It was back and forth like that all the time, and still is sometimes. But we just kept pressing forward and finding the good moments until that cloud passed. And it has for the most part. I think we made it to the other side. This house certainly isn’t helping matters, and Kate not working is still rough. But she is doing good. She seems better everyday. Yes, she has rough days, but they are few and far between now. To tell you the truth, I’m really proud of her right now. She is more focused than I have ever seen her. She is living her dream, and kicking its ass. I’m so happy that she found the right agent. It’s making a world of difference, and this book is going to knock your socks off. Really. She reads everything she writes to me and all I can say is its my story and when she is reading it to me, I never want the chapter to end.

But that is not what I wanted to tell you today. I wanted to say that I thought it was going to be hard going back to work after all of that great stuff above. But truthfully, going back has made all of that better. Finally we are in a little routine again. Work is great and what a change of environment for me. Everyone I work with wants to be there and everyone wants me to be there. I work with my superiors instead of never seeing them. It is a wonderful place and I’m glad to work there. Also coming home and seeing that ear to ear smile that Bean gives me when I walk in the door makes it all worth it.

Like I said, some days aren’t the best. And things will get even better when Kate gets this job. But I think we can see that we are on the right path. We are here for a reason. We left that wonderful place in CT for a reason. We are at another stage in our life and I am happy for the future.

As you all know, we here at MC are picking up and heading south. Its crazy how all of this happened and I’m still not sure how it seemed to all work out. It wasn’t easy getting this far, and its not over yet so we will keep you posted of course. But making this decision was really hard for me in particular. It took me a LONG time to get comfortable with the idea of going back to Florida, mainly because I love it here and I love our life here.

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m an independent person, I always have been. I talk to my family once a week or so, sometimes more and sometimes less, but we are all ok with that schedule. Its been like that ever since I went to college. So it didn’t bother me when we made the decision to move to Connecticut to live. Sometimes I hate that I can’t see my sister for lunch and things like that but I have learned to live with it. I know that they will always be there for me if I need them. Maybe that is a little selfish on my part, but I love that me and Kate have our own lives up here. And it makes it so much more fun when family does come to visit because we could show them places that they had never seen before!

I won’t lie. I have fallen in love with New England. As a kid I was always jealous that we didn’t have snow. It flurried like twice when we were growing up and I can remember being so excited I couldn’t even sleep. CT is a beautiful place to live. There is so much history and culture and not to mention the scenic drives are endless. I love love love love love seeing the seasons pass. I’m of the out-doorsy type and I used to think the Utah was the most beautiful place I had ever seen but I think CT takes the cake. Each season has a completely different mood and feeling and I’m going to miss that so much. In Orlando, everyday looks the same. Sunny, usually warm, it will shower around 3pm, and the trees never loose their leaves. Poor trees.

But possibly the biggest hesitation I have for packing up and moving out are all of my brothers in NYC. I can’t tell you what it means to have people around that you have known for 15+ years. Justin, my best friend since the sixth grade, grew up down the street from me when we were kids. We have been friends for so long that I can remember having sleep-over’s and talking about kissing a girl for the first time. And I can remember the first time we tried a beer. And building tree-forts. Hell I new him YEARS before I met Kate (side note, I think they actually had a thing before we got together. weird.) Now I see him playing with my son and it blows my mind.

My other boys, that justin and I met in high school, all live in the city as well and let me tell you having that support group a train ride away has been awesome. I love all of those guys and I’m going to miss them more than anything.

Now I had a feeling that we wouldn’t be around all of these wonderful things forever. I figured when we had kids that we would end up in the Carolina area which both of us had the desire to live at some point. I certainly never thought we would go all the way back to Florida, and I really didn’t think we would be heading there like tomorrow.

But the reason I can to terms with all of this is this little guy.

You see, on the flip side of all of this, I have this Bean that need to think about now. I keep going back to the fact that I don’t know where I would be if my grandparents didn’t live next door to me growing up. I was my granddad’s little shadow as soon as i could walk and I know that I want BeanMan to have a relationship like that with his grandparents. We can’t do that from Connecticut, it just doesn’t work. But I guess that’s what you do when you have kids. You still make your life decisions, you just make those decisions with someone else in mind.

I love our life here. The past five or years has been some of the best years of my life. Our marriage is stronger than ever and we have a little family of our own now, so I feel like this chapter is complete. We are at a fork and we have chosen the path to Florida. The important thing is that we made the decision together. Kate started the conversation, and we talked, and we argued, and we talked, and we made the decision that we felt was the best one for everyone evolved; Me, Kate, Bean, the Dogs, and our families. My friends will always be my brothers, and Connecticut will always have its scenic drives, but Bean Man will only grow up once. And I really want him to grow up with his family close by.

I’m not sure if Katie has told you, but I’m a music lover.  I love music.  It’s a huge part of my life and I don’t know what I would do without it.  Pachebel’s “Canon in D” came on last night while I was sitting at the computer and the second I heard it I was thrust into another world.  I pictured Kate.  I thought about our wedding (which I NEVER do).  I can remember standing up there on the alter.  We were so young but we were in love.

Its funny how music can send my mind racing like that.  “Canon in D” was played during our ceremony by a lovely string quartet.  I know it’s a pretty common request for weddings, but that’s one thing that I remember choosing for that day.  It has so much happiness and so much hope for good things to come.  I remember it as one of the happiest moments of my life.  And hearing it just now, randomly while my bride is asleep from a long day with the Bean, just reminds me of how far we have come and how thankful I am that I have someone like Katie to go through life with.

A couple of weeks ago when Katie opened up the blog to questions from you all, there was one question that stuck out to both of us asking if I felt the Bean has changed our relationship and did I look at Kate any different now that she is a mom and we have a baby.

Well the short of it is no.  I don’t look at her any different than I did that day standing on the alter looking down that long aisle and thinking, “This is the best day of my life.”  Nothing has changed really except now I look down at the Bean sometimes and think, “This is the best day of my life.”  I don’t think either one of us had a moment of “Okay, now everything has to change because we have a baby.”  We have never looked at it that way.  Even from the start we have tried to tell ourselves that the Bean is coming into OUR lives.  Now of course sometimes this is hard and of course sometimes the Bean gets every second of everyday but that shouldn’t change our relationship.  It should make it stronger.

I think the most important thing is that we continue to step back and actually LOOK at each other.  I see the beautiful redhead that I fell in love with so many years ago.   Now that beautiful redhead holds my beautiful son!  I can’t even explain that feeling.  I see Kate and how happy she is with him and it just makes me smile.

Being in a relationship isn’t easy all the time.  Having a baby isn’t easy all the time.  BEING a baby isn’t easy all of the time.  No matter where you are in life, its never going to be easy ALL THE TIME.  But that’s what makes it so great.  That’s what I think about when I listen to “Canon in D” – that even when times are tough and things aren’t going your way, that there is happiness around the bend.  The sun will come out and tomorrow is another day.  So next time you have a bad day, or the baby is crying, or the dogs are wailing, turn the music up and take a deep breath.  It will help.

I hope everyone out there has the opportunity to find someone that can put up with you as you go through life together; it certainly makes it easier sometimes.  Someone who can tell if you need a hug on a bad day, or if you just need some time alone in the Man Cave.  Or someone who will let you at least have a Man Cave…

Take the time today and just give your special someone a genuine and honest hello.  Ask them how their day was and tell them that you were thinking about them.  Listen to “Canon in D” and think about where you’re going and how far you have come.  It’s the little things that keep it exciting and moving forward.  Don’t get bogged down with the day-to-day.

Kate and I are happier than ever.  I know some days we argue and fight, but that’s life.  Some days we’re tired and cranky, but that’s life, too.  As long as we take a step back and look at each other so that we can communicate what we are feeling.  We are gonna be just fine.

I love you, sweet sexy redhead of mine.